Percy Jackson

I found out in the morning that it got so quiet last night because Paul was gone.

Like, it apparently hit the point where Mom told him to get out because she wasn't going to tolerate what he was implying and saying.

"So..." I questioned as we were making breakfast together, Rome still asleep. "Is anything major going to happen or...? Is it just him needing to cool off and think and apologize?'

Mom shook her head but I wasn't sure which one she was confirming and which she was denying.

"It's not a for sure thing, I'd never not talk to you about it, but I was going talk to you about it later today," Mom said outlook. "But after you had gone missing a lot of things happened like this and I know that and Paul got along really well but..."

"You're going to file for divorce?" I suggested and she nodded her head.

"And it doesn't mean that you and Paul can't do things together still if you want, he just won't be here. I don't want you to think that you can't talk to him or do things with him-"

"I don't want to anyways," I reassured my mom, grabbing her attention "i heard some of what he said last night and like... I already didn't like doing father son stuff with him anyways. I'd rather do it with Poseidon and... I've never done like anything with him. What happened when I was gone?"

Mom shrugged as she grabbed a frying pan since part of breakfast was eggs.

"Fights similar but usually not as intense as last night," Mom explained to me, sighing. "We tried a marriage counselor and it didn't work out and it had a lot to do with your dad or him wanting to have his own kid as soon as possible and... Yeah. After last night he accused me of cheating with your father and I won't stand for accusations like that nor the things he was saying about us and... Yeah. I'm sorry."

But her apology didn't much all that much sense.

"For what? That he turned out to not be who we thought he was?" I questioned and she shrugged in response to that. "that's not your fault, Mom. You shouldn't be with somebody you don't want to be with. It's not even like we're as dependant as we were with Gabe. Your book is out now and it's selling and plus, we have Dad to help and... If you don't want to be with Paul, you shouldn't be."

"Are you sure?"

"Mom, if you're not happy with him, or at the very least content, you shouldn't be with him." I reminded her of something we don't talk about much. "you lost way too much time to Gabe to lose even more to someone else. Paul and I aren't really all that close, I promise it's okay and I'm not just saying it's okay. Rome can vouch, he saw me react to what Paul was saying last night. It was rude and mean of him to imply or accuse you of cheating on him and for him talk about me like I'm a dumbass and about dad like he'd personally murder me if we were alone. I..."

I paused for a second, though. Stopped because I'd never told her about it before.

It's something I've never really opened up about much before. Bits and pieces here or there but never an explicit statement. The doctor was the first person I ever told and that was recent.

"I heard enough it from Gabe growing up," I told my mother, shrugging and looking down at the bread I had just dipped for french toast. My voice faltered and I didn't expect the rest to be able to come out. "He reminded me more than enough times, I don't need to hear it from Paul, too."

"You heard-"

"It smells really good out here!" Rome's wake up announcement cut Mom off, though, and I knew it'd be a conversation for later. "Well, duh, it always does but... Yeah."

"Morning," I said as he walked over and I gave him a kiss on the edge of his mouth quick after putting a french toast in the pan.

Every time it happens, I'm so glad that Mom is so nice and chill about Rome and I. Instead of making us hang out with the door open or not letting us be here alone, she just sat down with us after we told her we were dating after like two dates when he came over and she just... Talked to us. Told us that she doesn't want us to not act like a couple just because her and Paul are around. She just wants us to be safe and also respectful of each other and like, her and Paul (aka don't have sex when they're home).

After maybe a month or two of dating, when we became more comfortable together and he had slept over once or twice although we hadn't done anything besides cuddle because I'm anxious and he isn't in a rush, she had put a few condoms and a little thing of lube next to my bed.

It was mortifying and I never brought it up. But also very nice to know she was okay with it and knew that like... Teens have sex.

"Rome, good morning!" Mom exclaimed, ruffling his hair a bit. "How did you sleep last night? Sorry for what you walked in on last night, Paul gets... Irritated and frustrated when Poseidon is around, especially for more than just a few minutes once or twice a year. How was the meet yesterday?"

And with that, the conversation was changed.

Breakfast was really good and I walked Rome home after because it was nice out so that was nice for a little while. I'm supposed to go to camp at some point in time today to talk to Chiron or Mr. D but I am definitely pushing it off because that means seeing the people who both went to Goode last week and who are also going to camp.

Also it's the solstice this week so everyone is there.

I don't want to deal with everyone.

Either way, I got back to the apartment as Mom was cleaning the living room and definitely separating Paul's stuff from ours.

"Oh, hey, you're back already!" Mom remarked as I closed the door behind me, taking my shoes off. "I wasn't sure if you'd stick around and Romes place for a while or not."

"Hm? Oh, no, they have plans today with his grandparents," I told Mom, shrugging. "It's just nice out so I was slow to walk home. Took my time."

"That's fine, I just forgot to ask if you were going to stay there for a while or not," she insisted as she stood up with a pile of books, putting them on the coffee table. "You are supposed to stop at camp eventually, though, today."

Nodding my head, I told her that I'd probably go after lunch or something. I needed a but of time to mentally work up to the conversation I'd be having with Chiron and Mr. D and even like, Nico and Grover and maybe Rachel, too.

Anyone that's there that heard about what happened. That's curious about why I just vanished. Again.

"Speaking of conversations," Mom bounced off of what I said about Chiron and Mr. D, though, and I guess I did expect it. Maybe not like as soon as I got home, but today. Maybe tomorrow. "Can I ask you about something?"

"I mean... Yeah."

Letting out a breath, Mom thought about her wording for a moment before just saying it as she did.

"Earlier this morning, before Rome woke up," and as soon as she gave me the time frame, I knew it. "When we were talking about what uh... What Paul was saying yesterday, you made a remark about Gabe."

"Correct."

And she asks her follow up question, I look down and play with a ring I was wearing because it's been years.

"Did Gabe talk to you how Paul... How Paul was talking about you last night?"

But it's not any easier to try and say it. To confirm or to deny it.

I know he's gone. That he's dead and that I'll never see him again, even after I die because even if we're judged to the same place, we probably won't ever run into each other.

But even knowing that. Having all of this time to fully understand and process everything. It's so long and yet...

"Y... Yeah."

It still feels like he's going to find a way to hurt me.

"Yeah?" Mom asked in response.

Because he's dead, but he's not gone.

I can still sense him and feel him and hear him and I've never been able to get him to shut the fuck up.

"Mhm."

So I cross my arms because it won't stop it and it wouldn't have stopped him but maybe it puts it off for another minute or two.

It keeps him at bay.

"Percy?"

Even though I can feel him grab me by my jaw. My shoulder. My neck.

He's dead and yet somehow he's still here, right behind me, ready to punish me the mom walks away.

Maybe it'll be a beer bottle to my head.

Maybe I'm lucky and it's just his hand.

"Did Gabe do anything... Else?"

Or maybe the hand was bad luck because it was pulling my pants down to help him relieve himself when Mom was working late.

Either way it doesn't matter though, right?

Because I can feel him and he's everywhere all over and it's been years and he's still here like a fucking infection.

And it feels disgusting.

"Percy?"

Squeezing my eyes shut, trying to get him to just fuck off for a while, I was only able to just barely nod as tears made their way out and it started to bubble inside and it-

I've never heard Sally Jackson apologize so many times in her life as she just did pulling me into a hug and allowing me to just let the fucking buildup of emotions out.

Hopefully our neighbors weren't home.

Because after her stream of apologies, I let out the most ungodly sob and I fell to the ground.

Why can I still feel him here?

•••
Nico di Angelo

Percy wasn't looking to be in his best shape when he got to camp.

Yeah, he looked like he had a rough morning.

"Percy! Good afternoon, it's good to see you're alive!" Chiron probably shouldn't have said those exact words but he did anyways.

"Uh, yeah," Percy responded as he avoided looking at either Thalia or myself as we had been teaching Chiron and Mr. D how to play uno as a break from pinochle. "I am, I'm here. Mom told me that one of you wanted me to stop in today?"

"Oh, yeah, that's me," Mr. D responded as he stood up and see his cards down on the table face down. "look at my cards and you'll lose dessert privileges for a week."

Knowing the threat was legit, we assured him we wouldn't.

"Alright, it won't be long," Mr. D prefaced as he grabbed a file from off of the main desk in the big house. "But let's pop into my office quick to talk, Percy."

Mr. D only uses real names when he's actually concerned.

Did something happen in these last few days besides what Sally and Paul would've told them? For what they were here for?

What fucked up thing in Percy's life happened to make Mr. D use his name?

I was worried now.

•••
Percy Jackson

Nothing like having a breakdown because you finally tell your mom about the abuse that her ex husband regularly did and then getting stuck alone with the one dude in your life who very much so reminds you of him.

I still feel disgusting and I've showered three times since I broke down this morning.

"Hey, thanks for making it on like, a short notice," Mr. D said as he sat down across from me. "i know it's the weekend, but still. Chiron will pop in soon, but we got to see your parents last week! Your Mom and Paul were here!"

Nodding, I told him that I was aware.

"Okay, good, I just wanted you to know that this wasn't for no reason," Mr. D tried to reassure me as he picked up on me not looking at him and playing with my ring and just not acting like I usually do at camp. "are you feeling alright, Percy? You're not in any sort of trouble, I promise. Nothing that's happened is going to get you in any trouble."

I know that, though, and that's not the problem. My stance with camp isn't a current dillema for me because I know the gods don't want me dead yet and I know that if something were to happen they would've pulled me from the psych ward..

Again, that's not the problem.

I'm just not comfortable. And while some of it is Mr. D reminding me of Gabe, it's mostly that I can't get Gabe out of my head today anyways.

"Percy?" Mr. D having to say my name again probably meant that I went too long without responding as Chiron walked into the room. It snapped me out of my little moment, though, as I felt like I'd be in trouble if I didn't look at Mr. D just then. "hey, kid, are you doing okay right now? You seem to be more distracted than usual, are you feeling okay? You're not in trouble."

No but I will be if I say the wrong thing.

"Sorry," I apologized as Chiron took a seat. "I've been anxious all day. Not about this just... Generally. Home stuff."

"Home stuff?" But that was bound to earn attention as I barely even noticed my friends also at the door because they are on the council and as a one man cabin council members are allowed to stand it and counselors are supposed to support each other and yeah.

My wording had Mr. D's attention, though. Of course it did.

"What kind of home stuff?" Chiron questioned. "Neither your mom or Paul mentioned anything going on recently."

My shrug wasn't much help so I figured I'd elaborate.

"I mean it was like super on and off after I went missing from what mom told me," I clarified for Chiron and Mr. D. "But they're getting divorced. After the meeting we had with the school last night that dad was also at, after everyone left Paul said some really shitty things and it's not the first time he's done it and... The divorce itself doesn't bug me much, Paul and I were never all that close but... Hearing them actually fight and hearing him talk about me thinking I couldn't hear what he was saying and then waking up and he was gone just... It's been a lot in the last 24 hours and hearing Paul brought up some old stuff that makes me more anxious."

"Oh," and I don't blame Mr. D for responding in that way. I would. "Well I'm sorry to hear that it's been an intense day and a half, but is it okay if I ask you about some things from before they day and a half?"

•••
Thalia Grace

I didn't need special powers like Grover to be able to see that Percy's nerves were shot to hell. To notice how miserable he was sitting there.

The most interesting part of it was that when I was about to walk away because this felt like a conversation I shouldn't be hearing, Mr. D had walked over to Percy to try and help ground him and soothe his anxiety and he just did what he thought was best.

"Percy, kid, hey-" Mr. D had said as he first put his hand on Percy's shoulder as he stood in front of him and that's when it became painfully obvious that his nerves were shot and he was mentally gone the moment Mr. D touched him.

Not only did it shoot his nerves, though, it made his whole body freeze and then curl in as I realized what was happening.

"He's having a panic attack," I didn't mean to say it out loud, but it was just a whisper. There was no way Chiron or Mr. D heard it, I was surprised to see Annabeth or Nico respond near me physically by looking over and then back to our friends, unresponsive in a chair, having what I don't think was his first moment of the day.

"Are you sure-" Annabeth initially doubted it, but Grover wouldn't let her keep the doubt in place.

"It's a panic attack or it's a traumatic flashback," the satyr informed us. "if not both. We shouldn't crowd the room, it'll just make things worse."

Taking that as our cue, we left the room to continue a play of uno that we started earlier when Chiron and Mr. D were learning.

After seeing Will go to and leave the meeting room, we were a bit nervous, but in total about a half hour or so later, Percy walked out of the room with Chiron and Mr. D, looking better but also worse because he's not as anxious but he's still a little anxious and he's a lot more tired.

I don't think the divorce is the thing doing this to him.

I'm pretty sure something else happened and last night and the news of the divorce just was the cherry on top.

Because Mr. D was right, he seemed really distracted and he was not all there whatsoever. There was a glaze in his eyes and a lack of purpose in his step and while he looked at Mr. D when he was saying something to Percy, it's like Percy was looking through him and not at him.

It almost looked like he was hollow and trying to figure out how to fill himself inside but he didn't know how to.

And seeing that made me want to pull him into a hug and remind him that whatever is happening beyond what Paul said and the divorce, whatever else is under there, it'll be okay. I don't speak for everyone, but I'll be there for him no matter what it is that's happening.

After they were done talking to Percy, though, Chiron and Mr. D left the big house and I was the only one still here. The others left for their activities and I don't have any activities so... I'm here.

It was almost like he was an NPC or something for a minute after they left. Just standing, processing.

Once he has taken note of me, though, he said hi and apologized for probably seeming weird for just standing there silently and I offered to hang out in my cabin because my room is dark and chill and I think he needs that now.

"What are you doing at camp on a Sunday?" I questioned because I kind of knew but didn't really. "In like, September, on top of that."

"Oh, uh, Chiron and Mr. D... Just wanted to talk," Percy explained to me. "It's been like a whole week, dude. I started school and I should've waited to start generally but walking into class to see Chiron and then like four campers because they were recruiting to kids I knew..."

His voice drifted off.

"It was a lot and it would've been nice had Chiron warned me that he'd be there." Percy tried to explain before sighing. "but he didn't, which... Whatever. It was just a lot of little things and then I had to stay in a psych ward for three days because I wasn't doing hot and then I got out yesterday which was okay and Poseidon picked me up which was cool and... Yeah. Then Paul got upset that he was around and now they're getting a divorce and yeah. It's just been a lot."

"That seems like a lot," I responded as we walked into my cabin. "Family is exhausting, though. For me, at least. Then again, I ran away like... It's been over ten years now, so... Good on you for going home. I've always been a little jealous that your mom is so cool."

He smiled a little, resting his head on the back of my chair, sitting in it backwards.

"Yeah, but she compensates for it by dating really shitty men," Percy told me, his voice drifting a little before sighing. "Which doesn't change her, obviously, I love my mom. She's great. But... I did try to run away when I was younger."

That surprised me, though, and my shock caught his attention.

Why would Percy want to run away?

Like, he's always been good at just dealing with things. Getting through them and fighting through it.

"You... When?" I asked and then asked the follow up that I was more curious about. "Why?"

"Oh, um... Well once when I was in like 6th grade," he told me, thinking back for a moment. "I was at a boarding school and so over break I tried to get on a different train to take me somewhere else but they wouldn't let me on and walked me to the right station. It was kind of embarrassing, actually. And then once when I was like... 10? No, younger. It was 2nd grade and I got on the wrong bus when we got sent home from school on 9/11 and I walked for a long time before a police officer saw me and brought me to shelter before he looked through my school bag and saw my mom's number and called her. That was an accident, but I did try to run away a few months after 9/11 doing the same thing and got caught similarly. As for why..."

Percy shrugged and looked down for a moment.

"My mom has a thing for shitty dudes," he repeated. "My dad um... Not Poseidon, but her first husband, so my step dad technically but... He lost I think it was either his cousin or friend or something during 9/11 and he started drinking after he found out and he didn't stop and..."

Again, he shrugged.

"To be honest he wasn't really shitty when they got together and got married, although I was too young to remember the wedding or anything like that," Percy went on and I didn't even know he had a step dad when he was younger. "like for years, until I was like 6, I thought he was my dad which is why I didn't care about my dad that much growing up; I didn't even know for a long time. He could be mean when he wanted to be, if I actually got in trouble it wasn't great, but he was a cool dude. And then he started to drink and he didn't stop and he was abusive and I was old enough to know that that wasn't normal but to also understand that his threats probably weren't bluffs so... I couldn't go to anyone so I tried to run away. I didn't know he was just as abusive to my mom at the time, I wouldn't find out until I was here, so running away seemed logical enough. It never worked out, though, and that's okay because had it worked out who knows where my mom would be. Miserable, probably, but..."

Sighing, Percy rested his head against the chair.

"Who knows," he concluded. "Paul seemed decent, too, and while he wasn't really abusive or anything, he just wasn't great. He never liked me, either. Or at least... Didn't trust me. Doesn't trust Mom. Accused her of cheating last night. So who knows how the next dude will be. Hopefully I won't be around to deal with him but..."

Is he planning on killing himself?

And seeing my expression, I think Percy realized my concerns.

"Around the apartment!" Percy clarified for me almost immediately, which was good to hear. "even if I wanted to kill myself, I don't think the gods would let me. I just mean that I don't think I'll be living there still. Even if she starts dating someone, I don't know if they'd move in together that soon."

"How soon do you think you'll be moved out?"

"Um, probably not long after graduation?" He figured. "after when I'm supposed to graduate, at least. When everyone else will for sure graduate. As long as things are still going like they have been, depending on where he goes, basically unless it's NYU, Rome and I were planning on hopefully moving in together when he starts school. Somewhere cheaper than New York City."

Was that my reminded that him and Rome are actually dating?

Yes.

But it checks out. I've only seen them together the one time at Percy's place when he was on the verge of losing his mind because if us, which was completely understandable and I felt so bad when it all had to come out but it happens.

"Oh, yeah," I responded and smiled a little. "I forgot that you guys are dating."

"Mhm."

"When did that start?" I questioned something he'd actually want to talk about. "I never got to hear you gush about wanting to ask him out, what happened?"

And that got Percy to smile and go into a story that made him happy, so I felt good knowing that he was still able to feel alright.

He's going to be okay.

He's going to be okay.