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"where did you leave your love?"
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DIARY ENTRY FORTY-SIX:
WHY AM I IN LOVE WITH YOU?!

Words can't describe what I feel, yet I want to yell out into an empty void that I'm in pain and I can't handle how I'm feeling at all.

When your in love with someone, you know it. And I hate that I know, I'm still in love with him.

As I'm writing this, it's like 12am in the morning. I can't really sleep, I've been a bit hazy I guess. I can't stop thinking about him..

From the way his pure ocean blue eyes look at me.

His daring but soft smile that gets to me all the time.

They way he holds my hand when I need him.

They way his thumb massages my cold hands, and my face.

How he holds me, how I feel so much safer being wrapped around his arms on my waist, oh how I love that feeling of being close to him.

When he says me name, it sounds like heaven.

He cares so much about me. Yet I don't know why.

He's always the one to comfort me, always there for me no matter what. Always so needy around me, though I don't understand why he does that.

Why he always wants acts like he wants to be around me or something.

I'm getting to over my head, he doesn't like me.

But it would be nice to think so, you know?

Colby Brock, falling in love with Rosalyn Fray.

I doubt it though. Maybe he just thinks of me as a sister or something, like in a brotherly manner.

I just really don't want to lose him. I keep saying that, and even I'm getting tired of repeating myself but I really don't want to lose him, not now, not in the future, not ever in my life.

But I don't know what'll happen next.

What if Colby does like me back?

Am I literally just really oblivious?

Tara says that she sees it so clearly that Colby is head over heels in love with me, but I doubt it.

My eyes are red, not from crying, but from rubbing my eyes because I'm so anxious and I can't get myself to sleep.

I have a party to attend with the Traphouse gang. I forgot who the party was being hosted by, and I could careless, I just kind of wanna hang out with my friends again.

I mean, it's one night, what could go wrong?

A lot of things Rosalyn, a lot of fucking things.

But I'll keep to my goody tissues self and not drink because I'm not that party girl, even though I do attend parties now, thank you Colby for influencing me.

One night Rosalyn, it's just one night again right?

I keep having these little pep talks to myself because I still get scared and anxious about socializing but I'm getting good at just laying low and do what I want to do to my fullest, not partying, but getting to know people more at social events.

I feel like these Diary Entries are getting shorter and shorter and I swear, I have a lot in mind to write, trust me, but like I've said before, it's like 12am and I think I'm starting to get sleepier enough to where I can get through that dream state.

So goodnight to my diary, goodnight to everyone who could possibly be reading this, and goodnight to me :)

— xoxo Rosalyn Fray

—𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙙𝙞𝙙 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚? | 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐛𝐲 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐜𝐤
@DEVLISHION| KEILANI