//Aisha

I wiped my face with the back of my hand. My eyelids were heavy and all I wanted to do was go to sleep and never wake up again. I looked down at my lap and saw the rolls of my stomach. If only I could cut them away. Just tear them off my body and never see them again.

"I'm not even crying because of you," I said. Aneel cupped my face and I looked at his face. His eyes were searching mine for answers but I didn't know what to say back to him.

"Then tell me! Tell me so I can help you. Tell me because I don't like seeing you like this. I'm worried about you, Aisha." I shook my head.

"I saw her. I saw what you had and then I thought about me. God! She's perfect for you, Aneel. She's pretty, skinny and she suites you. I looked at her-I looked at what you had: perfection." I sighed heavily and he dropped his hands. "I try Aneel. I try so hard to stop comparing myself to others. I really do. I can't help it! It's like there is this thing inside of me that's always yelling at me telling me that I'm not good enough. That I'm too fat. Not pretty enough. I try, Aneel." I closed my eyes and felt my breathing start to level out. Aneel still didn't say anything. He opened up one of my fists and held my hand.

"Carry on," he whispered. My eyes snapped open which I regretted because they started to burn. I ignored that and looked at him.

"I was always a chubby baby. Then I put on extra weight during my young teenage years. I...you know what I used to do? Once I was seventeen I used to eat a meal and go straight to the bathroom. I forced my fingers down my throat until everything came back up. I still used to do it even if I didn't have anything left. There were days, Aneel. Days where I didn't eat and then my body would go crazy. I would stuff my face in with everything. Anything that I saw would go into my mouth and then I would start feeling guilty so I would go back to the bathroom." I stopped to wipe away the tears from my face. I was so useless. I couldn't go a day without crying about something. "I did stop. But when you mentioned you wanted to marry me and I kept you waiting for those six months, I did it again...I forced myself to not eat anything for days. I was so eager to lose weight so you'd be happy with me. Actually want to be with me. I wanted to feel beautiful, Aneel," I said softly. "I just want to feel beautiful."

Aneel wiped away my tears and leaned his forehead against mine. "You are beautiful. God you are so beautiful. You don't know how crazy you drive me. How lucky I am to have a beautiful woman inside and out to call my wife. I love you."

"Aneel, it doesn't work," I whispered.

"No, no, no! You listen to me! You are beautiful. I love you, Aisha! Only you!" I shook my head and he cupped my face in his hands. "You are. Believe it because you are."

I slowly shook my head as more tears began to fall. "No, Aneel," I whispered again. He opened his mouth to speak again but I spoke before. "I feel good for a while but then I remember what I really am. I hear that voice inside of me telling me everything it has for the last five years." Aneel leaned against the frame of the bed. He pulled my arms and I slowly crawled beside him. I was glad he wasn't making a big deal out of it like everyone else did when they found out. All I just wanted was someone to talk to. I didn't want any help because I'm fine now. I've been fine for a couple of months now and I've done it myself.

I lay my head on his chest and he sighed. "You know, sometimes when I think of you, the first thing that pops into my head are those beautiful eyes of yours." I felt him look down at me but I couldn't bring myself to look back. He kissed the top of my head and wrapped his arm my shoulder. "Don't I get to see those beautiful eyes now?" Once I looked at him, I saw him smile. He scanned my face and sighed again. His smiled grew. "I would do anything to keep you happy."

"Even play chess with me?" Aneel groaned which made me smile.

"Even play chess with you. Happy?" I found myself nodding. He leaned down to give a short kiss before carefully pushing my head down again on his chest. "Go to sleep for a while. Actually..." He said as he stretched his neck to see the time on the alarm. "It's almost ten. I'll go to sleep too."

"I'm just gonna go to the toilet quickly." He took his arm off me and I made my way out the room. I stepped back in and opened the draw.

"Forgot your nappy, babes?" he asked with that stupid smirk on his face. I rolled my eyes and walked away, not saying a word. I heard him laugh and I slowly smiled. He just had that way and I don't even know how he does it.

After I changed my 'nappy', I picked up the carrier bags from the hallway and took them to the kitchen. Aneel was standing in the kitchen drinking a glass of water. He took the bags off me and kissed my cheek.

"You hungry?" I stood still as I watched him put away the shopping. The thought of food crossed my mind and I felt my stomach rumble. Aneel chuckled but carried on what he was doing. "I guess that answers my question. What do you want?" I ignored his question and sat up on the counter. It was something my mum punished me for doing. Yeah, that didn't work. Aneel turned around and smiled before taking those two steps towards me. He placed his hands on my waist and looked up at me. I always had to look up at him.

"I have a request..." I said. He leaned up and kissed my nose. "Actually, you said you were gonna go to sleep. It doesn't matter."

"Don't make me tickle you till you say it." I found myself laughing before he even finished the sentence. His hands were already at my sides.

"Okay!" He kissed my nose again and smiled. "I was thinking we could watch a movie. Just one, I promise." He rolled his eyes before walking away from me. I looked down at my hands that were on my lap. I guess that's a no. Call me selfish but all I just wanted him to do was hold me in his arms and tell me how much he loves me. Is that a bad thing? Should I be using him like that? It wouldn't really be using though, would it? If he genuinely loves me he would be saying it all the time. It's the feeling of being in his arms. I feel like whatever happened in the past was a bad dream and it never happened to me but rather I'm in love with a man who loves me back twice as much.

"Salted, butter or sweet?" I snapped my head towards Aneel who was standing near the cupboard. "Popcorn, babe. Can't watch a movie without popcorn." I cleared my throat and jumped off the counter. He held my hand and played with the tips of my fingers. He looked up at me a minute later and then pulled me into a hug. I was going to question it but decided to close my eyes and savour the moment. "You looked like you needed a hug," he whispered in my ear. "So, which one?"

"I'm stuck between salted and butter." Truthfully, I usually had them both but he would probably think I eat a lot if I told him. Didn't need him to think I'm fat as well.

"Hmm. How about we make a sweet one for me because salted it just disgusting and then a butter one for the both of us to share and a salted one for you, yeah?"

"Salted is not disgusting!" Aneel laughed and spun me round in his arms. I felt him kiss my shoulder before he let me go. "I want you to choose a movie. It can be anything." He wrapped his arms around me again.

"Anything?" I nodded my head. "Oh babe, I don't know. You choose."

"I want you to. Please. You probably won't get this chance again, if. I'm being honest." He laughed and kissed my shoulder.

"I know just the movie. 50 Shades-"

"No!" He quickly held my arms apart before I could fold them across my chest. "I'm being serious, Aneel."

"Fine, fine. I guess the other one will do. I'll give you a choice out of three, okay? White Chicks, Death At A Funeral, Spy. Which one?" I leaned into him as I thought about the movies.

"Pretty sure I watched Spy but I watched half of the other one and didn't really like it. So I guess White Chicks." Aneel gasped and I turned around.

"You never watched White Chicks?" I shrugged my shoulders and watched as he put a hand on his heart. I rolled my eyes and opened the cupboard door. "Aisha," he said. I teared open one packet and put it in the microwave. "How did you never watch that?"

"Because I have a life and don't watch movies all day long like some people." He laughed and kissed my cheek. I watched him get two glasses out and then go into the sitting room. The sofa was made into a sofa bed and he had so many pillows on there. Since when did we have that many? "What did you do here?" He frowned and scratched the back of his neck.

"I thought it would be better like this. There are loads of pillows so we would be comfortable and a big fat blanket. If you don't like it-" I shook my head quickly and put an arm around his waist. "It's okay?" I nodded my head and he smiled. I quickly kissed his cheek before taking out the bag of popcorn. Once the other one was in, I took out a bowl and emptied out the bag. "Oh, it's salted," he said with his face all scrunched up. I laughed and gave him the bowl.

"It's sweet, you fool. Take it to the sitting room and put the movie on." He took the bowl off me but put it down on the counter. He turned me round and wrapped his arms around me. "Aneel-"

"No. I just want to hold you," he whispered against my ear. "God you're so beautiful. I can see you smiling in the microwave, babe." I blushed and looked up at him. "I'm so lucky. So, so lucky," he whispered again. "I love you."

"I love you too." Aneel held my hand up and smiled.

"I really hope you like the ring. I think it will look beautiful on you." He leaned over me and extended his arm to stop the microwave. I rolled my eyes and did it for him, taking out the bag and putting the last one in. My favourite popcorn-salted. I emptied out the bag into an empty bowl as Aneel ran his hand up and down my arm. "I love you," he whispered. He kissed my shoulder and sighed. "Will you do me a favour?"

"Of course. What is it?"

He sighed again and tightened his arms around me. "Will you talk to me when things get bad? When you start feeling like that again, will you just talk to me?"

"It's not that easy, Aneel. It took me months to just bring this up to you and talk-"

"No. I want you to try. If you can't then just write it down somewhere or something. I kind of deserve to know if you start doing it again." I closed my eyes as I exhaled. He was right. He deserved to know. "I'm not doing this to make you feel bad about yourself, I promise. I just want you to know that I'm here if you want to talk."

"Only on one condition. You have to talk to me when things get bad. And I'm talking about anything here."

"Well...with me I will probably scream at you for no reason and then you would get upset and then I would come and apologise and then you would ask me what was wrong and then I will eventually tell you. But I promise you that I will try and come to talk to you upfront. So we have a deal? You try and I try?" I slowly started to smile and turned around in his arms. He gave me a kiss and then chuckled. "You know I love you, right?" I nodded my head and he kissed me again. "Deal?" I nodded my head again.

"I love you, too."

"I know you do. And if I was you, I would take out your disgusting popcorn before it burns."

---

I slowly opened my eyes and found the room dark. Aneel's arms were around me.

"You woke up. It's the end of the movie, babes." I looked at him and groaned. Rubbing me eyes, I got off his lap and lay down on the sofa. I felt Aneel lean down and kiss my cheek before pulling the blanket over me. "Goodnight," he whispered. He lay down beside me and i moved closer to him.

"When did I fall asleep?"

"Within the first ten minutes. Never knew the movie was that boring." I heard him laugh.

"I'm sorry." Aneel kissed my cheek. He put a leg over mine and kissed my cheek again.

"Shh, it's okay. Go to sleep."

---

Once I woke up again, I found the sofa empty. I stretched my legs before closing my eyes again. I felt the sofa dip down and knew Aneel was beside me.

"You feeling better now, babe?"

"What?"

He kissed the top of my head before replying. "I woke you up earlier but you said you had a headache. Feeling better?" I turned around to face him and found him smiling down at me. "I made you pancakes. Well haven't really made it but I made the batter. So when you get up, then I will make some for you- like I promised you yesterday."

I slowly sat up and he kissed the top of my head. "You didn't have to."

"I made a promise and I keep my promises. But you didn't answer my question. Are you feeling better?"

I nodded my head before giving him a hug. He laughed and wrapped his arms around me. "Thank you, Aneel."

"For pancakes? Anytime-" I leaned back and shook my head. He smiled at me and kissed my cheek. "What is it babes?"

"For not judging me. For not making a big deal about and thinking you can fix me."

"What? Why you thankful for that? It's the least I could do. I want you to be comfortable in your own house not watching me watch you twenty four seven. I trust you." I gave him a smile before standing up. "Hey," he said. I looked down at him. He held my hand before giving it a kiss. "I love you."

"I know." I started to walk away but his hand was still holding mine. He tugged my arm and I looked down at him.

"Hey, I want a kiss first thing when you get out the bathroom. I like my morning kisses," he said with a smirk.

"We'll see. Depends if you make good pancakes or not." He frowned and stood up so he was in front of me. "Aneel, I need to go and brush my teeth." He slowly smirked at me and pulled me by my waist. My eyes widened at the sudden move and I listened to him laugh.

"You know," he said. I rolled my eyes knowing he would say something stupid. "I make really good pancakes. You know that. So why don't I get a kiss from you straight away when you come out?"

"Then move aside and I will make my mind up while I'm in there. And plus, everything you make is awesome." He raised an eyebrow and I frowned slightly. Why couldn't I do that? I felt Aneel tracing his thumb over my hip as he smiled at me.

"You're so beautiful," he whispered. "I just want to hold you in my arms like this all day and stare into your eyes forever."

"You know how cheesy you are sometimes?" He just laughed and pulled me in closer.

"Good thing you love cheese then, isn't it?" With a laugh, I pushed his arms away and walked out the room. He knocked on the bathroom door before stepping in. The door was already opened.

I turned around to look at him and saw him smiling at me. As usual, he was leaning against the door frame with his arms crossed. I smiled at him and picked up the toothbrush.

"You just gonna stare at me?"

"I won't mind. Sexy view," he said with a wink. I rolled my eyes and went back to brushing my teeth. Stupid man. Very stupid man that I love.

As I was brushing my teeth, I looked up in the mirror. I still don't know what he saw me to call me beautiful. Maybe it was my eyes...he said my eyes were the first thing he thought of. But what was so special about them? Okay, maybe they were nice. He probably liked the hint of grey in my eyes. To me that always dulled them. It couldn't have been my nose. It's way too big for my face. I looked back at Aneel who was already looking at me and smiling. He combed his hair with his fingers and his smile grew.

"You had a shower, didn't you?"

"Yeah. Just half an hour ago." I glanced over to the wet bathtub and nodded my head. "I was thinking," he said. I rinsed my mouth and he stopped talking. Once I wiped my face with the towel, he smiled and started speaking again. "Can we go somewhere?"

"Go where?"

"To the park? I dunno, local areas." I leaned against the sink and scratched the back of my neck.

"I don't like parks, Aneel. They scare me to bits." He looked confused for a while until I spoke again. "There are dogs there. Dogs, Aneel!"

"So?!"

"So? They bark and have teeth and they bite-" Aneel started to laugh so I stopped talking. I crossed my arms over my chest and glared at him. He was laughing over my fears. Loads of people are scared of dogs.

"Fine, fine. How about my second option?" He took a step closer to me. "We eat breakfast, then open our wedding no gifts. I went and picked the rest of them this morning after I went to the gym."

"What time is it?"

"It's almost ten."

"So you already went to the gym, went and got our gifts and then came home and had a shower? And it's only ten- not even." He shrugged his shoulders before closing the gap between us.

"I've been awake since five. And let's not forget that pancake batter I made." I smiled at him before leaning in and giving him a kiss. I felt him start to drag me away and I pulled away. "Come on then your royal highness. Let's make you some pancakes."

"I need to go to the toilet first," I said with a laugh. He gave me a kiss again before lightly pushing me away. Once I was in, I turned on the tap so he wouldn't hear me peeing. I already embarrassed myself enough as it is!

"Hey babe, I'm gonna make dinner for you, okay?"

"What happened to lunch?"

I looked down at the pad and realised there was nothing there. Must have finished my period already then. I rolled my eyes at myself when I realised how odd my cycle was. Whenever it decided to come it would always be ten days then three or four days and would switched between the two.

"Lunch is over rated. And Carly gave us some food. It's this salad she makes and trust me it's filling. So dinner then?"

"Don't be silly, Aneel, it's my job to make-"

"Oh shut up. Come on, your first pancake is done." I ignored him and put on the shower before washing my hands. After that, I glanced in the mirror and sighed.

Come on, Aisha. How hard is it to say you're beautiful?

"Aisha!" I hurried out the bathroom and found Aneel right outside the door. He stopped in his tracks and looked down at me. "You okay, babe?" Ah, babe! Still gets to me.

I nodded my head and brushed my hair back with my fingers. My eyes widened when I realised I didn't fix my hair. Oh my days, I must look like a mess. "Urm, I'm gonna have a shower now. Can the pancakes wait?" Aneel looked down and nodded his head.

"Yeah, sure. I'll just wait for you to come out then," he said slowly. He gave me a small smile before turning around.

"Actually!"

"No, babe, have your shower first, it doesn't matter. I'll be here to make it when you get out." I went back into the bathroom and turned the water off. Aneel smiled at me when I entered the kitchen again. "How long do you-"

"We're gonna eat breakfast. Together. And then I will have my shower."

----

Aneel slowly rolled on top of me with a laugh. "You sure I'm not too heavy?" I inhaled sharply when I felt him put pressure on my chest. I pushed him off and he rolled back on top, putting his weight on his elbows. "Because of you I have to have another shower," he whispered.

"And it's my fault how?" He smirked and leaned his forehead against mine. "You're gonna say some-" before I could finish my sentence, he spoke.

"Because you're so damn sexy and irresistible, your highness. I planned our day and you sidetracked me." I shook my head with small laugh. Always expect something perverted to come out of his mouth. "I have a question for you," he whispered. He leaned back so he could look at me properly. "You are free to not answer because I guess it's really personal." I nodded my head and ran a hand through his hair. He smiled at me. "I...You...Okay. When you first showed yourself to me and even when you do now, is it hard for you? I only ask because you keep saying you don't feel beautiful so I just...wondered."

I gave him a small smile before I leaned up and gave him a small kiss. "If you want to know the truth, the very first time, on our wedding night, and at the very first few moments, I pretended it wasn't me. And even before that I had to talk to myself for about two months to finally get the courage to do that. But you were so sweet. You kept telling me how beautiful I am and how happy you are that in yours that I didn't have to pretend I was someone else. I was proud to be me. And now...you know, Aneel. When you get into the zone, you sort of forget everything. I don't know, Aneel," I said truthfully. He kissed me before sitting up.

"Do I make you feel beautiful?" I wasn't sure if he was joking around or if it was a genuine question. Nonetheless, I answered truthfully.

"You do. What do I make you feel?" He gave me a smirk before running his eyes up and down my body. "Aneel-"

"You make me feel satisfied." My hand gripped the cushion beside and I threw it at his face. I closed my eyes as I groaned, listening to him laugh. He leaned back into his position, his weight on his elbows. "You make me happy," he whispered against my neck. "You make me really happy." I ran my hand through his hair again and he smiled at me. "You're the only person I let touch my hair. It feels nice when you do that." Aneel lay his head on my chest and closed his eyes. I felt him slowly put his weight down on me and I shuffled a bit so I was comfortable.

"Aneel?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you love me?" He slowly raised his head and looked at me.

"Did you seriously ask me that fucking question?" I shrugged my shoulders and he shook his head. Before I knew it, his face was right in front of mine with a smirk on his face. "Did I not just show you how much I love you? If you didn't see how much then there is always tonight-" I smacked his chest but he laughed. He kissed my nose before rolling to his side. "Seriously though, why did you ask that?" I turned to face him with a sigh. His hand rested on my hip, his thumb going round in circles.

"I'm a mess." He smiled at me before kissing my cheek.

"I'm a mess too." I felt him pull me closer but I forced myself down. He stuck his tongue at me before he moved right beside me. "We're both a mess. And that's okay."

A/N: Thank you so much for reading and I am so sorry for not updating earlier! And again, so sorry I haven't been talking to you lot and I really want to know how you guys are doing.

You liking this story or not? You guys think there should be something better? Let me know please!! Constructive criticism accepted!

Last but not least, HAPPY NEW YEARS!! :)