Percy Jackson

It was nice to be home. The next day there was a swim meet so I went to watch because I'm not cleared to swim yet.

Either way, I wasn't ready to be on a bus with Logan and Quinn so... I came separately to watch.

After the meet, which they did well in, Coach came to the apartment to talk to my parents about swim and so like, Poseidon was also there because the principle is supposed to show up for dinner and maybe another teacher so...

They asked, if possible, that both of my biological parents were present. If they wouldn't murder each other.

Which, they wouldn't.

Mom and Paul definitely got in an argument about him being here, though. Last night.

Which, I don't care that much. He's here for dad stuff and maybe me being suicidal was the slap to the face that he needed to realize that maybe he should try a little harder. He did tell Mom that anything their insurance doesn't cover he'll take care of. If there's anything else he could do to let him know and he'd do it as long as it was like, in his powers.

Paul wasn't in the room, but Mom and Poseidon did hug once last night before he left. It was meant to just be friendly. Mom hugs everyone, after all.

But she's never held onto Gabe or Paul like that. Seeming so content and yet let down when he leaves.

So of course, we get home and Dad follows in a few minutes later. Paul and my coach are talking, I say hi and before anything else can happen, Mom had flashed him a small smile as she was working on dinner, Dad gets a call.

He groans, so I give him a puzzled look.

"Your uh..." But he knows he has to code it a little. "Uncle Z."

And if I never hear that again, it'll be too soon.

Forget small talk, though. Zeus could care less about that at all. He's a very direct person one on one.

"Hey, what—"

"Why are you there two days in a row?" And Zeus cut right to the chase for their call. "You know you're not supposed to be. If we can't—"

"Z, the mother of your kids is dead," my dad reminder his brother. "that law was overuled, remember? Last year? Also, I'm not having this argument right now. I'll call back later."

And then he hung up.

"Sorry about that," he started off. "Is there anything I can help with before dinner?"

Telling him that all there was to do left was set the table, Poseidon insisited that he could do that. Which, his offering definitely bothered Paul.

It wasn't visible for long, just a few seconds, but I kind of looked over when Dad asked Mom if there was anything he could do as it was.

So this dinner was going to be very tense.

Not long after Dad finished setting the table, the principle and my history teacher both showed up, giving me a warm smile as I let them into the apartment.

"It's good to see you," Principle Marks said, flashing me that warm but knowing smile as he took his shoes off in the entryway. "thank you for letting us into your home."

Telling him it's not a big deal, Ms. Anders said hi and gave me a little gift bag that has little gifts in it that she usually would give out in class. A pencil, some stickers, a few pieces of candy, and just odds and ends.

It definitely made me want to cry.

If I wasn't emotionally numb, I probably would have cried and hugged her and gotten all emotional but... It's just kind of numb right now.

As cool and as fun as meets are, they're overstimulating sound wise and it's a lot when you haven't been in it in a long time. Even as a spectator. Almost especially as a spectator.

And sure, I'll be the first to admit that I don't talk about my dad at school. I'm pretty sure most people think he's dead or whatever. Somebody once asked if I was adopted because they didn't realize that Paul and Mom were engaged and not married for years. I'm a Jackson, not a Blofis.

I informed thsy person that I wasn't adopted unless Paul wanted to go through the process of becoming my legal guardian by adopting me at 16.

Spoiler alert: it's never been brought up. He's cool, but I don't think I'm the kid Paul wanted.

And that's not just the anxiety. I've mentioned it to like, Rachel and the others in the past after he moved in and they said they saw the same. Because I'm not all that book smart, I don't want to really go to college, and I tend to generate chaos. That's just... My life.

He thought I was joking when I told him about my dad and only veoiever me when a hellhound was in the apartment.

Which, he's been more gentle recently in tone and stress but... I also am suicidal. And while he suggested I can take a break from school, he doesn't seem thrilled that I'm actually exploring that option. My worth to Paul is highly dependant on school and I know that.

But when I gave him my blessing I thought I'd be dead in a year so I could overlook it because it was so obvious that he cares about my mom and he would take care of her while she grieved because she would work herself to death if somebody wasn't there to tell her to take a breath because she used to have to. When she was my age and when I was young.

As I found out recently, Posed him did actually send us money when I was little. He would ask Mom every month or so how much she needed and she was ashamed in how little she was making with two jobs that she told him less. So she still had to work both jobs.

But then again, it was a way to not be around Gabe so I get it. To be away from her abuser for longer.

It's why I picked up skateboarding, after all. So I get that.

Principle Marks walked over to say hi to Mom and of course my dad is right over there because he had just set the table and then had taken to help Mom tidy the kitchen so people could serve themselves.

"Oh, hello!" Principle Marks exclaimed as he took note of the god. Marks is probably around 30-35, though, and he's openly gay. It was a big deal when they hired him apparently, the year before I went there. Super cool dude, though, helps with the GSA and some other clubs as well. "I uh— i don't believe we've met before. I'm Zane Marks, Percy's principle."

Being gay myself, I spotted his momentary panic. The same panic I see in my mom when Dad's here.

"We have not," Dad confirmed as he accepted the hand Marks put out for him to smile and I do have my father's smile. It's more of a smirk than a smile but whatever. "My name is Poseidon, I'm Percy's dad. Biological dad."

"Ah! Yes, you two do look very similar," Marks added on. "Well thank you for coming all the way here from wherever you were for this, it makes our lives a lot easier. I take it you're not from the city seeing as we've never seen you around much?"

Nodding his head, Dad sighed.

"Yeah, I'm a few hours out but I was in Manhattan anyways for some stuff for my job and just stayed after everything that's happened these last few days."

And I was right, dinner would be tense.

We served ourselves the food and Paul got everyone something to drink and Mom and Dad were fine. People I think expected the tension between them because they must've broken up at some point in time if Mom's with Paul now.

That all seems to be water under the bridge now, though. Even then, though, there was never a lot of negative tension between them. Maybe some tension because they don't know what's okay with each other and they don't know what to say like when you connect with a friend after a long time for the first time.

But it's never been really bad.

The tension was between Paul and my parents. And not everyone picked it up, but Coach definitely did.

Because after dinner, after it was established that I will still be allowed to be on the swim team as I'll returning next quarter part time and then full time next semester so I'm still a student, Coach asked if we could talk one on one.

I assumed it'd be about like, training.

So I said sure and we went back to my room.

"Alright," Coach began as he sat down on my desk chair after asking if it was okay to do so. I sat on my bed. "so, first, I won't say anything to anyone about what's happened, okay? I don't know if you were concerned about that, but everything we talked over at dinner will stay at dinner."

"I sorta figured, yeah."

"Well it's good to clarify," he figured and sighed. "but can I ask you something that may be personal?"

"Sure."

"Are you parents—" but he realized how his wording may sound. "Are your mom and Paul doing alright between themselves? If you know. Things seemed... A lot tenser than they were the last time I was over. Has that been affecting you? Or was it just because your dad was here? I guess I've never heard Paul mention him."

But damn that's a good question, isn't it? One to make me think.

"I mean..." I began, shrugging. "good question. Paul and my dad have only interacted like, two times before today and it's always a little weird between them because my dad is usually here for a reason that doesn't have to do with either Paul or Mom and he just wants to be like, respectful to Paul and while Paul is friendly it's like a passive agressive friendly and... He's definitely intimidated by my dad."

I paused for a moment before elaborating on that.

"No intimidated in the sense that he'd beat him up," I clarified for my swim coach. "Um, it's the I'm worried you're going to take her from me sort of intimidation."

"Oh?" My coach questioned and I nodded my head. "But your parents are divorced, right? They have been for quite a while."

Shaking my head just confused him.

"No, they aren't, but they were never married," I answered, seeing him connect some pieces. "I wasn't planned, kind of always knew that but it never bothered me. Some things happened in my dad's life around the time my mom was pregnant and so they were kind of like, forced to separate because of it. It's weird and I don't know a lot of the story, but they didn't break up because of relationship problems, they just... Couldn't be together. He got pulled away and because of it wasn't around when I was a kid and yeah."

I shrugged.

"He was here yesterday just to bring me home because he picked me up from the uh—" going on, I realized I've never told an adult about this. "The hospital and to tell my mom and Paul what they told him and he wasn't here super long but Paul was like, not happy and they definitely had a little argument about it last night so... I don't know, I was gone for almost a year, so if something's been happening I'm now just picking it up."

"But they didn't pull you into the argument?"

Reassuring him that my mom and Paul aren't like that, I shook my head.

"No, it was after I went to my room for the night," I insisited. "And i mean the argument was basically that like, Paul didn't want him coming over here but Mom reminding him that I live here and he's still my dad and Paul said that he's never acted like it before and then Mom defended him and said that they can't deny the ability to try and see me and it was just things like that and Paul also suggested I go live with him so... I try not to think too much about it because Paul and I have always been..."

My voice drifted off and I shrugged.

"Like he's nice and he tries enough, but there are days where it's more obvious than others that he'd believe a toddler being bribed with candy to lie over me and that if I don't graduate on time or if I don't go to college, he won't support what I want to do and... Yeah. My worth to him is very academically dependent. I don't know if you could tell that or not tonight or ever but... The reason he's so okay with me swimming is because it's my motivation to keep my grades up. And it wasn't as noticable before but... Coming vack after being gone for so long, it was like getting used to being around him like it was when he first moved in and yeah. He always says that he's supportive of whatever I need or want but... His actions don't agree. I knew tonight would be tense between the topic and my dad being here but..."

"It doesn't make it easier to handle."

Nodding my head, I agreed.

"Yeah," I confirmed. "Especially since I didn't like, plan for this. Not dinner, I expected dinner. But just... He asked for my blessing after they dated for... 9 months? Which I feel like is fast but I said yeah because Mom seemed happy and while things were still weird he was nice and I also didn't think I'd like, be alive long enough to graduate because of things I'm legally not allowed to discuss, so I didn't expect to still have to interact with him. Like, especially since I've been back, it just feels like he's a dude in my apartment that's married to my mom so he's technically my step dad but not really and... Yeah. He doesn't seem to be super happy since I've been back which died actually make me feel bad because I kind of wonder if he just assumed I'd died and he was fine with it and then I showed up and he didn't plan for that and..."

I shrugged again.

"It's just weird."

Nodding his head, coach responded in telling me that he understood the feeling of a stranger you know in the house, him and his ex went rhriugh that when he was younger. He went on a vacation alone when they were living together and he came back and they tried to go back to how they were but there was a hole in their trust and so they separated.

"Yeah I wouldn't doubt that that would happen with them," but he didn't expect me to be so casual about the idea of my mom getting a divorce. "Paul doesn't really trust her when my dad is around at all and because of this last week he's going to be around a lot more. So you'll definitely know when they make the call because Paul's a teacher and also I'll keep you updated. But yeah. I'm like, as alright as my brain will let me be. Hopefully swimming will help."

"Me, too," coach responded, flashing me a kind smile before standing. "i do have to head out, though, my partner is awaiting me we home. Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me about all of this, Percy, it means a lot to know that you trust me enough. I'll see you on Monday, okay? Get some sleep and drink water and do one random good thing for yourself before practice, alright? One thing to feel good."

"What? Like homework?"

He nodded his head.

"Since you aren't in school, swim can't motivate school," he pointed out. "Use it to motivate yourself to do something good for yourself. We'll have a little bowl of self care tasks to draw from each week. You're not the only kid that does it, don't worry. Captains are required to do it so it won't be weird if you walk over to the bowl."

But I thought about his room and i knew that bowl.

"That's what the paper in that bowl is?"

"Yup! Does that seem like something you can manage?"

Nodding my head, I agreed to the homework replacement and he said he'd see me Monday before departing.

Being the last to leave out of the school visitors, Dad popped in after a minute or two and asked if I was alright after talking to my coach. So I said yeah, he was just wondering about how I was and then I told him the self care thing and he thought it was neat.

After that he asked if there was anything I needed before he headed out because he could tell that somebody wasn't in a great mood and he didn't want to make matters worse by being here.

It definitely bothered him that him being here makes Paul so mad because he just talks to Mom the same as he would me. He respects that she's happily married and a monogamous person.

So I joked with him and asked if he had any serotonin and that was a no so he left.

Gave me a hug, though. That was pretty cool.

Did actually give me like a little bit of serotonin because on one hand, I don't care, but on the other hand he's my dad and I'm desperate for a father figure that I feel both safe and accepted by.

But what about Chiron? I hear somebody ask. Well, not literally.

Chiron is cool, he's like an uncle.

I feel like I'm trouble every time we talk and nobody else is there. Or whenever he asks to talk.

So he left the apartment, saying goodbye to Mom and then Paul, telling them to let him know if they need anything at all and he left and it was silent enough to hear a pin drop.

It was silent for 12 seconds.

"I'm just going to—" Mom had started off.

"I don't want him in this apartment again."

"Paul, we can't just—"

"Yes, Sally, we can," Paul snapped at my mom and I didn't like the tone. "If he wants to interact with Percy, he can do it somewhere else. Not here."

"It's his dad, Paul, not some drug dealer we've never met," my mom tried to fight with him. "I never said he'd be invited over every damn day, I'm just saying that if he needs to stop by for an hour to talk to Percy or sign paperwork or whatever, he's allowed to do so. I'm not cutting him off from his son. The only person who can decide if Poseidon can be here or not is Percy because it's his dad and it comes down to if he wants to see him or not, Paul."

But rather than gear or about mom, he made it about me in a bad way.

"And do you really think he's capable of making good, wise decisions right now?" My mom's husband commented and that just...

"He's a hormonal 17 year old kid with more mental disorders than I can remember and suicidal tendencies," Paul stated as if it was my character blurb. "He wanted to kill himself earlier this week, obviously doesn't care about his future, was gone for nearly and year and still won't tell us the truth or where he was, why he was there, and what he did there, and you trust him to make that kind of decision? Really?"

He didn't want me to come back.

"I'm sorry?"

He wants me gone.

"Yes, I fully trust my son with that decision and choice," Mom began as I scrambled around for my phone because my brain was tensing up and so was my airway and that's bad.

I should've just ended it all when I wanted to this week.

Opening my phone, I felt a little bad because it feels like he's never home now but I opened the conversation with Rome to type a message.

Percy: hey so you're probably tired and super low energy and I am so sorry in advance because I know you've had a full day already with the meet and stuff so you can definitely say no
Percy: but would you be able to come over for a little bit even just... If you just sit in my room with me?

Rome; hey!
Rome: of course I can! I'm just getting dressed so I'll leave in a few, okay?

Percy: okay

Rome: is everything okay? Should I bring anything from here with besides my normal bag?

Percy: no just you is good and uh, I'm not good but that's why I texted. Just let yourself in when you get here, you have a key.

Rome: okay! I'm leaving rn, breathe <3

Percy: I'll try <3

Curling into a ball on my bed I just tried to focus on not my brain but then I'd hear them arguing so it would just remind me and it was a cycle and it took so much in me to not cut out something and it became a rabbit hole in my brain and the reason I snapped out was the door of my room opening.

"Sweets?" At least his voice was soft and gentle and very nice right now. Rome's, that is. Paul is... Yeah. I can hear it. "hey, it's just Rome, I made it here."

He walked over and sat next to me to rub my back and that was very nice.

I opened my mouth to say hi but I couldn't push anything out of my throat. It was all just... Lodged there. Stuck.

So I just nod my head.

"I see," my boyfriend responded as he pulled me into a hug. "That's okay, we have all the time in the world to talk. For now let's just sit here and try to breathe."

I could still hear Paul talking, saying something about Rome I think or Rome and I maybe, I don't know, but hearing my boyfriend's name from Paul made me more anxious.

"Percy?" Rome asked as he rubbed my arm. "Hey, is the physical contact making you anxious?"

Shaking my head, I tried to reassure him that that's not my problem right now by leaning back into his touch because it was helpful to have him here and to know he was here because he's holding me so he can't not be there if I can feel him there.

"Is there something else I can do to make you less anxious?"

I nodded my head, pointing at my mouth, and it just confused him.

"Mouth?" He asked in response. "Do you want a kiss?"

But that's also a distraction from Paul so I couldn't deny him the opportunity of giving me a kiss if he wanted to.

So we shared a kiss and then he asked if there was anything else and I nodded my head again and tried to make the talking think more obvious and it took a few tries but we got it.

"You want me to talk?"

I nodded my head.

"What about?"

But I shrugged so he thought for a minute before telling me about this tv show he watched when I was gone and by the time he finished telling me about it, the fighting had stopped and it was quiet and also I could breathe so that was cool.

"Are you feeling okay?" Rome questioned after a few seconds of silence as I just wanted to keep myself grounded, and I nodded my head.

"Yeah," I insisited. "Better, at least. Thank you, that probably could've been a phone call but... It helped a lot."

"It's alright, I'm only like, two blocks away," he pointed out, which was true. He lives like two and a half blocks away from us. "I'm glad it helped. Did something happen over dinner? That was tonight, right?"

I nodded my head, turning over to cuddle with him laying down.

"It's not like there was a problem with me taking a break from school, coach and everyone from the school was super supportive and we have a plan set up for me to go back part time next quarter and then full next semester but Dad was here because the school asked if it was possible for him to be and he didn't do anything bad or anything but Paul just..."

I took a breath.

"Dad's actually seeming to put an effort into helping us out and wanting to be there for stuff for me and Paul doesn't want him here at all because I don't think he trusts my parents around each other and mom told him that he wasn't allowed to make that choice because he's my dad so it's my choice but then he insisited that I shouldn't be able to be trusted with that choice and the way that he would word and the time just... Made me feel shitty and that plus them arguing because of what he's saying made me anxious and I just needed to not listen and a distraction but just doing something made me think too much so... Yeah. Thank you for coming, I know Paul sounded upset when you walked in and... Yeah."

"Yeah? That's shitty of him to say."

Agreeing, I just nodded my head and tried to focus on his heartbeat, much more consistent than mine ever is.

"Yeah. It is."