"H'wag mo na akong ihatid, Dillion. Kaya ko na ang sarili ko."

Katulad ng mga nakaraang araw, sumabay na naman siya palabas ng school. I don't know if I should be glad that we're getting closer again. Pagkalapag ko galing airport, hindi niya na ako nilubayan.

"I know." He sighed. "I just want to make sure that you'll get home safely. Sa kanto lang naman."

"I can go home alone safe." I tried to make him understand.

He stared at me. Dahil sa ginawa niya ay hindi ko rin mapigilang mapatitig sa kaniya. Nakita kong napalunok siya bago yumuko saka huminga nang malalim.

"Hayaan mo na lang ako." Ngumiti siya saka ako inakbayan.

I let him with what he wants. Magkasabay naming tinahak ang daan palabas sa school. Napapatingin ang iba sa 'min kaya hindi ko maiwasang makaramdam ng ilang. But I ignored them all.

Tinanggal niya ang pagkaka-akbay sa 'kin nang makalabas kami. He put his hand in his pocket while we're waiting for jeepney.

"May gusto ka bang sabihin?"

Hindi na ako nakatiis sa mga tingin niya. Just because he's not aware how his stare sends havoc within me, he had all the rights to do this to me! Kung alam lang niya na halos manghina na ang tuhod ko sa mga titig niya.

Mukha namang napabalik siya mula sa malalim na pag-iisip dahil sa tanong ko. He shook his head, a smile formed in his lips. Humarap siya sa tahimik na daan. Maglulubog na rin naman ang araw kaya wala na masyadong dumadaan na sasakyan. I tapped my feet on the ground, starting to lose my patience.

"Callan..."

Napatingin ako sa kaniya nang tawagin niya ako. He's playing the stone with his foot on the ground.

"Hmm?" I answered him.

Tiningnan niya lang ako saka nag-iwas ng tingin, iniiling ang ulo. He looks like he's going to say something but he can't say it out loud. Nakita ko pa ang paggalaw ng Adam's apple niya nang lumunok siya. Nagsalubong ang kilay ko dahil sa inis. 

Ano bang gusto niyang sabihin?

"Mag...magsi-shift na ako ng course..."

I was dumbfounded with what he said. Kinailangan ko pang tanungin kung tama ba ang nadinig ko pero gan'on pa din ang sinabi niya.

"That's... good." I nod at him. Hindi ko naman alam ang sasabihin ko. "At least, you took the first step to your real dream." A smile formed on my lips as I said those words. My reaction reflected his. 

Pinili kong huwag na lamang pansinin ang naramdaman kong panghihinayang. Anytime soon, hindi ko na siya magiging kaklase. Hindi na kami magkatabi ng seats. I sighed with the thought.

"It's good that your family didn't go against your plans."

"Hmm, my mother isn't in favor of my decision but thankfully, my Dad speaks up for me. I was glad that he did not countered my decision. It was just my mother who...you know? But I understand her. She's a mother so, of course."

We were silent for a moment. Hindi ko alam ang dapat kong sabihin sa kaniya. Masaya ako dahil alam kong simula na para maabot niya ang pangarap niya. Ito rin naman ang sinasabi ko sa kaniya dati pa. Be brave.

"Wouldn't it be too hard for you to handle your time? I mean, shifting course can take a lot of work," I asked him, trying not to sound worried.

Kaya nga magco-college pa lang ay sinabi ko na kaagad ang gusto kong kurso. Dahil ayoko na masabotahe ang schedules ko. That will be so tiring if ever.

"Like what you said, whatever it takes just to reach my dream."

Days went so fast that I couldn't even monitor it. Dillion became busy with his businesses with shifting but he still hangs out with us whenever he has time. As far as I know, Shane is helping him.

About the thing that I'm going to tell him when I get back, sa tingin ko, nakalimutan niya na. At hindi ko rin ata kayang sabihin sa kanya sa ganitong pagkakataon. He's too busy with his things.

"May something ba sa PolSci girl at Business Ad slash Engineering boy? Palagi ko silang nakikitang magkasama."

While I was on my way back to our classroom, I heard one of the Education students talk. Hindi ko sana papansinin kaso na-curious ako sa pinag-uusapan nila. I know that it's about Shane and Dillion being together.

"Ewan ko rin, sis. Pero bagay sila, 'di ba?" I heard them chuckled.

I shook my head as I felt something in my chest. A heavy feeling I can't name. Mabibigat ang yabag na umalis ako sa building na 'yon.

"Sa'n ka galing? Bakit 'di mo 'ko sinama? Ang sama ng ugali mo, Callan."

"I just went to the canteen. Hindi ko naman alam na kailangan pa pala kitang isama." Nilampasan ko lang siya saka dumeretso sa upuan ko. Naramdaman ko naman na sinundan niya ako.

"Alam mo, lagi ka namang masungit pero parang over sungit mo ngayon. Anong chika?" She sat beside me. I heard her giggle when I refused to answer. I thanked the heavens because Kyla did not notice my unstable breathing. "D'yan ka na nga."

Maghapon lang ata akong nakatunganga sa klase. Hindi rin mawala sa isip ko ang pinag-usapan ng dalawang estudyante kanina. Yeah, their conversation really bothered me that I didn't even realize I already arrived at home.

"Kumusta na 'yung sinasabi mo sa 'kin dati?"

Out of boredom, I approached Cleo. He stopped what he's doing to look at me. Sinilip ko ang ginagawa niya ngunit agad ko ring binalik ang tingin sa kaniya. I heard him sighed as if he's carrying something heavy.

"Tragically, he's not into man-to-man relationship," he said. "But that's fine. Unti-unti, I'll try to let go of it. Sana lang, magawa ko." He flashed a smile; a sad one.

"That's good. Pero 'wag mong pilitin ang sarili mo. Learn to take it slow until you finally let it go." I patted his head.

Nag-usap pa kami saglit tungkol sa school niya. He's incoming Grade 12 next year. Sa ngayon, nakikipagsapalaran pa siya sa STEM. Nakikita ko namang gusto niya ang ginagawa niya kaya hinayaan ko na lang siya. And it's as if I could do anything about it.

Nagpaalam na rin ako na babalik na sa kwarto ko nang makaramdam ng antok. We just have some small brother talk tonight. Sinabihan ko na lang siyang matulog na pagkatapos ng ginagawa niya. It's not good to study when you're lack of sleep. It's hard to retain the information.

"Hey, good morning."

The next day, Dillion visited me. Hindi ko alam kung tapos na ba siya mag-process kasi hindi ko na rin siya nasisilip. Malapit na rin kasi ang exam kaya kailangan ko ng focus.

Habang nakatingin sa kaniya, muli na namang bumalik sa akin ang usapan ng dalawang kahapon. Naramdaman ko na naman ang bigat sa dibdib ko kaya naman huminga ako nang malalim bago nagsalita.

"Good morning. How was your shifting process? The last time I heard, you'll be completely shifted weeks after." I didn't glance at him because I was highlighting some important notes to take.

"Ah, yes. I'll tell you if... if it's done - wait, what are you doing? As far as I know, they're not including that thing in the examination." I looked at him with what he said. My brows furrowed when he snatched the highlighter and my reviewer.

"Anong ginagawa mo?"

"Wait," he stopped me.

I let him with what he's doing. Kumukunot pa minsan ang noo niya habang nagbabasa kaya nagagaya ko. He'll bite his lip as if he's remembering something. His face is in all serious expression. Pinanood ko siyang pakialaman ang gamit ko.

"Akala ko ba, hindi mo gusto ang Business? Pa'no mo nagawa 'yan?" Curious, I asked him.

"Hmm, nasanay lang siguro ako. Anyway, here are some of the possible questions in the examination. You don't have to memorize the equations and formulas. You just have to understand them." He smiled. Napalunok ako.

"Yeah, I know." Kinuha ko pabalik ang papel. Blue ang ginamit niyang highlighter kaya alam ko kung saan ang kanya. "Thank you. Wala ka bang gagawin ngayon?"

"Wala naman." Like what he usually does when he's still here, he sits on the table. "I just went here to watch you out if you're doing well."

"And you already saw it." I scrunched my nose.

"You're lowkey pushing me away, aren't you?" Napatingin ako sa kaniya dahil sa pagkaseryoso ng boses niya. I was about to deny it but he laughed immediately. "Just kidding. So, I'm going now, future businessman." He jumped off the table and put his hands in his pocket as he left the room.

Pinagpatuloy ko na lang ang pagre-review. Karamihan sa mga kaklase ko, nasa library at cottages nag-aaral. Mas pinili ko na lang na manatili sa classroom kasi alam kong maingay sa labas ngayon dahil tulad namin, malapit na rin ang examination ng ibang department.

"Omg ka, Callan. Humanda ka sa 'king gaga ka. May hindi ka sinasabi sa amin."

I was distracted with Kyla's high-pitched voice outside. Dinig na dinig ko rin ang mabilis niyang paglakad dahil sa tunog ng sandal shoes niya. My forehead creased when she entered with her unexplainable reaction. Nasa likod niya si Carleen na noon ay nakangisi lang.

"Hey, zup. What's happening?" I was puzzled.

"Stop me, ha. Stop me talaga sa what's happening shit mo. Ano 'tong narinig ko na kayo na raw ni Father Dillion? Anong kataksilan itey?" She slammed her arms on my table as she gives me an intriguing look.

"What? Where did you hear that?" I closed my book with what she said.

"Kahit saan. May pakpak ang chika kaya hindi ko alam kung kanino galing. Usap-usapan na 'yon sa Education at Engineering. Gosh! Kelan ka pa nagsinungaling, dzai?"

"I don't know what you're talking about, Kyla." I looked at Carleen for her to make me understand. Wala akong maintindihan kapag si Kyla ang nagsasabi.

"Ganito na nga. Napadaan kami sa Engineering building then we heard some students talking about you and Dillion being together." She even waves her hand in the air. "Gan'on din ang topic sa Education. Is it true? I mean, I'm not against that. I just want to clear things up in my mind."

Hindi ko alam kung pa'no pero nakita ko na lang ang sarili ko na hinihintay siya sa labas ng building nila kinahapunan. His blockmates are looking at me as if I did something to them. Hindi ko na lang pinansin dahil hindi naman sila ang pinunta ko dito.

"Dillion..."

Finally, he went out. Mas lumawak ang ngiti niya nang makita ako but that immediately faded when he saw how serious my face is. Lumapit siya sa 'kin. He even looked around to see if someone was listening but my eyes remained on him.

"Do you... need anything?"

"Someone told me that there is a rumor here in your department that we are together?" I gritted my teeth as my fist turned into a ball. "Ikaw ba ang nagsabi no'n?"

Silence followed after that. Nakatingin lang ako sa gulat niyang ekspresyon habang pinapakalma ang dibdib ko. He avoided my eyes as he blew a breath. He then looked back at me with an expression I can't name. Dahil doon ay nakaramdam na naman ng kakaiba ang dibdib ko.

"So, what if it's me?"

"What? Are you insane? How can you tell those? And you even included my name with your shits?" Hindi ko na napigilan at napahawak ako sa kuwelyo ng suot niya. I felt played.

"It's not shit. That's true!" Napatigil ako nang dahil sa narinig, bahagya ring lumuwag ang pagkakahawak ko sa kuwelyo niya. He's breathing hard. 

"A-Ano?"

Tangina.

"I like you. I know I shouldn't tell those things but I was forced to! They keep pushing me for Shane and I couldn't help but get annoyed."

I was dumbfounded by what he said. Tuluyan ko na siyang nabitawan. Inayos niya ang kaniyang kuwelyo at pinanood akong muling pagsalubungin ang mga kilay.

"Kaya... sinabi ko na ikaw ang g-gusto ko talaga. That me and Shane are just friends." He stared at me and his eyes are begging me to believe him. "Totoo 'yon. Gusto kita. Hindi ko lang alam kung kailan but I know I do."

I can't digest all his words. Naiintindihan ko pero hindi ko kayang iproseso.

Tangina, ang puso ko.

"Gusto kita, hindi ba obvious, Callan?"