A/N: thanks again to everyone that reads, votes, comments and shares! xxx

Harry's POV

The breakfast Beth has made is absolutely delicious and extremely filling, which may have something to do with the fact that I've eaten more than I normally would.

But anything to spend more time with Beth.

I watch as she places another piece of the gooey French toast into her mouth and I see a droplet of the syrup fall onto the skin on her chest.

I wanna lick that off.

But she uses her own finger to wipe it off and puts it into her mouth and sucks it off and oh my fucking hell...

She looks right at me.

My pants just grew a little tighter.

Okay, maybe a lot tighter.

She wipes her mouth with her napkin and asks what I'm doing today.

Uh...you?

"Well, actually, I was going to finish off the errand that I had originally planned for yesterday and I was hoping you'd let me take Nick out with me if that's okay with you?" I answer.

Beth however seems a million miles away and I can see her having an internal battle in her head, I'm sure of it.

"Beth!" I say a little bit louder, to catch her attention.

Even the kids are looking at her now with amusement on their faces.

"Happens all the time Harry," Chloe muses.

Beth looks at me all embarrassed as her cheeks start to redden and shit she looks cute when that happens.

"You were miles away," I say as I raise my eyebrows and give her a cheeky smirk, "what were you daydreaming about?"

Please let it be me.

"I...uh...oh shut up!" she mumbles as takes another bite of her toast.

It was definitely me.

I can't help but nudge her with my knee under the table to gain her attention again.

"I was saying that I have an errand to complete today and I could really use some help," I say to her.

"What kind of errand?" she asks me curiously.

"Ah...secret men's business," I say and smirk again.

Secret Santa business that if I tell her I know she'll tell me to stop so for the moment my lips are sealed.

"And what help do you need?" she asks and I sense some scepticism on her part.

"I was really hoping you'd let Nick come along with me, another man would be really handy," I say.

Straightaway, Nick is begging Beth to let him go with me and I can't help but smirk a little his persistence with poor Beth.

I watch as she sinks into her own thoughts again, drawing her bottom lip into her mouth as she chews on it in quiet contemplation before she finally answers me.

"You understand what you're asking of me don't you?" she says to me, "you're asking me to entrust you with my child."

Damn Harold.

I hadn't quite thought of it from that perspective.

"Muuuuuuuuum!  Please let me go with Harry!" Nick asks Beth again and I'm beginning to think she's not going to let him come with me.

I get that she's apprehensive about letting him go with me, but I would never let anything happen to him.  And I've been here most of the time in the last few days with Beth and the kids...

Maybe that's it.

Maybe she's sick of me being around and doesn't want Nick to go with me so she won't have to see me when I bring him back.

How could I not see it?

"Are you okay?" I softly hear her ask me.

How do you ask someone if they're sick of seeing you?

"I've overstayed my welcome haven't I?" I reply quietly.

The look on her face is one of surprise before she slowly reaches out and touches my forearm.

"Not at all Harry, I just don't want you to feel you have to be here," she says.

What?

How in the hell could she think that I don't want to be here?

She takes a deep breath before she speaks.

"I mean, we're not your family, we're not really anything to you and the kids can be a handful and you'll probably get sick of them and then sick of me and there's probably, well not, there would be people you should be with, your mum, your family, other...people...especially at Christmas and of course we love, I mean like, having you here and..." it all comes tumbling out.

Wait.

She loves having me here?

She loves having me here!

I love that she loves having me here...

"You're rambling again," I remind her with a smirk.

"Yeah..." she stops, "I am aren't I?  Sorry..."

I can't help but shake my head that both of us thought the other didn't want to be around.

I really need to convince this darling girl that I don't want to be anywhere else right now.

I reach out and grasp her chair with both my hands and I pull it close to me, effectively trapping her between my arms, her knees between my legs.

"Let me say this once and once and for all," I begin, "I enjoy being here, I want to be here and I love-like being around you and the kids," I say as I look at Beth.

"Okay," she whispers.

Okay.

I kind of forget where I am, with me being so close to her, our bodies touching.

But she doesn't move and I notice her breathing increases slightly and I'm drawn to her lips and I feel my own breath catch in my throat.

I want to kiss her so fucking badly.

Before I realise what I'm doing, my body starts to lean forward towards hers.

"Mum!  Harry!  I'm ready!" Nick calls as he comes down the stairs.

Shit!

I move away from Beth and she does the same, the moment now gone.  But I'm genuinely excited that I get to spend some time with Nick and that Beth is allowing him to.

I stand up from the table and walk over to put my boots on before I head over to where my coat is hanging up.

"We'll just swing by my place," I say to Beth, "so I can change my clothes."

"Sure," she says, "what time should I expect you two back?"

"We shouldn't be longer than a couple of hours," I say, "okay?"

I open the door and Nick practically runs over to my rover.

Beth stands in the doorway; unaware she's blocking me inside.

"I'll guard him with my life," I whisper from behind.

"Is it that obvious?" she asks me as she starts to chew on her bottom lip again.

God she's adorable.

"Just a little," I reach out and touch her bottom lip, "you're going to chew that off if you're not careful."

She smiles and pushes me out the door but not before I capture her hand and place a kiss on the back of it.

I wish I could kiss more than just her hand.

I walk over and unlock the car, both Nick and I hop in, buckling our seatbelts in.

As we drive off, I can see Beth as she stands in the doorway and I watch her in the rear view mirror until I can't see her anymore.

There's something about her watching me as I drive off until we can no longer see each other.  It's comforting but kind of hard at the same time, like I don't want to leave.

"So where are we going Harry?" Nick interrupts my thoughts of Beth.

"Ah, well," I begin, "you'll see when we get there soon enough!  But I just need to stop by home and quickly change first."

"Sure," he says, "do you live far from here?"

"About ten minutes," I reply.

"Okay," he says and looks out the window.

He seems to be a kid of few words, I wonder if I can draw him out more?

"Do you want to listen to the radio?" I ask, "what music do you like to listen to?"

He turns and gives me 'a look.'

"Whenever we're in the car, mum and Chloe always listen to One Direction," he says, "Jamie and I have no choice, it's always One Direction!" he rolls his eyes.

I'm trying not to smile at his admission that Beth listens to our music.  I wonder what her favourite songs are? 

Does she know when it's me singing? 

Am I her favourite?

"I'm sorry you have to listen to us all the time mate," I say in sympathy, "out of curiosity, does your mum have a favourite song of ours that she listens to?"

I can't help myself.

"Oh she listens to lots of your stuff, but lately her and Chloe sing "End of the Day" together in the car," he says, "they sound terrible."

I laugh but then realise it's his mother I'm laughing at so I bite my lip to stop and look over at him, but he's got a grin on his face.

"You know what Harry," he says, the grin still on his face and I have a feeling he's going to reveal something about her she'd rather I didn't know, "I started high school this year and mum got me a phone."

I nod in understanding.

"She kept changing the background to a picture of you," he says smirking, "her contact picture is you."

What?

"Interesting," I say, raising my eyebrows.

I'm sure this information will come in handy at some point.

I pull my car into my driveway of my home and turn the engine off.

"Come on," I gesture to Nick to hop out, "I won't be long."

We get out and walk up to the front door which I open and let him walk in ahead of me.

"Wow," he says as he walks in and looks around, "this is really cool."

I smile down at him.

"Kitchen's in there, lounge through there, help yourself to a drink or whatever mate while I change, I don't mind," I tell him.

He nods and I run up the stairs, taking them two at a time until I reach my bedroom.

I rip my clothes off quickly as I turn the shower on at the same time.  I step in and wash myself, trying not to get my hair wet and when I finish I turn the water off and step out, drying myself off with a towel.

I walk into my bedroom and dress quickly, conscious of the time.  I pull my boots on as I hop out through the door and back downstairs.

Nick has made himself comfortable in the lounge and has figured out how to get the television on.

"You right?" I ask him.

"Yep!" he replies as he turns the television off and stands up to go.

We walk back out the door and hop into the rover.  I start the engine, reverse out the drive and head off to our secret destination.

"So is there anything you're looking forward to doing while you're here?" I ask Nick as we drive along.

"Well mum said we couldn't do a lot but we all really want to go to Legoland so she promised us we could go there," he says and I can hear the excitement in his voice.

"Sounds like it's going to be awesome," I agree, "when are you going?"

"Oh mum said she'd organise it over here," he tells me, "she said it's not like we won't be able to get tickets to go there!" he says, "though I think it's a really long drive away, but as mum says, we have nowhere we have to be!"

I feel my jaw clench involuntarily at the thought of Beth driving all that way alone with the kids.

What if something happens to them.

"I'm sure you guys will have an awesome time there," I say to him and I genuinely do mean it.

"You should come with us Harry!" Nick suddenly says, like he has just had the best idea ever.

"As much as I would love to, I'm sure your mum just wants to go with just you guys," I say, though I would love nothing more.

"I'll talk to her, leave it to me," he says, like he's got it all covered.

We turn down a dirt road and drive for about a minute until we reach the end.

"Here we are," I say as I slow the car down and park over to the side.

Nick looks ahead, his mouth opens in surprise.

"You mean...are we..." he stutters.

"Yeah, you wanna pick out one?" I ask him.

He looks at me with a massive smile on his face.

"Really?  Are you serious?" he asks me again.

"Let's go mate," I say.

We both get out of the rover and begin walking to the entrance, the smell of the fir trees greets us.

I look over to Nick.

"Let's go pick out your Christmas tree!" I tell him.

~~~~~~

We strap the tree firmly to the top of the rover and Nick steps back to admire it and he looks as pleased as punch.

But then I can see he realises something.

"You okay?" I ask him.

"Um...we don't have any decorations for it," he says.

I point to the back of the car and he walks over and looks in, his face all smiles again when he sees the bags full of decorations.

"You're really cool Harry," he says.

"Well let's get this back to your brother and sister hey?" I say to him.

We get back in the car and begin the drive back to Beth's house.

I see Nick out the corner of my eye and he is literally trying not to jump out of his seat he's so excited.

His enthusiasm is infectious and I hope everyone else is just as excited as he is.

I'm pretty sure they will be.

We see the familiar gate that leads into Bridge Farm and Nick begins to squirm again in his seat.

"Excited mate?" I ask him.

"Yeah, Chloe and Jamie are gonna lose their shit!" he says.

I look at him.

"Uh...I mean they'll be excited too?" he says.

I say nothing but nod in agreement.  I'm sure I let the odd swear word out as a kid.

We park out the front and Nick is out the rover before I've even turned the engine off.

Together we pull the tree off the top and stand it up on the ground.  I hold onto it as Nick grabs the bags from the boot of the car and I sort of half-carry and half-drag the tree up to the front door and put it on the front step.

I knock on the door and we both stand behind it.

Nothing.

I knock again.

Nothing again.

I can hear the television so I know they're in there.

I hope they're okay.

I knock a little bit louder again.

I hear the door open and a gasp of surprise.

I move the tree to the side and Nick and I see Beth standing there.

"Surprise Mum!" Nick says happily.

"Where would you like it?" I ask as I push the tree through the doorframe.  Nick follows me with the shopping bags full of Christmas decorations.

Chloe and Jamie start to scream in excitement and it's actually like sweet music to my ears.

But I look over at Beth and her face is anything but happy.

In fact, she looks like she's about to burst into tears.

Fuck.

I've fucked up majorly.

"Is this not okay?" I ask her.

"It's fine," she says and I know she's lying.

My attention is taken away as Chloe points to the corner of the room.  Nick and I take the tree over with the base and secure it in the corner.

"Can we decorate it Harry?" Jamie asks me.

"Of course," I say, "it's all yours."

Their excitement is amazing to watch as they dig through the boxes, pulling everything out to begin the task of decorating their tree. 

I turn to look at Beth but find she's no longer there with us.

Fucking hell Harold, what have you done?

I quickly run upstairs but she's not in her bedroom.

She must have gone outside.  I walk over and look out the window and sure enough I see her standing outside alone.

"Guys, your mum's just gone outside for a second," I tell them, "I'm gonna go talk with her.  Keep decorating that tree okay?"

"Okay Harry!" Jamie says.

I walk outside and close the door behind me and make my way over to Beth.  Once I'm near her, I can see her gripping the wire fence with her hands and she's staring straight ahead.

"Beth?" I say quietly so as not to startle her, "I'm so sorry if I've hurt or offended you.  I certainly didn't mean to."

She shakes her head to indicate that I haven't.

Then why the hell is she so upset since I bought the tree in.

Stupid, stupid tree!

I stand closer to her, just enough so she's knows I'm here.

"You've made them so happy Harry," she says and I look down at her and see a tear slide down her cheek before she wipes it away.

I feel absolutely gutted right now.

"But I've upset you somehow in the process and I never want to upset you Beth, ever," I can't begin to tell her how bad I feel right now for upsetting her.

She seems to be in her own little world and keeps talking, almost like she's oblivious to me being here.

"This is my own fault.  I tried to make them forget, because I want to forget and that was so wrong of me now, I see that," she says as she continues to look straight ahead.

What on earth would she want them to forget? 

It's Christmas, I don't understand it.

But Beth keeps going.

"I didn't want to be there again and I thought if we weren't it would be easier, it would be the best thing for them, no reminders," she starts to talk more quickly, and I can see she's trying not to cry, "I don't know if this the right thing anymore and I thought if we had no reminders of the day they wouldn't notice...maybe...I don't know..." she trails off.

She can't hold it in and she's crying now; her hands shakily wipe at her cheeks.

My heart is breaking as I look at her.

This beautiful girl is so broken.

I want to put her back together.

If she'll let me.

I feel she's trying to distance herself from me but I decide to tentatively reach out and put my hand on her lower back before I place a lingering kiss on the top of her head, just so she knows I'm here for her.

"I can't thank you enough for what you've done for them Harry," she says.

I'd do anything for them Beth.

For you.

I sigh deeply before I speak to her.

"Beth," I whisper against my hair, "what are you trying to forget?"

She doesn't say anything and for some reason I feel myself filling with dread.

And I don't know why.

"Christmas," she finally answers in a low voice.

I know she's about to tell me why they're here and I know it's obviously a life-changing reason.

"Why love?" I ask.

She turns her head to where mine touches her and she looks up at me. 

I just wait for me to be able to tell me.

"My husband...," she says and I feel myself suck in a breath.

She's married.

My heart sinks to my stomach.

She's fucking married.

"He died...last Christmas Day Harry," she whispers.

Fuck.

I feel like someone just kicked me in the stomach.