Song: I Was Here- Beyoncé

Lost

"I never thought I would be speaking in front of a lot of people about how good my father was to me. Well... not just to me, but also to everyone around him..." suminghap si Caitlyn habang sinusubukan niyang ipagpatuloy ang pagsasabi ng kanyang eulogy.

I went to Tito Anthony's funeral with my parents. Habang naikusap naman kami sa isang nurse na siya muna ang magbantay kay Sam habang wala kami at nakikilibing.

Marami ang nagpunta sa libing niya. Most of the people were his business partners, friends, and relatives. We're inside a church at napuno iyon sa dami ng taong nagmamahal sakanya. Just by hearing some of the eulogies, napatunayan kong isa ngang mabuting tao si Tito Anthony.

He has helped a lot of charities—Helped a lot of people, and he treats his employees like his own family.

Inangat ni Caitlyn ang kanyang tingin upang pigilan ang pag-agos ng kanyang luha. She tried to continue with her eulogy kahit na hirap na hirap na siyang ipagpatuloy ito.

I was with Caitlyn the whole time before she called her family to tell them about happened, at habang dinadala ang katawan ni Tito Anthony sa morgue. Hindi niya parin daw natatawagan ang mommy niya dahil natatakot siya at wala siyang maibibigay na rason.

"Just tell them that you were out for dinner when it happened..." I suggested. Tumango naman siya.

It sucks that she can't tell the truth. Because if she did, baka may kung ano pang mangyari kay Sam knowing that their mother is very fond of Isabella.

"It's sad that Ate Sam won't be able to see him again." Her voice broke. Binaba ko ang tingin sa aking mga daliri.

I thought about that, too, a while ago. Iniisip ko kung ano magiging reaksyon ni Sam kapag nalaman niya na wala na ang daddy niya. Kasi parang kulang pa iyong panahon na nagkakasama sila. Parang kailan niya lang nahangad iyong gusto niya—ang maramdaman ang pagmamahal ng daddy niya.

At kung kailan niya nahangad iyon, tsaka pa nagkaganito.

"Did you know that my dad said something about you before he had a cardiac arrest?"

Kumunot ang noo ko sa sinabi ni Caitlyn. Mabilis akong napalingon sakanya at nagtataka kung ano ba iyong ibig sabihin niya.

"He said that he was glad that Ate Sam has a guy like you. Na panatag siya na may mag-aalaga sakanya kung sakaling mawala siya. Na mayroong magpupuno ng pagmamahal na hindi niya nagawa noon. It's like... he was already saying goodbye that time. Pero... hindi ko na napansin 'yon kasi I also thought the same. Then after he said that, that's where he complained that he's having a hard time breathing. And before I could even react, bumagsak na siya. At hindi ko akalain na 'yun na pala ang huling sandali na kasama ko siya." She broke down in tears again as she remembers what happened a while ago.

I gently rubbed her back to offer her comfort. Naalala ko rin ang sinabi ni Tito Anthony bago ako umuwi kanina. Inisip ko rin na bakit parang nagpapaalam na siya. No wonder why it felt so strange.

"Hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko ng mga oras na iyon. I was thinking about Ate Sam but I was also thinking about my father. Hindi ko alam kung sino ang uunahin. That's why I immediately called you."

Sinubukan kong tumango. I should've listened to myself. Hindi ko dapat hinayaan si Tito Anthony na gawin ang lahat. I should've offered him some help though he keeps on insisting, para hanggang ngayon nandidito parin siya.

I pressed my lips into a thin line when it was Calliope's turn to say her eulogy. I look around to look for Isabella ngunit wala siya rito ngayon. I wonder why. Ito na ang huling pagkakataon na makakapagpaalam siya sa kanyang ama tapos wala siya rito ngayon?

Hindi ko nalang pinansin pa iyon at nakinig nalang sa eulogy ni Calliope. She was crying so hard na muntikan nang hindi maintindihan ang sinasabi niya. Her brother went to her to keep her calm.

A lot of people are crying now dahil sa emosyonal na eulogy ni Calliope. She keeps on saying how much she loves Tito Anthony and how they worked their relationship out kahit na may problemang dumating noon.

And what she meant from that problem is Sam's unexpected birth. And that makes me really angry. Hindi na niya kailangan pang sabihin iyon sa harap ng maraming tao. If only Tito Anthony is still alive, I'm sure he also wouldn't like what he's hearing.

Sabi ko na nga ba at sakanya namana ni Isabella ang ugali niya, e.

Umiling ako. I wanted to stay longer para hanggang sa paglibing kay Tito Anthony ay nandidito ako. But how can I? How can I stay longer when I keep on hearing her say ill things about Sam's birth?

Kinuyom ko ang kamay ko. Napansin naman ni Mommy ang ginawa ko kaya agad niyang hinawakan ang ito. Nilingon ko siya. She gave me a reassuring smile at tsaka binalik muli ang tingin sa harap.

Kahit na napakaraming tao dito ay nagawa parin ni Caitlyn na mahanap ang mga mata ko. She smiled sadly at me.

"I'm sorry..." she mouthed. Sinubukan ko namang tumango.

Laking pasasalamat ko nalang rin nung matapos na siya sa kanyang eulogy. After that, they proceeded with the ceremony at tsaka hinatid na si Tito Anthony sa kanyang huling hantungan.

Habang patungo kami doon ay naririnig ko ang pag-uusap ng mga bisita tungkol sa naging eulogy ni Calliope.

"Sino kaya iyong tinutukoy niya? Grabe naman 'yun! Mabuti at mabait itong si Calliope at pinatira parin sakanya iyong anak sa labas!"

Nilingon ko iyong dalawang matandang babae na nag-uusap. Binuka ko ang aking bibig para sumagot sakanya kaso naunahan ako nang hawakan ni Mommy ang kamay ko. Umiling siya sa akin.

"Hayaan mo na, Zach." Aniya.

Nagpakawala ako ng malalim na hininga at tsaka nagtungo na sa paglilibingan ni Tito Anthony. Buti nalang rin at wala rito si Sam dahil alam kong masasaktan siya kapag narinig niya iyong mga sinasabi tungkol sakanya.

I watch as Calliope broke down in tears again as she bid her last goodbye to her husband. Habang si Caitlyn naman ay tahimik na umiiyak sa isang tabi. A lot of people were crying, too. Kahit iyong dalawang matandang babae na narinig kong nagchichismisan kanina ay umiiyak na rin ngayon.

Nanatili parin kami ng mga magulang ko kahit na nagsiuwian na ang ibang mga bisita. Tito Anthony's family stayed until the guys are finished burying Tito Anthony's coffin under the ground.

Lumapit kami sakanila. Inangat ni Caitlyn ang tingin sa amin at tsaka tipid na ngumiti.

"Condolences, Calliope." Ani Mommy. Napaangat naman ng tingin si Calliope sa amin at nang makita kami ay parang nagulat siya.

"Nasaan si Sam?" bigla niyang tinanong. She tried looking for her, ngunit nang mapagtantong wala ni anino ni Sam dito ay tumingin siya sa akin. Gusto kong matawa sa sinabi niya pero hindi ko ginawa.

Pagkatapos niyang sabihin iyon kanina, hahanapin niya naman si Sam ngayon?

"She can't make it." Ako na ang sumagot. "She said that she'd rather stay at home. She's broken about her father's death if you didn't know."

My mother held my hand again para pigilan muli ako. Kumunot ang noo ni Calliope sa akin at hindi nalang nagsalita.

"We're just here to say our condolences." Pagpapatuloy ko. Hinarap ko naman muli si Caitlyn. "Nakikiramay kami, Caitlyn."

She nodded her head. Naglakad naman kami patungo sa aming kotse. Why do I feel like I still want to say something? Parang hindi pa sapat iyong sinasabi ko. I stopped in my tracks which made both of my parents turn to me.

I walked towards Calliope again who seems to be watching as we were walking away a while ago.

"And one more thing... I wasn't expecting that from your eulogy. I have so much respect for you, actually. But hearing you say that about my girlfriend? It makes me want to hate you. My girlfriend treated you as her own mother even though you're not. And as someone who cares about Sam so much, I don't want to hear those words from you again.

"What did she ever do to you to make you say those things about her?" I paused. Nag-iwas naman siya ng tingin sa akin. "She did nothing but love and understand you, kahit na ganoon ang naging pagtrato niyo sakanya. She's not the problem, Calliope... you are."

Nilingon kong muli si Caitlyn na tahimik ngayon. I said sorry after I said those words to her mother. But I just needed to say it. Sam's not here to protect herself, kaya ako ang gagawa noon para sakanya.

Pagkatapos naman noon ay nag patuloy na kami sa pagtungo sa kotse para dumiretso sa ospital. Today is also Ryan and Tony's arrival here in Manila.

Dahil wala na si Tito Anthony, baka sila na iyong kapalitan ko sa pagbabantay kay Sam habang hindi pa siya nagigising. Alam rin nila ang tungkol sa pagkamatay ni Tito Anthony and they sent their condolences to Caitlyn yesterday.

I decided to call them and ask if they already landed o di kaya ay kung nasa ospital na ba sila. Ryan answered my call after its second ring.

"Hey," bati ko. "Are you at the hospital already? Or you just landed?"

"Uh... nandito na kami sa ospital." Tumango ako kahit na parang may kakaiba sa boses ni Ryan. He sounds confused.

Sasagot na sana ako upang sabihin na papunta na kami doon ngayon nang maunahan niya naman ako.

"Uh... Zach..."

"Yeah? What's happening?" I asked. Nilingon naman ako ni Daddy na nagmamaneho ngayon.

"Are you sure it's room 308?" he asks. Kumunot ang noo ko.

Hindi ako pupwedeng magkamali sa room number ni Sam. Halos araw araw akong nandoon kaya kabisado ko kung saang room siya.

"Yeah. I couldn't be mistaken. Why? Anong nangyayari, Ryan?" natataranta kong tinanong. Napalingon rin ako sa magulang ko na parehas na nagugulohang nakatingin sa akin.

"Because, Zach... no one's here... Sam... is not here."