"Papà? Are you sleeping?" A door slammed closed. His cheerful voice. I blinked my eyes slowly as I awoke. Wondered what time it was. "Nonna cooked amazing food. I've never been so full. Fish, meat, potato stuffed with some weird but delicious things. And ice cream. Where were you with dinner time?"

He entered my bedroom, jumped upon the bed. With his hands resting on his knees, he continued to talk about the food he'd eaten. Eventually he became quiet. "You look awful."

"Thank you." My voice was hoarse. From sleep. Probably emotions, too.

"Where were you? Nonna said you would come, but you never did. Even zio Rafaelle e zio Vincenzo ate." Benjamin seemed content. It had been a long time since I'd seen him so calm and joyful. What'd Italy do to him that it didn't seem do to me? Which I had expected to help me lift my mood.

"Think I got a near heat stroke."

"From the hike? I'm sorry, what? Wow, British meet the sun." He rolled his eyes, clasped his hands together and patted his stomach. "Can you imagine, so much food fitting in this stomach? Mamma would be proud."

"I'm glad you got to eat good food after all those months of torture."

Benjamin grinned, exposing the small gap between his front teeth. "Thanks, Papà. Me too."

I closed my eyes, rolled onto my side.

"Riposo?" Benjamin questioned, plopping down beside me. I looked at him, wiped his fringe off his warm forehead. He rolled underneath the covers, kept looking at me. "Are you feeling sick?"

"Just tired."

"From the hike? Papà, come on. It's like you cannot handle anything these days." He teased, sticking out his tongue.

"I just really miss Mamma, okay?"

"Oh." Benjamin turned silent. His smile faltering slowly. "Okay." He whispered. I hadn't meant to come off cold, but it happened. It didn't take me long to drift off to sleep, only to wake up the next morning.

"Unc Teddy!"

Unc Teddy? It took me a few blinks to realise Teddy was actually standing in front of my bed, his hands wrapped around Benjamin, who hung around his neck. "Pa?" Rubbing the sleep out of my face, I slowly sat up, staring at the duvets. "Uh oh. That means trouble." I mumbled out.

"Trouble? I've been craving a good, strong Italian coffee. Bother making me one?"

"Sure." I pulled up my joggers as I stepped out of bed, making my way over to the coffee machine. It was a complicated one. One of the more expensive kind. If you're getting coffee, it has to be one with quality. Aurora's voice flew through my head.

It took me a moment to figure out how it worked again, but within a few moments, two damping coffees stood on the table. I heard Benjamin rattling on about his days here, not even bothering to ask the reason for Teddy's presence here.

"You been eating breakfast?" I asked, giving him a glance. His face said enough. He wondered. Many things.

"Too much. Don't bother."

Nodding, I reached for the coffees and handed him one when Benjamin was back on the floor, helping himself with a glass of water. We walked outside, sat on the small wooden backyard porch, with the lake and mountains being our view.

I blew the steam off my coffee, didn't say anything.

Teddy did the same, stretched himself out and let out a deep, satisfied sigh. "What a life, one must have here in Italy."

Benjamin plopped down onto Teddy's lap, ignored the maturity he wanted to have sometimes. "È meglio che a casa."

"You say what, cowboy?"

"It's better here than at home."

"Is that so?" Teddy raised his eyebrows.

"England is such a bore. I want to be here forever and ever and ever." Benjamin rested his back against Teddy's chest, his head gently laying against his shoulder. He held his glass of water onto his pajama clad stomach, giving me a glance.

I didn't say anything to that. Drank some coffee.

"You had a long drive?" I hesitated, afraid to hear the real reason he was here.

"Drive? You think this old man can still drive for so long? My leg would be shaking from holding it onto the gas pedal for too long." He threw his plane ticket my way.

"Wow, you went with a plane?" Benjamin's eyes widened, he snatched the ticket out of my hands. "Sick. We went by car. It was such a long drive. But we slept in a hotel and ate breakfast in France."

Teddy smiled softly at him. "Must have felt like a little vacation."

"Yup! And I'm never going back to school." Benjamin wrapped his arms around Teddy's neck again. "Can we visit the farm today? Dying for a ride. Did you know it's almost butteri remembrance day?"

Butteri. Buttero. Either one of them. Italian kind of cowboys. The remembrance day years ago was the first little taste he'd gotten from all the cowboy stuff. We'd been in Italy around that time. From there, his love had grown for it increasingly.

"Is that so, Cowboy."

"August!"

It was barely summer yet. But if he was looking forward to that, then it was whatever.

We finished our coffees, listening to Benjamin who was talking about the history of the butteri here in Italy. His voice was a little thick from sleep. It was calming to listen to, even though I had no idea what he was actually talking about.

"Can I take a morning swim?" Benjamin already took off his pajama pants, his grey eyes gazing me for consent. When I'd simply nodded, he oddly left his shirt on, mentioned it was for the sunburn and dove into the water.

I took the mugs and walked back inside, over to the sink. With the tap providing me of hot water and a bit of dish soap, I washed out the mugs. I heard his footsteps behind me, internally sighed because of what was to come. "Why are you here, Pa?"

"I told you that. I was craving the coffee."

"No, you were not."

"Why would you assume differently?"

I clenched my jaws as I roughly moved the dish brush through the mugs, placing them in the sink with a loud thud. I turned around. Looked at him. "Why are you here? To tell me what I did was such a stupid, selfish and dumb thing to do? Because now Benjamin doesn't ever want to go back and if we were to go back, nothing would have changed at home and we'd be in the exact same situation as before? If that's what you want to tell me, please don't bother."

Teddy narrowed his eyebrows, his expression was still warm. Somewhat concerned.

"Just be straight with me, is all I ask."

The longer I looked at Teddy and the less he tried to even attempt to say something, I felt the guilt dripping in. I let out a deep breath, looked down. "I'm sorry. There's a lot going on."

"I figured."

And when there was a lot going on in my youth, I'd always turn to you, I thought. Remembering the time where I was a boy, just turning into puberty. With boys from school who forced me to buy a certain magazine. It was the first time I'd seen a woman with not many clothes on before. I was confused. Felt gross. Turned to Teddy. Cried. Didn't understand why I felt a certain way. Was mad at myself for feeling a certain way.

I slouched back against the kitchen counter. Crossed my arms over my chest and stared at the floor. "I made a huge mistake."

"Who told you that?"

"Your presence."

"Don't think that way."

"Well? What do you want to tell me, then?" I looked up at him, noticed how the wrinkles had gotten deeper in his skin. The hair more grey. But even more warmth in his stance.

"Who am I to say something about your choices?"

I grew frustrated. "What are you doing here?"

"Hadn't you answered your own question in your head a minute ago?"

I let out a deep breath, said an Italian curse word in my head Aurora used to say, even when I still didn't fully understand what it actually meant. "I'm going to get dressed."

Purposefully, I took the time to get freshened up. Dreading the conversations with Teddy as for this moment. With my thoughts leading to yesterday, I felt nausea coming up. I could hold it all in just barely. A glance through the mirror. I looked awful. Dark circles underneath my eyes. Pale cheeks. Hair getting a little too long. As well as my scruff.

My phone vibrated. Mamma Giulia's name appeared on the screen. Here we go. I thought to myself. "Figlio. I missed you at dinner. Please, tonight, you will join? Will make your favourite food."

I smiled sadly. "I can't, sorry mamma."

"You have plans with cowboy?"

"Teddy came over."

"Oh, figlio! We have not seen Teddy in so long. Please, come eat with us. I will make so much food. I'll see you tonight." With that, she hung up. I guess I had no choice. Aurora had fully involved Teddy in her family, introducing him as my Pa. He'd grown a strong bond as a family friend.

When I re-entered the living room, I noticed wet traces leading to the single bedroom. The door stood ajar. I saw Teddy drying Benjamin's hair with a towel, whilst Benjamin was busy chatting away. I wondered what they were talking about.

"Oh, there you are, Zev. Benjamin wanted to go for a ride on the horses not far away from here. I arranged it for him. Tag along?"

"I guess."

It wasn't much later until we arrived. We took a seat on a wooden bench that stood near the meadow Benjamin would be riding in, doing some cattle drive with an Italian farmer Aurora used to know. Benjamin was having the time of his life. His face stood focused, the small gap between his front teeth visible as his lips were parted in concentration. Cowboy boots on. A cowboy hat.

"He's a natural."

"He is." I agreed. Watching how he smoothly steered the horse any direction. He was fast. He was focused. He knew his tasks. He reacted quickly to the environment and the instructions the farmer gave him. His boots were nice and clean. I had given them as a present for his tenth birthday. It was barely a few weeks after Aurora's funeral. We'd bought it for him together. Benjamin had cried hard and long in the restaurant. A customer asked if he hadn't liked his present. If only some people could just shut their mouth sometimes.

"I'm surprised you haven't asked me yet."

"What?" I turned my face to Teddy. Felt confused. Jerked out of my mind.

"Salomé."

"She told you?" I felt the panic rising again. I didn't want to talk about the kiss. Why would she say something like that to Teddy? How long had she known him for? "I can't believe she did that."

"It was only to understand the situation going on between you two."

I frowned, turned my face away. Felt betrayed again. "That's nonsense. You don't have anything to do with it."

"Pardon?" Teddy gave me a not-understanding look. Warmth still present on his face. Fatherly warmth. "I was there with you, searching for your son. I was as confused, finding out he was there."

"You're talking about Benjamin being lost?"

"What else would I be talking about?"

I quickly answered. "Nothing, I don't know."

Teddy shook it off. "She really didn't know, Zev."

"I don't believe any of it. And I don't want to talk about it. If that's the reason you're here, you might as well just leave me alone. I'm sick of it all." I felt ashamed by my own rude words towards Teddy, but at the same time, I couldn't help it.

"You're stubborn."

"So what if I am."

Teddy laughed a little. His face stood sad, though he smiled. "Aurora shaped you well."

"What's that mean?"

"The talking back attitude. You never had that when you were a kid."

"Thanks for reminding me."

We watched Benjamin. He stormed our direction, stopped the horse with mighty force and turned it around, as if it were in a barrel race. He grinned. Showed off. Stormed off again. Dust flew up. I coughed.

"It's not fair towards Salomé. You've known her for a while. You know the way she is with kids. Do you really think she'd hide such thing from you?"

"Can we not bring her up?" He was right. I didn't want to admit, for I'd admit something else in my mind. A tough thing. A tough reality, better said. My mind was extremely disoriented. "Listen, it's nice.. seeing you here, I guess. But I don't think I need your help, Teddy. I need to sort stuff out for my own."

"I didn't come here for you."

I gave him a not-understanding look.

"I came here for Benjamin."

With foods and drinks scattered all over the tables, the family present and loud chatter surrounding us, I held Benjamin's chin between my fingers. "Why did you send Teddy a text? Weren't you okay here?"

Benjamin shook his head out of my fingers, frowned deeply. "I am."

"Then why'd you do that for?"

"For you, Papà. Who else could I do that for?" Benjamin shoved his chair away. He seemed angry. His brows were furrowed. He wiped his hair out of his face. "I'm just a child. I can't help you." He left me alone, ran his way over to his nonna, where he took a seat beside her to eat instead of me.

I swallowed, my gaze lingering his direction. He glanced back at me. I thought I could see wetness glazing his eyes for a split second.

I hadn't made eye contact with Rafaelle and Vincenzo. I couldn't do it. I hadn't spoken a single word to them either. Even when Rafaelle had greeted me with a nudge against my shoulder. Vincenzo had given me a cold shoulder.

Teddy was fully engulfed in a conversation with Papà. I just sat. Some aunts and uncles had come to eat, too. I recognised some of them, but it was if now that Aurora was gone, they hadn't had a connection with me anymore.

Sometimes I heard her name popping up through their Italian conversations. I wanted to know what they were talking about. At the same time I wished they didn't, so I didn't have to hear her name all the time, reminding me of what I'd lost. However, Vincenzo glanced their direction, and Aurora's name appeared once or twice more in the conversation.

His voice became louder. Harsher. Expressions on the aunts and uncles faces became intrigued. Astounded. I didn't understand what was going on. I watched if Benjamin had caught upon his mother's name too.

He, in fact, had. He stared at Vincenzo. Rafaelle mixed into the conversation. More words were exchanged. Aurora's name flew around a couple times more. Snapping. Hissing. Eventually, I heard cutlery falling upon the table. It belonged to Benjamin. His face had grown pale. His eyes stared right back at me.

I couldn't read his expression. A moment of complete silence and no movements more, until Mamma accidentally let the boiled water, where pasta had been cooked in, slosh over the edges, falling onto Benjamin. I shot up from my place. A startle. Moments later, a loud scream. Benjamin's crying. Mamma tried to strip him out of his shirt, but he threw his plate onto the floor and ran away.

•

Finally an update :) hopefully its good

What do you think of Benjamin in this chapter?

Teddy being here?

Zev handling his emotions?

What happened at the end..?
Let me know in the comments :) x