2 7

"You're spacing out again. Are you really okay? Do you feel something? You can tell me if there's something running in your mind."

I lost my count on how many times I sighed today. Sunday, it should actually our time together but I am pre-occupied. It's been weeks since Dad told that. I know he's serious, and I don't know if I should be glad that he's still not doing anything.

"Just...some sort of mini problem. Don't worry, I'll be fine." Naramdaman kong siniksik niya ang ulo niya sa leeg ko. The tip of his nose touched my neck and it sends tickles inside me.

"Are you sure? Maybe I can help you deal with that." Tumingin siya sa'kin sandali bago bumalik sa ginagawa niya. I sighed again. Amidst of everything that is happening right now, the least that I can do is heave a sigh.

Masyado siyang madaming iniisip at pinagkakaabalahan para dagdagan pa nito. As long as I can handle things, I will try my best so it won't affect him. Baka mas lalo lang siyang ma-stress kapag sinabi ko ang gustong mangyari ng magaling kong ama.

"Aray!" I glared at him when he sucked my neck. He just laughed at me before sitting properly. "Did you leave a mark? Asshole."

"Give me too." He gestured me his neck while smirking. I rolled my eyes. Unti-unti, inilapit ko ang mukha ko sa leeg niya. "You're really going to----ahh! Bakit ka nangangagat?"

"Pake mo? Magluto ka na." I get up and leave him sulking. Pumasok na ako sa kwarto para maligo.

I stayed at the bathroom for like half an hour. Kung pwedeng do'n na lang ako, mas gugustuhin ko pa. When I went out of the bathroom, I saw Dillion sitting on the edge of the bed. Maybe he's waiting for me. Mabuti na lang at sa loob na ako nagbihis. I just wore a shorts and white t-shirt.

"Kanina pa kita hinihintay." He opened his arms as if he wanted me to give him a hug. I chuckled and hugged him. My forehead creased when he ruffled my hair. "Come on, let's have our dinner."

"What if something happened that will lead us to be apart?" I know that that's so random but I couldn't help asking that. He stopped for a while but he didn't glance at me. I feel his grip on my hand tightened a little.

"Why are you thinking that way? Nothing will happen, okay?" He gives me an assuring smile but his eyes states otherwise. His eyes are showing emotion I couldn't name. "Now, I think we need to eat before the food gets cold."

Napabuntong-hininga na lang ako at sumunod sa kanya. Ang tahimik tuloy namin habang kumakain. It seems that we're both in a deep thought that no one wants to interfere. I glance at him most of the time but I think, he didn't notice that.

Kanina lang, ako ang wala sa sarili, ngayon naman, siya na.

Bonding din ba 'yun?

"Ako na lang magliligpit." I volunteered. Hindi ko na hinintay ang magiging sagot niya at agad na kinuha ang pinagkainan namin. Pinalobo niya ang pisngi niya habang nakatingin sa'kin, nakapatong ang baba sa lamesa. I looked away and continue what I'm doing.

He looks stupid, yet cute, though.

I smiled as I placed the plates on the sink. I started washing it so I can join him in the sala. Sabado naman ngayon at wala akong trabaho bukas kaya okay lang sa'kin ang mag-puyat.

I was startled when I feel someone hugged me from my back. Based on smell, I already knew it was Dillion. Kami lang naman ang nandito sa unit, sino pa bang yayakap sa'kin? Epekto din ba ng stress ang pagkatanga?

"Naghuhugas ako. Ano bang kailangan mo?" I asked him because I can't wash the dish properly. I feel him sniffing my nape. Naadik na siya sa kakasinghot do'n. There's nothing addicting there. "Do'n ka na nga muna."

"Nope. My baby is here so I should be here too." I chuckled with what he said. Hinayaan ko na lang siya sa ginagawa niya. He's Dillion, I can't do anything to stop him. Mayamaya lang ay naramdaman kong bumuntong hininga siya.

"What's with unlimited sighing?" My forehead creased because he keeps sighing.

"Nothing." He then hugged me tighter. "I wish we could just stay like this forever."

I hope so.

"Madaya ka. Hindi naman nababawasan ang buhay mo, may cheat ka sigurong ginagawa." I glared at him.

We're at the sala now, playing some random games. Pero kanina pa, hindi pa rin siya natatalo. Tanggap ko namang mahina ako sa mga ganitong games pero hindi ko lang matanggap kung bakit hindi man lang ata nabawasan ang buhay niya? What kind of magic is that?

"Baby, I'm playing fair." He smirked as if he's teasing me. "You're just not good enough with this. It's okay, I still love you." I threw the controller and get myself chips. "Malalim na ang gabi, Cal, wala ka pang balak magpahinga?"

"Hmm, I guess I need to sleep already. I'm---," I yawned. "-sleepy. Goodnight." I go to the room first. He chuckled before following me.

The next day, I had to attend my class so I had to wake up early. Thanks to Dillion's alarm clock. He even entered the bathroom while I'm taking a bath! I forgot to lock.

"What the fuck? Hindi pa ako tapos, lumabas ka muna!"

"Sus, nakita ko na rin naman 'yan. I have to take a bath too, baka ma-late na ako." He said, smirking. Wala na akong nagawa kundi ang hayaan siya. Good thing, he didn't do something naughty.

"Good morning! Except sa nang-iwan sa'kin sa bakery last time. You want clue? May C sa name, tapos double E. Carleen ang name niya."

"Ang aga para magbunganga, Kyla." I told her when she sat beside me. Napapagitnaan namin siya ni Carleen na noon ay tinawanan lang siya.

"Epekto 'to ng walang bebe time, 'te." I saw her rolled her eyes before glancing at Carleen. "Ikaw, Carlutay, hindi ka pa nage-explain kung bakit mo 'ko iniwan."

"I thought, sanay ka nang maiwan. Hindi naman ako na-inform na magbubunganga ka pa rin pala." She teased.

"Foul 'yorn. Medyo ouch siya. Medyo lang, ha, baka dibdibin mo, 'e. Okay lang. Sana masaya ka sa pinaggagawa mo sa'kin."

Kinailangan niya na ring manahimik dahil pumasok sa classroom ang professor namin. He didn't even greet us with good morning. He just opened his laptop and started the class. All of us listened to him. Baka mamaya, bigla na lang magtanong. Sa lahat ng naging prof namin, siya ang pinakamahirap basahin.

It was a tough morning for me. Three consecutive subjects give a surprise quiz and recitation. I was tired when I get out of the room. Like what Kyla said, I waited for the two of them to get out. Baka dabugan na ako, 'e.

"Hey, kumain ka na ba?"

I decided to call Dillion. My brows furrowed when I heard voices. Mukhang wrong timing ata ang pagtawag ko.

"I'm sorry, I'm busy at the moment. Talk to you later." My shoulder dropped when he ended the call. He didn't even let me speak. But, it's okay. Maybe he's really up to something that's why he's busy. Don't make it a big deal, Callan.

"Wow, power, naghintay talaga siya. Nagbabago ka na, Callan. So proud of you, baby." Hindi ko pinansin ang pang-aasar ni Kyla.

"Tara na." I told them. They followed me.

"Hindi daw sasabay si Dill---?"

"He's busy." Hindi ko na pinatapos ang sasabihin ni Carleen. She just nods at me.

Nang makarating sa canteen, pumila na agad ako. The two remains at my back, hindi ko na nasundan ang pinag-uusapan nila. Something is bothering me. My heart is beating fast and I feel my system trembles. I don't know what's happening to me, but I chose to dismissed all the things that are running inside my mind.

"Akala ko busy si Father, 'e, bakit may pa-ganiyan?"

I frowned with Kyla's words. I looked at where she is pointing. My eyes dropped at Dillion who's now laughing with his friends. Naramdaman niya atang may nakatingin sa kanya kaya tumingin din siya sa gawi ko.

His smile faded for a second but I saw how he looked away, pretending to see no one.

I pursed my lips as I feel my heart cracked a bit. Simpleng pag-iwas lang ng tingin ang ginawa niya pero kung ano-ano na agad ang pumasok sa isip ko.

"Oh, what happened? Lover's quarrel ba ituh?"

"Ssh, tumahimik ka nga. Nakita mo na nga 'yung nangyari. Hayaan mo muna."

Hindi ko na naintindihan ang pinagsasabi nilang dalawa. All I want to happen is for the day to end. Kanina, busy siya, tapos makikita kong nakikipagtawanan lang naman sa mga kaibigan niya. Then, he ignored me.

Did I do something bad?

That's the question I've wanted to ask him the reason why I go to their department. I've patiently waited for him there. Pagkatapos ng klase namin ay agad ko siyang pinuntahan.

"Hanap mo si Dillion? Hindi siya um-attend ng afternoon class." His classmate approached me. As far as I can remember, his name is Gavin. Kumunot na naman ang noo ko dahil sa sinabi niya. Wala siyang pinaalam sa'kin na hindi siya papasok ngayong hapon. He should've told me, right?

"Why?" I asked him. He fixed his backpack before speaking again.

"Wala siyang sinabi na dahilan sa'kin, 'e. Ewan ko ba do'n, no'ng Biyernes pa 'yun gan'on. Parang ewan lang." Kumamot pa siya ng ulo niya. "Pero most of the time, nakikita kong kasama niya si Shane---pero hindi ko pinapalabas na may something sila, ha! I think you should talk to him."

Since he's not there and I don't have any clue where he is, I decided to just wait at the unit. Hindi ko rin siya matawagan. Sana naman nasa unit na siya. The way he treats me bothers the hell out of me.

Dumaan muna ako sa 7/11 store bago umuwi. Mas pinili kong lakarin na lang ang daan pauwi dahil maaga pa naman. I just bought some drinks and chips that I'll consume in my way to the unit. Nagsuot na lang ako ng earphones para hindi maingayan sa paligid.

Maayos naman kami kaninang umaga, 'di ba? Sabay pa nga kaming naligo. Kaya hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit gan'on na lang siya umiwas sa'kin. Wala din akong maalalang may nagawa ako sa kanya.

'Yun lang ang laman ng isip ko kaya hindi ko namalayan na nakapasok na pala ako sa loob ng unit niya. Bumuntong hininga ako bago binuksan ang pinto. Lights are still off, sign that there are no traces of him inside.

Pagod na umupo ako sa sofa. I grab a throw pillow and hugged it, thinking of everything that might happen. Wala pa naman akong nababalitaang pangyayari kay Dillion na may kaugnayan kay Dad.

O baka kaya iniiwasan niya ako kasi nalaman niya ang plano ni Dad?

But I found that reason too shallow. Hindi naman siguro 'yun ang dahilan, tama? Baka may problema lang talaga sa'min. He promised that nothing can make us apart so I should trust him. Right, that's the least I can do - trust him.

Ilang minuto lang akong umupo do'n bago ko napagdesisyunang maglinis na ng katawan. I can already smell the smoke I acquired while walking home, and the dried sweats. Pagkatapos no'n ay nagluto na din ako ng hapunan.

"Why is he not answering his damn phone?"

Frustration was drawn all over my face as I tried to call him again. I've been calling him for countless time but he's not able to answer even just one call. It's already eight on the evening and I don't remember that he told me he's having an overnight.

"Answer, please..." I bite my lips, starting to lose all the hopes I have. I stopped myself from throwing tantrums on him when he answered it.

"Why did you call?" My jaw literally dropped with his answer. I didn't expect him to answer me like that. I pursed my lips, stopping myself to lash out. "May ginagawa ako, hindi ako makaka-uwi ngayong gabi, kung 'yun ang tinawag mo."

"Why? I cooked---,"

"Sorry, I really can't, Callan. Please understand. Goodbye and goodnight."

"But---!" I was cut off when I heard the phone beeped, meaning, he already dropped the call. Gan'on ba siya ka-busy? I was about to tell him I cooked his favorite as a peace offering even though I don't know if I've done something.

Ilang minuto pa akong tumulala sa kawalan. I can feel it. He's slowly...slipping away from me. And the worst part is, I don't even know how to fix 'cause I don't know the reason why. I heave a sigh before glancing at the food I cooked.

I guess I had no choice but to eat them alone.

From: Kyla

huy pkopya aq dun s isng sub teh. hndi bet ng aqing brain

I was lying on my bed when I received a message from Kyla. I was in a deep thought and she ruined it. I can call it a talent, I guess.

I massaged my temple as I typed my reply. I am not really fond of sending answers but I am not in the mood to teach her so I'll just send my answer. For country's peace.

From: Kyla

wow,,,, ngsend n nga c idok.
slamat idolooooo. gdnayt!

Mahina lang akong tumawa sa pinagsasabi niya. Hindi na ako nagreply at pinagpatuloy ko na lang ang malalim na pag-iisip. Naalala ko na bukas pala ay Valentine's Day na. The whole night, I tried to think of a way to surprise him. I even googled some and I feel the excitement just thinking of the things we're going to do.

But all of that faded one morning. The excitement, the happiness, the thrill - it went gone.

The day I wasn't prepared with.

"C-Callan...can we t-talk?"

Umaga 'yun, naabutan ko siyang naghihintay sa labas ng classroom namin. I was too occupied with my own thoughts I didn't even realize that he's in front of me already. My grip on my bag tightened as I stare at him. I bit my lips to prevent uttering a word, I nod.

Sumunod lang ako sa kanya. I heard his sighed in every step he's taking. My heart beats louder and louder. I stopped when he stops too. I was just looking down the whole time, not wanting to hear what he's about to say.

"Listen, okay? I...I don't know how to start this." Nakita ko kung paano siya tumingin sa taas. I even watched how his Adam's apple moved when he gulped. "I'm...I'm sorry, Callan..."

I remained quiet. I know where this is heading. I badly wanted to stop him, but I can't. I don't know why.

"I've been a mess with you. I...I-I'm sorry for being such a pain in the ass." He looked down. I feel something built in my throat so I gulped it. "Those days with you are the happiest day of my life, really," he looked at me, flashing a smile.

"Dillion, I don't understand you..." I said in a small voice.

"I'm sorry if I hurt you, unintentionally or not." He bit his lips as if he's trying to suppress something.

I laughed but humor wasn't visible. I looked away, glancing back at him. "Male-late na ako sa klase ko." I turned my back on him. That's the only reason I can give for him to stop.

"And...I'm sorry if I can't be with you anymore..."

I feel my heart stopped. Everything stopped. I can't even feel myself. Wala akong naririnig na kahit ano kundi ang pagbiyak ng puso ko.

"H-Hindi...ayoko munang maka-usap ka, Dillion." I tried to dismissed all the things running inside me. "Maybe some other time..."

"Callan, please tell---,"

"Ayoko nga!" My eyes are full of rage as I grabbed his collar. "A-Ayoko, Dillion. Hindi ko...hindi ko gagawin 'yang gusto mo. So, please, stop saying these..." A single tear escaped my eye as I utter those words.

He gripped my hands before pushing me away. I saw how his jaw moved aggressively as if he's on the verge of a strong emotion. He breathed out sharply.

"Think whatever you want to think, Callan, but starting from now..." He looked at me, wanting me to understand what he's saying. "Starting from now, I wanted to stop us. I don't want you anymore."

Why is it so easy for him to say that?

"If you can't accept that, it's not my problem anymore."

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