The saddest thing that could ever happen to a living being is the loss of a close one 

loss of close one could mean different things

 either by hearing the news of them commit suicide or by forgetting, erasing memories. 

The light I look up to has faded without a trace; 

I can't keep up, I hate the pain. I have lost my self.

 I fake my smile over and over again, 

but the mask is cracking, 

my patience is slowly fading,

 I hate people.

 They always aim for me,

 "What are you going to hit me?"

 "Go ahead here, come here and punch me in the face"

 all I heard are laughter,

 should have done something,

 I wish I could have done something instead of leaving the classroom like a coward.

 Where are you?

 I feel so alone,

 they see me as a joke,

 I have lost my self,

 I know it not hard to pick up the knife and stab my self billion times,

 but it's hard to know that when I'm gone,

 the pain would tears you apart.

 I could free my self, but you would suffer...

 I wish I could smile,

 but I don't know where you are,

 I don't want to live knowing that the friend I had for six years had disappeared,

 I don't want it to be the truth,

 "she must be busy" 

"she will come back in few years or months."