Song: We Had Today- Rachel Portman

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I think I already finished every book that Timothy bought for me. Nagpakawala ako ng malalim na hininga at tsaka isinandal ang sarili sa sofa. I stared at the ceiling.

I just finished reading Me Before You by Jojo Moyes. It was also such an emotional book like The Fault in Our Stars. But I can't totally say that it's one of my favorites. Sure, I liked some books that Timothy bought for me.

But there isn't one that literally got me so hooked. I feel like my favorite book don't belong in this collection.

"I'm so bored." I whispered to myself.

Wala akong ginagawa magdamag dito kung hindi ang magbasa ng libro. Timothy gave me a phone, but I was restricted to use the internet kaya hindi ko rin alam kung anong pupwedeng pagkabalahan. I tried watching movies before pero tinulugan ko lang iyon.

Lumabas ako ng kwarto upang makipagusap sana sa mga kasambahay ngunit halos sila ay abala sa mga gawaing bahay. I bit my lip. Patagilid kong isinandal ang sarili sa pinto habang tinatanaw ang mga kasambahay na nagdidilig ng mga halaman.

Maybe I should just buy a new book. Balita ko may malapit na bookstore dito sa amin. I just hope that Timothy agrees. Bibili lang naman ako ng libro at hindi ako magtatagal.

I went upstairs again to grab my phone. Umupo ako sa kama at agad na nagtipa ng mensahe para kay Timothy.

Me:

Can I go out? Bibili lang sana ako ng libro. Tapos ko nang basahin lahat ng binili mong libro para sa akin. I also want to explore around the bookstore.

I was glad that he replied in not less than a minute. Mukhang hindi siya busy ngayon ah?

Timothy:

Ako nalang ang bibili. Ano ba ang gusto mo?

Bumagsak ang balikat ko. Pati pagbili ng libro, pagbabawalan pa ako?

Me:

I can manage. I don't have a book in mind, sa bookstore na sana ako maghahanap.

It took him a while before he replied. Akala ko hindi na ako papayagan. Buti naman at madali siyang kausap.

Timothy:

Fine. Tell Ricky to get the car ready. Make sure to update me about your whereabouts.

I smiled.

Me:

Thank you! I'll be fast. Bibili lang talaga ako ng libro.

Timothy:

No problem. Your sister's coming over tonight.

Me:

Okay.

Agad akong tumayo at pinaalam ko rin kay Manong Ricky ang tungkol sa pag-alis ko. Agad niya namang hinanda ang sasakyan.

I took a quick shower before I head out. I chose a casual wear at tsaka nagmamadaling lumabas ng kwarto. Pinapatuyo ko pa ang aking buhok habang pababa ako ng hagdan. I don't want to keep Manong Ricky waiting.

May mga kasambahay namang sumunod sa akin. I went out of the door and dried my hair for the last time. Kinuha ng kasambahay sa akin ang tuwalya.

"Thank you." Sabi ko sabay nginitian siya. She gladly returned the smile.

Hinarap ko si Manong Ricky at humingi ng tawad dahil mukhang matagal ko siyang pinaghintay. Tipid siyang ngumiti sa akin at tsaka tumango. He opened the car door for me.

I combed my hair while we were on our way. Iniisip ko nga kung paghihintayin ko ba si Manong Ricky sa labas ng bookstore habang naghahanap ako ng librong mabibili o wag na. Baka kasi mabagot siya habang hinihintay ako.

Hindi naman naging matagal ang byahe. Nang tumigil ang sasakyan sa tapat ng bookstore ay agad akong lumabas.

"Itetext ko nalang po kayo kapag uuwi na po ako." I said and smiled.

"Sige, hija. Mag-iingat ka."

"Salamat po!"

After that, I turned my back towards the car then I entered the bookstore too excitedly. I roamed my eyes around. The smell of books immediately made me want to stay longer.

I went to the romance section first. Seryoso kong pinapasadahan ng tingin ang mga libro. I'll check some out but one book was quick enough to catch my attention.

I checked out Colleen Hoover's It Ends with Us. I turned the book around to read its synopsis. Ngumuso ako. This seems like a good book.

Okay, well. Let's give it a try.

I proceed to the next shelf of romance novels. Yumuko ako ng bahagya para mas tingnan ang mga libro. I was busy checking some books out when I heard a voice.

"Samantha Enriquez?"

Hindi ko pinansin ang boses at mas itinuon ang atensyon sa mga libro. She keeps on calling out that name and it bothers me. Nilingon ko siya at nakitang nakatingin siya sa akin habang nakangiti. Lumingon ako sa aking likuran upang tingnan kung may kasama ba ako sa section na ito. Baka kasi siya iyong tinatawag at hindi ako.

Ngunit nang makita kong wala naman ay nilingon kong muli iyong babae. I smiled nervously at her.

"Oh my god! I'm such a huge fan!" she said excitedly. Lumapit siya sa akin. "Ang tagal mong nawala sa mga magazine covers! I've been waiting for some new release kaso iyong pinaka latest ay last year pa!"

The girl pouted. Kumunot naman ang noo ko. What is she talking about?

And magazine covers? Oh yeah, remember my dream about being in a fashion show? Maybe I was also featured in some magazine.

"Can I take a picture with you?" she requested. Nahihiya naman akong tumango.

"Uh... S-Sure..."

I smiled at her camera.

"Thank you so much! I wasn't expecting to see you here!" Nagagalak na sinabi noong babae. "How are you and Zachary Dela Merced nga pala? Are you two still together?"

I creased my forehead at her.

"I'm sorry?"

"Zachary Dela Merced! Your long term boyfriend!" doon na talaga bumagsak ang panga ko.

Zachary is my what? Boyfriend? How is that possible?

I guess... this girl knows something that I don't.

"O-Oh! We're f-fine... I guess." I tried to cover up.

"I see. Haven't seen you two together since last year. Everyone thought you broke up that's why I'm really glad to know that you two are fine."

Lumunok ako. Hindi ko alam ang sasabihin.

Zachary Dela Merced isn't really just no one. He knows a lot. He knows something about my past. Kaya siguro pinagpupumulit ni Ate Isabella na wala lang siya sa buhay namin ay dahil alam niyang may alam ito tungkol sa akin.

She doesn't want me near him because she likes him. Pero ano nga ba ang meron sa pagitan namin ni Zach? The answer to that question is still unknown.

"You can check the books out again. I'm sorry for bothering you. I'll go ahead now. Thank you so much again."

Nang umalis ang babae ay tsaka ako nagpakawala ng malalim na hininga. Okay, Sav. Stop thinking about it. Magfocus ka muna sa pagbili mo ng libro. Mamaya ka na mag-form ng theory sa utak mo.

You're in a public place. Kapag sumakit na naman 'yang ulo mo, walang tutulong sa'yo. Don't let it bother you. Focus, Sav. Focus.

"I don't believe in magic. The young boy said. The old man smiled. You will, when you see her."

Agad akong napalingon sa pinanggalingan ng boses. My mouth parted a little at the sight of Zachary Dela Merced. He's here, too?

Seryoso niyang ibinaling ang tingin sa akin. I smiled a little.

"That's a very nice line."

He nodded in agreement. "I know. And this book is great. I suggest for you to read that."

Iniabot sa akin ni Zach ang libro. Tiningnan ko ito. To Kill a Mockingbird seems interesting. Maybe I should also give this a try.

Ipinatong ko iyon sa unang libro na kinuha ko. I smiled at Zach again for the last time.

Let's deal with him on some other time. I need to focus.

"Thanks," I said and then I went to go on my own way.

"Hey," he called out. Hindi pa ako masyadong nakakalayo kaya agad ko siyang nilingon. "I often see you around nowadays huh."

I let out a sigh.

"Yeah, I know. It's weird." I chuckled lightly. Natawa rin naman siya.

I pursed my lips. Okay, maybe I'm only fooling myself. I can't focus. Especially when he's here. My desperation about knowing something about my past is back.

Pinagbaliban ko iyon ng ilang araw and now, I can't believe that it's back.

"Oh, by the way... Someone went to me a while ago and she mentioned your name and... she also mentioned the name you keep on calling me before. I just thought that she was mistaken and-" hindi ko na natuloy pa ang sinasabi ko dahil agad niya itong pinutol.

"She's not."

Agad akong napaangat ng tingin sakaya. My eyes widened.

"H-How?"

"You don't remember anything, right?" I nodded my head slowly. "Do you want to remember everything?"

Is he serious? Sino ba namang tao na may amnesia ang hindi gugustohin iyon?!

"Of course! But the thing is, my head keeps on aching every time I try to do that. It just doesn't make sense."

"I'll make you remember things slowly. Sam, I was a part of your past. I'm a big part of your memory. I know everything about you and I'm not going to lie about it."

I bit my lip. Tinititigan ko lang siya.

There's something about him that urges me to cling to him. I never felt that towards Timothy. The last time I saw him at the restobar, hindi ko napigilan ang sarili na magtanong ng magtanong sakanya.

He really seems to know a lot.

"I have something that will make you remember everything."

"And what is that?"

"Are you willing to come with me?"

Iniisip ko palang ang magiging reaksyon ni Ate Isabella at Timothy ay natatakot na agad ako. Pero kasabay noon ay hindi ko rin kayang itapon ang pagkakataon ko para makaalala.

"I can't do that."

"Why not?"

"I don't trust you."

"Just trust me this time. I promise I won't let anything bad happen to you. I will not do anything bad to you. Ipapaalala ko lang sa'yo ang lahat."

If he really knows something about me, maybe I should believe him. Even for just one day.

"Can you promise that?" She asks. I chuckled lightly.

"Sam, lahat ng pangako ko sa'yo, tinutupad ko."

Okay, Sav. Just one day... just one day...

"Okay. I'll go with you."

Nagagalak siyang tumango. Igigiya na niya sana ako palabas ng bookstore nang maalala ko na hindi ko pa pala nababayaran ang mga librong kinuha ko.

"But wait, I have to pay for these first."

"Of course," he answered.

He grabbed the book from my hands at tsaka dinala ito patungo sa cashier. Nagulat nalang ako nang makita ko siyang naglalabas na ng pera mula sa kanyang wallet.

What is he doing?

Aangal pa sana ako kaso tinanggap na ng cashier ang pera na pinambabayad niya.

"I can pay for that..." I whispered.

"I know. But I used to do this all the time with you."

Oh...

Nang lumabas kami ay agad niya naman ako iginiya patungo sa sasakyan niya. I stop in my tracks by the sight of his car. Woah! I wasn't expecting him to have a luxurious car, and to flaunt this in public? Hmm... cocky.

I heard him scoff.

"That was your reaction, too, when you saw my car for the first time."

I don't know why that made me smile. It just feels like he's reminiscing everything that happened.

"Really?" he nods his head then he opened the car door for me.

Habang nasa byahe ay panay ang tingin ko sa mga librong binayaran niya para sa akin. I felt bad for letting him pay for it. It's unnecessary, actually.

"I can really pay for these..." I said. I heard him chuckled.

"It's not a big deal, really. Isipin mo nalang na regalo ko 'yan para sa'yo." my forehead creased.

"But it isn't my birthday. My birthday is in three months."

I saw him smirked. "What date exactly?"

"November 18."

I saw him nod his head. That made me wonder, is that really my birthday? Iyon kasi ang sabi sa akin nila Ate Isabella nung mga oras na nagtatanong ako sakanila tungkol sa sarili ko.

"Who told you that?"

Oh, shit. Don't tell me it isn't my real birthday.

"Why? Was it not real?" medyo nagaalala kong tinanong sakanya. I turn to him with my eyes wide.

"No. That one is real. Your name isn't."

Sinandal ko ang sarili at bahagyang natahimik. If Ate Isabella and Timothy are lying to me... bakit nila naisipan na ibahin ang pangalan ko?

So what if I know my real name? Wala parin namang magbabago, e. May amnesia parin ako at hindi ko parin naalala ang lahat!

"What was my real name, then?" I whispered.

"Your real name is Samantha Greyshel Enriquez. You were named after your mother, Greyshel Trinidad."

Greyshel Trinidad? Never heard of her.

Is he bluffing me? Maybe this was a wrong idea. I shouldn't be here with him.

"What? My mother's name is Calliope Enriquez."

"She's not your real mother." Natigilan ako ng sandali. I tried to process everything.

"H-How?"

"You're an illegitimate child, Sam. Your dad-"

Oh my god! He's really bluffing me! Hindi nakakatuwa na sabihin na anak ka sa labas!

"That's nonsense! That's not true!" I tried to laugh. But the truth is... it hurts.

Alam mo 'yung feeling na ramdam mo na parang totoo iyon? Pero pinipilit mong hindi kaya ayaw mong maniwala.

Is that the reason behind Ate Isabella's cold treatment towards me? Ganoon baa ng trato niya sa akin dahil hindi niya naman talaga ako tunay na kapatid?

"It is. I know... It is hard for you to believe it but this is the truth... Your-"

Kung totoo ang lahat ng 'to, why would they keep this from me? Isa 'to sa mga bagay na makakapagsabi kung sino ba talaga ako.

"Stop." I said. "I don't want to hear about it."

Napalibutan kami ng katahimikan pagkatapos noon. I pursed my lips. I gulped then I broke the silence.

"Can we just... talk about something else? Can you tell me how did we become related?" I asked, that's the most important question right now.

"I'll explain everything to you once we reach our destination."

Nagulat nalang ako nang dalhin niya ako sa bahay niya. I remember this place. Dito kami nagpunta ni Alisha noon.

"This was your house, right?" tanong ko habang pinapasadahan ko ng tingin ang bahay niya.

"This is our house," aniya.

Seryoso siyang nakatingin sa akin. How come this became our house? Isn't he committed to someone?

I raised my brow at him.

"Wait. I thought you have a fiancée?" tumawa ako.

"I was referring to you."

Natigilan ako nang dahil doon. My mouth parted.

"Well... I wasn't able to propose to you. But I already claimed it since you made a promise that you'll marry me." he added.

I made a promise?

"I... made that promise?"

He nods his head to answer my question.

"Why weren't you able to propose?"

"The accident happened. Papunta ka sa SuperBowl ng oras na iyon. That's where I'm planning to propose to you. But then, we heard that you get into an accident so I had to cancel the plan."

Oh, wow. He managed to match everything. And SuperBowl? What is that?

Napagdesisyonan naman namin na pumasok na muna ng bahay upang doon pag-usapan ang lahat. Hindi pa kami tuluyang nakakapasok ay agad naman kami sinalubong ng dalawa niyang kaibigan na naghahalikan.

My eyes widened at the sight. I wasn't expecting to be welcomed with that!

Agad kong iniwas ang tingin sakanila.

"Right," I heard Zach spoke. Unti-unti ko namang binalik muli ang tingin sakanya. There's an embarrassment behind his smile.

A ghost smile formed on my lips.

"Oh, I wasn't expecting that to welcome me here." I said. Napangiti naman siya nang dahil doon.

Sa tingin ko kung hindi pa dumating ang kaibigan niya, hindi niya ilulubay ang tingin sa akin.

"Oh my god! Does she remember everything now?" the guy excitingly asked. I met him before but I forgot his name.

He was about to come close to me when Zach stopped him.

"Not yet. She's here because she wants to know the truth." Zach answered.

"Oh... That's good! That's good!" nagagalak na sinabi ng kaibigan ni Zach. He stretched his arms towards me.

"I'm Ryan."

Tinanggap ko naman ang kamay niya.

"He's your best friend," Zach explained. Ryan smiled sweetly at me. "And that's Tony. He's your best friend's husband."

"Oh! That's nice... no wonder why we were welcomed with that." I joked.

Natawa naman silang dalawa nang dahil sa sinabi ko. Ryan playfully hit me on my arm.

"Oh, silly you! You used to do that with him! On the sofa!"

My eyes widened. Ramdam ko ang pag-init ng pisngi ko. That escalated quickly.

Nahihiya kong ibinaling ang tingin kay Zach, siya naman ang nag-iwas ng tingin sa akin ngayon. Like he's confirming that it's true!

Nang pumasok na kami ng bahay ay doon ko nalaman na isa pala akong licensed interior designer. That explains why I was really engrossed with drawing some interior designs.

I went straight to the picture frames that are placed on the side table. Isa isa kong tiningnan ang mga litrato. The longer that I look at the picture frames, the more that I confirm that the girl in the picture is me.

Tinagilid ko ang ulo ko dahil ramdam ko na ang unti-unting pananakit nito. Bigay mo na sakin 'to please... just please let me remember some things... please...

I suddenly got curious about the blank picture frame. Iyon ang pinakamalaki sa lahat pero walang nakalagay doon.

"Am I the one who put this here?"

"Yeah,"

Tumango ako. Sunod ko namang tiningnan iyong litrato kung saan marami kaming kasama. Is this the same event from my dream?

Sa panaginip na iyon marami akong kasama at nagkakatuwaan kami. Eto ba 'yun?

"Who are these people?" I asked.

"That's my whole family." I nod my head again.

Ramdam ko na ang unti-unting pananakit ng ulo ko pero hindi ko nalang iniinda pa iyon. 87

"Yeah,"

Tumango ako. Sunod ko namang tiningnan iyong litrato kung saan marami kaming kasama. Is this the same event from my dream?

Sa panaginip na iyon marami akong kasama at nagkakatuwaan kami. Eto ba 'yun?

"Who are these people?" I asked.

"That's my whole family." I nod my head again.

Ramdam ko na ang unti-unting pananakit ng ulo ko pero hindi ko nalang iniinda pa iyon. Please... wag na muna ngayon... I'm almost on the verge of finding out who I really am!

Please... give this to me...

Dumiretso ako ng sofa. Naupo ako doon at sandaling prinoseso ang lahat. I was right. Those dreams are part of my memory. The dreams are telling me something.

"Why? What's the problem, Sam?"

"How did we meet?" I said, completely ignoring his question.

Naupo siya sa katabing sofa at doon niya ikinuwento sa akin ang lahat. Apparently, he knows who Alisha is. And he plays the same sport just like the guy in my dreams.

Habang nagpapatuloy siya at doon na lumalala ang pananakit ng ulo ko. May mga putol-putol na memorya ang pumapasok sa utak ko ngunit dahil kumikirot ito, parang sandali lang rin siyang nananatili sa utak ko.

"Stop... stop... stop..." I said. Hinawakan ko ang ulo ko.

Hindi ko na kaya. May naalala nga ako... pero malabo. At hindi ko kakayanin kung patuloy kong hindi iindahin ang pananakit ng ulo ko. This would kill me.

Naramdaman kong sinubukan ni Zach na lumapit sa akin. I pushed him away because I think it's better for now. It's still hard for me to process everything... to comprehend everything...

I waited until the pain subsides. I can't do this... at least not now...

"I'm sorry... But I just... can't. I can't process everything. I don't even know if you're telling me the truth-"

"Sam, I am-"

"I can't do this anymore. I can't... I can't..." sabi ko sabay kinuha na ang lahat ng gamit ko.

Palabas na sana ako ng bahay niya nang magsalita naman siyang muli.

"Why?" nilingon ko siyang muli. "Don't you really remember anything? Kahit kaunti lang doon sa sinabi ko?"

I shake my head.

"Why?" he asked again. This time, I see full desperation in his eyes. On than that, I could also see pain.

Hindi lang pala ako ang nasasaktan dito... pati rin pala siya.

"It's because I couldn't get myself to believe that this is all true! I mean, yeah we have pictures together... B-But it doesn't seem like... us. I'm sorry but I couldn't... I couldn't feel a damn thing."

Mabilis akong lumabas ng bahay niya. I closed the door at doon lang ako ulit nakahinga ng maluwag. I was breathing so hard that I couldn't remember how I managed to go back to the bookstore.

Ang natatanging naalala ko nalang ay noong tinext ko si Manong Ricky upang sunduin niya ako.

I ran my fingers through my hair as I wait for Manong Ricky to pull over in front of the bookstore.

I lied about everything I said to Zach.

The truth is, I felt every single thing he says. Habang sinasabi niya ang mga bagay na iyon ay may mga alaalang pumasok sa isip ko kaya siguro sumakit ng husto ang ulo ko.

And everything he told me matched some of my dreams!

But feeling something isn't enough for me. Hindi ko kayang maniwala hangga't hindi ko naalala ang lahat. It's hard to start from scratch. Hindi mo alam kung sino ba dapat ang paniwalaan.

But one thing is for sure. Something's changed. The way I look at Ate Isabella and Timothy changed.

May mga bagay na hindi nila sinabi sa akin at pinagtakpan pa ang totoo. Now I know that... they weren't telling me the truth.