Needless to say, the party was an absolute flop. Well, not the party itself because Luke and I managed to have one of the best nights, but the plan was a flop. While all of Ellis' friends and house mates showed up, he didn't. After finding out the news we decided to ditch the plan and go on with our night and make it the best we could. And that's what we were best known for.

"Ugh, why are you leaving early?" I groaned at Luke as I stopped tapping my pencil on the table. He shushed me, seeing as we were in a public library just a few blocks from my house.

"It's just 3 days." He quietly laughed. I leaned back into my chair and folded my arms across my chest.

"But we were supposed to leave together." I pouted. He rolled his eyes at me since he had explained at least 20 times that he was leaving for or Thanksgiving break, that was in 2 weeks, because his mom wanted him around to help set up for the huge dinner they were having.

Every Thanksgiving for the past 10 years has been the same for us. Luke and his immediate family came over for an early lunch and we'd hang around for a few hours and then they'd leave just as all of their cousins and grandparents started piling into their house and prepared for a huge dinner. I'd never been to one since it was just his family, but he'd told me about them and he said they were the definition of chaos, he told me every year.

We had planned on leaving together since we had only lived in a mile radius of each other. He moved into the neighborhood right across the street from mine and it was beyond convenient. I had the idea of leaving with him and keeping at our original plan, but I didn't bring it up since I didn't want to feel as if I was getting in the way. But we did have 2 weeks to figure a few things out and it didn't bother me.

It's been a week since that Halloween party we went to and I'm pretty sure that's how long Luke's had a hangover. Even though it's not really possible, but he did give in and have a drink, then it just went downhill from there. I had discovered he was a lightweight and me being actually sober the whole time it was entertaining to watch, but I had stopped him at some point and dragged him back home. 

"Just help me." He grumbled as he leaned his head into his hand that was supported by his elbow on the table. I sat back up and skimmed over the endless physics questions. We were lucky enough to share a class and it wasn't either of our strong subjects, so we were now trying to figure out how were going we were going to pass our tests on Monday.

I began trying to explain the problems as well as I could since I was just starting to understand it. I kept reading over the paper, letting words and sentences just randomly fall out of my mouth, but got distracted by Luke scooting closer to me.

"What are you doing?" I plainly asked, not moving me eyes from the textbook in front of me.

"Am I making you uncomfortable?" He questioned. I glanced up at him, moving back a little when I saw how close he was getting to me.

"Yes." I answered with a quiet laugh. He leaned in even closer to me, nudging his shoulder on mine.

"Good." He smirked. I knocked his elbow off the table which made him nearly fall of his chair since he was so clumsy. 

"You know, you're so annoying." I muttered while a smile began to tug at the corner of my lips. He shrugged his shoulders and I turned to face him.

"I know." He replied, looking up and meeting my eyes with his own. 

"No, you don't know. That's why you keep going." I stated.

"Oh but I do know, Primrose." I frowned at the use of my first name, he had used it only sparingly now, but he seemed to do it whenever I was the least fond of it. "I know you better than you know yourself and that is the reason why I keep going. Because you don't really think I'm annoying you just don't like people being so close to you." He explained.

"You do not know me better than I know myself." I narrowed my eyes at him, scanning his facial expression that still told me he was feeling rather accomplished of his words.

"What color do you want to paint the walls in your room?" He suddenly asked. We stared him intensely, as if I was looking for a deeper meaning of his question. He bit at the skin on his lip as I paused to swallow before answering.

"Red." I shortly replied. He raised his eyebrows at my reply then released his lip from his teeth.

"No you don't." He said. "You want to paint them light blue because it's your favorite color. You say red because you want it to match the rest of the house." Luke was right, he was very right. I couldn't tell if I was bothered by it or not, or maybe I was more impressed by it than anything, but I wouldn't let him know because he'd probably hold it against me forever and think that I would be impressed by him pouring a glass of water.

"What kind of dog do you want running around the house?" He asked again. 

"A pug." I instantly answered back.

"You say that because I want one. You want a husky." He snickered. He shifted his weight onto his arm that he just placed the wooden table. It creaked lightly and I watched for a few moments as he twirled a pencil between his fingers.

"What kind of coffee do I like?" I questioned. Just as he opened his mouth a book from across the room had fallen off a table, making us turn our head in their direction. A girl with sleek blonde hair was already picking it off the floor. I turned back to Luke, but his attention was still on the girl.

"Vanilla." He spoke, slowly facing back to me but letting his eyes drag a little after. I smiled to myself as he looked back at me with a fallen expression.

"Hazelnut." I corrected. He frowned at me like I had just before his little game had begun. The sound of him dropping his pencil followed by the creaking of his chair as he leaned back was heard through the small room, making a few people next to us turn their heads.

"Well, yeah, you drink hazelnut everyday. But you like vanilla better but we don't buy it because it's more expensive." He nodded his head to the side, knowing he was right. It seems as he'd taken notice in me a lot more than I had actually known.

"Shit." I murmured, looking over to the open textbook that we had lost all focus from.

"You also caught onto swearing from me. Sorry." He chuckled, sitting back up. I rolled my eyes at him, wanting to get back on focus. Luke had done a very good job over the years at getting me off task it was one of his specialties. 

We began running over the questions and trying to figure out an answer, but we'd still only managed to get through a page of problems in about half an hour. I could tell Luke was starting to lose his energy from the lack of concentration he had. He never had much anyways, but by now it was practically gone. As for me, I made it appear I was drowning myself into these questions, but I couldn't help but stumble over my words after Luke's hand rested on the side of my thigh.

It felt nearly unbearable, like I was going to squirm in my seat at any second. This had happened a few times before and usually ending in my swatting his hand away, but with him leaning into his hand once again and flicking between the pages and me it seemed alright, almost as if it was normal.

I began taking notice in him even more, more than I usually did, yet not as much as he did in me. He gripped at his hair when he felt frustrated and tapped his fingers when he felt a bit uneasy or nervous. He narrowed his eyes only when he wanted to convince someone of something and when he felt a little angry. I also took notice in his lack of attention from the blonde girl sitting a few tables away from us. I still hadn't seen her face, but I was guessing Luke had and he was caught.

I felt a hint of envy in my chest. Luke isn't one to jump from girl to girl so seeing him look so drawn to her was definitely new. I bet he would've guessed it was just my best friend jealously that kicked in, but what Luke actually didn't know about me was that I just didn't want to see him treat another girl the way he treats me.

-

"Was I just a piece of meat to him?" I shouted furiously, pacing my living room floor. "I mean, 2 years. Did that mean anything?" I raked my hand through my falling bangs and turned to face Luke that got to hear my rage about Ellis yet once again. 

After we finished our rather long study session at the library, we headed down to a small pizza joint next door for dinner. We completely lost ourselves in conversation and winded up staying later than we wanted so we got in just a few minutes past 10.

"Hey, calm down." He quietly said, gesturing me over to sit next to him. I felt myself getting more fired up about it and refused his wanted action.

"I can't calm down." I huffed as I crossed my arms over my chest. I hated the feeling that Luke was being insensitive because he never was. He just gave off the vibe, and me being in the state I was in now I just needed to let out some steam. "I'm still in shock that he actually did what he did." I confessed. 

"Well it's been done. And all you can do is go forward." He replied as he got up on his feet. "It's just time to let it all go." He placed a hand on my shoulder, keeping his lips in a flat line.

"Let it go?" I scoffed. I moved my shoulder back from him, letting his hand fall to his side. "I can't just let it go. He was a big part of my life." I explained, popping my knuckles with my thumb unconsciously.

"That's the past, Autumn. You can't fix it." He tilted his head to the side, as if it was going to completely change my view on the subject. I stepped backwards and faced my back to him, putting my fingers to the side of my temple.

"But I fixed him. You knew how much of an asshole he was before I dated him. If it wasn't for me changing him then he would be no where."

Before Ellis and I dated, he was the cliche image of the captain of the football team, slacking a little education wise, and every girl wanted to be with him. I sat in the seat in front of him in our chemistry class and it all went from there. He made a complete 360 and was a brand new person.

"And you believe that?" He sarcastically said. I spun back around, to see he'd shifted his weight into his left leg and my crossed arms matched his. 

"Of course I believe it, it's the truth." I raised my voice in frustration. He'd never gotten mad back at me since he didn't want to make me more angry than I was, but it seems this time was different. 

"You know, I wasn't going to tell you this until later in our lives, but I want you to know that Ellis didn't change for shit. He's still the same kid he was before you dated him." His voice was rushed and loud, something I haven't heard before. He huffed out as he shook his hair around.

"And you believe that?" I replied, repeating his words.

"I know that. The way he treated you versus the way he treated, well, everyone else made me sick." He added on. "He wasn't the way you thought he was."

"You knew him just as well as I did!" I shouted, putting a hand to my chest as he walked towards me.

"You knew it was going to be hard, and you took a risk. And you were blinded by something that made you completely unaware of the fact that there is more than one side to him. You can't just change people!" He yelled back. I hadn't heard him yell at me in an angry manner before, so it was all new and rather scary. He wasn't scary, Luke could never scare me. But rather the fact that we were actually angry with each other.

I felt tears prick at the corners of my eyes as we stopped as stared at each other. I blinked a few times, letting them fall down my cheek. His face fell from his angry expression to asoft and sorrowed one.

"I'm trying way too hard." I choked out as I dropped my head. I don't know why I smiled, but I did. I'm not too sure whether he had seen it or not, but I didn't really care at this point. I brought my hands up to wipe the drops from under my eyes.

"No, Autumn." Luke softly said. He took a step to me and gripped his hands right above my elbows. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean-"

"Stop." I suddenly said, cutting him off. I took a deep breath and looked up and him. He had the most hurt expression on his face and I immediately felt the guilt settle in. "I don't want to fight with you. Not now, not ever." I told him. 

He let go of my arms and wrapped his own around my shoulders, pulling me in for a hug. On instant I loosely slung my arms around his torso and clung to him tightly. I felt his hand playing with my hair that was laying on my back and we hadn't pulled back even after he began to speak.

"I'll make this up to you, okay? I'll do whatever-"

"Let's just pretend it never happened." I stopped him from going on as I pushed my hands against his torso to pull him back from me. He looked down at me, his eyes becoming a little brighter.

"I don't want to fight with you either." He sighed, lightly shaking his head. Our voices were at a complete contrast from just minutes before.

"Let's just grab some movies and head off to my room." I offered, giving him a thin smile. He nodded his head quickly and I swiveled around to head off to my room with Luke trailing behind me.

We'd done this many times, solving our problems over a movie. But usually our problems weren't with each other, as in we'd never had a movie night because we wanted to forget an argument. I wasn't mad at him, I really wasn't because I practically started it. It's just what we were fighting about. I never knew Luke had a problem with Ellis until now. And it's just now coming out over a month after we broke up.

-

My eyes slowly opened and with ease, telling me I hadn't been asleep for very long. I was halfway off my bed and decided to scoot backwards but flinched once I hit an unsuspecting body next to me. I peered over my shoulder and realized Luke was sprawled out over my whole entire bed. I quietly sighed, dragging my self off of the bed which wasn't too easy.

This had happened nearly every single time we shared our sleeping spot. Whether it be a bed or a couch or in a car, Luke always managed to take up the whole entire space. I stood on my feet and instantly felt wide awake, I guessed I'd only been sleeping for an hour.

I turned off the TV that was replaying the opening menu for a movie we had going. Luke must have been as tired as I was because I passed out half an hour into the movie. Him shifting in his spot made me turn my attention to him as I walked to my desk, not even watching where I was going. I suddenly felt a sharp pain in my hip then felt myself bend over slightly into the wood. A few quiet profanities left my mouth as I rubbed the now sore spot on my hip from mindlessly running into the stupid piece of furniture.

I sat down in the cushioned chair and looked at the items on my desk. I rubbed my eyes and turned on the small lamp I had on my desk. It was bright enough for me to see but not bright enough to wake the sleeping boy in my bed.

I gave myself the time to sit down and think about what was happening between us. I felt like I needed a straight forward answer. I needed him to tell me what he was thinking because we haven't talked about it once besides right after he kissed me, but that doesn't exactly count. 

I didn't know if I wanted anything with him yet. Or if I really did. I didn't know if I was slowly warming up to him because of him coming onto me or because I really wanted to. It was obvious Luke had something for me, but he only showed it at certain times so it made me weary of how he really felt. I hadn't had enough courage to ask him what was up since I didn't want to suggest something to him and completely ruin it.

I picked up the notebook I had laying in front of me, shuffling through the few pages I had wrote on. Most of it was pointless doodling and a few random reminders, but I read over and over my sloppy handwriting as I continued my thoughts, trying to trigger any idea for how to solve a few things.

I dropped the book on the ground, luckily I had carpeted floors and it didn't make a sound. I I peered up at Luke as I leaned over to pick up the book by it's back. He stirred once more and just as I brought the book back up, I noticed a few tings scribbled in the back. I narrowed my eyes at my notebook and the last pages, the handwriting looked like mine, but sloppier and more dragged on. 

I recognized this as the things I had wrote down when I was in a stream of consciousness after Luke kissed me. I still hadn't known what I let out onto the page and I instantly became curious. I flicked through the few pages, hoping that somewhere in the mindless words there was an answer of some sort.

My eyes scanned down the thick sheets of paper and I was about to give up right when I flipped to the back of the last page. I read over the looped words, my breath being caught in my chest. 

"When did I fall in love with my best friend?"

That was my straight forward answer. I pushed myself back from the desk, gripping the arm rests. It was hard to believe that I had written this down, since I obviously didn't remember it. But it was an actual thought of mine. It was my own question. And as if planned I heard my bed creak then the ruffling of blankets. I closed my eyes tight, hoping I hadn't woken up Luke and would have to explain why I look a little freaked out. I waited a few moments before opening my eyes then felt as if I had successfully kept quiet, but it had been ruined when I felt a hand on my exposed shoulder.

"Autumn?"

-

A/N:

a few people have been asking me a few questions about this as they were a little confused, so if you have any questions or want to clear anything up leave it in my ask ask.fm/fluffycashton ((this is also in the external link))

thank you fro reading this has gotten so many reads in such a little time omg