Song: Everglow- Coldplay

Afraid

Ilang araw na bumabagabag sa akin ang sinabi ni Xander. What is my sister planning on me now? She really wants to ruin everything for me huh?

She wants to ruin Zach for me? I will not let her anymore! Ganoon na ba siya kadesperado para lang sirain ang buhay ko? Hinahayaan ko naman siya sa buhay niya. In fact, wala akong pakialam sa buhay niya. Kaya bakit ba gustong-gusto niyang sirain ang akin?

Why can't she just let me do my thing and I'll let her do hers. May buhay naman siya bakit ba pinapakialaman niya ang akin?

Ngayon ay nandidito ako sa penthouse ni Zach. He asked me to stay with him so I agreed to it. Apparently, napapansin niya rin na medyo naiilang ako sakanya and he knows why!

"It's not like I'll do it now." Aniya. Pinipilit niyang itago ang ngisi pero hindi siya nagwawagi. I rolled my eyes at him.

"I know... But... That was so sudden! Hindi ko naman ineexpect na bigla mong sasabihin 'yon. At isa pa, I don't think I'm ready, you know? I mean... I'm not ready to get married." I bit my lip at nag-iwas ng tingin. I heard him sighed heavily.

"That's why I'm going to wait until you're ready."

Natatakot akong ngumiti sakanya. I tried to laugh kahit na sobrang kinakabahan ako.

"You really wanna do it huh? I mean... Us getting married?"

"Why not? I can see my future with you. It's normal to plan things ahead."

My mouth parted and I started fanning myself. This is not what I was expecting from him simula nang maging kami. We've been dating for eight months already. Kung tutuusin, maikiling panahon pa iyon para masabi mong gusto mong pakasalan ang isang tao.

Marriage is scary. Seriously!!! Whenever I think about it, it's scaring the hell out of me.

"Can we... Can we talk about some other things? This is making me uncomfortable."

Zach smirked at me at tsaka tumayo galing sa pagkakaupo niya sa sofa upang lumapit sa akin. Hinawakan niya ang balikat ko at iniharap ako sakanya.

"We don't have to rush things. I'm not forcing you into marrying me right away. I just wanted you to know that it's you that I want to marry..."

Hindi ako sumagot at nag-iwas nalang ng tingin sakanya.

"Ito ba ang rason kung bakit parang naiilang ka sa akin?" Tanong niya. Inangat ko ang tingin ko sakanya. Napapansin niya pala!

"Y-Yeah..." Sagot ko. I heard him chuckled lightly.

"Baby, don't worry... We're not going to rush things, okay? We'll take time... We'll take it slow..." He assured me. Nagpakawala ako ng malalim na hininga at tumango nalang.

Bumalik lamang ang isip ko sa kasalukuyan nang marinig kong bumukas ang pinto ng penthouse ni Zach. Napatingin ako doon at nakitang papasok na siya ngayon. His eyes immediately found mine.

Binalik ko naman muliang tingin ko sa kapeng iniinom kanina pa. I sighed heavily. Hindi parin maalis sa isip ko ang sinabi sa akin ni Xander. Ang dami ko nang iniisip pero hindi parin mawala-wala iyon! 

Zach didn't know anything about it. I chose not to tell him first. Ayokong sirain ang magandang relasyon namin dahil lang sa pinaplano ng kapatid ko. I won't let her ruin us again.

She already did that a few months ago. Dahil doon, muntikan nang umalis si Zach at iwan ako. Buti nalang rin at hindi ko hinayaang gawin iyon. Dahil kung hindi, walang kami ngayon.

"Hey..." He greeted. Ipinatong niya ang kanyang susi sa lamesa at tsaka lumapit sa akin. He leaned in to press a kiss on my lips. Ngumiti ako sakanya.

"Have you eaten already?" I asked. Umupo naman siya sa silya na nasa tabi ko. I saw him shook his head.

"Have you?" Tanong niya.

"Yeah... I'm sorry I couldn't wait at nauna na akong kumain."

"No, it's okay." He smiled a little at me. Tumango ako at tumayo na upang ikuha siya ng pagkain. Kinuha ko na rin ang tasa na pinaginuman ko upang mahugasan na.

"I'll go get your food." Sabi ko at dumiretso na sa kusina.

I served him the food at habang kumakain siya at nanatili lang akong tahimik. Nasa isip ko parin iyong sinabi sa akin ni Xander. Minsan nararamdaman ko na napapatingin sa akin si Zach. Nagtataka siguro kung bakit tulala ako at tahimik.

"Are you okay?" Naramdaman kong hinawakan niya ang kamay ko. Medyo nagulat ako doon kaya naman ay mabilis akong napatingin sakanya.

"H-Huh?" He sighed heavily with my reaction.

"Sam, are you okay?" May halong pagkabahala ang kanyang boses. Unti-unti akong tumango.

"I doubt it. Tell me... Is something bothering you?" He asks.

I laughed a little. Nagkukunwaring maayos lang ang lahat. "No... No... It's fine... Everything's fine."

Tinaasan niya ako ng kilay pero sa huli ay tumango nalang rin siya. Hanggang sa pagtulog ay bumabagabag parin sa akin iyon. Wala na atang oras na hindi ko iniisip iyon.

Kahit sa trabaho ay ganoon parin! Seriously, this is making me go crazy! This is unhealthy.

Nakapatong ang ulo ko sa braso ni Zach habang yakap yakap ko siya. Hinihintay nalang namin na bisitahin kami ng antok. Pero mukhang wala siyang balak na bisitahin ako.

I heard Zach snoring lightly. Sa tingin ko ay tulog na siya. Pero 'yun lang pala ang akala ko. Hindi pa siya tulog!

"Do you have plans on coming back in the Philippines?" He asked me suddenly. Napatigil ako sa pag-iisip nun. Napaangat pa ang tingin ko sakanya nang dahil doon.

"Uhhh–" I struggled to find an answer.

Actually, kahit papano ay mayroon naman. Kahit na nandidito na si Ryan at ang iba ko pang kaibigan. Kahit si Ian ay nandidito rin. Nandidito na rin si Zach. Everyone that are important to me are here in New York.

Ang kulang nalang ay si Caitlyn at Kelly. They're the only one's I wanted to visit kung sakaling babalik man ako sa Pilipinas. Kahit ang magulang at pamilya ni Zach ay gusto ko ring bisitahin!

"M-Maybe..." I said, unsure of my answer. I felt him nodded. "Why?"

"My parents has been asking about you. They heard about us and they wanted to see you again."

Inangat ko ang ulo ko para matingnan siya ng maigi. I smiled and he did the same.

"That's great! I mean... I also want to see them again."

"Go home with me." Aya niya. He sounded so serious. Kinagat ko ang pang-ibaba kong labi.

"I have a lot of work, Zach..." Dismayado kong sinabi.

"That's why we'll wait until you finish all your work. After that, we can go home together."

Tumitig ako sakanya. I sighed heavily when I realized that I've been a very bad girlfriend to him. We are supposed to tell everything to each other, right? He always tells me everything. Lahat nang nangyayari sa training niya, sinasabi niya sa akin.

Tapos ako... Simpleng pagkikita namin ni Xander ay hindi ko masabi sakanya. And the worse is, hindi ko rin masabi sakanya ang nalaman ko.

"I'm sorry..." I whispered. Kumunot ang noo niya. Napaayos siya ng higa at tiningnan ako nang maigi.

"You don't want to come back?" Nababahala siyang tumingin sa akin. Umiling ako at nag-iwas ng tingin. I felt a tear fell from my eye and I immediately wiped it. Agad na inangat ni Zach ang baba ko upang matingnan ako sa mata.

"Shh... Baby, it's okay... It's okay if we'll not go home. I'm sure they'll understand." Umiling muli ako.

"It's not about that..." I covered my mouth to stop my hiccups. Zach pulled me in closer to hug me.

"Then what is it? Tell me... Tell me, baby... I'm going to listen. I promise." He kissed the top of my head and he tried to calm me down.

"I'm sorry that I'm not telling you everything. It's just that it's been really hard for me to process everything. And I couldn't tell you because I'm afraid."

"Afraid of what?"

I gulped and started speaking. "I saw Xander the other day. He told me... He told me that..."

"Told you what?" His voice turned into a very deep man's voice. It terrified me a little.

"He told me that Alisha told him that she heard that Isabella is planning something. That's what I'm afraid of! Her plan! What if... What if she's planning to ruin us again? What if–"

"Hush now. It's okay."

"It's not!"

"I won't let her ruin us. Don't worry, I'm here. I will protect you. I will protect you will all my heart and I will not let anything to happen to you, okay?" He caressed my cheeks lightly and he wiped away my tears.

Kinulong niya ako sa bisig niya at hinayaan akong umiyak doon.

"I love you, Zach..." Nang dahil sa sinabi kong iyon ay mas hinigpitan niya ang pagkakayakap sa akin. He rubbed my back gently.

"Shh... I love you, too, okay? I love you, too..."