Song: Comatose- Mikky Eko

Torn

Every single day, I feel like the Zach that I was before is coming back slowly. I know that this is not the best way to deal with this, but I just can't help it.

I am slowly losing hope that she's still going to remember me. Pinakakita ko naman sakanya na may koneksyon talaga kami. Ano pa bang kulang? Isn't that enough? Do I need to exert more effort?

I can't help but wonder if she's just pretending to not remember me or it's real that she has an amnesia. Kasi kung nagkukunwari siya, what did I do to make her pretend that she doesn't remember me? Nagkulang ba ako? May hindi ba ko nabigay sakanya? May mga bagay ba akong nagawa na hindi niya nagustuhan?

Ryan and Tony tries to talk to me about what's happening, but I shrug them off every time they try to do that. I'm not in the mood to talk to anyone right now. I'd rather be alone. I'd rather deal with this alone until it breaks me again.

This is how my life works. When everything's falling down, I choose to be alone. I choose to blame myself for this. I choose to suffer alone even though I know it's going to break me. Dahil sa huli, alam kong ang sarili ko lang rin ang masasandalan ko.

I really want to stop Timothy from all his plans. I really do. But how can I do that when I feel like Sam is going to be the one to stop me? She thinks that everything they say to her is true. She thinks the life she has now, is the same life she has before. But it's so much different than that. Her life is so much different when she's with me.

Her life now is confusing and a hoax.  Her life with me before was purely filled with love, hope, and trust.

Pero sa isang iglap, ang buhay niyang iyon na kasama ako ay nawala nalang ng parang bula.

I was in the middle of fixing something from our room when my mom called. I sighed and chose to ignore it. But knowing my mom, she won't stop until I answer her call. Kaya sa halip na hayaan lang na nagriring iyon ay sinagot ko na ang tawag niya.

"Yes, mom?" salubong ko sakanya sa kabilang linya.

"Oh, thank God, you answered my call! How are you, Zach?" I closed my eyes when she asked me that question.

Alam kong alam niya na kung ano ang sagot doon. But maybe she wants the answer to come out from my own mouth.

"I'm fine, mom..." I lied.

"Oh..." that was the only thing she replied.  Hinintay ko siyang magsalita muli pero nanatiling tahimik lang ang kabilang linya.

I sighed.

"What makes you call, mom?" I asked, finally breaking the silence.

"I just wanted to check on you. And also, we were invited to a formal party. We want you to come... if it's okay with you?"

My father has always been clear when he says that he wanted me to take over our business once he retires. I already had an experience of taking over it before. That was the time I was still looking for Sam. Habang walang pinagkakaabalahan ay nandodoon ako at namamahala.

I've received a lot of praises regarding on how I handle the business and I really appreciate that. I wanted my dad to become contented that our business will still be okay kahit na hindi na siya ang namamahala dito.

Sa ngayon ay wala akong oras para mag-take over dito. They know I'm busy with other things and they understand that. Kaya siguro ang kapalit nalang ng pag-intindi nila sa akin ay ang pag-sama ko sa formal party na iyon.

I've been there a couple of times and I already had casual conversations between some of our business partners kaya siguro hindi na naman mahirap para sa akin 'to.

"Of course, Mom. I will come." Sagot ko.

Ramdam ko ang pagkagulat ni Mommy nang dahil sa sagot ko. She chuckled before she speaks.

"I'm very glad to hear that! It will be on the day after tomorrow, Zach. I guess you already have your suit?"

Kumunot ang noo ko. Oh, right! That one! Isa pa pala iyon sa proproblemahin ko. But I already have a lot so I guess I no longer need to have someone else to make it.

"Yes, I have a lot here. It's not a problem anymore."

"Oh, very well. Uhm... Are we going to be the one to go there or are you-"

"I'll be the one to go there, Mom. Don't worry."

"Oh, okay. I'll see you then."

"Yeah. See you, mom."

Then she hangs up the call after that. I sigh heavily.

Pagkatapos naman noon ay pinagpatuloy ko ang pag-aayos ng gamit sa loob ng kwarto. Marami pang gamit si Sam dito at lahat ng iyon ay ipinagtatabi ko. These are the only things that she has with me. Ito nalang ang mga bagay na makakapagpaalala sa akin ng mga bagay na pinagsamahan namin.

I tried stalking her again once. Pero ni isang beses ay hindi ko siya nakitang lumabas ng kanilang bahay. So, I tried going to Timothy's mansion instead. Pero hanggang doon ay nadismaya parin ako dahil iginugol ko ang buong oras ko doon nang hindi parin nakikita si Sam.

I only stopped doing it when I felt that I was already pitying myself too much. Ako nalang ang nagmumukhang kawawa. It seems that Sam doesn't care if I'm hurting or not. Simply because she doesn't care about me anymore.

Nang matapos akong mag-ayos ay dumiretso ako sa closet namin. I go over my formal wear and I saw some of Sam's gowns. We used to attend a lot of balls together. Sometimes we will be awarded as the couple of the night or the best dressed.

Those were the days...

Tinitigan ko ang gown ni Sam na sinuot niya noong MET gala. The memory is still fresh inside my mind. This is the time where we announced to the world that we are together again. I was so happy back then. I smiled to myself.

Naghanap naman ako ng suit na susuotin para doon sa formal party. If only Sam is here, she'll be the one to choose what I'm going to wear to that party. She's my stylist/girlfriend.

Nang handa na ang susuotin ko ay namahinga na muna ako ng saglit. Marami akong inayos sa loob ng kwarto at medyo nakakapagod iyon. Tony and Ryan are on a trip at ako lang ang mag-isa dito. They'll be back tomorrow.

Nang medyo nababagot na ay kinuha ko ang cellphone sa aking bulsa. I checked some of the news at biglang nagulat nang tumambad ang balita tungkol sa amin ni Sam. This is regarding to what happened in the bookstore a few days ago.

The article basically informs that Sam and I are still together. Well, I hope so. Kasama ni Sam sa litratong ito ay ang babaeng nagpapicture sakanya noong nasa bookstore kami. Meron ring mga litrato dito na magkasama kami. These were taken from the balls and parties we attended together.

I think I should send this to her. I thought. There are a lot of evidences here. Kung hindi pa siya makumbinsi dito, ewan ko nalang.

But how am I going to do that when I don't have her number? Fuck it. Her Facebook account isn't hers anymore. It was deactivated and I don't know why.

Nang wala nang maisip na paraan ay hinayaan ko nalang. I'm sure this will reach her. It has been the number one topic on the internet. It will not only reach her but it will also reach Timothy and Isabella. They will be threatened. I'm sure.

Mabilis na nagdaan ang araw at agad na dumating ang araw para sa formal party. I was busy fixing my tie when Ryan knocked on the door.

"Hey! I just thought- Oh! You're going out?" sambit niya nang makitang ayos na ayos ako.

"Yup. To a formal party."

He nodded. "I was just about to ask you to have dinner with us. But then... we didn't know you have other plans."

Tipid akong ngumiti sakanya. "Let's have dinner next time, I guess?"

"Right," he pursed his lips. Kahit na wala na akong sinasabi ay nanatili parin siya sa may pintuan.

"Do you still need anything?" I asked.

"Zach, I'm only curious... sa tingin mo umabot ang balitang iyon kay Sam?"

Natigil ako sa ginagawa. I'm sure it reached her but their side chose not to say anything about it, because maybe they are threatened. They are probably planning something else now.

"I'm sure it did."

Tumango muli si Ryan at tsaka ngumiti. "I hope that will make her remember everything."

Ngumiti rin ako. "I hope so."

Nang matapos ako sa ginagawa ay agad akong bumaba upang makapunta na sa bahay ng magulang ko. Nag-gagayak na rin sila Tony at Ryan noong makababa ako.

"Mauna na ako," paalam ko sakanila.

Dumiretso ako sa aking kotse at agad na binuhay ito. I drive towards my parents' house at nakitang ayos na ayos na sila at mukhang ako nalang ang hinihintay. My mom immediately smiled when she saw my car nearing.

She's wearing a cream colored gown that highlighted her complexion. She looks really beautiful.

They welcomed me in a hug. All of them were happy to see me again especially my mom. I smiled at them.

"Let's go. We're going to be late." Anyaya ni Daddy. We all nodded at tsaka kami nagtungo sa aming sasakyan. I volunteered to drive us to the venue, pumayag naman sila.

Hindi naman naging matagal ang byahe dahil wala naman ganoong traffic. When we reached the venue, agad kaming sinalubong ng media. Some were already taking pictures of us at ang iba naman ay naghihintay na makababa kami.

Someone opened the door for my mom and my sister. When I went down my car, I reached the key towards the valet. Agad rin naman akong sinalubong ng mga media at agad na nagbabato ng tanong sa akin.

Most of the questions are about me and Sam. Hinahanap nila si Sam at tinatanong kung bakit hindi ko siya kasama ngayon. But I chose not to answer any of it.

Dumiretso ako papunta sa entrada kung saan naghihintay ang pamilya ko. My mom snaked her arms around me to ask if I'm okay.

"Of course," I answered. Tumango siya at tsaka ako iginiya papasok na ng venue.

Marami na agad ang nandidito nang makapasok kami. An unsherette guided us towards our table. Agad naman kaming binati ng kasama namin sa table. This is one of our business partners.

Mukha naman silang nagulat na makita ako dito.

"Oh! We're so glad that you're here!" aniya. Ngumiti ako at binati na siya.

We were having a good conversation nang mapansin namin na ang lahat ng nandidito ay napabaling sa entranda ng lugar na ito. I felt someone rest his or her hand on my shoulder. Unti-unti akong lumingon doon.

My mouth parted to see Timothy and Sam entered the room while they're arm in arm. Nakangiti silang dalawa sa lahat ng bumabati sakanila. Inilibot ni Timothy ang tingin niya sa buong paligid at nang tumama ang tingin niya sa akin ay ngumisi siya.

I clenched my jaw. So, what is he planning now huh?

Sinundan ko sila ng tingin hanggang sa makarating sila sa kanilang lamesa. Agad silang binati ng mga kasama nito at nakita kong ipinakilala ni Timothy si Sam sa kanilang mga kasama. Some has a surprised look on their faces pero agad rin namang naglaho.

"Zach, we didn't know he's going to be here." Ani Daddy.

"It's okay, Dad." Sagot ko nang hindi parin inaalis ang tingin sakanila Samantha.

Hanggang sa magsimula ang programa ay itinuon ko parin ang buong atensyon sa kanila. I didn't leave my eyes on her. She seems really happy.

Sa tingin ko ay naramdaman niyang may nakatitig sakanya. Inilibot niya ang kanyang mga mata sa buong paligid at agad na tumama ito sa akin. Her mouth parted and looks really surprised to see me here. Seryoso ko siyang tinitigan at siya naman itong unang nag-iwas ng tingin.

Matagal tagal ang naging programa hanggang sa mapansin kong may lumapit kay Timothy na isa sa mga organizers. He nodded his head at tsaka bumaling kay Sam upang may ibulong rito. She nodded her head in return at hinayaang umalis si Timothy ng sandali.

Nawala lang ang tingin ko kay Sam nang makita ko si Timothy na pumunta sa harap ng stage. Someone handed him a microphone and he took a deep breath before he speaks.

Marami siyang sinabi hanggang sa tinawag niya si Sam. My mouth parted. What is he trying to do?

Nagugulohang nagtungo si Sam sa harap ng entablado at tsaka tumabi kay Timothy. He snaked his arm around her waist. Kumunot ang noo ko.

My parents turn to me. They both have a questioning look on their faces. Umiling ako upang ipahiwatig sakanila na hindi ko rin alam ang nangyayari.

When he spoke some beautiful things about Sam, alam ko na agad ang gusto niyang mangyari. Today, he is planning to propose to her. It isn't the end of the month yet but he's already proposing?

I stood up but my mom immediately caught me. Umiling siya sa akin upang ipahiwatig na wag na akong gumawa ng gulo. I was in torn if I should go there and punch the hell out of Timothy or to just follow my mother.

I clenched my fist and my jaw. Seryoso ko silang pinanonood hanggang sa makita kong may kinukuha si Timothy mula sa kanyang bulsa. Everyone gasp at the sight.

And there, he kneeled. Right in front of Sam—the love of my life—the woman I'm supposed to get married to—but now engaged to someone else. He proposed in front of everyone and right in front of my eyes.