That night, after I had confessed all of my deepest engraved thoughts to Salomé, I had had a dream. Bare feet. Stepped upon a golden threshold. Golden gates. In front of me, an outstretched field full of the wildflowers I used to know. I remember breathing in deeply, feeling light. Healthy. Safe.

In the far distance, a little girl dancing along with the butterflies. Golden hairs flying as she twirled around. Slowly stepping around her, a woman with silky black hair, eyes blue and green, representing the skies and fields before her. Her skin had her Italian, olive tone. Eyes bright. Her lips pink. Appearance healthy. Her smile was calm, she danced with the little girl and the butterflies, smelling the wildflowers and letting out a soft, mischief and familiar laugh.

They came closer. My arm stretched out as far as I could, trying to reach them, but every time I thought I was near- they would move away. I'd felt a man's presence behind me. I couldn't see him, for every time I turned around, he moved along. Nonetheless, I could feel he was there. His presence was warm, embracing. "Are they pain free?"

"They are. They are very happy. I'm taking good care of them. Trust me, son."

She looked at me. Her sweetest smiles. She softly nudged the shoulder of Eden, they waved at me. I waved back. My mouth was trying to say out loud that I loved them, missed them, but no words erupted from my throat. After a while, Aurora looked away, took Eden's hand and they ran out of my sight, dancing and singing all along.

"They know, right?" I whispered to the Man behind me.

"They have always known, son."

I had woken up with tears streaming down my face. The leftovers of guilt, deep pain, disbelief and more coming out of my mouth as strangled moans, but in deepest peace, finally letting go. God had given me this dream. Her pillow in my arms, eventually Benjamin. "Papà?"

"I just saw Eden and Mamma in my sleep. They are okay."

"I know. They are with God."

"Today is the big day. Do you think he's ready for it?" Daniel handed me my third cappuccino of today. I took a large sip, needing the caffeine.

"He? What about me? Absolutely peeing myself." I glanced at Benjamin, who was eating donuts and drinking chocolate milk with Nolan. He was wearing his beige shorts, high knee socks, his Clarks and a white button up, tucked into the pants. I smiled contentedly.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" His voice was barely above a whisper. He didn't want to gain the others attention.

I looked around me. Poppy looked at Benjamin with teary eyes. Salomé was busy talking to Gloria. Amanda was sure everyone had something to eat. Teddy quietly enjoyed himself by looking around, catching up on different conversations. Davu showed Sade a video of a song coming from his culture. They had all come together for my son. I nodded slowly, looking up at Daniel. "Her story deserves to be heard."

"I agree. She was phenomenal."

I made eye contact with Salomé. She gave me a soft smile. I smiled back at her, somewhat timid. Thought back of our conversations in church, which had lasted until deep at night. Everything had come to light, and it had felt liberating. It had been a couple of weeks since that night.

She made me understand Benjamin's behaviour, from his enormous amount of sleep to his food attraction and his emotions. It had been no wonder he had slept so much for the past few months. He had so much to process- he had only begun processing Aurora's death, in form of Salomé's therapies I hadn't known of. He had needed his rest, his mind needing to give everything a place. The eating had just been his way of forgetting things, as well as the pinching on his stomach.

He allowed me to check him sometimes, just to make sure he hadn't been doing it anymore. Sometimes his pride got ahead of him, and he would come into my bedroom, showing his upper body and legs before I would ask for it. "Papà, I'm hurt free."

His sleeping schedule was still a bit heavier than boys average his age, but now that he could talk about what he had done with Salomé to me too, not having to hide anything anymore, his rhythm had become a little more natural, and he was easier to wake. His school had seen him change. They changed their mind, welcoming him back. Which had been a huge relief.

I didn't know if he would ever get over the trauma, but I knew that he at least learned how to cope with his thoughts, memories, emotions. The bulls and cowboys were still his passion, he found relief in that.

"What are you thinking of?" Salomé hand laid briefly on top of mine. Her eyes showed a hint of concern. "Are you nervous?"

I let out a soft breath. "Quite. But how must he feel?" We glanced at Benjamin. He was now stirring his straw through his chocolate milk, bouncing his knee up and down. I could tell he was trying to involve in Nolan and Gloria's conversation, but his mind was somewhere else. He looked at me. Stood up and made his way over.

"Papà." He said quietly, pressing his body against mine. "When will we pick up the examples?"

"In a bit." I glanced at the clock. Ruffled his hair. "We still have got some time left."

"I wonder what they look like."

"I thought you would never, ever touch a book in your life again." I teased him, poking his side.

He slowly, dramatically rolled his eyes. "This is different. It's for Mamma."

"I know." I whispered. Placing a tender kiss to his temple.

"Can we go now?" Benjamin fiddled with his fingers. "All these people hyping me up is very sweet, although making me even more nervous."

I glanced at Salomé. We exchanged soft chuckles. "Fine. We will go." Nerves flooded their way through my own blood. I swallowed a few times. Felt encouraged by Salomé's squeeze in my hand.

"Good luck." She whispered, softly pinching Benjamin's cheek after our eye contact.

"See you at the theatre."

"Good luck, guys!"

Smiling in response, I took a deep breath before we left the Beany Business, sauntering our way over to the car. The drive was rather silent, with the only sound being heard coming from Benjamins knees, which were bouncing up and down rapidly.

"Do you think many people will attend?"

"Perhaps. How many kids gained a spot?"

He shrugged, eyes flickering everywhere. "I don't know, Papà. One per school. But I don't know how many schools joined."

"I see." I hung my right arm out of the window, steering with my left. "You nervous, Campione?"

"I need to pee."

I chuckled softly, my mind going way back, to the times where I had just met Aurora. "I'm sure you can use a toilet soon." The rest of the drive was silent.

It was half an hour later when we arrived. Stopping the motor, I slowly took out the keys, observed the building for a brief, silent moment. Day after day, I had worked for this exact moment, but now that it was actually here- I was terrified. I felt Benjamin's hand slipping over mine. He fist bumped it.

"Papà? I think it will be super cool."

"Yeah? You reckon it will be good?"

"It better be." A soft frown creased his forehead. "I'm not allowed to read Ferdinand again."

As a smile tugged at my lips, I pulled Benjamin's earlobe, unbuckling the seatbelt. "Well, I suppose we have to grab ourselves a copy, then." After an encouraging smile, including the small teeth gap, I felt confident enough to walk up to that building.

After stepping inside, I met the publisher, who grinned upon seeing us. "Well, the author has arrived."

I sheepishly smiled. Somewhat timidly. I pointed at Benjamin. "And the reader of today."

"Nice to finally see you guys in real life! And first of all, congratulations on your very first published book. They arrived yesterday, and if I may say so myself- they are real pleasing to look at." He rubbed his hands together, to where his rounded glasses slowly slipped down to the tip of his nose. "Coffee? Tea? Water?"

"The loo?" Benjamin couldn't stop bouncing up and down, smiling a little awkwardly.

The man, who's name had to be Theo considering our email contact, laughed at that, explaining the right way towards the toilet. After he poured me some coffee and offered me biscuits, he observed me for a while. "This must be a big moment for you. You seem pretty calm, though."

Welcome to the life of a slightly introverted man, I thought to myself. "Well, I'm extremely grateful that you gave me the opportunity, chance even, for this. It means a lot to me."

His teasing side faded, his seriousness appearing. "Of course. I've got to say that even though your story touched me deeply, your writing style is absolutely pleasing and worth it to be on a lot of bookshelves in the future. Have you ever written more novels?"

"When I was young. Not worth publishing." I chuckled lightly, taking a sip of the damping coffee. We waited for Benjamin, I wanted him to be part of this big moment.

"Ever thought about a career switch?"

I shook my head. "I'm good where I'm at as for now, but in my free time, my fingers may wander and write some words down."

"Well, my door for you is open. One call, alright?"

"Appreciate it." I smiled down at Benjamin as he reappeared in the room, his voice loud as he mentioned to miss all of the books. He thought the publishing house would look like a library, but on the contrary. It was mostly white, desks, papers, printing machines and just a few books.

"If you guys would follow me, I'll bring you to your first set of copies."

Benjamin looked up at me. His little gap showing as he nervously smiled, his hand slipping in mine. I squeezed it, followed Theo into another room, where more books were displayed. A few carton boxes were placed upon a small table. He gestured for it, then stood at the door. "I'll leave you guys to it. Let me know your thoughts after you're ready."

When he had left the small area and had closed the door, Benjamin lifted himself up upon the table, staring down at the carton boxes. "Well.. open it Papà."

I walked over to him, stared at the boxes for a while, my fingers not allowing me to open them for some reasons. I knew it were just the nerves taking over my whole body, perhaps my control system. "You know what? Why don't you do it?"

"Really?" His grey eyes lit up, his pink tinted cheeks rounding up as he smiled a little. He reached for the first box, ripped the tape off and opened it slowly. The books were carefully wrapped in loads of paper, to prevent any damage. He picked the first one up, looked at me for consent and when I nodded, slowly took off the paper.

His small hands held the book in the air, showing me the cover from a small distance. There she was, in the early morning, with the sun softly and carefully dripping in. Somewhere in the field amongst the wildflowers, dancing in a floral dress with an oversized vintage sweater hugging her warm. Her hair dancing in the fresh morning breeze, with an orange glaze falling over her, her hands feeling the high grass.

I swallowed, felt deep emotions rising. The title was written somewhere in the left corner down. When the Morning Comes by Zevediah Malin.

It felt surreal. Absolutely surreal. I was terrified. Terrified of my story being out there for the world right after this moment, but though it made me feel extremely anxious- it made me feel so liberated at the same time. Her story would be heard. Her story would finally be heard, the world would finally know her- and she deserved all of that.

My lips quivered, I slowly took the book from Benjamin. It loosened loads of emotions. When I opened the book, the first words I read made me smile, although salty drops rolled down my cheeks.

Dedicated to my beloved wife, who taught me the way to find the morning again.

"Papà?"

The sleeves of my sweater absorbed my tears, I couldn't help but laugh. "I'm just overwhelmed."

Benjamin, who still sat on the table, wrapped his arms and legs around me, the both of us observing the book as I flipped through the pages. I brushed my fingers over the words, remembering how I sat there, in our bedroom, typing away on her typing machine. Reliving everything. Reliving the memories, our words, our deeds, our emotions. I remember crying every time. Joyful tears. Melancholic tears. Tears of pride. Unexplained tears.

Mouthing along with the words that my fingers tried to get out of me. Singing along with her voice. Cursing in Italian. Copying her facial expressions by accident. Feeling her soft skin on the tip of my fingers. Her soft lips against mine as I closed my eyes. Our embraces in bed. Morning voices. Evening whispers. Her mischief laughter. Naive and impulsive ideas. Spices, herbs wafting around the house. Trying new recipes together. Learning Italian. Watching The Sound of Music. A live stock market. Sewing and knitting. Awful socks. Oversized vintage sweaters. The red hearts. Clarks. Suits. The many wines we had drank. Watching dawns. The spaghetti bird. Catching our breaths at the lake house. Skinny dipping. Reading to her. Begetting our children. Aurora problems. And so much more.

All of the efforts, sleepless nights, holding onto her pillow, hoping she could see me. Hoping she would know that I was finally doing what she had asked me to do.

And now all of that, was wrapped into the book I was holding. I held it to my chest, closed my eyes and let out a deep, shaky breath.

Benji's arms were wrapped around my neck, with his face buried in the crook of my neck. I felt soft and warm wetness dropping there, I rubbed his back to comfort him. With his legs around my waist and my arm underneath his butt, I slowly twirled around, holding him close to my chest now I still could before he would turn even taller, heavier.

"So many points off my manliness." Benjamin murmured, sobbed. I laughed quietly, kissed his cheek, feeling content.

"We will eat ice cream to make up for that later."

"Excellent idea." Benjamin grinned a little as I carefully dropped him back upon the table. His cheeks were red, hair disheveled. He looked young, like a child. I had missed that, after the experiences had forced him to mature earlier than I wanted him to. "Can I have my own copy, Papà?"

"That's no question, Sole."

"Will you sign it before you get famous and will forget about me?"

I laughed, pulled his earlobe. I opened the book we had been looking at, reached for a pen and wrote something down following the dedication.

Benjamin opened the book after I had given it to him. He started crying again.

Dedicated to my beloved wife, who taught me the way to find the morning again. And to Benjamin, my only reason to keep on going. I love you, Campione. More than there are flowers in the fields and raindrops in the heavy clouds. Hugs, Papà.

People after people slowly dripped into the theatre, finding an empty seat. Unlike other theaters, this building had a row of windows at the left and right side, bringing in enough light. The podium was simply decorated. A few, imitated book shelves with books, a dim light hanging above one single high chair, where the reader would be sitting on, creating a cosy, librarian vibe.

I sat front row, with Salomé and Teddy beside me, amongst the other parents of the children who would be joining the reading contest. Twenty one children had gained a spot in the national contest, Benjamin was number eleven, so he still had some time left. They were all expected to read an excerpt of a book chosen theirselves. Based on their choice, level of reading and, not to miss, the way they read the story, a score would be made and the winner of the National Reading Contest would be chosen.

Never had I heard him read out loud before. I couldn't wait.

"It's almost his turn." Salomé whispered as her hand slipped over mine for a brief moment, the contest having started a while ago. The children who had read already, were good. It would be a tough decision for the judges.

Benjamin looked out of his mind through nerves, constantly nibbling onto his upper lip, eyes flickering anywhere. I stood up, whispered to Salomé that I needed a moment. With bended knees I sauntered away, in order not to disturb anyone's view.

Once near Benjamin, I pulled his earlobe, reached for the pocket of my trousers and gestured for him to stretch out his hand. As he did so, I laid down a red, knitted heart. Benjamin's eyes brightened in an instant, he hugged me softly and pushed me away right after that.

"You can do it, Cowboy."

He breathed in deeply, nostrils squeezing and his eyes closing. "I wish the cowboys' braveness upon me."

I laughed. "I do too. I do too."

When it was finally his turn, I heard my pupils chanting his name. "Go Benjamin! Go Mr. Malin's son! Go Cowboy!" Warmth spread to the core of my heart, realising how many people had come just for him. It meant so much to me.

Benjamin gave a small smile, sat down upon the high chair and looked at the man presenting the reading contest.

"Here we have contestant number eleven, Benjamin Malin! Pupil of the St. Mary school, with his eleven years old one of the youngest contestants. Benjamin Malin, good luck. Give it up for him!"

Aurora's confidence radiated off him, his nerves seeping away quickly. He grinned a little as the applause started, showing the gap between his front teeth. He cleared his throat, reached for my book and glanced at me before he started to read. "Dedicated to my Mamma and Papà." He had said only, before he started.

Benjamin hadn't chosen one chapter- he had chosen little parts of a few chapters, stitching together a brief version of our life. It gave me a lump in my throat, wetness in the eyes and a deep, deep feeling of pride. His voice was full of compassion, his facial expressions moving along as those mentioned in my book, the desperation, the love, the joy, the hurt. I didn't know if it was because it was a personal story, but his voice touched deeply. He sympathized, made eye contact, had brief pauses. And quickly glanced at me before spewing out an Italian curse, which made the people laugh.

The public weeped at the end, though before an applause roared- it had this moment of silence, too. People trying to recover. I couldn't help but smile. Our story had been incomplete without his voice. The rest of the kids, I had barely heard.

My hand got entangled with Salomé's. We made eye contact. Smiled. Brushed our ringless fingers over each others knuckles. The ring now rested upon my nightstand. Taking it off had been a big step for me. I needed time to store it somewhere safely. I liked looking at it before I went to sleep, so I left it there until I was ready for the next step.

They were holding a break. Coffee, tea, soft drinks and snacks were handed out, meanwhile the judges decided. Benjamin was busy talking to his friends, so I simply watched him and the people surrounding me, quietly enjoying the moment as it was.

When the judges climbed upon the stage, everyone returned to their seats, remaining silent. "We have come to our conclusion regarding the top three winners of the National Reading Competition.."

"On the third place, we have Rosemary Baker, pupil of the St. Marcus school in Coventry!"

"On the second place, we have Grace Davidson, pupil of the St. Thomas school in Lancester! Come to the stage, please." The man smiled at the girls, his eyes flying over the last sentence of the paper he was holding.

"Then we're ready to announce the winner of the National Reading Contest.. I think many will agree when I say this is a very well deserved number one. Benjamin Malin, pupil of the St. Mary school!"

Benjamin's expression flashed from surprised, to confusion, to joy. "Sei impazzito, this cannot be real." He cursed in Italian, ran over to the stage, to which we screamed out in pure joy, all of my pupils, Daniel, Amanda, Nolan, Davu, Gloria, Teddy, Sade and Salomé joining in. Joy had exploded in all of us.

"Papà, hurry up! Everyone is leaving already. We have so much food to make." Benjamin said, impatiently. "And the groceries, the groceries! Why not, can we go to a restaurant?" He was overwhelmed with joy, unbelief, still. It was still crowded, random people congratulated him, and all of our friends were stepping inside their cars, ready to come over to our house for a celebration dinner.

I was staring at the book, feeling I had one last task to fulfill. "I'm coming." I answered, pulled him in a tight hug before driving off towards home. After he had gotten his prize, we had overloaded him with kisses, hugs and sweet words. His cheeks were red from the heat and emotions, his hair disheveled, but his joy higher than ever. "Mamma's pizza's?"

"And tiramisu!" Benjamin clicked his seatbelt, beamed. "I cannot believe I won, Papà."

"I'm incredibly proud."

Benjamin smiled a little. Glanced at me. "I'm sorry for.. not wanting to read, not wanting you to read and stuff. I just.. missed Mamma a lot during those times."

"It's alright, sweet ragazzo." The theatre had been a drive of an hour from home, so as we settled for the semi long trip, I put on some music, rolled the windows down and started the car.

It didn't take Benjamin long to fall asleep, his head resting against the window, his hands still holding the book. I steered the navigation the roads leading to one of the biggest grocery stores in our area. One Aurora and I used to visit for dinners like these. And as I drove closer and closer, my hands itched to turn the wheel the other direction. Eventually I did.

I glanced at Benjamin, kissed his cheek tenderly as he continued to sleep. Closed the car. Opened the booth. Got out one of the books. A creaking fence. Gravel path crunching beneath my feet. Straight on. Turning left. Fifty meters. Turning right. The last stone.

Crouching down in front of Aurora, I gently laid down the book on her grave, alongside with an Edelweiss, softly touching her tombstone. "I did it. I did it, Sole. I kept our story alive." I kissed her stone slowly, stroked it briefly. Stood up. Cried. But smiled.

And thanked God for all the years I had gotten with my Aurora.

The end.