Bucky and Sam were rarely left speechless. Sure, they'd go silent just to piss the other off, but never rendered silent in utter horror. At least with Thanos they just got snapped away in an instant and spared the trauma of watching the aftermath. But this...this was staring back at them with an insanity that made Thanos look like nothing more than a guy who lost his rock collection and no one would help find them. Blood was still dripping from the shield as John finally ran, leaving them no choice but to follow. It was a sight that neither of them could live with, and they refused to see it ever again.

"You gotta give me the shield, man."

"So, that's what this is about," John answered quietly, looking to Sam and then Bucky, his jaw tightening as he prepared to fight them. "You don't want to do this."

Bucky lowered his head for a moment, taking a deep breath of resolve for what he knew had to happen no matter the cost. It had to happen for not only himself, but for Steve, for Sam, and maybe even a little bit for you. When he lifted his head and stared Walker down, the look in his eyes had grown darker and any emotion was gone. "Yeah, we do."

As the fight began you thought you felt something; an emotion you couldn't place, and it flipped in your stomach enough to make you stop your momentum to wait for it to pass. It was eerily similar to connection with your soulmate but it didn't persist or find your way to him. You had denied it for so long now that you had almost forgotten what it was like, and your tolerance for the sensation had been lost. You shook it away and continued on, only to be brought face-to-face with a full wave as you found them. You hadn't felt a rage and a pain from Bucky like this in so long that you feared you might not be able to take it. Powering past the feeling and swallowing down the lump in your throat, you rushed into the abandoned train depot and joined Sam and Bucky to finish your plan once and for all.

You could see Bucky laying on the ground not far from you, energy still coursing through his arm from the last hit that threw him into an electric line, and Sam struggling to break free of Walker as he tore the wings from his pack with ease. You had already seen the immediately viral video of him as used the shield as a murder weapon, as the antithesis of everything it stood for, and as he raised it over his head above Sam to do it again, your temper suddenly raged to match the Hulk on his worst day.

"What are you-" he tried as you slammed into him with all you had, throwing him across the room and dislodging the shield from his grip so that you could take it. "You were on my side! We were going to stop this! I gave you that serum so we could work together!"

"Then it seems that you did this to yourself, doesn't it?"

"Give me that shield, (Y/N)," he warned, "it's mine!" Pushing himself up on shaking legs, he tried to rush forward to return the hit, but you had the shield securely on your arm with no way in hell for him to get it from you now. As he charged you steadied yourself, positioning yourself between him and your friends should he be trying to trick you to get by. At just the perfect moment, you swung your arm back to connect it with his smug face, dropping him to the dirty floor with a satisfying thud.

"Stay down. Final warning."

Once you made sure that he was out cold, you allowed yourself a second to take a breath to calm your adrenaline, as pointless as it seemed. Turning to face Sam and Bucky, you paused at the wave of relief that your soulmate was emanating, having fully connected now after so long and finding it still so easy to do. It soothed you some; maybe things would be okay, and one day you'd find your way back to each other's lives, but that wasn't going to be today. There was too much crap to wade through and too much resentment that was as much your fault as his.

He looked so different, this James Bucky Barnes that wasn't a product of terrible therapy, but rather the friendship of the man next to him. You felt regret for not being one to help him get there, but there was nothing you could do about that now.

"Here," you finally said, holding the shield out to San, "maybe hold onto it this time. Steve didn't choose you just for you to shit on his trust like that."

"(Y/N)-"

"I'm going home," you continued, "I did what I came here to do. There's no way in hell that I'll let my daughter see a man like that with the shield. Her grandfather made that for a real Captain America, so be one."

Bucky was the next to step forward, but his newfound sense of urgency took you aback. "(Y/N), are you okay? You don't look right. You said he gave you the serum, didn't you? (Y/N)?" he paused, sensing a strange shift in himself that you were projecting, now searching you for what was happening just to make the feeling stop. "Honey, you're bleeding! Let's sit down, alright?"

You looked down to see that something must've happened when you pushed Walker into the wall, the side of your shirt darkening in a spreading red. You hadn't even felt it at the time but looking back at him now you saw the rusty and bent metal bar next to him, the wet red on it matching your shirt. "Yeah, I guess so," you muttered softly. "I'm sure I'm already healing. That's a life I need to get used to, huh?"

Even though you had waived Bucky's help away, Sam wasn't nearly as ready to be dismissed. "Sit your ass down now, (Y/N). I ain't asking twice."

The pain in your side was getting worse and you backed up to the wall, your bloodied hand holding you there for a moment to catch your breath. "Yeah, okay, just for a few minutes." He took your arm and helped guide you down to the floor to rest, but he quickly felt the sudden loss of muscle tone in it and hurried to grab the other too before your limp body escaped his grip. The last thing you saw before your eyes closed was Bucky's face, and the last thing you felt was his crushing panic taking your breath away.

~~~

"She'll be fine, Pete," Sam said as calmly as possible. "I'm bringing her out to my family's place in New Orleans for a couple days then I'll get her back to you."

"That's a relief, thanks, Sam."

"You don't have to thank me for anything. We're all friends here."

"I'll let Morgan know that she'll be home soon," Peter said hesitantly. "But can I ask for one more thing?"

"Shoot."

"Get her to talk to Barnes. I'm not being dramatic when I say that it's killing her to not have him in her life, no matter what that means. She's disappearing and I can't watch that anymore. I can't."

"I'll try-"

"No, Sam," Parker interrupted sternly, "you need to make it happen. You owe Tony this. We all owe Tony to take care of them. We clear?"

Sam smiled to himself at the man Peter had become in the past months after staying with you and helping to watch over you and Morgan. He was taking his role and his promise to Tony very seriously, and he actually admired the guy for maybe the first time ever. "Yeah, Slinger, we're clear."

"Bye, Sam!" He heard the tiny voice on the line as Pete was about to say goodbye. "Tell Bucky to bring Mom home so we can all go out for cheeseburgers!"

"See what I mean? Make it happen."

What Parker didn't know, and what Sam didn't have the heart to tell him since he was so brave to try to be authoritative, was that it was already happening and neither of them had anything to do with it.

~~~

The first several minutes of your time with Bucky, sitting in your hospital room and waiting to be cleared to leave, was painfully silent. It wasn't that you weren't speaking, it just wasn't with spoken words. Your body language gave away enough, him sitting in a chair across the room while you rested on the bed. His posture was closed, arms crossed and sitting rigidly, while you wanted nothing more than to hide under the blankets and make the moment disappear..

"This didn't used to be so difficult."

"Yeah," he sighed. "A lot's happened since the uh...the f-funeral."

"I'm aware that it happened, Buck, and that Tony's gone. No need to dance around my feelings."

"Hmm, okay," he mumbled, "but Parker said-"

"Parker doesn't know what he's talking about."

"I think he does."

"Yeah? Then maybe he should live with you instead? See how long it is before you say the same."

"He's just trying to help, dol- (Y/N)," he quickly corrected. "He's doing what he thinks Tony would expect of him. Also, you're his family and he loves you guys."

You could feel tears burning beneath your lids and you tried to fight them back, but maybe those days should be over. The way you'd treated Pete over the months wasn't fair to him, and Bucky was totally right. Who do you have to be strong for here? Certainly not him. Tony was gone. Morgan was home with Pete, the man who was raising her better than you had been since she lost her father. There was no team to be a part of anymore, and Pepper was taking care of a company covered in Tony's genius when you had no interest in doing it. At this point you had only yourself left, and if you couldn't be that in front of him, then it may as well be over. Bucky knew you almost as much as Tony had, and to lock yourself from him any longer was unnecessary and he deserved better.

"I'm so sorry," you began, letting your emotions and broken words spill out, making him jump up from his chair in a rush to get himself closer, taking the opportunity you had denied him for too long. "I've been so terrible to you, and I'm so sorry. You haven't done anything wrong. I'm the one who's wrong. Tony would be so ashamed of me for what a shitty mother I've been lately, relying on that poor kid to take care of my own daughter. I never said thank you to anyone after the funeral, I just hid in the house until they left. Fury tried to talk to me but I just screamed at him for it being his fault and it wasn't. Of course it wasn't. Bucky, I'm so sorry for all of it. I'm sorry..."

"Honey, slow down," he answered softly, sitting next to you so he could hold you for the first time in what felt like an eternity. "Breathe slower, (Y/N), it's okay. It's all okay. You have nothing to say sorry to me for. Nothing. There's nothing you could do to make me leave you, ever. I was just waiting until you were ready."

"I don't deserve-"

"You deserve everything," he pushed. "You saved me, doll. I owe so much to you, the life I have now. You were nice to me when no one else was, remember?" Bucky smiled a bit at the thought of your first days of knowing each other, now an eternity away. "You forced me to like you. I never had a choice from day one. You refused to let me go and now I'm returning the favor. There's nothing you could do or say to make me leave you ever again."

"I just miss him so much, Buck," you whispered in choked words, "I can't do this. I don't know who I am anymore."

"I know you do, honey, I know. But you are more than who you were with Tony, okay?" You shook your head slightly and he pushed back so he could look into your eyes. "Listen to me. You and Tony were perfect together, but that's not all of who you are. He obviously saw you, right? I mean, yeah, we all knew the guy loved himself, but actually marrying himself would be a little outrageous even for Stark."

"You're an idiot," you laughed quietly for his benefit more than yours, still holding his gaze. "But I appreciate the effort."

"Glad you do, cuz I'm your idiot now, sweetheart, and I'm here for good. I made that promise to Tony, and I'll be damned if I'm about to let the guy down again."

"Wait...when?"

"Standing at the portals right as Strange hauled us back, before things with Thanos got going. We somehow ended up next to each other and..." he paused, taking a shaky breath. "We told each other that if one of us didn't make it out...we shook on it too." He stopped again, turning away to wipe his eyes. "But then..."

"Then what?" you asked carefully, but he stayed silent. "Buck? Then what?"

"He forgave me, (Y/N). For everything."

(In Process)