"Did he mention anything lately?" Poppy held my face in her hands, her gesture forcing me to calm down. "Has he been acting strange, sweetheart."

I tried to get enough air, took deep breaths while my eyes raked over Poppy's caring appearance. Her white hair was messy, tucked into a long braid. Her nightdress hung loosely around her thin body, with her warm slippers covering her feet. "I'm such a failure. What kind of dad am I? So much happened when Aurora was sick and-"

"Nonsense, Zev. Now, use your mind, think straight. If he has been acting strange lately, what kind of moments were they? Maybe we can link happenings to locations."

I looked sideways when the door opened, Teddy running inside. He wore his neat, pastor jacket over his pajamas, which would have made me smile if it wasn't for this situation. "I cannot lose another child. He's all I have right now. What if something happened to him? I lost my daughter, my wife and now my son?"

Teddy embraced me, laid his hand in my neck, a gesture I'd always done to my own son. "Rosie is asking more people from church to start looking for him. We're with a lot of people, and he's just on his bike. He cannot be so far from here. We will find him, I promise you."

"How can you be so sure?" I tried to pull away from Poppy, but she wouldn't let go of me. It frustrated me.

"After all that you have been through, we will do anything to find him." Poppy spoke, her voice creaky, but certain. "We cannot and do not want you to go through any more pain, darling."

"Then let me go, I need to find him." I pulled away from her, looked around me, bewildered. Poppy had dragged me back inside the moment she had heard me scream for my son when I stepped outside the house. She thought we needed to think rationally, instead of out of pure and heavy emotions. I knew she was right, but what else could I do?

It was nearing two am, and my heart couldn't bear thinking about Benjamin, a child, alone on the streets at midnight. It was a fairly safe village, but one person could change it all.

"Let's think rationally, son." Teddy reached for my wrist, not allowing me to go outside. "You're unstrung, which is more than understandable, but not really useful in a situation like this. Think about it.. where could he have gone to?"

"God only knows, Teddy." My head was about to explode. With thoughts. With pain. "One of the options would be you, but clearly he never arrived there."

"We paid attention while driving here, and I haven't seen him on the way. Then again, he could have taken several paths and roads to get to us. Why do you think he would have gone our way?" Teddy asked, his voice clear. If I would act through my emotions, it wouldn't end well.

"Don't know.. he sleeps at your house sometimes. Maybe he was angry at me or something, wanted to stay somewhere else. Otherwise maybe Daniels place, or.."

"Rosie is on her way to Daniel. I think we can expect a call soon."

My lip quivered, Teddy still held my wrist as tightly as he could. He whispered out a prayer. About God bringing him back home safely, without evil getting to him.

Salomé appeared in my mind, and I strongly felt the need to speak with her. I needed her comfort, I craved for her warmth, consideration and love. I needed her around me in this moment. That's when I knew that I truly had feelings for her, no matter what life had brought me, no matter what had happened with Aurora, no matter what my rational feelings told me. I had grown feelings for Salomé, although small and fragile, and I needed her here with me.

I wanted to reach for my phone, groaned innerly when Teddy stopped me when another phone rang. "Rosie." My heart started beating extremely loud, the suspense literally killed me. Teddy picked up, his concerned face turning even more worried. My guts grew so heavy that I wanted to fall down onto the floor and cry.

"I see. Take care, sweetheart. Yes, I'm still with him.. I'll tell him." When he ended the call, his expression told it all. "He's not at Daniels'.."

A moan left my mouth, my body became limp, tears starting to prick behind my eyes. "Please, Teddy. Do something. Pray for a miracle." I cried out, clinging to him for comfort. "Please, I will die if something happens to him."

"Daniel and his eldest are searching, Amanda called the police a long time ago. We're with a lot of people, Zev. It will be alright." His words didn't calm me, rather sent my thoughts to the moment after Aurora had died.

Benjamin had acted differently the moment she was gone, and I knew I should have had searched for help any sooner. Even when he didn't want it, he was only a child, how could he know what he needed at that moment? He had needed his parents, his father in this situation to guide him through his grief and processing of everything that had happened. He had needed someone older and wiser to help him to give everything a place in his heart.

And what had I done? Thought of my own emotions and feelings, letting him slip out of my hands because my grief had taken over me completely. While a week back I had still been searching for the rope when he had been hanging on the edge of the cliff, he had now fallen down. On the hard rocks. Alone.

And it was my fault.

The pain was so heavy that it started to suffocate me. And for the first time in a very long while, I turned to God, a specific psalm appearing in my heart. Save me, O God, for the floodwaters are up to my neck. Deeper and deeper I sink into the mire; I can't find a foothold. I am in deep water, and the floods overwhelm me. I am exhausted from crying for help; my throat is parched. My eyes are swollen with weeping, waiting for my God to help me.

"I'm so sorry, for everything I have done to my wife and to my own child."

"Zev." Teddy lifted up my chin, only then I realised I had lowered down, my knees resting on the floor. "Zevediah. You were forgiven the moment it had happened. You have read Aurora's letters, haven't you? Don't you remember what was written in the last one?"

"Please, let me go. I need to find my son. Only then I can.." My breathing was erratic, my heart beating uneven. "It's my own fault, I need him to forgive me for letting him slip away like that."

"Zev. Do you want to talk to someone?"

Salomé.

I reached for my phone, typed in her number and waited. I wasn't aware of the time anymore. Wasn't aware of the day. Of anything going on around me. I craved for the softness of her voice, for the soothing calmness she spread out every time I talked to her.

"Zev? Everything alright?" It hadn't taken her long to pick up, which made me wonder why she was awake.

"No." I didn't bother holding back my crying. "I need you here, can you come over? Actually, can I come over? There's something urgent going on. My son is missing."

"What?" Salomé sounded worried. "Okay, wait. Are you able to come over without getting any accidents? The children are sleeping over, but I'm sure Amanda can-"

"I'm coming your way." I hung up, looked at Teddy and Poppy. "I'm going to Salomé, she's willing to help me. Can you look somewhere else? I have a list of his classmates and their addresses in the drawer over there." Her voice had made my mind cleared up just a tiny bit. I longed to see her.

"Zev, are you in the right state to-"

"I need to do this alone, alright. Please, it's not so far away. I'll be okay. I'll send my location so you can follow me."

Teddy pressed a kiss to my forehead. "Go. Keep your phone on. Call us when you know more. We will do the same." His thumbs brushed my tears away.

When in the car, I kept my eyes open wide, drove slowly to try and search for my boy. I didn't see anything. Except for a few cats, the village was dead silent, dark and unlively. No trace of him. No bike, no brown haired young boy.

"God, please. I know I've done bad things to my wife, but please, help me find my son." I whispered, the tears coming back in a rapid speed. "Please, protect him."

My phone rang, Daniel's name appeared on the screen. I picked up, my heart full of hope. "Daniel? Have you found him?"

"I haven't, Zev.. look, do you not have any ideas? He's not with us.. who else does he know around this town? Any family?"

"No, Dan." I bit my bottom lip. "No contact with my sisters, Aurora's family lives in Italy and I haven't spoken to my mum in a really long time. He doesn't see her much, I don't think he would go there. I asked Teddy to go through a list of his classmates, but besides Nolan, he hasn't taken many other boys home."

"Are you okay? Do you need me to go with you? You shouldn't be going through this on your own.."

"I'm on my way to Salomé. Will you please call me if you get any news?"

"I will, Zev. Take care.. and know that I love you, brother."

I returned the words in a whisper and hung up. Few minutes later, I arrived at Salomé's house. I had calmed down a little when it came to my hysterical behaviour, although on the inside, it hadn't calmed down at all. I jumped out of my car, forgot to lock it and ran over to her door.

She opened right after, and we flew in each others arms. I held her for a long moment and she let me cry on her shoulder as long as I needed to. "Oh, Zev. I cannot imagine.."

"Thank you for letting me come over." I let go of her and stared down, wiping off the wetness that rested upon my cheeks. "I just needed someone.. can you help me?"

"Yes, of course. Amanda is coming over any time to watch the children. She was driving around town for a bit, but she would be here any minute. Do you want something warm to drink first?" With her hand in mine, she took me to the living room, where the children were playing rather than sleeping.

Mattresses were scattered all over the floor, pajama clad children giggling, singing and playing games all over the living room. But it was one certain voice that caught my attention.

"I'm going to catch you, bull!"

My head jerked to the left, my eyes falling onto someone very familiar to me. Clad in his grey shorts and a red with a black outlined bull long sleeved pajama shirt, he held up his pillow, ready to attack the so called bull that was Gloria.

I dropped my keys, stared at Benjamin for moments long, until his grey eyes fell onto me. He dropped the pillow, his smile fading completely. For a long time, I couldn't say anything. I couldn't believe my eyes and my mind exploded by the unknown information, the uncertainty.

"Zev? Here, some hot chocolate."

"How could you.." I kept my gaze on Benjamin, whose cheeks turned a dark shade of pink, his gaze dropping to his bare feet. His breathing became visible to me, and I saw how the anxiety ran up his body. Turning my face to Salomé, I felt betrayed. My heart trampled. Shattered into pieces, making new wounds, tearing open old ones. I couldn't understand the situation, and I didn't want to understand the situation.

Something started raging inside of me. I felt hurt, misunderstood, let down. Thrown into the deepest well. The incertitude had broken me, she was willing to help, but she was the one who held my son inside her house without telling me? Without asking for any consent?

Amanda jogged inside the house, entered with a deep breath. "I'm here, Salomé. Is Zev.."

"Everything is under control, Amanda." I blurted out, tears of frustration rolling down. "Can you call Rosie, Daniel, Poppy and Teddy that we have found him?"

Amanda got the note, left when she probably felt the tension that hung in the house. All of my pupils were quiet, stared at me with wide eyes, but I could only look at Benjamin. Whereas sadness, worry and despair had taken over me minutes ago, it was only anger that came up now.

"What do you mean, Zev?" Salomé's eyes had an uncertain look in them, but she didn't fool me.

"Are you serious right now?" I turned my face to her, didn't bother wiping away my tears. "I was worried to death for my son, and all this time, he was here with you?"

"Your son?" Salomé furrowed her eyebrows, wanted to reach for my hand but I moved it away before she could. "I don't know your son, Zev. I have never met him before. How am I supposed to-"

"Benjamin is my son." I spat out, not being able to keep the hurt to myself. I knew my face had a pained expression, but I couldn't hide it. "That young, brown haired, Italian boy is my son."

Salomé glanced Benjamin's direction, her face showing a million of emotions. "What?" Her indistinctness seemed genuine, but I was so entangled with everything going on, that I didn't know what to believe anymore. "Benjamin is your son? That means that your wife.. that she has passed away."

Something tight appeared around my neck, like hands trying to suffocate my throat by squeezing it. I couldn't breathe properly, blackness flashed before my eyes. My world fell apart, the floor was breaking away from underneath my feet. I almost threw up, couldn't stop myself anymore.

"Papà, I can explain!" Benjamin's shaky voice made me look up after a long moment of complete silence in my ears, even when I knew the children were upset and Salomé was talking to me.

"No, you cannot explain this." I let out, my voice hoarse. "You're coming with me. You don't belong here."

"Papà-"

"No, Benjamin! Did you flee from your home country? Are you poor? Get out of here, right now! What do you think you're doing here in the first place? You left the house at eleven pm, all alone! You're a child, Benjamin! What were you thinking?!"

"Zev, calm down." Salomé tried to reach for my wrist, but I jerked it away from her.

"You broke my trust. I hope you realise that." I turned away from her, wanted to walk to my car, but she stopped me.

"Zev, I didn't know he was your son! And you know what, having lost a mother is poverty in a different aspect, on its own."

Her words made me stop walking, and I turned around. "How could you not know that he was my son? How couldn't you? I'm so.. so disordered by this whole situation, but all I knew is that you somehow knew him and if you know my wife is dead, how could you not know that I'm his father?"

With that, I slammed the door, took Benjamin's wrist and dragged him over to the car. I turned him around, and landed my hand onto his bottom with a hard thump. "Get in the car."

I'd never seen Benjamin crying harder than he did right now. It was so intense, that he couldn't even make a sound. But with the anger raging inside of me still, I couldn't react any differently. I drove home quickly, forced Poppy and Teddy out of my house and brought Benjamin upstairs. "I don't want to see you for the rest of the day, you hear me?" With the door closing with a slam, I locked the doors, stuffed the keys away and fell down onto my bed.

Benjamin cried loudly. I cried along.

•

Uh..

So? Thoughts?

Benjamin at Salomé's house? How does he know her?

Do you think Salomé was lying or telling the truth?

Zev's reactions, blown out of proportion or reasonable?

Please, let me know your thoughts in the comments. They truly motivate me !! X