Song: Say You'll Never Go- Erik Santos

Live

I anxiously waited outside. I waited until the doctors are done doing their job. Pero ilang minuto na ang lumipas, wala parin akong nakukuhang impormasyon mula sakanila.

Ilang beses na rin akong nagdadasal sa Panginoon. Ilang beses na akong humihingi ng tulong pero hanggang ngayon, wala parin akong nakikitang lumalabas mula sa trauma room kung nasaan si Sam.

I ran my fingers through my face and I stared at the door again. Ipinikit ko muna ang mga mata ko ng sandali at nang minulat ko muli ang mga ito ay nakita kong inilalabas nila si Sam mula sa kwarto. Everyone is on the rush. I saw them manually pumping air inside her lungs.

Mabilis akong tumayo at lumapit sakanila. Pero bago pa ako tuluyang makalapit ay may pumigil na sa akin.

"What's happening?" I asked the doctor who stopped me. Sinundan ko ng tingin ang mga doctors at nurses na may dala kay Sam.

"Sir, I need you to stay calm." Nawala lang ang tingin ko sakanila nang hinawakan ako ng isang doctor sa magkabila kong braso.

"What happened? Where are they bringing her?" I asked.

"She needs to be rushed in surgery. There's been a bleeding inside her brain and we need to stop it before it gets worst."

Para akong nilagutan ng hininga nang dahil sa narinig ko. She doesn't deserve any of these. She doesn't deserve to be in this car accident. She doesn't deserve to suffer.

And she doesn't deserve to battle for her life.

Kung kaya ko lang ipalit ang sarili ko sakanya, ginawa ko na. Kung ako nalang sana ang nasa kalagayan niya...

"Zach!" narinig kong may tumawag sa akin.

I didn't have the time to turn to whoever it is because I'm busy processing that my girlfriend has to be rushed in surgery because of brain bleeding. A bleeding that can also cause her life.

"What happened?" Ryan's familiar voice came into my senses.

Nanatili lang akong nakatingin sa doctor, hindi parin makapaniwala sa sinapit ni Sam.

"Excuse me but I have to get into surgery. I'll let you know how it goes."

The doctor then walked away from us to go to the operating room. Doon ko nalang hinarap sila Ryan at Tony na nag-aalalang nakatingin sa akin ngayon.

I stared at Ryan and I can see from his eyes that he's demanding me for an answer. Gustong-gusto kong sagutin ngunit hindi ko kaya. I stared at him and I feel my eyes are starting to water.

"Zach... what-"

I breathed heavily before I started breaking down in front of them, dahilan kung bakit hindi na niya naituloy pa ang kanyang sasabihin. My lips started shaking. My body started shaking.

Everything just hurts... I couldn't afford losing her again. I lost her a lot of times already and I can't let that happen again. I can't... she's everything that matters to me and I don't know what I will do without her.

Knowing that Sam is inside the operating room right now sends terrible thoughts inside my head. Hindi ito katulad nang nangyari kay Cindy. Cindy was already dead when they found her. While Sam was barely alive when she was found. We even got the chance to rush her to the hospital, hindi katulad ni Cindy. At hindi ko alam na mas masakit pa pala na naghihintay ka dito sa ospital, umaasa at naghihintay sa sasabihin ng doctor.

Because while I'm waiting here, I can't help but think that there's a chance that I'm going to lose Sam. Forever.

And I never thought that watching someone you love on the verge of dying hurts more than the death itself.

Ryan enveloped me into a hug and he let me cry on his shoulders. He is hurting, too, but he knows that I needed more comfort so he decided to become strong.

"It's okay... It's okay..." Ryan's voice cracked even though he's trying so hard not to.

"It's my fault. I'm the reason why she's here-"

"Shh... it's no one's fault okay? W-We didn't expect this to happen. None of us knows! S-So, don't blame yourself, Zach. S-Sam wouldn't like it."

He's right. Sam wouldn't like the thought that I'm blaming myself for her accident. She didn't like the idea that I blamed myself for Cindy's death, kaya sigurado rin akong hindi niya magugustohan na malaman na ang sarili ko parin ang sinisisi ko dahil sa aksidenteng ito.

Ilang oras ang inabot namin sa paghihintay sa balita tungkol sa naging operation kay Sam. Sa tuwing may lalabas na doctor mula sa operating room ay inaasahan kong iyon ang doctor ni Sam pero nadidismaya lang ako sa tuwing hindi siya ang lumalabas.

I wonder what's happening inside the operating room. Did she make it? I really hope she does. Dahil hinding-hindi ko kakayanin kung sakaling mawala siya sa akin.

I probably look stupid here because I'm still wearing my football uniform. No wonder why everyone keeps on staring at me. But I don't care. Mas iisipin ko pa ba ang pagpapalit ng damit kaysa sa buhay ni Sam?

I don't even know who won because I don't care anymore. All I care about right now is for the doctors to save Sam's life.

Tony offered me food but I rejected it. Wala akong ganang kumain. Hindi ko kayang kumain hangga't hindi ko nalalaman ang kalagayan ni Sam.

I was playing with my water bottle when I heard someone called my name.

"Mr. Dela Merced," mabilis akong napatayo nang makita ko ang doctor ni Sam na papalapit sa akin.

"How is she?" I immediately asked.

"She did great." I sighed in relieved.

Thank you, Lord! Thank You so, so much!

"The surgery went fine. We got the bleeding out... but,"

I raised my brows at him when he did not continue.

"But?"

He pursed his lips and breathed heavily before he continued speaking. "Why don't you come with me, sir?"

Agad kong sinunod ng utos niya at sumama ako sakanya. Behind me were Ryan and Tony. The doctor guided us towards the ICU.

When he opened the door, agad na bumungad sa akin ang mga aparato na nakakabit kay Sam. May tubo sa kanyang bibig na siyang tumutulong na mag-bigay ng hangin sa kanya. Parang mabibingi ako sa tuwing naririnig ko ang tunog ng heart monitor.

Agad akong lumapit sakanya at hinawakan ang kanyang kamay. Her hand was cold. Sobrang layo sa init ng kamay niya sa tuwing hinahawakan ko ito. She looks so pale. Very far from the Sam I'm used to seeing every day.

There are bruises on her face ngunit kahit ganoon ay maganda parin siya. I smiled.

Thank you for fighting, Sam. Thank you for not leaving me.

I turned to the doctor again and asked him to continue what he was about to say to me a while ago.

"What?!" my voice raised when the doctor finally told me what happened. "I thought she did great... I thought..." hindi ko na naituloy pa ang sasabihin ko.

The doctor told me that Samantha is in comatose. Ryan gasped when the doctor told us Samantha's state. Hindi na niya nakayanan pa kaya naiyak na siya sa bisig ni Tony. Habang ako... ako naman ang nagpapakatatag ngayon.

Akala ko ba naging maayos ang operasyon... I thought they got the bleeding out... Akala ko...

What the hell is happening?

"I mean... she can wake up, right? I mean, people wake up from comas all the time." I said, medyo nagpapanic.

"There's a chance that she will, but there's also a chance that she won't. Ms. Enriquez scans showed a massive hemorrhage in her brain. We managed to take the bleeding out but the bleeding is just too aggressive and we didn't get the chance to think about the risks."

"Oh, god!" 'yun lang ang natatangi kong nasabi.

I have no choice but to accept that my girlfriend is in a coma, right? I feel like I have to get mad but I didn't. Because deep inside of me, I know that the doctors did what they could do. The only thing that I can do is to thank them. Even though that there's risk, they still managed to take the bleeding out. Dahil mas delikado kung hindi nila maalis iyon.

Pasalamat pa nga ako dahil hindi ito humantong sa bagay na hindi ko kakayanin na mangyari. Ang kailangan ko nalang isipin ngayon ang posibilidad na magising parin si Sam. Maghihintay ako kahit gaano katagal. Titiisin ko kahit na hindi ako sanay na hindi ko naririnig ang boses niya.

Kakayanin ko... para sakanya.

Umabot ng ilang buwan nang naging ganoon ang sitwasyon namin. Kulang nalang ay dito na ako tumira dahil araw araw akong nandito. Walang oras na umalis ako sa tabi niya.

And it's been two months since she's been in a coma. I talk to her every time. I tell her everything that goes with my day kahit na nandidito lang naman ako sa hospital buong araw.

In those two months, there are times where she becomes unstable. She keeps on crashing because of the bleeding in her brain. Sabi ng doctor, kahit na katiting na dugo lang iyon ay delikado parin.

Minsan ay magugulat nalang ako dahil bigla nalang bibilis ang tunog ng kanyang heart monitor. It happened last month while I was talking to her father.

Tito Anthony went here just to see her. He asked me what happened and I thought he's going to blame me... but he didn't. But instead, he offered me comfort.

At ngayon, hinihiling ko na wag na sanang mangyari pa ulit iyon. Dahil sa ganoong pagkakataon, pinipilit kong magpakatatag kahit na ang hirap.

Tito Anthony did his best to prevent the spreading of Sam's accident. Ayaw niyang umabot pa sakanila Isabella ang balita dahil natatakot siyang baka samantalahin nito ang kundisyon ni Sam. I even helped him with it.

We paid a lot for that but I don't really mind. Para na rin iyon sa proteksyon ni Sam.

I was sitting beside her bed while staring at her beautiful sleeping face. Her wounds are healed now. Wala nang mga bakas ng sugat sa kanyang mukha. I smiled at her.

You still managed to stay beautiful even though you have a tube in your mouth, huh? Such a stunner.

Nawala lang ang tingin ko sakanya nang tumunog ang cellphone ko. I immediately answered my mother's call.

"Hey," bati ko.

I knew she'll call so I can give her an update about Sam's condition. Umabot rin sa kanila ang balita ilang araw matapos ang naging aksidente. My mother quickly called and asked me about what happened.

"Hi, Zachary. How are you?" she asks.

"I'm fine, mom. Ganoon pa rin, po."

To be honest, I have plans on returning home after I proposed to Sam. Balak ko kasi na doon kami ikasal. But then... the accident happened and I didn't get the chance to do that.

"How's Sam?"

"Hindi parin po gumigising." I heard her sigh on the other line. Parang may tumusok sa puso ko nang sinabi ko iyon.

"Just be patient, anak. She'll wake up soon."

"I hope so. I miss her. I miss her so much." I clenched my jaw to stop myself from breaking down over the phone again.

Ganoon kasi ang nangyari noong unang beses niyang tumawag simula nang malaman niya ang nangyari. I didn't know that I can be such a cry baby.

"It's going to be okay, Zach... Sam is a fighter, she'll make it."

"She will. She needs to."

Nang matapos kaming mag-usap ay kinuha kong muli ang kamay ni Sam.

"It's mom. She called again. She was asking about you. Pati siya, hindi na rin makapaghintay na gumising ka. We're waiting for you to open your eyes, you know. Because we can't wait to talk to you again. Lalo na ako," tipid akong ngumiti sakanya.

"I have so many things to tell you, baby. I have so many plans and I can't wait to do all those plans that I have for you... and for us..." I pressed my lips into a thin line and I continued.

"Please wake up, Sam... don't ever crash again because I can't take it anymore. Every time it happens, I feel like I'm losing you. And I can't let that happen."

I bit my lip to stop the tears but I can't. Waiting for someone to wake up from coma hurts. Dahil kahit na hinintay mo nang magising siya, minsan hindi pa nangyayari iyon. 'Yung haba ng hinintay mo, minsan mapupunta lang rin sa wala.

At hindi ko kakayanin na mangyari iyon kay Sam. I'll pay millions para lang mailigtas nila ang buhay niya. I don't care about the expenses. All I care about is Sam's life.

Aanhin ko pa ang pera kung hindi ko naman siya kasama?

"Can you just... Can you live? Can you live... for me?" my voice broke. "Please? Live for me."