A/N: Can't wait for your comments...I think you're all going to like this one! x

Beth's POV

I said it.

It's out.

In the open.

Now I'll just wait for Harry to leave.

I don't know what I thought I'd feel after I said it.

I'm still not quite sure now.

There's nothing but silence between the two of us, but I'm aware that Harry's hand has moved from my back as I continue to stare ahead.

It's okay, I'm not surprised.

I don't want to look back at him.

I'm too scared to, if I'm honest.

I don't want to see him walking away.

I know it will hurt.

I mean, why –

His arms suddenly engulf me from behind and wrap around me, pulling my back flush to his front, his chin rests next to my head.

He still doesn't say anything.

Sometimes it's okay not to say anything to people I guess. You just need to be there for them in that moment.

And Harry is here.

I breathe in and let out a shaky exhale which causes Harry to tighten his grip just a touch.

"We'd just finished our Christmas lunch," I begin, "there was roast chicken, turkey, ham, pork...I fucking hate pork, and a heap of vegetables. And it was crazy cause it was forty degrees. Who the hell cooks a roast lunch in fucking forty-degree heat? We did!" I laugh at our stupidity, "and do you know why we did it? Because Nick saw an ad on the television and the family was having a traditional Christmas feast and he said 'why can't we do that? We never do that!' So we did it. Usually it's a barbeque cause it's so bloody hot, but no, we did the full Christmas spread," I tell Harry.

"Was it a good lunch?" Harry asks me.

His question surprises me.

"Yeah, everyone raved about the turkey, even Chloe, and that kid is so fussy she could pick the fly shit out of pepper!"

I feel Harry silently chuckle against me.

"Yeah it was a really good lunch," I say, "then Heath's pager went off and they needed more members to attend a fire that was out of control. It was in a coastal town about 45 minutes away from us, but this is the kind of beach town that to get to, you need to drive through forest to get there."

"Your husband is, uh, was, a firefighter?" Harry asks.

"Voluntary, yes," I go on to explain, "a lot of small communities around us are made up of volunteer firefighters. They have the same training as paid ones do, so they are highly skilled and competent. They do it to protect their communities."

"That's a pretty selfless thing to do," Harry says.

"It is," I agree, "and Heath had twenty-one year's experience so it wasn't like he didn't know what he was doing, he'd led strike teams before."

I stop for a second and take a deep breath to try and calm myself. I'm no longer crying but I feel drained.

"I won't go into details, but long story short, communication failed his team," I swallow the lump that's forming in my throat, "details of a wind change were never relayed to his team and they never made it out," I finish.

"My god...Beth..." Harry says, his voice is barely louder than a whisper.

"Telling the kids was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life," I said, "but actually it was strange because he travelled so much for work that sometimes we forgot that he was really gone, it was like, he was just away for work. Like, I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye. I wasn't given a choice in the matter. It's like, this space, this thing, was ripped away from me and no one else can see it. Everyone else was still moving around me like nothing was different, as though nothing had changed, but my whole life, our whole lives had changed. And I wanted to yell at everyone, it was like they were blind, that they couldn't see I had lost him. Your life comes to a standstill but life still goes on around you and you want life to stop for a moment, but it doesn't. That probably sounds stupid I know."

Harry doesn't say anything for a moment and I start to think he's looking for a way to escape.

"Actually I don't think it does," he finally says.

I feel a faint smile spread across my face as I realise he doesn't think I'm crazy, he doesn't want to leave.

"You know, he was a coeliac, gluten intolerant," I say, "and every time someone in the town dropped off something they'd cooked for us, I kept asking 'is it gluten free?' when I didn't fucking have to!" I laugh sadly at my stupidity.

"It's change," Harry says, "it's obviously been so ingrained in your life that of course it's going to take some time to adjust to such a loss," he offers thoughtfully.

I let go of the wire fence and curl my arms up and hold onto one of Harry's arms. He pulls me closer and I close my eyes momentarily, losing myself in the warmth and the comfort of him.

"You have family around you though?" Harry asks and I tense a little and I'm sure he feels it.

"They were never around much when he was alive so why the fuck would they want to start now?" I say with an edge to my tone.

"They don't help you?" he asks.

"They never did before," I say and there is bitterness in my voice now, "I don't need their fucking help now, I can do it on my own,"

I let out a frustrated sigh.

"Let's just say that my step sister has always gotten all the help in the world and I haven't and then they can't help but wonder why I've distanced myself from them," I explain, "I'd rather be alone than beg them for help."

Harry is silent again.

"Do they know you're here?" he asks.

"Some do," I say, "and some I couldn't give a flying fuck about."

He chuckles again and this time it's out loud.

"So you're here because..." he prods me.

"I thought we should be anywhere but there for Christmas," I say, "but I guess I'm just running away and not facing up to the reality of it all," I shrug my shoulders.

"I don't think so Beth," Harry replies, "I think you're just trying to do the best for you and the kids, you only have their best interests at heart, no one should judge you for that."

"But I tried to..." I begin.

"You tried to do what's right," Harry interrupts me, "and sometimes you're gonna get it right and sometimes you're gonna make mistakes."

Harry lets his arms loosen around to face him. But I can't look him in the eye, I'm too ashamed, so I stare at the ground. His left hand falls to my waist and his right hand reaches under my chin and lifts my face up to look at him.

I find him smiling down at me.

"I don't think you made a mistake coming here Beth," he says gently, "but I'll pretend you have and go along with your theory for a moment."

I frown at him in confusion.

"Can you give me a chance to make this 'mistake' of yours worth making?" he asks me.

"I don't know where to begin, if I'm being honest," I sigh.

"Let's start by going back inside and helping to decorate yeah?" he suggests.

I nod my head slowly and smile.

"Okay," I agree.

"They need you Beth," he says, "they'll always need you."

He moves to stand next to me and puts his arm around my shoulder, cuddling me into his body.

"Shit, you're freezing! Let's get you inside love," he says.

I let him pull me away from where I am and back towards the house.

He puts his hand on the door handle and I reach out and cover his with mine.

"Thank you," I say, "for everything...for just...being you."

He doesn't say anything, he simply smiles and moves his arm that's around my shoulders, and runs his fingers through the side of my hair before cradling the back of my neck and pulling me forward, kissing me on my forehead.

And my insides are all fluttery.

Or it could be because I'm shaking from the cold.

Harry opens the door and we walk into chaos.

But it's a wonderful chaos.

The tree is decorated with tinsel, baubles and various Christmas trinkets and the kids are just about to plug in the lights to see how they look.

They look so proud of themselves and truth be told, so am I.

"Let's clean up all this mess hey?" I say as I start to pick up empty boxes and plastic bags, the kids do the same.

"Oh my god!" Jamie yells.

"What! What's wrong?" I ask.

"There's Christmas stockings in here!" Jamie holds up another shopping bag and he tips the contents out onto the floor, "there's three of them in here!"

He picks them up and gives one each to Nick and Chloe.

"Let's go put them in our room!" Chloe squeals and they all run upstairs in a flurry of excitement.

I spin around and look at Harry, my hands raise up in a questioning gesture.

"What is that? Why...Harry I don't have anything to put in them!" I hiss at him.

I'm panicking now.

Harry simply stands in the kitchen with a smile on his face as he calmly makes hot chocolates for everyone. He picks up three of the mugs and takes them over to the table for the kids to cool. He then brings another mug over to me and I take it from him.

"Harry!" I question him again.

He picks his own one up and stands in front of me, before he raises the mug to his lips and takes a sip.

"I know you don't, but I do," he whispers.

Oh no he didn't.

"But...Harry..." I start again.

"Beth," he cuts me off, "please just let me do this? Please Beth?" he asks.

Oh yes he did.

"Fine," I reply in a huff, "just because I agree doesn't mean I like it Harry," I narrow my eyes and glare at him.

He simply smirks at me.

Smug bastard.

"Well," I take my mug over to the couch and sit down, taking a sip.

Damn, that's good stuff.

"I'll have to pay you back somehow for it all," I point at him.

He follows and walks over to where I sit and he doesn't hesitate to sit next to me on the couch.

He turns his body to the side so he faces me, his left leg bent up on the couch and his right foot on the floor.

His close proximity never fails to make my heart skip a beat or my breathing to increase.

But I suddenly hear the herd of baby elephants come down the stairs.

"Ooh are those for us?" Jamie says as he spots the mugs on the table.

He never misses a trick.

"Yes, Harry made them for you all," I tell them.

"Thanks Harry!" he says, "and thanks for the Christmas tree mate!" he gives Harry the thumbs up.

"Thank you Harry," Chloe walks around to Harry and leans down to give him a cuddle.

"You're very welcome," he says to her.

Soon the only sound heard is the sipping and mumbles of appreciation of Harry's hot chocolate.

I turn my attention back to Harry.

"So I assume you'll be with your family tomorrow night?" I ask Harry.

He looks slightly confused.

"Tomorrow is Christmas Eve..." I remind him.

His eyes widen in realisation before he frowns again.

"You should come!" he says.

"To what?" I ask, though I think I know where he's going with this and I don't like it.

"To mum's, for Christmas Eve, she'd love to meet you!" he says.

"Your mum knows about me?" I ask.

"Uh...no, but she wouldn't mind," he says smiling at me.

A gathering full of people I don't know.

Lovely.

"Uh...you really should be spending that with your family don't you think?" I say, hoping I don't offend him.

"You don't want to come?" he asks, "you'll be here all by yourself though," he looks a tad worried.

"Harry," I smile at him, "I can assure you we'll be just fine."

"But..." he looks genuinely distressed.

"Look, Harry, if you're really bothered by this, why don't you stop in before you go," I say, "I mean, only if you want to, you don't have to of course..."

"Yeah you should Harry," Jamie says, "mum makes stained-glass cookies for Christmas Eve, they're so yum!" he enthuses.

"Well only if your mum doesn't mind," Harry says to him before turning back to me.

"No I don't mind," I say.

Wait.

Did I just sound breathless when I said that?

Help me.

"We should really clean this mess up and maybe we can order something in for dinner," I say to the kids.

Honestly, I'm too tired to cook.

"There's a really nice Chinese place that delivers around town," Harry suggests.

"Okay, do you have their number?" I ask as I stand up from the couch and finish picking up all the rubbish.

"Sure..." Harry says as he also stands up and moves into the kitchen as he scrolls through his phone.

"So what do you think of the tree mum?" Nick asks.

"I think," as I look at the brightly decorated tree, "that you guys are very, very lucky to have this."

"We are," Nick agrees, "I picked it out you know."

"You did?" I say.

"Yeah," he pauses, "Dad would have liked this one wouldn't he?"

My heart leaps into my throat and I move to where he is and pull him into a hug.

"Yeah, he would have mate," I agree.

"Well, dinner should be here shortly," Harry interrupts us.

"What?" I turn and look at him.

"I thought I'd take the opportunity to order..." he beams at me.

"And I assume you ordered enough for yourself?" I turn and walk over to him.

"Well, yeah, of course," he grins.

Cocky.

"Hey mum! What's this?" Chloe asks.

We both turn around and look at what Chloe has in her hand.

"It's just off the tree isn't it?" I say.

"No actually," Harry says as he walks over to her and takes it from her, "it's mistletoe.

"What's mistletoe?" Chloe asks.

"You don't know what mistletoe is?" he asks Chloe but then looks at me.

"It's not really a tradition in Australia," I shrug my shoulders.

"What is it?" Chloe asks again.

"Well," Harry begins, "mistletoe is a plant that has been considered to increase life and fertility."

"So why do we need it?" Chloe says, "I'm young and I don't need babies."

Harry gives me a 'what the fuck?' look but continues when I just shrug my shoulders.

"Well, nowadays, if you hang it up somewhere and two people stand under it, the tradition is for them to kiss," he explains.

"So if I was standing under there with one of my brothers I'd have to kiss them?" Chloe asks, a look of horror on her face.

"Well, maybe just a kiss on the cheek," Harry laughs.

I stand there and shake my head in amusement as Harry goes over and hangs it above the doorway that leads out of the house.

"Happy?" I ask.

"Very," he replies.

"Well you'll be answering the door to the delivery guy," I point out.

~~~~~~

Later, we're all sitting on the couch in front of the fire that's currently roaring in the fireplace, courtesy of Harry. I mean, it's not like I can't start a fire, but he offered.

The kids are groaning from their full tummies and I have to admit, the Chinese food that Harry ordered was delicious.

I'm gonna have to go for a walk somewhere tomorrow to work it off.

Chloe tries unsuccessfully to hide a yawn but I see it.

"I think it's time you guys head off to bed," I tell them.

Amidst the grumbles, they reluctantly get up off the couch and head upstairs, except for Chloe.

She wanders over to the front door and looks out the window that's next to it.

"Harry, who's that at your car?" she asks.

Harry and I shoot up from the couch and over to the door as he pulls it open and looks outside.

"There's no one there," he says confused.

He turns around and closes the door and looks at Chloe, who now has the biggest smile on her face.

She merely looks at him and points to the roof.

Harry looks up.

Mistletoe.

I can't help but burst out laughing as she holds her cheek out to him and taps it with her finger.

Goals.

He purses his lips together, knowing she's got him over a barrel before he bends over and gives her a kiss on the cheek.

I think she literally sighs.

And then floats of up the stairs to bed.

"Goodnight Harry!" she calls from the top.

"Goodnight Chloe!" he calls back.

Then he looks at me with amusement.

"Are you done yet?" he asks.

I'm clutching at my stomach with tears of laughter in my eyes.

"Yeah, I think so," I manage to say as I struggle to breathe properly.

"Well, maybe I should get going," Harry says as he goes to open the door again before he turns and looks at me.

"Thank you for everything you've done for me, for us, today," I say, "I can't begin to thank you enough."

"Actually I think you can," he says.

I frown in confusion.

He points to the roof.

I roll my eyes and shake my head before I stick out my cheek just as Chloe did.

But instead, Harry steps forward and takes my face between his hands, one of his thumbs slowly moves over my bottom lip and I feel my breath catch in my throat a little.

His eyes flicker from my eyes to my mouth and back again as he leans down and places his lips on mine.

Fuck.

I think I'm gonna pass out.

Our lips don't move as they press against each other's.

I think I've forgotten how to breathe.

It feels so strange as it's not my husband but oh my fuck I don't want to stop.

I move my mouth slightly and one of Harry's hands moves from my face and wraps around my back, drawing me closer to him.

Our mouths start to move together and I realise that both my hands have his shirt fisted in them.

I let one run up and touch his hair and it's so soft.

Like, really, really soft.

Harry pulls away just slightly from me.

"Beth..." he whispers hoarsely.

Thank god he said that because I swear I've forgotten my own name.

I open my eyes and look into his which are darker than normal.

"I really should go," he says with a smile, "otherwise I don't want to be held responsible for what I want to do right now."

Oh. My. Fuck.

"Can I stop by tomorrow afternoon?" he asks.

I nod, cause I think I've lost all ability to speak.

"Goodnight Beth," he says.

"Goodnight Harry," I whisper.

He turns and takes a step out the door but quickly turns back again and places another kiss on my lips.

"Okay, goodnight again," he smiles as he bites his bottom lip with his teeth.

I watch him jog out to his car and unlock it before he hops into it.

I lean against the doorframe and watch him drive away until I can't see the tail lights before I walk back inside and close the door behind me, leaning on it, a ridiculous smile on my face.

Harry kissed me.

Harry Styles just kissed me.