"I don't want to give this up." I whispered to Luke. My head rested on his shoulder and I could feel my eyes brimming with tears.

"Autumn, we've only lived together for a little less than a year. We spent 11 years apart, I think we can manage it." Luke quietly told me as he slowly raked his fingers through my hair to try to keep me from getting upset.

Maybe it was just me being me or the cheesy chick flick playing on my parents TV as we sat on the couch bundled together. It was around midnight and all I could think about was having to wake up in the morning and not have Luke's head by my hips every morning. He said he could just stay at my place or vice versa since no one would know, but it would make me beyond guilty knowing that someone was having their money wasted on an empty apartment.

"I'll only be a few blocks down." He sighed, tugging me closer to him.

"Why does this feel like the end of the world?" I asked him, looking up at him which made a single tear roll down my cheek. I softly laughed as he brought his thumb up to me cheek and frowned as he wiped away the drop. "Am I always this dramatic?" I laughed again as he gave me an easy smile.

"Maybe not dramatic, maybe just in touch with what you want." He shrugged. I actually thought about his statement and the way it was worded. It made me think and it sure made me feel a lot better.

We sat there for a few moments, simply staring at each other. It was kind of like a moment we had every so often where we kind of paused the time and just took in each other. Our features and what's changed and what's stayed the same. It was kind of strange, really. But I'm sure many many people did this besides us. It was a nice reminder.

"You know who I thought you've always looked like?" I quietly said.

"Hmm?" He hummed, his lips pulling into a faint smile as he watched me intently.

"Cindy Lou Who." I giggled, tapping the tip of his nose.

He raised an eyebrow at me, "The little girl from 'How the Grinch Stole Christmas'?" He asked. I nodded my head at him, trying to hold back my growing smile.

"That's the one." I teased. I've always told Luke how cute is nose was despite how much he hated when I talked about it. He claimed it was normal and that there was nothing great about a nose, but I proved him wrong.

"Thanks for telling me I resemble a child from a Dr. Seuss book." He replied, leaving a soft kiss to my temple.

We let the room fall silent, the only thing being heard was the movie playing that we had lost interest in awhile ago. I nuzzled further into his side and he pulled me a little closer to him. I started thinking a little too much. It was mostly about things that really didn't matter at all, but at the moment it seemed like such a problem.

"Stop thinking." Luke mumbled. I took in a sharp breath and it went unnoticed by him.

"I wish I could." I sighed. His fingers still twisted around the ends of my hair as he tried to soothe me.

"It's just a few miles, not a few thousand." He assured me. I picked my head off of him and tugged my knees tighter to my chest. "We won't be worlds apart." He gave me a sweet smile which I returned as I nodded once.

Luke seemed fine about it, like so casual. I know that it probably wasn't a big deal to him as long as I was still clinging onto him as I'm sure I always would be. I had a feeling it was just him growing up a little, dealing with things that were coming at him. Although he's never been one to throw a fit over something, I envied his calm thoughts a lot.

We laid on this couch all night and we eventually fell asleep on it. I was using his chest as a pillow all night long and he didn't seem to care one bit. When I woke up, I was the one clinging onto him instead of the other way around. My eyes barely cracked open and when I could finally see what was going on I noticed that Luke was already awake.

He glanced down at me, turning his attention back to the TV. "Good morning." He smiled, as I had expected him to, and soon I did too.

"What time is it?" I sleepily asked, looking around my dimly lit house as I untangled myself from him.

He shrugged, "Almost 10." He looked over at me as I got up off the couch and stretched my arms over my head. My midriff had shown as a cause of my short t-shirt and Luke took the change to poke my stomach.

"Stop." I groaned, pushing him away from me.

"Anyways, your parents left because they're running errands because they're remodeling some room, I don't know." Luke informed me, rubbing his face with his hands. It looked like he hadn't woken up too long before me. "But I told them that we were probably leaving before they get back so if we do then your mom said to call them," he said.

I laughed, "Does my mom realize that I'm 18?" I shook my head as she was always like this, making sure to know exactly what I'm doing and where I'm going even though I necessarily don't have to tell her. But for both of our sake, I go along with it.

"Probably not. Have you seen how tall you are?" He teased, looking me up and down.

"You aren't funny." I huffed, joking just as much as he was. I turned right around and headed towards my bathroom to somewhat get read for the day. It wasn't until I turned on the light in the room that I realized Luke followed behind me.

I rolled my eyes at him and reached for my toothbrush as he shimmied his way past me and leaned up against my counter. I glared at him as I reached for my tooth brush.

"Do you really want to watch me brush my teeth?" I asked, turning on the sink as he tapped his fingers on the sleek counter.

He shook his head, "Not really, I just like watching you because you're cute." He told me, giving me a sleepy smile.

I rolled my eyes, "Okay, Edward Cullen." I mumbled as I stuck my toothbrush in my mouth.

"Who?" Luke asked, raising an eyebrow at me in genuine confusion. I stared at our reflections, eyeing Luke's back and slightly cringing at my 'just woken up' state.

"Get with the program, Luke. You know I was obsessed with Twilight in the 7th grade." I reminded him. It took him a second to process it then he nodded his head with widened eyes.

"You had a giant poster of the sparkly one on your bedroom door." He teased.

"And you had a poster of Demi Lovato in your room for the longest time." I shot back, still barely getting my words out. His face dropped at the memory of his crush he had on her back in the day.

"When I was 13 she was 16 and she's hot, cut me some slack." He replied, crossing his arms over his chest. I glared at him as he gave me a half smile. I ignored it and finished what I needed to in the bathroom and about to leave the room before I realized he wasn't following.

I stopped in the door way and turned around, leaning against the frame.

I tilted my head to the side, "What?" I questioned as he kept staring at me with such a smitten look on his face. He looked down to the ground and stepped away from the counter. He walked passed me and I turned on my heels to follow him down the hallway.

"I'm just happy." He answered, looking over his shoulder at me. He turned back around and I trailed behind him as he headed towards our front door.

I was a bit confused at this point, I wasn't exactly sure what he was doing but anywhere I went with Luke, whether it was our sofa at home or a Broadway show or on the west coast 2,500 miles away, it was always fun.

"About what?" I asked as he opened the door a led me through the door way.

"Things." He laughed a little as he followed behind me. He grabbed my hand and pulled it towards the chairs we had sitting on my porch.

I didn't ask any further about this since I suggested he was going to elaborate on it. He sat down in the wooden chair and pulled me down with him, making me use his lap as my seat.

"Our first year of college is over in, what? A month?" He said. "I made it through my first year of college and didn't completely mess up my life in some way I thought I would." He explained. I smiled at his response and he instantly started speaking again.

"I don't live with my parents, my grades aren't horrible, Manhattan is just as great as I figured it to be, and plus you've been on this ride the whole time. I was really scared that at some point of the year you'd kind of want to sever ties with me since I was just kind of...there." He shrugged as his grip loosening on my hand.

"You were by my side when I didn't have two front teeth and you're still by my side. You have never been 'just there'." I told him, feeling my heart drop at his sudden spill of words.

"I don't know, I just figured I was the sidekick, you know? So many friends came and went and boyfriends for you and the occasional psycho girlfriends for me, but I guess something was missing. It's even like that now." He sighed and I felt a hint of nervousness kick in since I had no idea where he was going with this.

"You steal the show and I just look on, which I have no problem with because I love watching anything you do." He continued. I carefully watched him. His pale eyes and rosy cheeks stood out the most to me today. Even his cupid's bow was catching my attention. When you mix that with the words that were falling from his lips I was getting way too caught up with him.

"I sit back and watch a lot." He added. "And that's just me. And I've learned that I have no problem with it. It took me a while, and I'm fine with it. As long as I get to see you keep growing and just being you then I'm okay." He smiled, just enough to show his happy state, but not enough to where I could see his teeth, his actual smile.

I returned the expression, looking down at our tangled hands for a second. I peered back up at him and brought my free hand to the side of his face. I leaned in just a inch closer to him and made sure he was listening to me.

"Don't rely on me to be your own person." I told him, my voice just above a whisper.

He blinked once and then again, his thin eyelashes sparsely framing his eyes. I could see him toying with the hoop in his lip like he always did.

"Are you okay?" I quietly asked him. I got the feeling that there was something he wasn't telling me or that there was something going on and if there was I needed to get it out of him. He didn't move an inch when I asked this, he kept his eyes locked on mine and swallowed once.

"I want to convince you that I am okay." He slowly said, which I didn't fully understand. I pulled back from him just a little, just so I could make sure I was really listening to him. He paused and glances out to the road then back to me. "But I can't really convince myself." He said.

I got the message. And no matter how much it pained me to understand it, I did. Luke was not fully happy and no matter how good he thought things were, there was still something he was missing.

I felt a heavy weight on my shoulders, it must have been the near unbearable silence. I could feel my heart breaking just bit by bit and I only wondered how his own was doing. I clutched just a little tighter on his had as if it could give him some assurance.

"I love you and I love my family and your family and my friends." Luke spoke carefully, like his words could physically break if he spoke too loud. "I do not love the stress of school, or the feeling that everyone is watching me and judging me, and I sure do not love the feeling that I'm not doing everything I can for everyone." He confessed.

I took in a slow breath, studying him before I talked again. "I need you to get through one more month." I quietly told him, my voice nearly breaking. "Then I will try my best to get you to one hundred percent, which is where you deserve to be," I said.

Luke didn't reply and I could see why he wouldn't want to. I took the situation into my own hands and tried my best to help with such a small idea of what was going through his head.

"So you're not happy?" I questioned, running my fingertips over his knuckles.

He shrugged, "I mean, yeah, I am at times. I know how good I have it compared to some people. I just still feel a little empty." He explained.

"Do you think you need help?" I asked, trying to make sure to get some hey things out of the way first. I couldn't imagine himself getting lost in such a dark place.

"I don't need help." He sighed. "I just need a little something more." He fiddled around with my fingers which somehow told me that he's kept this to himself for a little while.

"From me?" I questioned, just trying to find the source of his feelings.

"No, 95% of my happiness is from you. I think it's just because I'm not with not just one, but two loving families all the time and I'm just busy. And when I'm not busy I occupy myself by thinking and then I think too much and it makes things just suck." His lips pulled into a subtle frown and I slowly nodded my head.

"Okay," I said. I looked up at met his eyes that were bright from the sun shining right into them. "I'm going to try everything I can, okay?" I told him, getting a single nod from him.

"I just don't want you to think that you have to 'save' me like I'm falling or something. It's not something people should build a relationship around. It isn't beautiful or cute or whatever people think." He ran a hand through his hair and as he finished I flattened down a piece that still stuck out. "I'm just down in the dumps more often than not and I don't like it. It's shitty and it's not fair to anyone." He made sure to stress this part, that there wasn't a particular reason for this. He just felt this way and he can't control what he feels.

"Unless you're rain or snow you do not look beautiful when you fall." I told him, a faint smile now appearing on his face. "I won't 'save' you because you don't need it. You're brave enough to do it yourself." I assured him. "You don't even need saving, you just need a little more love." I repeated his words and tried to get him to see that even though I wasn't exactly sure what was going on I was here for help and was going to do the most that I had for him.

Maybe it was time for me to be the sidekick.

-

A/N:

plot twist

and only 2 more chapters plus an epilogue

wow

i love you guys!!!! :-)