Song: Paralyzed- NF

Done

Nakapwesto kami ngayon sa isang round table kasama ang mag-iinterview sa amin para sa magazine. May mga nakaharap ring camera kaya dapat ay maingat ako sa mga sasabihin kong sagot.

"Shall we start?" Tanong sa amin ni Emily na siyang mag-iinterview sa amin. Sabay kaming tumango ni Zach.

Nagkatinginan kami ng saglit bago kami bumaling muli sa mag-iinterview.

Puro about sa mga trabaho pa namin ang mga tanong at wala pang about sa amin kaya naman maayos pa ang nagiging daloy ng interview. Inihahanda ko na rin ang mga sagot sa posibleng itatanong sa amin.

"If you weren't a supermodel or a football player, what would you be?" Tumingin sa akin si Emily at hinikayat na ako ang unang sumagot.

"I'll probably be an Interior Designer." Tipid kong sagot.

Wala na akong maisip na idadagdag pa dahil puro nasa isip ko lang ngayon ay ang mga sagot kung sakaling tanungin kami kung anong nangyari sa aming dalawa noon.

"That's interesting. What about you, Zach?"

"I'll probably be a businessman and take over our business." Nanatili akong tahimik habang patuloy sila sa pag-uusap.

"Football must something really important to you isn't?" Tanong ni Emily. He chuckled.

"Football is just something that happened. I wasn't really planning to continue my career in football until I was offered by a team in NFL. I accepted it because it was based in New York." Aniya.

"So, you're not going to accept any offers from other team unless they're from New York?"

Dahil sa tanong na iyon ay napaangat ako ng tingin sakanya.

"Yeah." Simple niyang sagot. He glanced at me na naging rason ng paglayo ko muli ng tingin sakanya.

"Is there any reason behind it?"

"Yeah, actually it's because I... came here for someone." Napalingon ako sakanya. Nagulat ako nang nakatingin na siya sa akin. Agad rin naman akong nag-iwas ng tingin.

Di naman niya sinabing ako diba? Tsaka paano namang magiging ako? That's impossible.

Emily smirked at us. "May we know who's that someone?"

Tawa lang ang naging sagot ni Zach kaya naman ay agad ring binago ni Emily ang usapan.

"What is your biggest regret in life?" Nagpabalik balik ang tingin sa amin ni Emily nang walang sumasagot sa amin.

Mayroon akong sagot para dito pero ngayon ay parang nawala.

"Zach?" She pointed at Zach para mas maunang sumagot. Tiningnan ko siya sa gilid ng aking mga mata. Naramdaman kong bigla siyang naging seryoso.

"I have so many things that I regret in life, Emily. But this one is on top of my head right now... It's pushing someone I never thought I needed away. There are so many things that I should've told her before and I regret not telling her because I was afraid." He said seriously.

Napalunok ako. Agaran ring tumaas ang isa kong kilay. There's something deep inside of me, that thinks that he was referring to me pero pinipilit ko na hindi. Mas pinapaniwalaan ko na hindi pero alam naman nating lahat ang totoo.

Bumaling ang tingin sa akin ni Emily at ngumiti. "What about you, Sam?"

Natulala lang ako sakanya. Hindi ko alam ang isasagot. I was so freaking ready for this! Pero bakit ngayon ay parang namental block ako?

"Sam?" Ulit niya.

Napaayos naman ako ng upo at nginitian siya. I licked my lips before I think of an answer. Ramdam ko ang titig niya sa akin ni Zach. Parang bawat kilos ko ay binabantayan niya.

"Maybe one thing that I regret in life is... loving someone who is still in love with someone else."

I felt his hand move and was ready to reach for mine but he stopped. Alam niya sigurong mali ang gagawin niya.

"I think that when were in love, we tend to give our everything. That's why it's okay for you not to get anything in return because you love that person so much. But I just couldn't settle for that. Because... What about me? What about my feelings?" I continued.

A tear escaped from my eye and I quickly wiped it away.

"All I wanted was for him to love me back. But... unfortunately, he can't give that to me. And I regret it because while I'm in the process of loving him too much... I was slowly hurting myself." I gulped after I finished and wiped another tear away. Emily passed me a tissue.

"You must've been hurting until now." Aniya. She nodded at me.

"The pain will never go away, Emily. I think that moving on is the only answer to this." She gave me another smile.

"Moving on," she chuckled para maalis ang uneasiness na nararamdaman naming pagkatapos noon.

"How was working with each other?" Tanong niya.

Sabi ko na nga ba at maitatanong ito. How was it? Well... It was awkward and uncomfortable. Pero of course, kailangan nating i-showbiz ang sagot natin diba?

I was the first one to answer. "I think it was nice to work with someone you already know. I think he also has the qualities of being a model and he's... good."

Bumaling naman siya kay Zach ngayon.

"It was an honor to work with a supermodel like Sam and I-I cannot put my feelings into words because she's like the most... beautiful model that you can ever work with." He almost whispered his last words. I chuckled kunwaring naflatter sa sinabi niya.

Kung ano ano na ang sumunod pang tanong ang binato niya sa amin hanggang sa matapos kami.

Tinanong niya rin kami kung anong masasabi naman sa umuusbong na fanbase naming dalawa. Ang sabi ko nalang ay it was something that I didn't expect to happen. Habang sabi naman ni Zach ay natutuwa siyang may makitang mga tao na nagmamahal sa amin.

Kinakausap ako ni Laura tungkol sa mga shoots sa susunod na araw habang inaayos ko ang gamit ko. She allotted my day tomorrow for gym. Kaya naman ay wala akong gagawing iba kung hindi 'yun lang. It's basically my free day tomorrow dahil hindi naman pwede na buong araw ako sa gym diba?

"Just call me when you need anything, okay?" She patted me on my shoulders. "Drive safely."

I nodded at pinagpatuloy ang pag-aayos ng gamit habang siya ay nauna na sa akin.

Pati ang team ko ay nauna na rin sa akin. Sa tingin ko ay umuwi na rin si Zach dahil wala na ang gamit niya dito at pati ang mga gamit ng team niya. May kaunting crew nalang ang natitira dito sa loob ng dressing room.

Patuloy ako sa pag-aayos. Kinalkal ko naman ang handbag ko para hanapin ang susi ng kotse ko pero di ko ito makita. Ilang minuto na rin akong naghahanap. Saan ko ba nilagay 'yun?

Iniwan na ako ng ibang crew sa loob ng dressing room. They offered help but I declined. Alam kong nandito lang kasi 'yun sa loob ng bag ko.

Hinarap ko naman ang make up station at tiningnan baka sakaling naipatong ko iyon doon.

Binuksan ko ang drawer and thank god! Nahanap ko rin! Napaupo pa ako sa sobrang relief habang hawak hawak parin ng mahigpit ang susi.

Nang mapapikit ako ay naalala ko ang mga sinabi ni Zach sa interview.

He regrets pushing me away? So, it took him years to realize that huh? Bullshit! I know that is it my bitter side who's speaking but whatever.

Wala akong pakialam.

Namulat naman ang mga mata ko nang marinig kong bumukas ang pinto ng dressing room. Zach entered.

Akala ko ba ay nakauwi na siya?

Kaming dalawa na naman ang nandito sa dressing room. Tumayo ako at hinarap siya.

"What are you doing here? Akala ko ay nakauwi ka na?" Tanong ko sakanya pero hindi siya sumagot.

Binaba niya ang dala-dalang bag at lumapit sa akin. He pulled me into a hug. Yakap na parang ayaw niya akong pakawalan. I stayed still.

"I'm so sorry, Samantha." He whispered.

Wala akong ginawa. My hands are on my sides doing nothing. Hindi ko ipinakita na nagulat ako sa ginawa niya.

"Please don't move on from me."

Inalis ko ang pagkakayap niya sa akin at tinulak siya palayo. "What the hell?" Kumunot ang noo ko. I backed away from him a little.

"What do you want?" I asked.

"I want us to talk." He said while trying to reach for my hand.

"We already talked, right? Ano pa ba ang dapat pag-usapan?"

"Marami tayong bagay na dapat pag-usapan, Sam. If you will just let me." He tried reaching for me again.

"Things like what?"

"About what happened before."

Why does he suddenly want to talk about this? Sana ay matagal na niya  ginawa 'to, hindi ngayon.

I laughed bitterly. "Nothing you say will change anything, Zach. Nangyari na. Let's just move on."

"But I don't want to move on."

"Yeah, from Cindy. I understand that."

"No, Sam. I don't want to move on from you. And t-the same goes for me." My jaw dropped. Parang sobrang frustrated niya sa bawat salitang lumalabas sa kanyang bibig.

"I want us to fix things. I want us to work this time. If you will just let me talk." He continued and he held my hands at mabilis kong inalis iyon.

"Ano pa bang dapat ayusin? Wala na diba? Just leave me alone, Zach!"

"What? Do you expect me to do that? You were the first one to ever did a thing when I was hurting. No one ever did a thing to make the pain stop until you, Samantha! And what do you expect? Hayaan kitang lumayo ulit ngayong malapit na ako sa'yo? Do you expect me to push you away again?" Aniya.

"YES!" I almost shouted. A tear escaped from my eye. "Because that's what you're good at, Zach, pushing people away including me!"

"Sam..." He tried to move closer again but I stopped him. My feelings for him never changed.

Ang hirap talagang mag move on sa taong minahal mo ng sobra. Kahit anong gawin mo ay hindi mo basta basta makakalimutan 'yung taong iyon lalo na't marami kayong alaala na nabuo.

"You made it clear to me before. You made it clear that you want nothing from me. It's over, Zach! We are over."
Kinuha ko iyong bag ko at binuksan ang pintuan ng dressing room. Pero bago pa ako makalabas ay humarap muli ako sakanya.

"Hindi. Wala nga naman palang dapat ikatapos 'tong relasyon na 'to, e. Dahil sa umpisa palang, wala nang tayo."

And that was the cruelest thing I have ever done in my life.