AUTHORS NOTE - hello my lovely readers! above is a pic of the one and only Layla!

this is my first stab at writing humor, so please tell me what you think and if i should continue. Have a wonderful day :)

-Aspen♡

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Layla's POV - 

The day started out like any other. I got up, ate breakfast, took a shower and then went to work. The office was empty save for that one zombie husband that works an ungodly number of hours. Currently he was sleeping soundly with his head on his desk, his coffee mug overturned and spilling over all of his important papers. I debated going over to help but decided against it. After all, since when do criminals go around doing random acts of kindness? The very thought of doing that made me shudder. 

I entered my private and enclosed office on the east side of the building. It was in that nice zone in-between disgustingly chaotic and unnaturally tidy. It had a dark theme, and almost everything was black, save for the very few items that were a dark grey. You know, just to mix the color scheme up. 

I sat down at my desk and moved my bookmarked copy of The Subtle Art of Villainy  to the side, clearing space for my computer. I opened it up to a view of my background image, a screen shot of my favorite quote of all time: "I want to be the villain - Villains are the ones who have the most fun!" 

I open up my web browser and start a new draft in my email. It takes me a me a good few hours, but I eventually come up with something similar to this:

My dearest and most feared Boss-

I must express my congratulations on the success of your most recent endeavor! Clinton  showed me the pictures of the loot you acquired. Mountains upon mountains of gold and jewels! Of course, I never doubted that you wouldn't succeed. You are the Boss for a reason, after all.

I am writing to request something from you. I respect and fear you in all the ways imaginable, but I do have some issues with Clinton being moved into the office downstairs that Marley recently abandoned. While there is no denying his skills as a thief, he is a most annoying coworker! He could not make it any more obvious to the other employees in the building that we are in cahoots, and doing many, MANY illegal things! 

Another reason is that you know that I work alone. Of course, you have your reasons, and I probably shouldn't be writing you this email at all unless I want to get fired and wiped from existence - oh who am I kidding. Never mind Boss. Once again, congrats on all the recent loot.

Your Employee in Crime,

Layla Harper

Towards the end of the email I came to the conclusion that I would never, ever send this to Boss so I began writing a bunch of shit that would surely get me fired and make me a disgrace in the criminal world. 

So you can imagine my...aggrievance when my ever-clumsy self hit the send button with her elbow.

As soon as the notification popped up on my screen that the message had sent, I have to admit that I panicked. 

Shit. Shit. Shitshitshitshit. I frantically tried to press the 'undo' button but the asshole disappeared before I could catch it! 

Ohhhh boy. I was in for it now. Was there time to flee the country? Change my identity? After some serious contemplation I decided that the best option was to wait for the reply and stress eat while waiting.

I sat down at my desk with my emergency carton of rocky road ice cream (seems fitting) and waited for my death to come in the form of an electronic letter.