"Hindi niyo naman sinabi na hindi ko pala dapat sabihin."

Kyla looked down while Carleen is scolding her. Siya kasi ang nagsabi na aalis ako bukas. I didn't take it as a big deal but I don't know why Carleen did. She's dropping the 'respect' and 'privacy' line.

Carleen gave her a death glare earning a pout from her. I chuckled as I went to stop them. Mabuti na lang at hindi na nagdagdag pa ng sasabihin si Carleen.

"Alam niya rin pala na nandito ka---"

"What? Pati ba naman 'yon?" I massaged my forehead when Carleen started scolding her again.

"It's as if nagtatago si Callan 'di ba?" Kyla rolled her eyes.

"Hayaan mo na. Hindi naman siguro---" Before I could even finish my line, the doorbell rang. All of us looked at each other. I sighed when Kyla gave me a peace sign. "Hey, open the door."

"Maka-hey, parang hindi friendship. Ito na po, kamahalan." She stood up and went to the door.

Umupo ako sa pang-isahang upuan, pilit pinapakalma ang sarili. Whenever he's around, my heart became wild. At 'yon ang iniiwasan kong mangyari kaya hangga't maari, lumalayo ako. But I don't know that destiny was this playful.

As he entered the room, his eyes darted at me first. His emotionless face equated to my blank aura. We stared at each other's eyes until someone cleared her throat, diverting the tension.

"Ano? Gusto niyo shot?"

"Redhorse lang naman binili mo, makayaya ng inuman," Carleen spoke.

"Heh! Kung ayaw mo ng Redhorse, e di 'wag." Kyla went to the kitchen to get the drinks.

"Hindi ako iinom. Maaga pa gising ko bukas," sabi ko.

"Kahit kaunti? Hindi naman nakakalasing 'yang Redhorse. Kaunti lang." I narrowed my eyes at Liam who still gave me glass. "Bro, konti lang."

"If he doesn't like drinking, let him." My mouth went agape when Dillion suddenly grabbed the glass that was offered by Liam.

"Kaya nga, Liam. May lakad pa ang kaibigan ko bukas, saka mo na ayain." Kyla went outside carrying a bucket of ice. "Ikaw, Carleen. 'Wag kang mag-pass. Kailangan mong uminom. Hindi ka gold kaya manahimik ka."

"Hindi naman ako magpa-pass. I-bottoms up ko pa 'yan sa harapan mo." Carleen plastered a smirk.

And just like that, they started drinking. Akala ko, masyadong madami ang isang litro para sa kanilang apat, but it didn't take an hour for them to fully consume it. I watched how they drank another liter. Kumakain lang ako ng chips na binili ko kanina sa nadaanan kong sari-sari store.

Nagsimula na rin silang mag-usap. Hindi lang ako makapili kung kanino sasali kasi magkaiba ang topic ng dalawang babae at dalawang lalaki. In the end, I didn't interfere with them. Hinayaan ko na lang silang mag-ingay habang mabagal na nginunguya ang chips.

"Boring mo naman kasama, Callan. Wala kang ganap sa overnight." I suddenly stopped eating when Kyla spoke.

"Ahuh? What should I do, then?" I asked her. She snorted before stamping her feet on the ground.

"Punta ka sementeryo, kausapin mo lahat ng patay do'n, pisting yawa ka." I laughed at her words. She's always sarcastic.

"Are you drunk already?"

"Oo. Kaya kapag nasampal kita, lasing lang ako no'n, ha?" I shook my head. Nababaliw na naman siya.

I looked at Dillion who's now leaning on the couch, talking in a serious tone with Liam. Panay rin ang inom niya sa baso. Hindi ko na lang pinagtuunan ng pansin si Dillion sa halip, nilabas ko ang cellphone ko at palihim siyang kinuhanan ng picture.

Ewan ko ba, pero gustong-gusto ko na kuhanan siya ng picture kapag lasing siya. Lagi kong sinasabi na for future purposes pero alam kong hindi 'yon ang dahilan.

I stopped when he looked at the camera. I exited the camera in panic when I saw how his brows furrowed. I opened the Instagram and pretended that I was scrolling when he went near me.

"Are you taking pictures?" He looked at my phone.

"Asyumero," I said. I heard him sigh. Hindi na siya bumalik sa inuupuan niya kanina, instead, he sat beside me. "Hey, you're talking with---!" I stopped when he resed his head on my shoulder. My heartbeat quickens with his sudden action.

"I'm..." Mas isiniksik niya pa ang ulo niya sa balikat ko. "Sleepy. I'm sleepy." Tumingin siya sa 'kin kaya pumatong ang baba niya sa balikat ko. "Callan, I'm sleepy."

"Then sleep."

"Hoy, ano 'yan?" I looked at Carleen who's narrowing her eyes on us. "Oo nga pala, Cal. E kasi naghanap ako ng isa pang kwarto. Meron lang palang dalawang guest room sila Kyla."

"And then?"

"Walang matutulugan si Dillion. Hindi naman kasi kami na-inform na makiki-overnight din pala siya kaya hindi kami nakapag-prepare ni Kyla." She looked at me meaningfully.

I scratched my head as I glanced back at Dillion who was now sleeping on my shoulder. I bit my lower lip while thinking of what to do. I only have one choice. He's going to sleep in the same room with me. Hindi naman pwedeng iwan siya rito sa sala kasi si Liam ang matutulog sa sofa.

"Hmm, sige. Do'n na lang siya sa kwarto ko matutulog." She nodded her head with what I say. I thanked her before she entered their room.

Ako naman, inakay ang tulog na si Dillion. Lagi na lang ako ang mag-aasikaso kapag lasing. He should learn to take care of himself whenever he's drunk. Pa'no kung nakainom siya tapos mag-isa lang siya? He should learn to control his self.

"Dillion, 'wag ka namang magpabigat, tangina." I heard him groan before encircling his arms around my neck. "Here. Follow me," I said.

Redhorse lang naman ang ininom, ganito na kalasing? Weak.

Muntikan pa kaming matumba nang bigla siyang lumayo at tumakbo sa banyo. I scratched my head in irritation before following him. He's throwing up. I caressed his back as he throws up.

"Dapat natutulog na ako ngayon e. Maaga pa ang alis ko bukas." I sighed.

Tumayo siya't pinunasan ang bibig. Nakapikit pa siyang naglakad papuntang higaan. I chuckled as I watched him stumbled. Basta niya na lang ibinagsak ang sarili sa higaan at pinatong ang kaliwang braso sa mata, habang ang kanang kamay naman ay nasa uluhan nakapatong.

I just washed my hands before deciding to lay beside him. I don't have any choice. Wala namang sofa na pwedeng tulugan dito sa loob. Kasya naman ang dalawa sa higaan.

Everything is quiet. It's just me, the silence, and the screams of my heart. I am not aware of what time it is but I am sure it's already late in the evening. I give him a side glance.

"Callan..." I was startled when he mentioned my name in a sleepy voice.

"Hmm?" I still answered.

"Hindi ba talaga ako... importante sa 'yo kaya hindi mo... hindi mo pinaalam sa 'kin na aalis ka?" I saw how his Adam's apple moved as he said those words. Nakatakip pa rin ang braso sa mukha niya.

"I just don't see a reason for me to let you know," I answered. Ang labo at ang unreasonable ng reason ko, alam ko naman 'yon. I realized it lately. Maging ako rin naman ay hindi alam ang reason.

"Hindi ba sapat na reason na kaibigan mo 'ko para ipaalam sa 'kin?" He removed his arm and looked at me. His ash-grey orbs are emitting sad colors. He sighed when he received no response from me. "I'm sorry. Go to sleep."

I was silent for a moment. Pinakiramdaman ko muna ang sarili ko.

"Dillion..." I shut my eyes tightly. Naramdaman kong ring umusod siya palapit sa 'kin. He responded to me with his sleepy voice.

I have always been brave; or at least, that was what I used to believe. I fear nothing because I know that nothing can tear me apart aside from not fulfilling my dreams. Kahit pamilya ko, hindi na ako magagawang matakot. 

However, lately, I can feel my walls falling down. I feared something again. I feared losing him.

I imagined all the scenes of him and Shane together in one frame. They're both laughing while sharing the same drinks and food. All the things that can give me a reason to be courageous enough.

I sighed. "Can you wait for me until I come back?" I said those words as if there was no assurance that I would come back. "M-May sasabihin ako," I reasoned out.

"Can't you tell it now, Callan?"

"I can't," I said without a hint of lies.

Naging matunog naman ang pagngiti niya. Umisod siya palayo kaya medyo kumalma ang puso ko.

"Okay. I will wait until you come back."