CHAPTER 29 - Destiny's Choice

KARA'S EYES STARTED to water. Nanginginig ang tuhod niya habang nakatitig kina Oddity at Javaid. They were kidding, right? Paano nangyari iyon?

"Kuya," she whispered.

Sabay na napalingon sa kinaroroonan niya ang dalawa. Oddity's feature darkened when he saw her. She can see terror in his eyes while Javaid just looked away.

"Princess, kanina ka pa ba . . ." Unti-unting humina ang boses nito nang mapansin ang pag-agos ng luha sa pisngi niya. "You heard it?" he asked in low tone.

Hindi alam ni Kara ang isasagot. Halo-halo na ang tanong sa isipan niya. Iba-ba ang konklusyon tungkol sa narinig. What the fuck is happening?

Napatunganga siya habang binabasa ang ekspresyon sa mukha ni Oddity. She's looking for a sign that she heard it wrong. "You're my kuya, right?" halos mabasag ang boses niya sa sariling tanong.

Her Kuya Ei is one of the best things that ever happened to her. He was always there by her side. Palagi nitong sinusuportahan ang mga gusto niyang gawin, palagi itong nariyan kapag may problema siya, ito ang palaging nagtatangol sa kaniya kapag may hindi sila pinagkakasunduan ng daddy nila. She can't lose him, too. Not her kuya Ei.

Tinawid ni Oddity ang pagitan nila. He rushed to hug her. "Of course, princess. I will always be your brother. Hinding-hindi magbabago 'yon. You will remain as my princess."

She sobbed quietly. She felt relief pero naguguluhan pa rin siya sa lahat. Habang yakap ang kuya Ei niya, napatitig siya kay Javaid na nakatingin lang at pinapanood sila. His eyes were full of sorrow and envy. Javaid looked down and heaved a deep sigh. Mabilis na kumawala si Kara sa yakap ni Oddity.

Tumingin siya kay Oddity saka sinulyapan si Javaid. "Tell me the truth," mahina niyang bulong na nagpaangat sa mukha ni Javaid.

Hindi man siya handa sa maalaman, pero gusto niyang alamin. Ano ba ang totoo?

Muling nagtitigan sina Javaid at Oddity na parang nag-uusap sa kanilang mga mata. Bumuntonghininga ang Kuya Ei niya saka tumango dito na tila nagbibigay ng permiso. Ibinalin ni Javaid ang atensyon sa kan'ya.

"We are both your step-brothers," Javaid said while leaning his back on the wall. Humugot ito ng malalim na hininga, tila nahihirapan sa susunod na sasabihin.

Kara's tears we're gearing up for something big. She can feel it because of the pain in Javaid's eyes.

"My father raped Oddity's mother, and you're the product of it."

Namanhid ang mga kamay ni Kara sa narinig. She gasped and her knees weakened.  She was a product of sexual assault!?  Nagpalipat-lipat ang tingin niya sa dalawa. Waiting for them to said that it was a joke. When minutes passed, she felt numb. Napatakip siya sa bibig.

Oddity slowly held her shoulder. "Kara . . ."

She heard Javaid curse quietly. Umiiling siya habang unti-unting pumatak ang naipong luha sa mga mata. Her chest gripped with pain. Like the truth cut through her like a sword.

Iyon ba ang dahilan kaya hindi siya matanggap ng daddy niya kahit ano pa ang gawin niya? Because she was a product of rape?  Mariin niyang ipinikit ang mata sa pagbabaka-sakaling pagmulat niya ay panaginip lang ang lahat, pero hindi.

Her Kuya Ei was caressing her back while hugging her. She stood there, numb.

"You also knew about it?" she asked Oddity wit her voice cracking.

Oddity slowly nodded. Inalis ni Kara ang pagkakayakap nito and gave him a frosty look. Pain crossed Oddity's eyes.

"Since when?" she asked coldly.

"The accident."

Her memories. Muling bumalik sa kaniya ang mga alaalang iyon. The car crash, the commotion, her brother.

Mabilis niyang nilingon si Javaid. "It was you, right?" Kumunot ang noo nito. "I was with you when the accident happened . . ." Unti-unting humina ang boses niya.

Gumuhit ang sakit sa mga mata ni Javaid.  "Yes."

That's when she realized everything and how big it is. It wasn't Oddity. Hindi ito ang kuya na kasama niya nang mangyari ang aksidente. It was Javaid all along.

Muli siyang napapikit nang mariin. A question crossed in her mind. Isang nakakatakot na tanong.

"At tayo ang sakay ng kotse na nakabanggaan ng mama ni Janus?" she almost whispered, realizing everything.

They both nodded. Muling bumuntong-hininga si Oddity at umiwas naman ng tingin si Javaid.

"That was the real reason why I left Empty." Javaid's voice was full of remorse.

Kara's heart gripped with pain as her tears ran down her cheeks. Napasandal siya sa likod ng pintuan para doon kumuha ng lakas.

Her throat tightened as a weight settled down to her heart. His mother's death made Janus lose his hope in life. All along it was them. They are the one who tore Janus' fragile heart.

It was them that killed him.

"'Tangina." She let out a harsh breath and bit her lower lip to stop herself from sobbing.

Oddity took a ragged breath and tried to hold her, but she shoved him off.

"Princess, I'm sorry for hiding this to you. We just wanted to protect you."

Bullshit. Protect her from what? Hindi siya sumagot but tears gathered in her eyes. Ayaw iproseso ng utak niya ang lahat. Ayaw tanggapin nito ang mapait na katotohanan na buong buhay niya ay isang malaking kasinungalingan.

Noon, hiniling niyang bumalik na ang memorya niya. But now, she wanted to forget everything.

ODDITY'S WORD ECHOED  in Kara's mind as she stared in her ceiling full of glow-in-the-dark stars while listening to random songs in her playlist. The mood of her room was calm, but it didn't have a soothing effect like it usually did.

She closed her eyes as million thoughts roamed in her head.

Javaid was also her brother and that she was a product of their father's insanity. Her biological father raped her mother for Pete's sake! And she died because of giving birth to her —an unwanted child.

Kara hugged herself as her eyes flooded with tears. She felt emptier now.

How can she look into her father's eyes when she knew she wasn't supposed to be here? That she died because of her.

How can she look into Janus' eyes knowing that they were the reason why he suffered? Janus' life shattered because of that accident.

A part of her understands why Javaid did what he did. Kahit siya hindi niya alam kung mapapatawad ba niya ang sarili.

Kara opened her eyes when she heard her phone pinged. She wiped her tears using the back of her palm when she saw Janus' name on the caller's ID.

She was about to answer his call but she stopped. Tinitigan lamang niya ito hanggang sa mamatay. Hindi niya alam kung may lakas pa siyang kausapin ito. She felt guilty of the crime she didn't commit.

Her phone beep again and a message from Janus came that made her eyes widen.

Janus: I'm outside. Come out.

Mabilis siyang napatayo sa kama at inayos ang sarili. When she opened the gate, he was leaning against the wall while his hand was tuck in his pocket. He was wearing a gray hoodie and a black sweatpants.

Mabilis itong tumayo at inalis ang hood niya. She can now see his face. Janus stared at her for a second and his brows furrowed. Umigting ang panag nito nang matitigan siya.

"Umiyak ka ba?" Mabilis itong nakalapit sa kaniya.

Kara shook her head and looked away. Muli itong humakbang upang tawirin ang pagitan nila para mas makita siya ng malapitan. Janus cupped her face and searched her eyes. When he found them, he licked his lower lip and kissed her forehead.

"I'm sorry, baby. I didn't mean to upset you. I'm just pissed because you're with Javaid again."

Kara's eyes started to water and glanced at him uncomfortably. Guilt was written all over her face. It wasn't about the ice cream sandwich nor his cold treatment earlier. She can't look at him in the eyes without feeling guilty about everything.

"Damn. I'm sorry." Janus panicked when tears escaped her eyes.

Hinapit nito ang baywang niya saka ginawaran nang mahigpit na yakap. "Hey. Stop crying."

She sobbed on his chest while he caressed her back. She wants to feel his comfort. She wants to forget everything that she knew.

Unti-unti nang tumigil ang paghikbi niya. Mahigit limang minuto ring nakayakap sa kaniya si Janus habang pinapatigil siya sa pag-iyak. Siya na ang kumalas sa pagkakayakap nito.

Her chest lifted as she breathed deeply. "Okay na 'ko," she said, still biting her lower lip to stop herself from crying.

"Are you sure?" Hesitation was evident in his eyes.

She nodded to ease his worried eyes.

"Want to go somewhere?" he asked, without taking his eyes off her.

Nag-aalangan siyang tumingin sa bahay nila. Wala pa ang daddy niya samantalang alam naman ng kuya niya kung sino ang kasama. Ite-text na lamang niya ito mamaya dahil gusto rin naman niyang makapag-isip-isip.

Tumango siya. "Saan ba?"

Sa halip na sagutin, naglakad ito sa nakaparadang motor at inabutan siya ng helmet. They rode Janus' motorcycle. Sinalubong siya ng malamig na simoy ng hangin, mabuti na lamang at naisipan niyang magsuot ng cardigan bago lumabas. Janus drove for about 10 minutes before they arrived in the national highway.

Kumunot ang noo ni Kara nang huminto sila sa isang tree house sa gilid ng daan. Namamangha siyang bumaba sa motor ni Janus at sinabit ang helmet sa side mirror. Inilibot niya ang mata sa kabuuan ng lugar.

Tila mukha lamang iyong normal na tree house liban na lang nang sindihan ni Janus ang mga light bulb garland na nakasabit sa sanga ng tree house. The whole tree lit up, that made her lips tug with a smile.

Hindi niya mapigilan ang tumakas na ngiti sa labi. "What is it? Another hideout?" Nilingon niya si Janus para makuha ang sagot ngunit lumapit ito sa trucks ng puno, may cardboard roon na nakasabit.

She bit her lower lip when she saw the writings, 'In memory of Avyanna Valderama.' Saka lamang niya napagtanto na nasa puntod sila ng mama ni Janus. May nakalagay pa roong year kung kailan ito ipinanganak at ang taon kung kailan ito namatay.

Marahang hinaplos ni Janus ang cardboard na nagsisilbing lapida ng ina. Tahimik niyang nilapitan ito saka pinagsakop ang kamay nila. Saglit na natigilan si Janus sa ginawa niya, ngunit mabilis ding nakabawi at sinuklian siya ng ngiti.

"Mama . . . hindi ba sabi ko, ipapakilala ko siya sa inyo?" Hinagod nito gamit ang kaliwang kamay ang palad nilang magkasakop. "Nandito na siya, Ma." Nilingon siya nito at muling kumislap ang mga mata. "Finally, I can introduce her to you," he said, without taking his eyes off her.

Hindi maipaliwanag ni Kara ngunit sumisikip ang dibdib niya dahil sa bigat ng nararamdaman. Iniwas niya ang tingin kay Janus at tinuon ang mata sa nagsisilbing lapida ng mama nito. Pilit niyang pinigilang umiyak.

Does she deserve this? Tanong niya sa sarili. Sa dinami-dami ng babaeng mamahalin ni Janus, bakit siya pa? She doesn't deserve to be loved by him. Nang dahil sa kanila, nawala ang pinakamamahal nitong ina.

She caught her breath when Janus kissed the back of her palm. "Mama . . . this is Kara . . . and, Kara, my mom." Janus chuckled, most of the time it would make her heart flutter but it didn't. A sudden unspeakable pain gripped her.

Her throat was so dry that it hurt to speak, but she still managed. "H...hi, Tita. It's nice meeting you," she said, while trying so hard not to sob.

Pinaikot ni Janus ang kamay nito sa kaniya hanggang sa mapunta ito sa likod niya. His hands were wrapped on her waist. She could feel the thudding of her heart, the feeling of Janus body's wrapped against her back was overwhelming her.

After a minute of silence, Janus withdrew his arm from around her waist and faced her.

"I promise, Mama." His lips slowly formed a smile as he settled his eyes directly on her. "I'll keep her," he said, moved forward and kissed her temple.

Napapikit siya nang mariin at umiwas ng tingin. The guilt was eating her up. Sa tingin niya, kapag tumagal pa ang pagtitig nito sa kaniya ay hindi na niya mapipigilan ang luha.

"Let's go upstairs," he said, guiding her.

Nang nakatalikod na ito sa kaniya, lihim niyang pinunasan ang luhang mabilis na naglandas sa pisngi. Nakatitig lamang siya sa likod nito habang paakyat. Iyon yata ang hindi niya gugustuhing senaryo, ang talikuran siya nito kapag nalaman ang totoo.

When Janus took a glance at her, she flashed a fake smile to hide her doubt.

"Look at this."

Ipinakita ni Janus sa kaniya ang convertible sofa na nasa veranda ng tree house. Inayos iyon ni Janus para gawing kama at naglabas ng isang putting comforter galing sa hanging cabinet na naroon.

The inside of the tree house was small as she expected. Iyong sofa, hanging cabinet at ilang shelves, at maliit na lamesa lamang ang naroon. Sakto lang para sa isang maliit na tree house.

Nang matapos maglatag ni Janus ng comforter sa convertible bed, tinapik nito ang parte na katabi niya. Lumapit siya at doon naupo habang parehong nakasandal sa nagsisilbing pader ng tree house.

Tanaw nila sa harapan ang malawak na sakahan at ang liwanag ng buwan.

"Tapos na kayo sa recording?" she asked to break the silence.

Janus nodded. "We're going back to school tomorrow until finals."

"Sounds great." She realized something. "Wait . . . you came just to say sorry? Akala ko ba, bawal?"

He chuckled and pinched her nose. "'Di kita matiis, eh."

She shook her head to stop herself from smiling, but she failed. "Really, Janus. Almost 2 a.m.? Paano mo nalamang gising pa ako?"

"Your brother is my best friend." He smirked.

Unti-unting nawala ang ngiti sa labi niya kaya umiwas siya ng tingin. "Right."

Silence filled them. She looked at the sky with sad eyes. Kakaunti lang ang bituin ngunit gumaan pa rin ang pakiramdam niya.

"Janus," she said.

She felt Janus take a glance at her. "Uhm . . ."

"What if . . .," she almost whispered. "What if we are not meant for each other? What if . . . destiny will not let us be together?" she asked then looked at him.

He smiled at her and she couldn't see any hesitation in his eyes.

"Well, I won't let that happen." He gazed at the moon and then looked at her straight in her eyes. "I won't let destiny take you away from me."

Kara bit the inside of her cheeks to stop herself from crying. Masasabi pa rin kaya nito iyan kapag nalaman na nito ang totoo? Would he still accept her?

She turned her face away and sighed heavily. Hindi pa siya handa na sabihin kay Janus ang totoo. She needed time to think and clear her mind. She also need to talk to Javaid about everything. Gusto niyang malaman kung bakit ngayon lang ito dumating. Bakit wala ito noong magising siya after ng aksidente?

Janus stood up and lend his hand to her. "Tara na? Baka malamigan ka."

Tumango siya at tinanggap ang kamay nito. They drove silently hanggang makarating sila sa tapat ng gate nila.

"Sabay tayong mag-review this weekened," Janus said habang sinusuot ang helmet nito.

"Sure. This weekend." He nodded and bid her goodbye.

She heaved a deep sigh before closing the gate. Nakapagdesisyon na siya.

She will tell him the truth this weekend, but before that, she needs to talk to Javaid. She needs to know about everything.