Songs: Love Too Much- Hunter Hayes

Too Good To Say Goodbye- Bruno Mars

Stay- Daryl Ong

Zach

She hates me.

And I know that she will when I pushed her away. But I think that's the only right thing to do.

I'm scared. We were both scared and I don't want to be scared every time that I'm with her.

I took time to heal myself. My family has always been there for me to help me achieve that. Even Cindy's family were there for me, too.

"I'm sorry." I said to Cindy's father. He smiled at me.

A month after Samantha left me, I decided to visit Cindy's family. It's been a while since I last visited here. Ever since I started to develop feelings for Sam, I rarely go here than I usually do before.

"For what, hijo?" tanong niya.

"For rarely visiting here. I-"

"Oh, it's okay! We understand! We knew it was about to happen lalo na noong nabalita ngang may girlfriend ka na sikat na model."

Tipid akong ngumiti sakanila. I suddenly don't know what to say anymore. I don't know why I feel so bad about telling them that I finally love someone else now.

Siguro dahil nangako ako noon na si Cindy lang ang babaeng mamahalin ko.

But we all lie. And feelings change. And there will always be someone who can make you believe in love again.

"Kumusta ba kayo ng girlfriend mo?" Cindy's mother asked.

It's surprising that they're all smiley at me. Parang kanina lang, inaasahan kong magagalit sila sa akin. Inaasahan kong maiiyak si Tita Ruth pagkatapos kong sabihin sakanila ito. But they surprised me with their reaction.

"She's not my girlfriend anymore, Tita. We ended things... a month ago."

Tiningnan ko ang mga daliri ko. Wala atang oras na hindi ko siya inisip. I wanted so bad to know where she's heading to. But I can't. I promised to heal myself first before I start looking for her.

"Oh! We're sorry. Pero ano ba ang nangyari?"

I tried to smile despite the pain that I'm feeling when I thought about what I did to Samantha-the woman who made me realize that I can still love someone else. Ang babaeng handa ko nang mahalin ng buong-buo pagkatapos kong ayusin ang sarili ko.

I pushed her away because I wanted to fix myself. Para kapag tapos ko nang gawin iyon, babalik ako sakanya at siya naman ang tutulungan kong ayusin ang sarili niya. I will heal all her broken parts with my love.

But I'm still uncertain if she'll let me do that.

She hates me. And there's a chance that she will never forgive me.

I told Cindy's parents about everything. They smiled sadly at me.

"Hijo," Tita Ruth grabbed my hand and caressed it. "We understand that you love our Cindy so much, and that it's really hard to move on from her death. But, it's okay to move forward. It's okay, hijo... if you think that Sam is the one for you, then maybe she is. I'm sure Cindy is also happy for you."

"But I don't want Cindy to think that what we had is nothing for me-"

"Of course, Cindy won't think that! Sigurado naman ako na bago siya mawala, gusto niya na maging masaya ka palagi. Maybe she's the one who sent Samantha to you because she knew that she's the one who's going to make you happy again."

She smiled. My mouth parted.

She's right. Maybe that's what Cindy did. She wanted me to feel happy again that's why she sent Sam to me.

I smiled back at her.

"I'm just scared that Sam won't accept me again."

Tito Tom chuckled. "If she really loves you, she will accept you again."

Tumango si Tita Ruth sa sinabi niya. "Hijo, it's okay to be scared. But you have to stop being so scared and start to open up. We make mistakes. We learn and we become stronger because of that. If you really want her back, then start all over again."

That's what I did. I started over again. I started from the beginning.

I was busy fixing my room nang magawi ang tingin ko sa litrato ni Cindy sa tabi ng kama ko. I smiled at her.

Starting over again will start with her. I will start by forgetting and accepting that she's really gone. That she's never coming back. I removed her picture from the table at tinabi ito sa mga kahon na nasa ilalim ng kama ko.

I replaced it with a lampshade.

I'm sorry, Cindy, but it's time to let you go. I know you're happy up there. And I know that you also know that it's time for me to be happy, too.

I was at the back garden alone when suddenly my mom entered and sat beside me. She smiled.

I just came home from work. Pansamantala ko munang tinutulungan si Daddy sa business habang hindi ko pa alam kung nasaan si Sam para masundan ko siya.

"How are you feeling?" she asks.

I smiled at her. "Better."

It's been six months since I decided to start over again. Wala akong nakukuhang balita tungkol kay Sam. Siguro dahil mas gusto niya ng mas pribadong buhay. But I heard that she continued being a model. Hindi ko lang alam kung saan siya nakabase.

"May alam ka na ba kung nasaan siya?" umiling ako.

Yesterday, I tried to contact her best friend but he wasn't answering. Sinubukan ko ring pumunta doon sa unit nila pero walang tao doon nang pumunta ako.

Maybe he was ignoring me, too. Maybe he's also mad at me for what I did to his best friend. I was mad at myself, too, but I had reasons.

"Try again."

"I will."

I will not give up until I find her again. I will not give up until Ryan tells me where she is. I will not give up on her again.

I won't...

"It sucks not knowing where she is." I said. My mother sighed and she moved closer to me.

She's always been so open about her admiration towards Samantha. And I'm glad that she loves Sam as much as I love do.

"You needed more time, anak. Be patient."

"I know, mom... it's just that I really want to see her again."

Hindi siya sumagot kaya naman nagpatuloy ako.

"I wanted to be a different man to her. I don't want her to see me as the guy who pushed her away. I want to be his man. I want to be the man who will listen to all her whims. The man who will be there for her. The man who will listen to all her problems, and the man who will mend her broken parts together."

"You're already that man, Zach." My mother smiled at me.

"I'm not but I'm trying to be."

"Hindi mo na kailangan pang subukan. You're already that man." She assured me again.

I don't know if she's saying this so I'll stop thinking so negatively about myself o sadyang nagsasabi lang siya ng totoo?

Kumunot ang noo ko. I turned to look at her and listen to what she has to say.

"Zach, you're already that man ever since you started caring for her. You stayed with her when she feels broken because you're already that man, anak. You're already that man but you're only scared to admit it to yourself."

"That's the thing. I messed things up, mom. I messed things up between us because I'm scared."

My mother sighed heavily. She hugged me tight.

"It's okay to be scared, Zach. But I know one thing is for sure, once you stopped being scared, you're about to do something really, really brave."

And she was right. I did something really brave by forcing Ryan to tell me where she is.

"Hindi ko nga sasabihin sa'yo! You hurt her! I wouldn't let you hurt her again!" he tried to close the door of his condo unit again but I stopped him.

"Please, Ryan, I really need to know where she is."

"No! Kahit ilang beses mo pa akong pilitin, hindi ko sasabihin sa'yo kung nasaan siya!"

Ryan slammed the door on my face. Ganito nalang lagi sa tuwing magpupunta ako dito. Pero kahit na ganoon, hindi parin ako sumuko. I really want to get her back.

I even tried to ask Caitlyn for help. Baka sakaling alam niya rin.

"I'm sorry, but, you should ask Kuya Ryan about that."

"I already did but he wouldn't tell me."

Caitlyn was kind enough to let me enter their house. Nang makitang ako ang nasa labas ng pinto kanina ay nagdalawang isip pa siya kung papapasukin niya ba ako o hindi.

"Then, I'm sorry, but I can't tell you about that either."

"Please, Caitlyn..." I pleaded. She shakes her head.

"We don't want her hurt, Kuya Zach. That's why it's best if we won't-"

"Caitlyn, I'm here because I'm certain that I won't hurt her again. I'm here because I want her back. At hindi ko magagawa ang lahat ng iyon kapag hindi niyo sinabi sa akin kung nasaan siya."

She sighed heavily. "Don't do this because you feel guilty. Do this because you love her."

"I do." Walang pag-aalinlangan kong sinabi. She looks a bit surprised.

"Yes, maybe I'm guilty of what I did to her. But I also regret it. You want to know why?"

Hindi siya sumagot. I used it to continue what I was saying.

"Because I regret not telling her that I love her. And instead of doing that, I pushed her away. I feel so guilty about it but I want her back! I want her back so that I can make it up to her. So, please, Caitlyn, help me out. I really love your sister and I want to know where she is."

Hindi ko parin nakuha ang gusto kong sagot kahit na ilang beses akong nagmakaawa sakanya. Siguro ay napag-usapan na nila iyon. Sam really wants to get away from me huh?

Hindi ako tumigil hanggang sa sabihin na nila sa akin.

"She's in New York." Sabi ni Tony. Ryan gulped, mukhang nagdadalawang isip kung tama ba ang ginagawa nila.

"Thank you!" I smiled at the both of them.

"Wait. I think this isn't right-" I cut Ryan off.

"Don't worry. I won't hurt her again I promise."

Ryan sighed heavily. He turns to Tony. Tinanguan siya nito.

"Just make sure that you won't hurt her again or else we'll make sure that you won't see tomorrow again." Tony said seriously. Tumawa naman ako.

Simula nang malaman ko kung nasaan siya, I applied for the football team in New York. Wala sana akong balak sabihin kay Ian iyon ngunit nasabi ata sakanya ni Katarina.

"Bro, wala ka man lang balak na sabihin sa akin! Sabay na sana tayong mag try out!"

Hindi ko siya pinansin at pinagpatuloy nalang ang paghahanda sa application ko para doon sa national team na iyon.

"Akala ko ba best friends forever? Don't you want me on the same team again?"

"Then apply, Ian."

"Wow! Ganon nalang! Hindi mo man lang ba sasabihin sa akin kung bakit naisipan mong mag-apply diyan?"

"Sam is in New York. I needed a reason to stay longer."

Natahimik siya nang sinabi ko iyon. He sat beside me at tiningnan rin ang usupan namin noong tutulong sa akin para makapasok sa national team.

"O, the Philadelphia team is also interested in recruiting you! Bakit hindi nalang sila?"

"Again, Sam is in New York. Kung tatanggapin ko ang sa Philadelphia it means I wouldn't be on the same city as her."

"Ohh... so, you're applying because you need to be with Sam?" nagugulohan niya akong tiningnan.

"Took you look enough to realize."

"Well then, sign me up. I'd like to see you try and get her back." He smirked at me.

Hindi naging madali ang lahat para sa akin. She keeps on pushing me away every time I try to explain the truth.

She's just done.

But I don't want her done. I want her to love me the same.

I tried everything to get her back. Sometimes I find myself creepy for stalking her a lot of times. Nahanap ko kasi kung saan siya nakatira at kung saan siya madalas na nagpupunta. She goes to this coffee shop all the time at sa tuwing lalabas siya doon, iisa lang lagi ang binibili niya.

Tinanong ko pa ang cashier kung ano ang inorder niya. She must've think I was crazy for asking that. Well, maybe I am.

In the end she gave up and told me the drink that Samantha ordered. I tried it. And I was surprised that she really has a good taste in beverages.

Balita ko rin na bago na ang manager niya ngayon. It was no longer Ryan. Kaya naging mahirap rin sa akin na kuhanin ang loob nung bago niyang manager.

"I'm her friend." Medyo nag-aalinlangan ko pang sinabi.

Kumunot ang noo niya sa akin.

"I don't think she ever mentioned you to me."

She probably thinks that I'm a stalker or what. Well, maybe, I already am! Tinatanong ko kasi ang schedule ni Sam bukas.

"I am. Back in the Philippines. We went to the same university together." Pinakita ko sakanya ang picture namin noong football game.

Binalik niyang muli ang tingin sa akin upang siguraduhin na ako nga iyong nasa picture. She rolled her eyes at me.

"Fine. She will be at the Gregory Standford show. If you're really her friend, meet her backstage."

And since then, sakanya ko na tinatanong lahat ng ginagawa ni Sam. Sakanya ko tinanong kung saan ang shoot ni Sam noong nag-assist ako sakanya ng ilang araw. I even asked for her schedule so I know how to balance my training and to go to one of her fashion shows, kung mayroon man.

Ganoon nga ang ginawa ko, gaya ng sinabi ni Laura. I don't usually attend fashion shows but knowing that Samantha is there, I badly want to go.

I feel anxious the whole time. Ngunit nawala ang lahat ng kabang iyon nang makita ko na siyang lumabas. My mouth parted.

She never changed. She's still beautiful as ever. Or maybe more than that.

She's perfect.

Sandali akong natulala sakanya. Hindi ko na pinansin pa ang ibang mga modelo dahil sakanya lang nakatuon ang pansin ko. When she took a turn, she immediately saw me.

Wala siyang pinakitang emosyon. Sa halip ay nag-iwas lang siya ng tingin sa akin.

Damn it, baby, please look at me again.

Pero hindi niya ginawa iyon. Desidido talaga siyang lagpasan lang ako. Ngunit hindi ko hahayaang gawin niya iyon. I stood up and get into the runaway. Some securities tried to stop me but it was too late.

I snaked my arms around her and hugged her so tight. I gave her the kind of hug that people do when they don't want to let someone go. Baka kasi sa ganitong paraan maisip niya na hinding-hindi ko na siya papakawalan pa kapag bumalik siya sa akin.

She stayed still. I closed my eyes.

I miss her so much. I miss her everyday.

"Please say something." Sabi ko but she only stayed emotionless.

"Bro, you need to let go of her." narinig kong sinabi sa akin ng isa sa mga modelo dito. Hindi ko siya pinakinggan.

Sino ba siya?

Nang mapagtanto kong wala siyang gustong sabihin sa akin, unti-unti kong niluwagan ang pagkakakapit ko sakanya. My mouth parted.

The male model who asked me to let go of her pushed me out of the way. Hindi ko nalang nagantihan pa ang ginawa nuya dahil nagulat ako sa ginawa ni Sam. I watch her walk away and return to the backstage.

It hurts to know that she's really trying to get away from me. It hurts to know that she doesn't want to see me again even though I asked her to.

She's just mad at me.

At hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko para alisin ang galit na iyon sakanya. I wanted her to love me again. I wanted her so bad.

"YES!" She almost shouted. Nagulat ako. I saw a tear escaped from her eye. "Because that's what you're good at, Zach, pushing people away including me!"

Damn it. What have I done? I'm such a reckless guy.

What I did to her only broke her more. It made her hate me.

"Sam..." I called. I tried to move closer but she backed away.

Parang may tumusok sa puso ko nang gawin niya iyon. I clenched my jaw. No, I can't let you hate me forever.

"You made it clear to me before. You made it clear that you want nothing from me. It's over, Zach! We are over."

Nang sinabi niya iyon ay parang gusto kong mag-wala. No, Sam, we're not over!

Hindi ko na alam ang mga susunod kong ginawa matapos na mangyari iyon. I'm always out with my team, trying to divert my attention to something else but I always fail.

She's always on my mind.

Sa tingin ko, sobrang dami ko nang nainom ngayong gabi. After training, the team decided to go for a drink. Kasama ko si Ian sa table at tinitingnan niya ako ng masama.

"What's your problem?" he asks. I shrugged my shoulders. I took another shot of whiskey again.

Hindi ko siya sinagot kahit ilang beses niya akong tinatanong. Kinuha ko ang cellphone ko at wala sa sariling tinawagan si Sam.

I got her number from Ryan. Sabi niya ay malalagot talaga siya kapag nalaman ni Sam na siya ang nagbibigay ng lahat ng detalye tungkol sakanya sa akin.

"I know you're probably going to hang up soon. But just let me talk and listen to this one, okay?"

Alcohol gave me so much bravery to say what I really want her to hear from me. I closed my eyes.

Pull yourself together, Zachary!

"I want you back, Sam. I want you so damn much. Kahit noon pa. Pero natakot lang ako because I don't think you deserve me that time. Pero ngayon, Sam... trust me. I can give everything to you now. And I'm willing to do anything just to get you back. Let me make up for the things that I did wrong to you before. I miss you so much, baby. And I just... couldn't live a damn day knowing that you're trying to move on from me."

Totoo ang lahat ng iyon. Wala ni isa doon ay kasinungalingan. I don't think I can lie to her anymore. I want to be real with her.

I want us to be real.

The same day, I told her I was in love with her. And she said nothing. Naghihintay akong magsalita siya pero ni isang salita man lang ay hindi ko narinig galing sakanya.

Can you believe that I can still remember this kahit na ang dami ko nang nainom ngayong gabi?

"Naiintindihan ko naman, Zach, na hindi ganon kadali makamove on sa mahal mong nawala sa'yo. Naiintindihan ko na hindi mo kayang mag-move on kay Cindy. Kaya hindi ko na ipipilit pa ang sarili ko sa'yo kasi tanggap ko na."

Inalis ko ang pagkakasandal ko sa pinto upang lumapit sakanya. My forehead creased.

"Who told you that I still haven't moved on, Sam?" Hind siya sumagot.

"Well, I hate to break this to you but I did. I fucking did. I already moved on from her death and it's because of you!" Inalis niya ang tingin sa akin. I clenched my jaw. "Hindi ko alam na ganon lang pala kadali kalimutan ang lahat lalo na't merong nandyan para sa'yo na handang ipalimot sa'yo ang alaalang 'yon.

"Natakot ako, Sam. Gaya mo, natakot lang rin ako. Alam kong mali na hindi ko sinabi sa'yo ang totoo kong nararamdaman noon. Alam kong mali na hinayaan kitang kumawala. At higit sa lahat alam kong mali ang lahat ng sinabi ko sa'yo at pinagsisisihan ko lahat ng 'yon! Kasi, Sam, ayoko na mapunta ako sa'yo ng kulang ako. You're already broken. You deserve someone who's complete."

"Zach, stop. Just lea-" I cut her off before she can even continue to say that.

No, I won't leave you again. I won't let you push me away anymore.

"No, Sam." Hinawakan ko ang magkabilang kamay niya. "I realized that it is easier to move on to someone who's already dead than someone who's still alive. Because just by the thought of you pushing me away like this and not loving me the same way you did before is killing me. The thought that I can never take you back is breaking me into pieces."

Sinubukan kong pabalikin ang tingin niya sa akin pero ayaw niya. Because maybe, if she looks at me, she will remember the pain that I gave her.

"This is what I want to do. I'm not doing this because I'm guilty. This is what I chose to do, Sam. I hate myself so much for what I did to you before. And ever since that day, every single day has been a struggle. It's a struggle that you're not there with me even though you should have. I am truly sorry for everything, Sam."

Mas inilapit ko ang sarili ko sakanya. I would pay everything just to be this close to her. Tiningnan ko siya sa mata.

"But for the last time, Sam. I ask you to take me back now."

She shakes her head.

"Zach please. Just... leave."

My mouth parted. Siguro, kung anong nararamdaman ko ngayon, ganoon rin ang nararamdaman niya noon. Ang kinaibahan lang, mas masakit iyong ginawa ko.

"Leave this room or leave your life?" I asked her the same question she asked me a year ago.

Nang dahil doon ay inangat niyang muli ang tingin sa akin. I know that my eyes are watery now pero wala akong pakialam kung makita niya man akong umiyak ngayon.

I want her to know that I will feel miserable without her.

"Well, that's up to you." She answered the same way I did.

Gusto kong matawa. Gustong-gusto ko, pero hindi ko magawa dahil sa sobrang sakit ng nararamdaman ko.

I fixed myself for her but she broke me again by saying those words.

Damn it, Zach! Ngayon alam mo na ang pakiramdam ng ipagtabuyan ng taong mahal mo! You're a coward!

Tumango ako. Kasabay naman nun ay ang pagtulo ng luha ko. I swear I don't care if I will start bawling in front of her. She's all that matters to me and I can't afford losing her again.

Pero mukhang huli na ang lahat. Dahil sa tingin ko, hindi na niya talaga ako mahal. She will never love me the same way she did before.

She's changed. Even her feelings for me changed.

Kaya siguro, wala na rin akong ibang magagawa kung hindi ang sumuko. Hahayaan kong gawin ang gusto niyang mangyari. Because this time, I will let her do anything she wants.

"Ang sakit nga." My voice broke. "Sobrang sakit pala nun, Sam. Sobrang sakit pala ng ginawa ko sa'yo. Now I understand," I paused for a moment before I continued speaking. "Then if that's what you want... I'll do it. I just want to make you happy."

I left the room. Kahit na gusto kong umiyak ay hindi ko ginawa. Bumalik ako sa penthouse para ayusin ang gamit ko.

I guess I no longer have the reason to stay here anymore. I guess... I need to move on from her, too.

Nag-quit ako sa team. Nagalit sila sa akin nang malaman nila iyon. But I don't care. Nandito lang naman ako nang dahil kay Sam. Hindi dahil sa football.

I told myself that before I leave this country, I wanted to at least say goodbye to her.

"Where are you going?" tanong ni Sam nang sinabi kong aalis na ako.

Sinabi ko sakanya kung saan at kung ano ang rason ng pag-alis ko. She was more worried about my career than I am.

I tried to smile at her bago ako tuluyang tumulak paalis ng bansang 'to.

"Goodbye, Sam."

Umalis ako sa harap niya at nagtungo na sa kotse para tuluyan nang umalis. Pero bigla ko siyang nakitang bumaba ng hagdan upang sundan ako.

"Do you actually believe that... you leaving makes me happy?"

My mouth parted. I don't know, Sam... Maybe... But I don't know. Matagal bago ako tuluyang sumagot.

"I don't know."

"I know I messed everything up again. I know I shouldn't believe my sister because I know she just want to ruin everything for me. And I..." Naputol ang sasabihin niya dahil nang dahil sa kanyang hikbi. Mabilis kong inangat ang tingin ko saknaya.

Oh, baby, don't cry.

"And I... don't want her to ruin you to me. " she continued.

Hindi ako nagsalita dahil gusto kong ituloy niya ang sasabihin niya. These words are enough to bring my broken parts together again. I'm like a complicated math problem that only Samantha can solve. She's the only person who can mend my broken parts together.

"That's why I'm asking you not to leave because I want you to stay... I want you to... t-to stay with me. I'm taking e-everything back. Nadala lang ako ng emosyon ko kaya ko nasabi ang mga iyon. I'm really s-sorry, Zach." She bravely raises her gaze at me.

I was shocked for a moment. She tore her eyes away from me again.

Say it, baby, say that you want me back and I will do it. Say it.

"You said you wanted to take me back, right? Here I am, Zach. C-Coming back to you."

Napangiti ako doon. I used it as a chance to move closer to her.

Damn it, I knew it! She still has feelings for me.

Kahit na ilang beses niya akong pinagtatabuyan, alam ko na kahit papano, may nararamdaman parin siya sa akin. At iyon ang pinanghahawakan kong rason para hindi basta basta sumuko sakanya.

"And my feelings for you never change. I still love-" hindi ko na siya hinayaang pang ituloy ang sasabihin niya.

Sapat na sa akin na malaman na handa siyang bumalik sa akin. Sapat na sapat na iyon.

"I still love you, too, Sam." I said then I crashed my lips into hers. I felt her smiled.

Hearing her chuckle makes my heart flatter. I feel extremely happy that I can finally get to kiss her again.

Finally! Finally, Zach!

I pulled away from the kiss. "Oh, baby, I'm going leave everything behind just to stay with you."

I brought my lips back to hers because I can't get enough of her.

Being in a relationship with her were the happiest moments of my life! She made me who I am today. She made me realize that I want to be better for her.

For us...

And for our future together.

Balak ko sanang magpropose sakanya noong birthday niya pero alam kong hindi pa siya handa. I told her that I wouldn't rush things. I promise to take it slow pero hindi ko alam na sa araw rin pala na iyon ay sasabihin niya sa akin na handa na siya na pakasalan ako.

Damn it! I should've given her the ring! Nasa bulsa ko rin iyon pero mas pinili kong kuhanin nalang ang kahon kung saan nakalagay ang necklace na regalo ko sana sakanya noong nasa Maldives kami.

Pero siguro ayos na rin iyon. I want a proposal that will shock everyone. A proposal that everyone will know.

I take time to plan for everything. Nagbabalak akong magpropose sa Victoria's Secret Fashion Show kung sakaling sasali man siya ulit.

Or maybe at a movie theater. Or in a public place. I'm sure that will shock everyone.

I have different plans in mind on how to propose to her. Pero lahat ng plano na iyon ay nawala nang malaman niya na anak siya sa labas.

Just when she was about to feel happy again, doon pa ulit nasira ang lahat para sakanya.

And it's because of that Isabella! She's a witch in Sam's life and she always wants to ruin everything for her!

I saw how broken she was when she found out that she was an illegitimate child and it hurts me to see her like that. It hurts that I can't do anything about it because she won't let me.

She only let Ryan.

And I wanted to be her Ryan. I wanted to be at Ryan's place.

I should be the one doing those things, not him. I should be the one listening to her. I should be the one comforting her. I was supposed to be there for her.

But she wouldn't let me... because I'm not Ryan.

She locked herself up for days. Ang dami kong beses na sinubukan na papasukin niya ako pero hindi niya ginagawa. I brought her foods all the time hoping that she will eat those. But she only does that sometimes.

I was waiting for her to come out of the room all the time. I stayed outside para kung sakaling lumabas siya, nandidito ako upang salubungin siya.

I look over the door habang nakaupo ako sa gilid. I even set up my bed here. Sa labas ako ng pinto natutulog. I don't want to leave. I want her to know that I'm here for her.

I sighed heavily nang mapagtanto kong wala talaga siyang balak na lumabas doon ngayon.

I've had enough with her locking herself for days. Ilang araw ko nang nilalabanan ang sarili ko na wag gawin 'to but I only had the urge to do it now because I've had enough.

"I know you're awake." I said nang makita ko siyang nakahiga lang sa kama. I gulped and tried to eat all my fears away.

I need to be brave for her. I need to be brave for us.

"Come on. Get up."

She opened her eyes when my voice turned serious. I walked towards her to ask her to get up, but she didn't follow me. She only stared at me.

I tried convincing her again. But she won't listen!

Hinawakan ko ang braso niya para tulungan siyang tumayo. "Get up, Sam. Damn it!"

"Leave me alone."

Hindi ko ipinakita sakanya na nasasaktan ako sa sinabi niya. Like I said, I need to be brave for her.

"I swear if you don't get up..."

"Just leave me alone."

"Get up goddamn it!" I shouted.

"Leave me alone!"

Nagulat ako nang sumigaw siya pabalik sa akin. I closed my eyes because I'm losing my patience now. I couldn't hide behind these walls again.

"How long do you plan to stay here huh? How long do you plan to lock yourself up? Hanggang kailan, Sam?! Hanggang kailan mo gustong magalala ako para sa'yo? Hanggang kailan?!"

She didn't answer me.

"I know that there's a lot going on right now. I know you're scared. I know you're hurt. I know you're afraid... But I am, too, Sam! I'm afraid! I'm afraid of you! I'm afraid that you feel helpless and hopeless. And I'm afraid because I think you're scared to be scared, and I understand... I know it's scary... I know it hurts. But the only way to heal the pain is to heal each other. And I wanna heal you! I wanna stop this pain for you because I want you to stop being scared..."

I'm afraid that my voice is breaking because it's hurting me to see her like this. To see her so vulnerable... so broken...

"I'm afraid of you because I'm afraid for you. I-I don't want you to feel hopeless," a tear streamed down my face.

Wala na talaga akong pakialam kung maging mahina ako ngayon. Wala na akong pakialam kung umiyak man ako sa harap niya ngayon.

I just want her to stop being afraid. Because the more she does that, the more I feel like I'm losing her.

"I don't want to lose you! I want you to stay because I feel like I'm losing you every single day and it's making me go crazy!"

I pressed my lips into a thin line. Oh, Sam, you don't deserve to be this broken.

"You can do this, Sam. I believe in you so much. So please... stop. You're breaking yourself more by locking yourself inside this room. Come outside and be with me. Please, baby, come outside..."

"You're already losing me..." her voice broke. My forehead creased.

"No... No, Sam..."

"You're losing me... slowly... I-I have nothing left. I-I'm gone..."

"No... you're not. You have me, baby, you have me!"

"I don't deserve you."

What is she talking about? Don't tell me she's going to push me away again!? I tightened his hold on her. Nag-iwas lang siya ng tingin sa akin at ibinaling ito sa ibang bagay.

I don't deserve her? How could she even say that!? She was everything for me! And she didn't do anything for me to say that I don't deserve her.

So, what makes her say that?

"You do! I-I wanted to do something good for you! I-I wanted t-to save you from the pain you're going through. I wanted... you."

"I think it's best if-"

"No... No... you don't think what's best because it's you that's best for me... please..."

God, please, don't let her do what I'm thinking. Don't...

"I'm sorry..." she whispered. "But you don't deserve someone who's broken... you told me before that you don't want me in your mess, right? I want you to do the same. I don't want you to get involved in my mess."

My mouth parted. No...

"Sam, no..."

"Let's break up, Zach."

I let her do that. I will always let her do anything she wants dahil ganoon ko siya kamahal. Hahayaan kong gawin niya ang mga bagay na gusto niya kahit na masakit para sa akin.

She said she wanted to fix herself then I'm going to let her. But that doesn't mean that I can look for someone else while she's away from me.

Marami ang nagtangka pero hindi parin sila nagwawagi. I have my eyes glued to someone else. I'm waiting for someone to heal herself again.

I'm waiting for my Sam to come back to me.

"Zach, make sure you'll attend our wedding." paalala sa akin ni Tony.

Kahit na alam kong kasama nila si Sam, hindi ko sila tinatanong tungkol sakanya. I know she doesn't want that. I tried to enjoy life without her but I can't.

Because I can only enjoy life if she's with me.

"Of course, I will be there."

At sa araw rin na iyon ay doon ko nalang muling nakita ang babaeng minahal ko ng lubos. She looks very healthy and happy now. I'm glad.

So, so glad.

And on that same day, I asked her to come back to me. Hindi na niya pinag-isipan pa ang isasagot niya. I mean... she shouldn't think of an answer!

She needs to come back to me.

We're still bound to get married. We're still bound to spend the rest of our lives together.

Habang naghihintay na mag-umpisa muli ang game, kinuha ko ang singsing sa bulsa ko. I opened the box to look at the ring I bought a few days ago. Bago na itong binili ko.

I just thought that she deserves something more-- something more beautiful than the previous engagement ring that I bought. Wala na akong pakialam kung nasayang lang ang pera ko doon sa isang singsing. I'm willing to spend a million bucks for her.

Kanina ko pa kinakausap ang mga kasama ko sa pagoorganize ng proposal na ito. I want everything to be perfect! I even told Samantha that I'm nervous because of the game which is the total opposite of what I'm feeling.

I'm excited for the game while I'm nervous for the proposal. It should be the other way around, right?

"That's a very nice ring." Ani Michael, isa sa mga teammates ko. Inangat ko ang tingin ko sakanya at ngumiti.

"You're proposing?"

"Yeah, today. After the game is finished."

"What if we lose?"

"Then I'm still going to propose to her."

Simula nang maging kami ulit, napagdesisyonan kong magpropose sakanya sa Super Bowl. I said that I wanted a proposal that will shock everyone, right?

Then this is the right place.

"Damn. But we also have to make sure that we'll win. So, it's going to be a double win for you, brother."

Ngumiti ako. Of course, we'll win this. Maipapanalo namin ito lalo na't alam kong manonood siya.

She told me that she'll be here in twenty minutes. Mag-sisimula na ang game pero wala parin siya. I asked Ryan to call her pero sa tingin ko hindi rin tama iyon.

She's driving at baka kung ano pang ang mangyari sakanya.

"She's not answering." Ani Ryan. I asked him to call her again kahit na kakakausap ko lang sakanya kanina.

I just can't wait to see her again para sure ako na matutuloy nga iyong proposal.

"Maybe she's still driving. We'll just wait for her. I'm sure she's here at baka naghahanap lang ng parking."

Tumango si Ryan.

Please, baby, come here faster. I can't wait to propose to you. I can't wait for everyone to know that we're getting married.

So, please, come faster because I can't wait any longer.

Magsisimula na ang game nang biglang kinuha ng assistant coach ang pansin ko. He's calling me like there's an emergency.

Our coach looks at him weirdly.

"Phil, the game is about to start. I'm sure that can wait." Ani coach. Sumangayon naman ako doon.

"This can't wait, Dan."

Kumunot ang noo ko. Binalik muli ng assistant coach ang tingin sa akin. Pinalapit niya ako sakanya.

"Zach, you can't play today."

I laughed.

"Why not?"

"There's an emergency. Your girlfriend-"

Hindi na niya naituloy pa ang sasabihin niya dahil agad kong ibinaling ang tingin ko sa upuan na nireserve ko para sakanila nila Ryan. Her seat was empty at nang tiningnan ko sila Ryan, I saw him crying.

What the fuck happened?

"There's an accident-"

Para akong nilagutan ng hininga nang sabihin niya sa akin iyon. I ran as fast as I could to the locker rooms.

"Zach, the game is about to start!"

"Get back on the field!"

Some fans shouted at me once they see me running. But I don't care about the game anymore. All I care about is my girlfriend.

I tried dialing her number pero cannot be reached iyon. Nakita ko naman sila Tony na tumatakbo papunta sa akin.

"Her car was last seen at NJ turnpike. It was... crashed."

I clenched my fist. No... not again.

"Get in." utos ko sakanila at dali-daling binuhay ang sasakyan ko.

I don't care about the game anymore. I don't care about anything right now. All I care about is my girlfriend! I drive as fast as I could to NJ turnpike.

Wala na rin akong pakialam kung hulihin man ako ngayon for overspeeding.

Hindi na nakausad pa ang sasakyan dahil sa sobrang traffic kaya ang ginawa ko ay lumabas ako at mabilis na tinakbo ang distansya papunta doon sa pinagkakagulohan ng mga tao.

I shoved people out of the way to get a clearer view of what happened. If this is really Sam... then, I don't know what to freaking do.

Wala pang katawan ang nailalabas. Nilapitan ko ang isa sa mga police officer. He immediately recognized me.

"Don't you have a game to catch up?" hindi ko pinansin ang sinabi niya. I seriously don't have time for that!

"Excuse me, but what happened?"

"Well, there's been a car accident and-"

Hindi ko na nasundan pa ang sinasabi ng police dahil nagawi na agad ang tingin ko sa duguang katawan na inilalabas ngayon sa kotse.

When I saw that scene, everything feels like a déjà vu. I feel like what happened before is happening again today.

"No..." I said under my breath.

"Excuse me, what?"

Nilagpasan ko ang police at nagtungo doon sa nilalabas na katawan. Her face is barely recognizable nang dahil sa dugong dumadaloy mula sa kanyang ulo.

No... This shouldn't be Sam... This shouldn't be her. Baka namali lang sila. Baka...

But I heard the paramedics saying her name.

"Samantha Enriquez. She barely has pulse. And her pressure is dropping."

No. No. No.

Sinubukan kong lumapit upang kumpirmahin na siya nga iyon. But what should I do? Hindi ko alam ang suot niya bago siya umalis sa Miami para makumpirma ko na siya nga ito.

I tried looking for signs that this is indeed my girlfriend. I tried and tried until I realized something.

The necklace.

Tiningnan ko ang leeg niya upang hagilapin ang kwintas na binigay ko sakanya noong birthday niya.

And I fucking did... It was the necklace I gave her. I know because it has Z&S engraved on it.

"I'm sorry, Sir, but you can't-" a police officer tried to stop me from moving closer.

"That's my girlfriend!" I tried to move closer again. I tried to use my capability as a football player to push the police away.

"Sorry, but you are not allowed on this area."

"But that's my girlfriend!" I shouted again.

"We know, sir, but it's strictly prohi-"

"Patient is crashing. We need to rush her to the hospital now." narinig kong sinabi ng isa sa mga parademic.

Oh, God, please... don't take her away from me. We just got back together and I couldn't afford losing the one I love again.