[ CHAPTER ELEVEN ! ] 

dear sarah.

1999

HAZEL WALKS THROUGH THE DOOR with her hands cuffed. Her eyes light up with an excitement I haven't seen in a long while as the officer comes around and unlocks the handcuffs trapping her wrists. 

As soon as she's freed from them, she walks up to me and embraces me. I can't believe it at first, that I'm getting to hug my sister for the first time in ten years. I'd almost gotten used to seeing her behind that glass with her hand chained to the countertop. 

I run my hand through her hair and cling on to her--on to my little sister. "God, are you real?" 

I pull her away to look at her through my tear-filled gaze, she laughs at this, fighting tears of her own. 

"It's been so long." She quips, wiping the tear off her cheek. 

"I know," I chuckle. "A decade." I'm smiling so wide my face begins to hurt. She looks over my shoulder and I suddenly remember that Joel and Sarah are behind me. "Oh! This is..." I clear my throat, backing up so that Hazel has access to view her future niece and brother-in-law. "Joel--" 

"Your fiancee, right?" She points at him, looking at me for confirmation and once I nod, she holds her hand out to shake his with an ear-to-ear grin. Then, she kneels down to greet little Sarah. 

"And this is Sarah." 

Sarah smiles at her, and it's the exact reaction I'd expect her to have. She holds her hand out, too, and Hazel chuckles. "Hi Sarah." 

IT'S DARK AND COLD AND THERE are only three sleeping bags. 

Hayden is fast asleep, snoring lightly and almost smiling. It's the first time I've seen her actually peaceful in the past twenty-four hours. She'd been miserable and all I have is myself to blame. We should be home by now, like I promised but we aren't. We're going in the complete opposite direction just because I'm chasing this fantasy of my marriage being rekindled.

It's funny, I feel more like a child now than I ever did with Joel. I'd had the best time of my life with him, post-apocalypse due to the fun we'd have. As a couple alone, and with Sarah. But now, here we were; left with two girls who are around the same age as our daughter and as if Sarah was split into two separate bodies. 

I wonder if my life would be different, had I just reached out to Joel all those years ago. I'd known he'd lost his wife and his daughter yet I still trapped myself and remained secluded from the world as it fell apart before my eyes. 

We were in the same city. For nearly a month before he moved North to Boston. I could have gone to his--our house and hugged him and told him I was alive. We could kiss each other's wounds and mourn our daughter together, dance in the kitchen some more. We wouldn't be alone, we'd have each other and that would be enough. We would be happy. 

Even when I found out that Joel moved to Boston, when I moved to that fucking city just to apologize--I could have walked up to him and said hi. But I didn't. I didn't because I'm a coward, and--

"Can I ask you a serious question?" 

I glance down at Ellie, who I thought was fast asleep in her sleeping bag. I loosen my grip on my gun's trigger find myself letting out a sigh of relief. "What?"

She sits up, flicking her flashlight on over her joke book as Joel turns over to face her slightly. She closes the book and stares up at the sky as she lays flat on her back. "Why did the scarecrow get an award?"

The corners of my lips begin to curl as I watch Joel turn further, his eyebrows furrowed as he glares at Ellie--who is clearly fighting a laugh. I'm surprised Joel doesn't budge a smile at this, this was one of the many jokes he'd tell Sarah over breakfasts over the years. 

He almost smiles. "Because he was outstanding in his field." 

"You dick!" Ellie giggles, sitting up completely, causing me to mimic the sound. 

He just barely smiles before turning back over. 

"Did you read this?" 

"No. Now go to sleep."

Ellie looks back at me with a questioning gaze and pucked lips, "Did he read this?" 

I shrug, holding my arms up defensively. "How would I know?" 

She's now the one to shrug. Then, pointed at him, then made a heart with her hands before pointing at me. 

"You don't know what you're talking about." I roll my eyes at this. "Go to sleep!"

Once she's completely turned the opposite way, I reach into my bag and grab my journal and a pen. 

Dear Sarah,

I begin to write. I write all about my day and it isn't until I've covered six pages that I've finished. 

I'M AWOKEN WITH THE INDISTINCT chatter of Ellie and Joel. Hayden is asleep with her head on the window next to me. 

"It was a long time ago, I don't remember half of what happened." Joel grumbles, and I have no clue what he's talking about, but in the rearview mirror I can see Ellie give him a knowing look. 

"Rhea does." 

He furrowed his brows and spared her a quick glance. "What did she tell you?" 

Ellie shrugs. "I'm not telling you until you tell me."

This makes me smile. She's using a classic manipulation tactic on someone who used to be the master at it. 

He doesn't bother looking at her, he keeps his eyes on the road ahead and contemplates. He's debating on telling her about what happened between us--or, what didn't happen.

"We were married." He says quietly, coming out nearly a whisper. 

It takes Ellie a second to respond, it appears that she doesn't quite know what to say. "So you're divorced?"

He shakes his head and it looks like he's about to shut the conversation down. I'm surprised he hasn't already. "On outbreak day, she... almost died." He sighs and Ellie doesn't have to say anything to show her blatant confusion. "I hadn't seen her since... until the other day." 

It's clear that this wasn't what Ellie expected. Her eyes widen a bit and her lips part. I feel my heart ping in my chest and it's almost like I've been punched in the gut. 

And in the rearview mirror, I can see him begin to look at me. Without thinking, I close my eyes shut and pretend to sleep, the darkness leaving me alone with my thoughts.

a/n

i fear this may be the shortest chapter i've ever written but i want to write an ellie williams fic so bad and that's all that's on my mind