October, 1 Year Earlier

In many ways life remained the same for Noel. She shared a silent breakfast with her mother each morning, took the bus to school, worked hard in her classes, practiced for hours, and maintained her love-hate relationship with the violin. But one thing had appeared to change.

Noel had a friend. Frankly, she wasn't sure how she hadn't managed to push Riley away yet.

After every practice, Noel would accompany Riley to the dining commons for a late lunch. It was usually empty around the time they went, so to make up for the short lines, she and Riley would engage in long conversations. Little by little, Noel was learning more about Riley, and little by little, Noel was revealing bits and pieces of herself, though she kept most of the details of her life private, save for a little here and there as she mentioned her father and the violin and her mother's commitment to Noel's success as a musician.

After another afternoon of practice and a late lunch with Riley, Noel said good-bye. Her conversation with Riley had been on the short side this afternoon, but Noel figured that was okay. It allowed her more time to herself.

After she and Riley had departed from the university's gates, she stealthily changed her course, going a street down from the bus stop to the small line of shops adjacent to one of the neighborhoods near the university. She knew with certainty she would be alone there.

Noel wasn't quite sure when the tradition had started. It had been during the fall semester of her freshman year. She liked to walk down this strip and purchase a snack from the convenience store sometimes to delay returning home. Or she would stop in a the thrift shop and look around, knowing her mother would kill her if she returned with something second-hand. But for Noel, these experiences were her first tastes of freedom since high school, when the chauffer had primarily driven her to and from school.

One day, as Noel was leaning against the brick wall of the convenience store, munching on some potato chips, when she noticed the abandoned shed farther down the street. It was covered in rust and looked like it would topple over as soon as the next windstorm hit, but Noel admired the ways it was hidden in the trees and how the setting sun reflected off the chipped paint. So one day, she had found herself meandering near the building.

Though the nature of the shed appeared to be abandoned, Noel hadn't been too sure, so she had quietly walked around the premises before peeking her head into the little slit between the chained doors. Inside, it was devoid of life. So Noel had left it at that. All she had wondered was if the shed was abandoned or not. Now she had her answer.

The next day though, she found herself coming back. And the day after that. And the day after that. For weeks she would linger around the front of the shed and peer through the tiny crack before ultimately heading on back to the bus stop. One day, however, she felt brave.

It was probably around November. The sky was darkly clouded, and it was one of the first days that season that Noel was wrapped warmly in a winter coat. She had the feeling that it was going to rain, and she figured she could look for an entrance just for a moment to escape the oncoming storm. The front doors were chained, so she went around the back and surveyed the whole periphery of the shed. No entrance.

Her heart sunk for a moment. Then she pulled at the chain. It held tight. Though she knew there was no use trying, she pulled again, first at the chain, then the door. She knew she couldn't pull too long. The neighbors would grow suspicious. So with one last pull, she was shocked to hear a snap.

Noel looked back at the handles. The end of the chain had snapped off. With all the rust, it wasn't hard to imagine why. She carefully pulled the chain through and opened up the door of the shed just as the first drop of rain landed on her brunette head. Noel opened the door slightly, just enough to allow entry. Thankfully, the sound of the growing rain masked the loud squeak of the door.

Inside, the shed was warm, and the scent of dust and dirt lingered in the air. Hay and a few empty wooden boxes, which Noel presumed empty, laid scattered along the floor. With her eyes, Noel followed a hanging ladder leading up to a loft. While tempted to explore, she doubted if the loft would hold. So instead, she took a seat on one of the wooden boxes, pulled out a snack she had purchased from the convenience store, and waited for the rain to pass.

Since that day, Noel had visited the shed frequently. She had supplied it with lanterns and blankets, and many days after school, she would go sit in the shed and do her homework or lean back and relax, trying not to think about her school books or the violin case lying beside her. While she always wrapped the chain around the door to give the illusion it was locked, she was surprised no one had come to scold her for hanging out in abandoned property. She was quite sure the neighbors had caught on. She saw their stares sometimes when walking down the street around the same time every day. Yet everyone kept their mouths shut. Perhaps because they knew who she was, or perhaps because they didn't want to be a bother.

Lately though, with her frequent excursions with Riley, Noel hadn't been visiting as much. She wasn't saddened to be visiting less, but sometimes, she did miss the solitude of sitting in the shed, listening to the rain running off the roof in the spring or seeing the sunset shine its light into the cracks of the building.

The leaves were already starting to turn, Noel realized, as she walked down the street toward the shed. Yellow colors were creeping into the trees, with orange and red soon to follow behind, she guessed. Soon, she would have to bring more blankets to the shed. The temperature would drop considerably in a month or two.

Having done the routine thousands of times, Noel cautiously slipped the chain free and let herself in. With a sigh, she laid down her backpack and violin case and sat on top on one of the wooden boxes while leaning her back against another. She supposed she could get some reading done for class if she really wanted, but for now, she wanted to sit back and savor a few moments of silence. Noel shut her eyes and leaned her head back, breathing calmly, before the door started to creak.

Noel froze and quickly grabbed for her backpack. A shadow had cast over the inside of the shed, and she began to tremble. That was until the door shut again, and Riley stood in front of her, gazing at her in confusion.

"Riley?!" she exclaimed. "What-what are you doing here?!"

"What are you doing here?" Riley asked.

"I-I asked first," Noel argued.

"Well, I turned around to tell you to that I still had the pen you let me borrow, and that's when I noticed you going the opposite way of the bus stop, so...I followed."

Noel paused for a moment, letting her muscles slowly relax. Finally, she glanced up and smirked. "Snoop."

"Am not! I just didn't know where you were heading off to, so I wanted to make sure you got to the bus stop safe. Anyway. Here," Riley said, dropping the pen into Noel's hands. As Noel collected it, Riley stood in place with her hands in her pockets, gazing up at the ceiling. "So what are you doing in this dump anyway?"

"Well, uh, this is actually my secret hiding place," Noel admitted.

"For real?"

Noel nodded.

"But why?" Riley asked. "And I don't really mean having a hiding place, just...why this place? You're going to get tetanus in here if you're not careful. Or get bitten by a wild animal or—I don't know. It just doesn't seem safe if you ask me."

Noel let go of her backpack finally and leaned back against the wooden box. With a sigh, she spoke.

"I just like the quiet. That's all."

"That's all?" Riley asked, raising an eyebrow.

"And I like being away from home for a little bit. As soon as I come home, it's straight to practice. I just get a little bit of a break here. You won't tell, will you?" Noel asked, suddenly becoming fearful.

Riley took a seat on the box next to Noel. "No. I won't tell."

"Thanks," Noel said. A grin had appeared on both of their faces. Before they knew it, they were talking again, continuing their conversation from lunch. Though Noel had never imagined anyone else keeping her company in her secret hiding spot, she was glad it had been Riley of all people to stumble upon her.

"So what was your dad the CEO of, if you don't mind me asking?" Riley asked.

"You're going to laugh," Noel murmured, hugging her knees close to her chest.

"I won't. Promise," Riley said.

"He was the head of a toothpaste brand," Noel said.

Riley suppressed a giggle.

"See! I said you would laugh!" Noel exclaimed.

"N-No, I mean, tooth hygiene is very important," Riley said. Noel couldn't help but laugh too. Sometimes she still found it ridiculous that her luxurious mansion home had been borne out of toothpaste.

"Do you miss him?" Riley asked after a pause.

Noel was silent. She hugged her knees tighter to her, unsure of what to say. Yes, she missed her father, in many ways. He had been the one to take her to her first classical concert. He had gotten her into violin, having played himself in his freetime. He always had a smile on his face when Noel was playing, and she, likewise. But her mother would always frown. To Cecilia Miller, Noel was a trophy. It had been that way since the car accident that took her father's life. Without realizing it, tears were sliding down Noel's chin.

"God, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked," Riley said.

Noel reached into her backpack to retrieve a tissue. She wiped the tears from her eyes and blew her nose before gathering the courage to speak again.

"No. It's okay. Sometimes I just wonder how different life would be with him still around."

"When did he die?" Riley asked. "If you mind me asking, I mean."

"When I was fourteen. Not long before high school," Noel explained. She blew her nose once more. "But we don't need to talk about this."

"You're right. I'm sorry," Riley said.

Noel shook her head. "Don't be. I don't tell many people about him, that's all. So that way I don't have to think about it that much." She glanced ahead, noticing that the sun's rays were beginning to disappear from the inside of the shed altogether. She would need to turn on her lanterns soon if she planned to stay, but she realized she was already well past curfew.

"Sorry. I need to go," Noel said after a glance at her watch. "Will you keep this place secret?"

Riley nodded. "Want me to walk you back to the bus stop?"

Noel shook her head. "No. I bet you have homework to do, and I kept you here. I'll see you at practice later this week."

"Sounds good," Riley said. She held her hand out in front of Noel. Noel wasn't quite sure what she was doing at first, but she grasped on as Riley helped her down from the tall wooden box. Having snuck off to this shed for nearly a year, Noel knew she was perfectly capable of getting down herself, but she accepted the gesture all the same. Why? She wasn't quite sure. Perhaps she didn't want to offend Riley's kindness.

"Good night, Noel," Riley said.

"Good night," Noel replied, watching as Riley left. She took a few minutes to gather herself, holding back tears as she thought of her father once again. Strange. She really hadn't cried about him in months, if not a year.

For a few minutes, she gathered her things and cleaned up her spot before returning back to the doors. She loosely chained them and finally made her way to the bus stop, an hour or so after she should've been heading back. For this reason, the bus ride home was more frightening than normal. There were no orange clouds to look at, but rather the inky darkness of the night sky.

Noel wasn't even sure her foot had hit the floor of the door's entrance when her mother was in front of her, her brows already furrowed with rage.

"And where have you been?!" she demanded. "Dinner is getting cold, and you're behind schedule with your practice."

"I did practice," Noel promised. "That's why I was late. I stayed back at school and practiced in one of the music classrooms for a little bit. I just...lost track of time."

Her mother grumbled as she placed her hands on her hips, but somehow or other, the lie had managed to work. Noel knew so already because her mother had gone silent, rather than continuing to yell at her as she normally did.

"Well, after dinner, go upstairs and practice so I can hear you at least. You're lucky you didn't have practice with the city tonight," she murmured before sulking off.

Noel blinked, surprised her lie had worked, but she took it upon herself to actually practice then, at least. For an hour after dinner she followed the rhythmic pattern of the music sheet, letting her mind drift off as the notes passed easily through her ears. She really hoped Riley wouldn't tell about her hiding spot.

After her evening shower, Noel laid on her bed with her journal spread out in front of her. She began the day's entry:

October 6th,

I had an unexpected guest at my secret spot today. Normally, I would've been taken aback, but I actually ended up having a good time. It wasn't until today I noticed how quiet and how lonely sitting there can become. I've noticed that a lot lately. How lonely I've been. How I've grown used to the quiet.

I'm glad to be getting to know Riley better, and I trust she can keep my secret. Today, I somehow let slip about Dad. I don't think I've talked about him in over a year, but talking to her about him was easy. Maybe it's because I haven't had a friend in a while. Or maybe it's just because I'm lonely. Either way, I look forward to whatever tomorrow brings.

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Happy Black History Month! Forgot to mention this last week, but for the entire month of February I will be exclusively recommending books by queer black authors. Definitely check some of these out!

Weekly QTPOC Book Recommendation: You Should See Me in a Crown by Leah Johnson

Synopsis: "Liz Lighty has always believed she's too black, too poor, too awkward to shine in her small, rich, prom-obsessed midwestern town. But it's okay -- Liz has a plan that will get her out of Campbell, Indiana, forever: attend the uber-elite Pennington College, play in their world-famous orchestra, and become a doctor.

But when the financial aid she was counting on unexpectedly falls through, Liz's plans come crashing down . . . until she's reminded of her school's scholarship for prom king and queen. There's nothing Liz wants to do less than endure a gauntlet of social media trolls, catty competitors, and humiliating public events, but despite her devastating fear of the spotlight she's willing to do whatever it takes to get to Pennington.

The only thing that makes it halfway bearable is the new girl in school, Mack. She's smart, funny, and just as much of an outsider as Liz. But Mack is also in the running for queen. Will falling for the competition keep Liz from her dreams . . . or make them come true?"