Song: The Wreck of Our Hearts- Sleeping Wolf

Dreams

True to his words, Timothy really did brought a lot of books for me to read. Nagulat nalang ako nang may ipinapasok ang driver na iba't ibang uri ng libro. They all seem new.

Pinaakyat niya ito sa opisina niya. Sumunod ako sakanya habang bitbit niya ang ibang librong pinabili niya. Inilapag niya ito sa lamesa at isa isa itong nilabas.

"You... didn't have to buy me a new one." Medyo nahihiya ko pang sinabi sakanya.

Bahagya siyang tumawa at binalewala lang ang sinabi ko. He reaches for the book that he mentioned to me before. Lumakad ako patungo sakanya.

"Here," he said. "This is your favorite."

Dahan-dahan kong kinuha sakanya ang libro. Tinitigan ko ito at inexamine ng mabuti. This seems like a good book but it also seems like that it's not the type of genre that I used to read before.

I don't really know. The feeling is just unusual. Feeling ko talaga hindi ganito ang mga tipo ng libro na binabasa ko noon. The book is more of a teen fiction while I feel like I prefer genres more than that.

Oh, well. Let's give it a try and check if it's really my favorite gaya ng sabi ni Timothy.

Inangat ko ang tingin sakanya at tsaka siya nginitian. "Okay... I'll read this now."

Naupo ako sa sofa sa tapat ng office table ni Timothy. I made myself comfortable while I let him do his work. Minsan nararamdaman kong sinusulyapan niya ako habang may ginagawa siya sa kanyang laptop.

I'll try to smile at him when I catch him then I'll focus my attention back to the book. Madalas na nagriring ang telepono niya dahil siguro marami siyang kliyente at maraming gustong kumausap sakanya.

He's such a busy man. No wonder why he rarely goes home sometimes.

I tried to finish the book within the day. Thank goodness that I did. It was a really good book and it almost made me cry. Buti nalang at pinigilan ko dahil nahihiya naman akong maiyak sa harap ni Timothy.

I sighed heavily then I closed the book. It's past midnight already when I finished. At hanggang ngayon hindi parin tapos si Timothy sa kanyang ginagawa.

"How was it?" he asked when he saw me already putting the book inside the shelf.

"It was good... and very sad. I'm surprised that it's my favorite book."

Bahagyang kumunot ang noo niya. "Bakit? Feeling mo ba hindi ganyan ang mga tipo mo?"

I nod my head. "Yeah," I said honestly. I saw him bite his lower lip, mukhang naghahanda ng sasabihin. "I feel like... I'm more into books that will make me dig deeper."

He nods his head. Ngumuso siya at tinuro ang book shelf. "Don't worry. You still have a lot of books to read. Baka makahanap ka pa ng bagong paborito."

Ngumuti siya sa akin kaya ganoon rin ang ginawa ko. I walked closer to him. Hindi ko na tinangka pang silipin ang kanyang ginagawa dahil mabilis niyang ibinaba ang screen ng kanyang laptop para siguro hindi ko makita.

I don't really mind though. He's a very private person. Maybe he just didn't want me to see some of his most private files. I respect him and his privacy.

"Hindi ka pa ba matutulog?" tanong ko.

"Marami pa akong inaasikaso, e." aniya sabay hinarap ang swivel chair sa akin. He grabbed me by the waist to pull me closer to him. "Gusto mo mauna ka ng matulog. Matagal pa 'tong mga gagawin ko baka hindi mo na ako mahintay."

Tumango ako at ngumuso. "I understand. But you also need to rest. Don't overwork yourself, Timothy. I know you're very hardworking. But you also need to look out for your health sometimes."

That causes him to smile. "I will, love. Thanks for the concern."

Bago ko naman siya iwan ay pinatakan niya ako ng halik sa aking labi. Hinatid niya ako patungo sa aming kwarto at hinintay bago ako makatulog.

That night, I dreamed that I was in a room that's full of people. Cameras keeps on flashing in my face and I did nothing but smile at them.

Kabi-kabilang photographers ang nasa harap ko at hindi ko na alam kung sino ang titingnan. I was slowly getting blinded by their flashes until I felt someone grab me by my waist.

Hindi ko na naaninag pa ang itsura ng lalaki dahil natakpan ito ng ilaw, as if the light doesn't want me to know this man's face. Hinila niya ako palapit sakanya at tsaka ako giniya patungo sa bukana ng venue.

Maybe this man was Timothy. He's exposed to the spotlight since I heard that he's a famous businessman. Marami rin siguro siyang napuntahang events at siguro... sinasama niya ako roon? I don't really know.

I continued to dream about him in the next few days. Hindi ko sinasabi kahit kanino ang tungkol sa mga panaginip ko. I'm trying to patch these dreams up on my own.

I don't really know if it's Timothy. Maybe these scenes from my dreams already happened in my life before. Baka pupwede kong tanungin si Timothy tungkol doon. Kung magtutugma ang lahat ng sinabi niya sa panaginip ko, baka nga siya itong lalaki.

I had dreams about him during a game. I was cheering so hard for him when he scored. As usual, I couldn't recognize his face since it's being covered by his helmet.

In this dream, I felt my heart flatter when he pointed at me as if he's telling me that the score was for me. Marami ang nagtilian nang makita nila ang ginawa nung lalaki.

I was shy for a moment but I still continued on cheering for him until they won the game.

Nagising nalang ako nang makarinig ko ng isang malakas na alarm. It was Timothy's. He's so used to setting an alarm so he could get up early and start working out.

Anong oras na kaya natulog ang isang 'to? It's already midnight when I left his office to sleep last night.

Sabi niya pa sa akin na marami pa siyang gagawin so I guess, he stayed up all night to do all his works. Tapos ngayon, gigising siya ng maaga dahil ito na ang nakasanayan niya.

He's torturing himself!

Mabilis siyang bumangon at agad na nag-tungo sa banyo upang maghilamos. Paglabas niya ay nakasuot na siya ng kanyang damit na pang-work out.

"Anong oras ka na natulog kagabi?" kuryoso kong tanong sakanya.

"Three." he answered simply.

"You only slept for four hours! It's unhealthy. You should take a rest."

Napangiti siya nang dahil sa pag-aalala ko. He went to the bed to sit in front of me. Kinuha niya ang pisngi ko at mayamos itong hinawakan.

"Don't worry about me. I'm already used to this kind of routine. And still, nothing bad happened to me. I didn't die."

Ngumuso ako at pabiro siyang sinamaan ng tingin. "But still, you shouldn't overwork yourself."

"I will. Next time, ma'am." He teased. Inirapan ko naman siya.

Sabay kaming bumaba at naghiwalay lang nang lumabas na siya para mag jogging.

Dumiretso ako sa hapag at nakitang marami na ang nakahain doon.

"Good morning, Ma'am. Kain na po." ani isa sa mga kasambahay ni Timothy.

Nginitian ko siya at binati siya pabalik. Naupo ako at agad niyang sinalinan ng juice ang aking baso.

"Matagal ka na ba nagtatatrabaho kasama si Timothy?" tanong ko.

Out of nowhere nalang rin 'yan na pumasok sa isip ko. Gusto ko kasing malaman kung matagal na sila dito para mapagtanong tanong ko rin kung ano ba ang buhay ko dati. Kung matagal na kasi sila kay Timothy, sigurado akong kilala nila ako.

"Hmm... nako, Ma'am. Hindi po. Bago lang po ako rito. 'Yung mga matagal na po atang nagtatrabaho kay Sir Timothy ay nandoon sa mansyon. Bakit niyo po natanong, ma'am?"

"Ah... Wala, may gusto lang sana akong malaman."

"Sige, ma'am. Tanong niyo lang po baka alam ko ang tungkol dyan." 

Umiling ako. Nginitian ko siya para hindi siya maoffend sa pag-tanggi ko. 

"Hindi na. Tungkol rin kasi 'to sa dati kaya hindi nalang."

"Sorry, ma'am. Bago po kasi kami halos lahat dito kaya hindi po rin namin masasagot kung tungkol po iyan sa dati." she gave me an apologetic smile then she pouted. 

"No worries, it's okay. Kumain na ba kayo?" 

"Opo, ma'am! Sabay-sabay po kami sa baba." 

Tumango ako at nagsimula na ring kumain. All through out the day, I did nothing but read all the book that Timothy bought for me. I also found a comfortable place around the house that I could stay in whenever I read. 

I was busy reading a book when a maid called out my name. 

"Ma'am Savannah," aniya. Inangat ko ang tingin sakanya at kuryoso siyang tiningnan. 

"Bakit?" 

"Maghanda raw po kayo sabi ni Sir Timothy. Aalis raw po kayo mamayang gabi." 

Bumuka ang bibig ko. And where is he taking me now huh? Buti nalang rin at naisipan niyang dalhin ako sa labas. Medyo nabobore na rin kasi ako kung panay dito lang ako sa loob ng bahay. 

"Ganoon ba? Sige, tatapusin ko lang 'to. Mag-aayos rin agad ako pagtapos." 

Kinagabihan ay tinawag ako ng driver ni Timothy para ihatid kung saan kami magkikita. I tried to familiarize myself around the area. I also found a bookstore nearby. Siguro kapag nabasa ko na ang lahat ng binili ni Timothy dito na ako pupunta para ako na mismo ang makapamili. 

We reached the restaurant not less than twenty minutes. Pagpasok ko ay iginiya agad ako ng receptionist patungo sa table kung nasaan si Timothy. He smiled at me once he sees me nearing. 

Tumayo siya at sinalubong ako. He kissed me on the cheek. Umikot naman siya upang hilahin ang upuan para sa akin. I thanked him for his kind gesture. 

"So... what made you decide that we should have a fancy dinner tonight?" I asked. 

Timothy shrugged his shoulders. "I just want this time with you. Or maybe... this is where we can talk about things? Tell me what's bothering you or anything. I know I've been such a busy man that I wasn't able to answer all your concerns so... maybe this is the best time." 

Ngumiti ako. I appreciate that he really did take this time to address all my concerns. Ang dami ko pa naman ding gustong itanong. Gusto kong malaman kung tutugma ba ang lahat ng panaginip ko sa mga sagot niya. 

Timothy already ordered our food before I even came. Nagustohan ko naman kahit papano iyong inorder niya para sa akin. After we ate our dish, he asked for a red wine. Doon na rin ako nagsimulang magtanong sakanya. 

"Have you been invited to a lot of business parties?" 

I rest both of my elbow on the table to focus and listen to his answers. I'm so damn curious about these dreams. I want to know if the man in my dreams is Timothy. 

"Yes, and I always bring you with me." 

I nod my head. "Are there a lot of celebrities?" 

"Not really. It's more of a private party."

"Oh..." 

Disappointed by his answer, I leaned back against my chair. In my dream, there are a lot of paparazzi that are trying to take our photos. If the party is really private, walang mga paparazzi na panay kuha ng litrato namin. 

And I bet there are a lot of celebrities in that party! Kasi hindi naman magiging ganoon karami ang paparazzi kung wala ganoong artista ang dumalo sa event na iyon. 

"Do you play sports?" 

Timothy scoffs and nod his head. "Yeah, and you used to support me all the time." 

Napangiti ako. Maybe this will match my dream now. 

"What kind of sport?" 

"Basketball." 

My mouth parted. Sadly, it didn't match again. I know what Basketball is. At sa panaginip ko, hindi iyon ang nilalaro ng lalaki. Basketball players don't wear a freaking helmet during the game! 

"Really? What's your position?" 

"Shooting guard." napangisi siya nang dahil sa sagot niya. 

"You must be good." 

He humbly shrugged his shoulder. "If I have time I'll bring you with me when my friends and I play." 

"I would love that!" 

I tried so hard not to sound disappointed. The man in my dreams is not Timothy. None of his answers matched my dreams. 

Tahimik lang ako buong byahe. Iniisip ko parin kung sino ba iyong lalaki sa panaginip ko. 

"Marami ba akong kasama sa tuwing manonood ako ng laro mo?" bigla kong tinanong. Agad naman siyang napalingon sa akin. 

"Hmm... yes. You and your friends used to make banners for me." 

Namangha naman ako sa sinabi niya. Sa panaginip ko, wala akong hawak. I was only crazily cheering for the man. Wala ako ni isang banner na hawak. 

"Do you want to meet those friends?" 

Agad akong napaayos ng upo nang dahil sa sinabi niya. I smiled immediately. 

"Of course! I also want to ask them a lot of things." 

He smiled then he nods his head. "I'll tell them." 

That really feels refreshing knowing that he's willing to make me meet my friends again. It's been a while. Ilang buwan na rin akong out of coma kaya siguro matagal-tagal na rin bago kami huling nagkita. 

A week after, Timothy really did asked my friends to come and meet me. Sabi nila magkakaibigan daw kami noong high school at college. We all took the same course which is Tourism Management. 

"Really? I dreamed of being a flight attendant?" tanong ko. 

"Yup." ani ng isang kaibigan na nag-aayos ng kanyang lipstick sa harap ng salamin. 

Nilingon naman ako ng kaibigan kong nagmamaneho at tsaka tumango. "You were really good in class you know? Always the top scorer." 

Sandali akong natigilan at tumango nalang. I never thought that I dreamed of being a flight attendant! Lately, I've found myself really interested in interior design. It's surprising that I took a course that's far from my interest. 

"Saan nga pala tayo pupunta ngayon?" 

"In a resto bar, Sav! Lagi tayong nagpupunta doon after exams!" Hailey, the one sitting beside me inside the car, excitedly said. 

My eyes widened a little. Oh, I drink?! Medyo nabigla naman ako dun at hindi inaasahan na madalas pala kaming magpunta doon. 

"Cheers!" sabay-sabay naming pinag-tatama ang aming bote sa isa't isa. Ang mga kasama ko ay mabilis na ininom ang kanilang beer habang ako naman ay inamoy ko muna ito bago subukan. 

In just one sip, I already laid my beer down the table. Not my type of drink. 

I raised my hand to order a glass of iced tea. Hindi ko kayang pilitin ang sarili na uminom lalo na't feeling ko hindi ito ang nakasanayan ko. 

They all looked at me. 

"Bakit? Hindi mo gusto?" 

"Yeah," sabi ko at agad na tumama ang tingin ko sa lalaking kanina pa nakatingin sa akin. Kanina ko pa siya napapansin at ilang beses na rin kaming nagkakatinginan. It's somehow making me uncomfortable. 

"Can we switch places?" I asked my friend who's sitting in front of me. 

"Why?" 

I leaned on the table to whisper something. Nagsilapitan rin naman sila. 

"The guy in front of our table is making me uncomfortable. I'm not used to being looked at." 

Nang dahil sa sinabi ko ay sabay sabay silang lumingon sa gawi ng lalaking tinutukoy ko. Napahilot ako ng sentido dahil masyado silang obvious! 

"That guy looks so hot!" Gemma, my friend sitting in front of me, says. Agad siyang nakipagpalit sa akin. 

Napansin ko naman na agad niyang nginisian ang lalaki sa likod ko kaya nagpakawala nalang ako ng malalim na hininga. 

Nag-usap usap kami tungkol sa ibang bagay. Minsan nananahimik nalang ako dahil hindi rin ako makarelate sa pinag-uusapan nila. I feel out of place sometimes. Feeling ko hindi ito ang circle of friends ko. 

Hindi rin magaan ang pakiramdam ko kapag kasama sila. Because if they're really my friends, I wouldn't feel like this. 

Nang hindi na makayanan pa ang pagiging out of place ay nagpaalam ako para magtungo sa comfort room. Pagtayo ko ay agad na tumama ang tingin ko sa lalaki. 

I feel like he's watching my every move. It's creepy. Mabilis kong inalis ang tingin sakanya at tsaka nagtungo nalang papunta ng comfort room. 

I stared at my reflection in the mirror. How many times do I still have to force myself to remember everything? Nahihirapan na ako dahil wala akong maalala ni isa. It sucks not knowing everything from your past. 

Desperado na akong malaman ang totoo. Kung kailangan kong iuntog ang sarili ko gagawin ko, gusto ko lang talaga makaalala. 

Kinuha ko ang cellphone na binigay sa akin ni Timothy. Ang sabi niya sa akin itext ko daw siya kapag may kailangan ako. Well, I want to go out of this place now. I don't belong here. 

Me:

Can you pick me up now? 

He replied immediately. 

Timothy: 

Why? Is there something wrong?

Me:

Wala naman. I just want to go home. 

Timothy:

Okay. I'll be there in fifteen. 

I sighed heavily. Mas gugustohin ko pang mabore ng tuluyan sa bahay kaysa ipagpilitan ko ang sarili ko sa grupo na alam kong hindi naman talaga ako belong. It's not the type of circle I aspire to have. 

I feel like they're not really my friends. But why would Timothy say that they are? I don't freaking understand! 

Paglabas ko ng comfort room ay agad kong ipinaalam sakanila na uuwi na ako. They seem surprised. 

"But it's still early, Savannah!" reklamo ng isa kong kaibigan. 

See? They even plan on staying longer here. They're really used to this kind of environment, while I don't. I feel so out of place. 

"Timothy is on his way here now. Susunduin na daw niya ako." I tried to use that excuse so they would agree that I should go home. 

Siguro kasi kapag sinabi ko na nagpasundo ako, iisipin nila na ang KJ ko at hindi ako masaya na kasama sila. 

"Oh! We understand. Sige, Sav, mag-iingat ka."

"Bye, Sav! See you soon!" 

Nang makapagpaalam ay agad akong nagtungo sa labas upang doon na hintayin si Timothy. I crossed my arms over my chest while I wait for his arrival. 

Naramdaman ko namang may tumigil sa tabi ko. I turn to look at it and I was surprised to see who it is. 

It's Zachary Dela Merced.