What better way was there to spend spring break than surrounded by a crowd of people in an unfamiliar condo where more than half of the people there wouldn't even remember what was happening at the moment when they got out of be the next day? There surely seemed to be better ways, which is why I was one of those people who tried to keep myself out of the giant crowd, but it was pretty much unavoidable.

I had come here with Luke who was currently no where to be found. We had been invited by Calum who was invited by Michael and it was basically just a giant cycle. My arm was currently aching from carrying a box of beer a quarter of a mile with Calum to handout to people here who really didn't need anymore. The dude who was giving them to us looked pretty tipsy himself, but Calum claimed to know him from his psychology class.

I was now walking into the kitchen of the strangers condo that was getting trashed. I was stepping on red cups with nearly every step I took. I found Ashton leaning up on the counter, talking to what looked like a couple that I had yet to meet. They walked away shortly after, giving me the chance to talk to Ashton without rudely interrupting.

"Have you seen Luke?" I asked, hauling the case of alcohol next to him on the counter.

"Who?" He leaned down to me as he couldn't hear me over the music the music that was playing.

"Luke." I repeated, a little louder this time. "I left to go pick up some more drinks around the corner for everyone and I can't find him anywhere." I explained, looking around again to see if I could spot him. He had said he would stay down here and wait, but I guess 20 minutes took too long.

"I haven't seen him, sorry Autumn." Ashton sheepishly replied. "Have you checked upstairs?" He asked. I shook my head in response, I figured that no one would really be up there unless someone needed to use the bedroom, so to speak.

It was a pretty big condo, but there wasn't much to where I could actually lose Luke. He had a little more than usual to drink, but I'm sure it wouldn't have him running of, at least I think it wouldn't. Ever since the school year started a few of his habits had changed and this one was unfortunately one of them.

I peered around the room one more time, hoping just to catch a glimpse of Luke's hair that would be peaking out over the others. I sighed as I turned back to Ashton, grabbing the plastic cup in his hand a downing the last amount of whatever he had in there.

"I'm going to go find him." I told him, getting a glare from him then a nod.

I threw my cup in the garbage, squeezing through a few people to head towards the main room where most of the people were. I didn't bother searching through the small crowd since I would've spotted Luke by then if he was in there. I left and headed towards the back porch, again seeing to sign of him.

After a few rounds around the first floor I found Calum and his girlfriend just submerging from a group of people, giggling and clinging onto each other.

"Calum," I said, rushing his name as if it would make me get his attention faster. "Have you seen Luke?"

"Yeah, he went upstairs like 20 minutes with a few people. I thought you were with him?" He replied, glancing down to the tall girl his arm was hooked around before raising an eyebrow back towards me.

I shook my head, "No I've been looking for him, but than you," I said, right before leaving them and heading towards the stairs.

I climbed them slowly behind two guys who were nearly stumbling up them and I suddenly felt a nervous feeling in my stomach. It sounded almost conceited of me to say, but the idea of drunk guys around me made me feel uncomfortable from the amount of times I've been nearly harassed.

I shook it off and just pushed by them, ignoring their slurred words being thrown at me. I looked down the long hallway then to the double doors that led to a balcony. I walked past the glass doors, quickly scanning the group to see if Luke had been out there. The second I saw them smoking I looked away and kept walking, sure that he wouldn't be in with that crowd.

I sighed as I made my way to the end of the hallway, seeing one door on the left and one on the right with a big bathroom in the middle. I could tell the light was on and I wondered if I should even bother with seeing who was in there, but I had already found myself knocking on the door.

A girl yanked the door open, the small rush of wind blowing her sleek (dyed) red hair over her shoulder.

"Oh, sorry," I mumbled. "I was just looking for someone." I awkwardly told her as she blankly stared at me.

"It's alright, really," she politely said. Her red lip stick matched well on her light skin, her dark brown eyes brightening in the bathroom light. "Who are you looking for?" She asked.

"Just, uh, my friend." I replied, giving her a small smile to seem less awkward.

"Well, there's a guy in the room to the left if that could be him." She pointed towards the white wooden door that was on my right but her left. "Tall, nice hair, tight pants." She explained, laughing at her explanation.

"That's probably him, thanks." I smiled again, relieved to actually find my boyfriend and figured that I'd ask him later about why he had wondered off even though it wasn't a big deal.

She suddenly stopped me, "Oh, um, he was with a girl," she quickly said. My face fell at that moment, my heart beat picking up as I listened to her carry on. "My friend, actually. I'm just up here to make sure he won't pull anything stupid, but I'm sort of regretting it from the noises I've been hearing." She joked, pulling out a tube of lipstick from her purse that sat on the counter.

"Oh." It was all I could say, the only thought going through my head was that Luke was currently with another girl, more than likely cheating on her with some chick he met that day.

"Whenever they come out I'll tell him you were looking for him." She offered, glancing over at me as she touched up her already perfect red lips.

"Um, no, it's fine." I stammered, forcing a smile on my face before abruptly turning around and leaving.

As much as I wanted to break down that stupid white door and catch him in the act of actually ruining what we had and possibly our friendship, I couldn't. I couldn't help but remember this exact feeling I had when I found out Ellis had done the same exact thing to me. I was pissed and I just wanted to ruin him, but I was hurt and felt like there was a fire inside of me and I physically couldn't.

I hurried down the steps, desperately trying to find Calum or his girlfriend since they were the ones we came with. I found Calum right by Ashton's side who hadn't left since I had gone upstairs.

I walked up to the group of three, trying to choke down the lump in my throat.

"I'm heading back to our place, I thought I would tell you so you don't have to go on a chase before you guys leave." I told Calum, biting the inside of my lip to keep my vision from getting blurry.

"Alright, did you ever find Luke?" He answered as I took in a deep breath.

"No," I lied. "He shouldn't be far though." I forced another fake smile on my smile, hating that I was even having to go through this again. As selfish as it sounded, I didn't think I deserved to have another relationship end this way.

"Are you alright?" Ashton asked, butting into the conversation with a worried tone.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine. I just have a headache." I replied, gripping onto my own fingers to stop myself from breaking down right then and there.

I quickly said goodbye to them before we went further into conversation, forcing my way through a crowd again. I desperately wanted to be home, to be back in New York at the moment. Whether it was in my own room at my own apartment or back with my family, I wanted to be by myself. But what hurt the most about this was that I didn't have my best friend to help me through this this time.

The walk back was short, but I walked as fast as I could, not wanting to seem like a lunatic sprinting back like I wanted to. But I was already standing at the door to where I was staying, desperately trying to unlock the door and get in before I started crying. I finally stumbled in, not from the small amount of alcohol, but because of how bad I was hurting.

I paced a hole in the floor, I didn't know what to do. I felt mad but also nervous for some reason, probably from the thought of having to face Luke sometime soon I had no idea what the hell I was going to say.

I ran a hand through my hair, my wrist hitting my cheek as my hand fell. I could feel the wetness on my skin and it told me that I already had tears rolling down my face. It didn't feel fair at this point, I couldn't control Luke's actions at the moment, but even worse I couldn't even control my own.

"Oh, God." I whispered, wiping under my eyes as the tears fell a little faster. I didn't want to cry, I hated crying. What made it even worse that it was over Luke. He was the one who put me in this position and he was the only one who knew how to get me out. I was stuck.

I walked into the room where Luke and I were staying in and I shook my head once I caught the sight of his clothes scattered around the room. It made my stomach churn as the image of him with another girl popped into my head.

I didn't care if she was prettier or smarter or was more fun than me, I really didn't. What I did care about was that I didn't feel good enough for him since I obviously could not keep myself in his thoughts if that made sense. I couldn't keep him hooked on me.

I sat down on the bed, burying my face in my hands. My tears fell slowly and I stayed silent, unsure of what to do. I picked my head back up, looking around the room once more. I glanced down at the few shirts of Luke's that were on the bed, throwing them to the floor quickly while muttering a few profanities.

I groaned as I got up and decided to head into the bathroom to get ready to go to bed. The last thing I had done was wash my face, and I constantly had to look up into my red eyes. It hurt more and more every time, seeing myself like this because of Luke. I dried my face with the nearest towel, it smelling exactly like his body wash.

I threw it aside as I groaned once more, picking up another and trying to pull myself together. After I was done I placed both of my hands on the counter and just stared at myself through the mirror. In all honesty I had looked like a wreck. My eyes scanned up and down my body as they usually did which only irritated myself even more.

It wasn't until I laid down, until I realized my body felt heavier and until I realized I wasn't sharing a blanket with a certain somebody that it had really truly hit me. I was in love with a boy who really wasn't in love with me. I lost my lover and now my best friend was no where to be found and I'm sure I had lost him too.

-

A/N:

FUCK