The next morning I awoke with Benjamins' hands on my cheeks. "Papà?" I furrowed my eyebrows, squeezed my eyes when the bright sunlight seeped in. "Papà, your alarm went off ages ago and people are calling you."

"What?" I sat up, scrunched up my nose when bones snapped. One glance at the clock and I realised I was about to miss Benjamins performance of the Catholic School in church. Then another thought struck to me- Salomé, which reminded me, besides all commotion, that I had totally forgotten about the meeting with Davu, Daniel and Salomé.

Thoughts led me back to last night, and realisation hit me.

What had I done?

With my dreams being so restless, I'd turned even more confused. Yet Salomé was the first person I had thought of.

"Papà! Stupido." Benjamin cursed in Italian. I wanted to correct his behaviour, but it reminded me of Aurora, making me drink up the memories. I closed my eyes. "Nolan's Papà is calling you."

"Okay, I'm getting it." I dropped my body back onto the bed and let my arm fall beside it, touching the floor in order to get my phone. Once I reached the vibrating device, I turned to my son. "Get dressed, we have a performance to attend."

"I tried to make that clear to you since-"

"Benjamin."

I could tell he suppressed a sigh. But he went.

"Daniel.."

"You missed the meeting, Zev. And now it seems you're going to be late to the boys' performance. Where you at?"

"You're not my dad." I frowned, got out of bed and quickly searched through my wardrobe to get something that would fit the occasion. A dark grey turtle neck sweater and suit pants would do, along with my Clarks. "I'll be there as soon as possible."

"I don't know where you were this morning, but it's a shame. We just got a lot further.." A moment later, he hung up. I wondered if he did it on purpose, trying to make me feel guilty about the situation. Which, in fact, worked. At the same time, I couldn't help but have slept through the first alarms.

There was so much going on. Especially after last night.

Sighing deeply, I rubbed my hand over my face. Dressed, washed and having put my hair in decency, I walked over to Benjamin's bedroom. With his pajamas on the floor and me scolding myself for not teaching him the manners, I jogged downstairs, noticing Benjamin seated at the dining table, playing with his cowboy Playmobil.

I prepared him the toast with scrambled eggs and it'd only been twenty minutes later when we arrived at the church they would be performing at. I reached for his hand, kissed his forehead and gave him a push against his bottom. "Good luck, cowboy with a necktie."

Benjamin gave me a look. "I hate singing, and the necktie."

"At least you didn't get the solo this year."

"Touché, Papà." Benjamin stared at me for a long time. Then finally, he cracked a little smile and walked off to where his peers were. A sigh escaped my lips, with my eyes raking over the parents of his peers. The moms, the dads. Trying to search for Salomé, even when I knew she wouldn't be here.

Taking a seat beside some parents of one of Benjamin's peers, I greeted them with a small smile and stared at the front of the church, where the children would stand soon enough. It was a performance they had each year. The children had music classes, where they were taught how to sing and during the middle of the school year, on a Catholic feast day, they would perform their so far achievements.

When the children walked up the stage, a frown creased my forehead by seeing some of the refugee kids. Amira, Dawitt, Gloria. Teddy took a seat at the front, along with Salomé. My heart beat a little faster, with my hands becoming clammy. I couldn't keep my eyes off her. Didn't like to admit it to myself, but she was beautiful.

I thought of last night, where insecurity blended determination. I scolded myself, felt out of my mind, but why were the other feelings begging me to push those aside and take on whatever the world was throwing at me with both hands?

A lump of unclear emotions and thoughts formed in my throat, while wetness pricked behind my eyes. I couldn't understand myself, felt like I had completely lost myself.

The music started and it was only halfway during the song that I could look up, trying to find my son. When my eyes caught him, I could see how he stared the same direction I had been staring at in the beginning. He didn't sing along. His head was tilted lightly, his fingers playing with the necktie. I followed his gaze and they landed on Salomé.

My guts felt heavy. Did he know about what had happened?

"Zev?" Salomé smiled, a little uncertain. "What are you doing here? Did Teddy tell you that the kids were joining?" Salomé wore a high waisted, midi skirt, with a neat, white button up on top. My eyes raked over her appearance, making me feel a certain type of way.

"No." I shook my head, stuffed my hands in the pockets of my jeans and removed my gaze. "My son is a student at the Catholic school so.."

"Oh, he performed too? How sweet. I don't know how they do it, but their voices blend well together, no matter if one of them is off key." She chuckled, but I could tell she was nervous standing in my presence. She played with her hair, stared at nothing in specific. "I've never met your son."

"Yeah, well.." I glanced around the church. The children were scattered everywhere. "He must be with his friends, I guess."

"Do you think I'll get to meet him some day?" Her voice was soft, quiet. It took me some efforts to hear it. I knew a deeper meaning laid in that question, which made my heart drop a little. The answer would make a difference about the situation we were in.

"I.." Taking a deep breath, my thoughts pushed me to think of Aurora, which pained me. They pushed me to think of what I had lost, didn't want me to go to what Teddy had told me once. That life offered you beautiful things too, which you had to grab on with both hands. But why was it so hard when that moment finally came to you? I didn't want to let go of Aurora, but I didn't want to be without Salomé from now on either. My hand couldn't reach the outstretched opportunity.

"Zev." Daniel gave me a tight lipped smile. "You made it."

Removing my gaze from Salomé, I glanced at Daniel. "Sorry, I overslept."

"There's nothing new under the sun."

An awkward silence engulfed us, and if it hadn't been for Benjamin, I wished I would have stayed in bed.

"Come on. I'm just messing with you." Daniel bumped my shoulder, which made me look at him. "Nolan explained the situation with Benji. We're good. However.." He turned to Salomé, who had her gaze fixed on her shoes.

"Yeah.." She looked up, curled her lips into a smile, even when I could tell it wasn't properly genuine. "Well, we made some progress with the situation of Davu."

"Really?" It awoke my interests, and relieved the tension of the situation. "What about? I'm really sorry I missed it."

"I understand. It must've been a long night. Or well.." Salomé's smile became a little more genuine, which relieved me. "Anyway, he told us the truth."

"What's that?"

"It's great news actually!" Salomé got carried away in her emotions, so without thinking much, she reached for my hand and held it as she dragged me to the nearby church benches, Daniel following after. "He did not fake any documents, Zev. He didn't lie. The only thing he has done are leaving papers behind. You know, the one about his crimes, imprisonments."

Salomé glanced between Daniel and me, and when she saw that Daniels gaze was on our hands, she let go, a timid expression appearing on her face. "So.. the thing is, yes he left papers behind in case he would get rejected from the country, which is a criminal act, but remember my father being in Nigeria at the time being? Well, we sent my father out to his family to seek for those papers, and guess what?"

"I'm not sure." I smiled a little. Her consideration and heart engulfing the air around us.

"Those were old ages. Ninety- Noah or something." Salomé teased. She lifted up both of our moods, making the tension dissolve slowly. "The thing is.. my father sent them to the police, the political party, authorities, whatsoever and it's enough material to testify for Davu in court."

"What?" I was bewildered, looked at her in admiration. "No way, really?"

"Yeah." Salomé's cheeks turned rosy, but her confidence still radiated off her. "The lawsuit will be soon, and we have been given a chance to testify."

"Wow." I stretched my arms out to her. "I don't know what to say." With just a slight moment of hesitation, Salomé fell into my arms, our embraces melting together. It felt good, as if it belonged. I got lost in the moment. I closed my eyes, filled my nose with the sweet scent of her fresh hair. Felt her warmth on where my skin touched hers. Felt how more pieces of us were starting to melt together, when my heart had given the consent it had needed for so long.

And then, out of nowhere, emotions hit me like a truck. I pulled away, sucked in my bottom lip as it started quivering. How could I do this to Aurora? How could I be so selfish and hold another woman? How could I grow feelings for someone else when I still loved Aurora to death?

Salomé was too caught up in her own emotions to notice. She rattled, to the point where my ears couldn't keep up with it anymore. "The lawsuit will be in five weeks and tonight Gloria and the other kids are staying over. My happiness can't be taken away from me today. Teddy! You heard the news, right?"

With my eyes glued to the floor, I jumped a little when Daniel's hand laid upon my shoulder. "I'm pretty sure Aurora is smiling down at you from Heaven."

"Stop." I furrowed my eyebrows, swallowed and felt how my mind turned into a whirlwind.

"I mean it, Zev. You're letting go, and that's a good thing.."

"No, it's really not, you know?" I frowned at him, turned my back to Salomé when she looked at me with a somewhat puzzled expression. "How can I let her go when-" I stopped, swallowed my tears away and stared at Benjamin, who was still pulling at his necktie as he looked at me, standing near the exist of the church. "I'll speak to you later."

"Don't run away from people, Zev. And don't run away from yourself."

I furrowed my eyebrows at him, glanced at Teddy and back at Daniel. I couldn't help but glare, and left the church with heavy guts.

When in the car, I tried to push everything away and focus on Benjamin only. "I can't get it off. It's so tight, I'm almost suffocating."

"Come here." My voice had turned hoarse, which caught Benjamin off guard. He glanced at me, suddenly quiet as he dropped his hands to his lap. I loosened the necktie, removed it from his warm skin. "You didn't really sing along, did you?" I gave him a halfhearted smile.

He looked down, licked his lips. "I.."

"Were you nervous?"

"Sort of." He admitted, playing with a fluff that had attached itself to his trousers. "I thought of Mamma and.. I think she would have liked to see it. Not that I didn't sing.. I think she would have scolded me but.."

"Amore." I lifted his chin with my finger. Tears pricked behind his eyes, but he held them back. "She has seen you, yeah? I'm sure she's smiling at you right now. And I'm proud of you too."

"It's not even an achievement, I didn't do anything and I'm only a burden at school, even with singing and music classes. I couldn't sing along, because.. I didn't even try my best and-"

He had been staring at Salomé.

"Are you sure that's the only reason? Is there something else going on?" I frowned, knowing Benjamin had always found it hard to express his emotions, just like me. He was throwing them out without any efforts, it seemed. I tried to make eye contact, but Benjamin was busy trying to regulate his breathing.

"No, Papà." Benjamin hid his face in his crossed arms. "I'm just tired. Can we go home?"

"Don't you want to have lunch with your class? I thought that was.."

"It is not a mandatory. And I want to practice, I need to work on my steer wrestling."

"But you just told me you're tired.."

Benjamin frowned, his pink, humid lips turning into a small pout. "I just want to get away from here."

"Why?"

"Papà, please. I don't like school. I don't like singing, or performing. You clearly don't want to be here either. Let's just go home. I've got stuff to do."

It seemed to me that he wasn't feeling well, so I started the car and drove off, after I had glanced where Salomé had been just minutes before. She was gone. When we had gotten home, Benjamin sat on his horse, but didn't really play. Rather played with his cowboy belt- something he did while being nervous.

When our eyes would meet, he would start to play, but it wasn't genuine. What was up with him?

When dinner time came, he hadn't uttered out a word. He seemed to be so lost in his thoughts, that it made me grow worried. "Benjamin, how about a cowboy bath?"

"Not today, Papà. It's too cold." He mumbled out, laying down his fork. "Why don't we have a bath in the house?"

"Mamma always asked the same thing. The bathroom was just too small, I suppose." I sighed softly, ruffled his hair. "Can I make you a hot chocolate?"

He gave me an uncertain look. I didn't blame him. How long had it been since we had a proper moment together, besides the day where I had taken him to the movies. Which reminded me of the reading contest. "Amore, when is the reading contest?"

"I told you I'm not joining."

"But Benjamin, this is a national contest, you know how big of a deal that is? I never made it that far." I teased, but his lips wouldn't even move one bit, let alone into a smile. "Come on.. I would love to see you. And I know Mamma.." I trailed off, watching how his eyes shot up, a pained feeling appearing in my heart by my own words.

"I'm not joining, Papà." He refused to cry. "I'm going to sleep."

"Alright, Campione. Don't forget to brush your teeth, change your underwear and-"

Benjamin stormed upstairs, didn't bother listening. But before he left me alone completely, he turned back around, another uncertain expression on his face. "I would take your hot chocolate offer, but I don't want to wet the bed. And Papà, when are you going to sleep?"

His words made me feel a bit distracted. "I don't know.. I do know it's going to be an early night. Why? Do you want to sleep in my bed?"

"No." With that, he turned around and left me alone, properly.

Lost with my own thoughts about Salomé and the situation going on, I had been seated at the table for a few hours until I dragged myself up and did the dishes. The washing machine was waiting on me, as well as the laundry which I had dumped in my computer, work room, but I ignored it with all the love and dove straight into my bed, falling into a restless sleep.

It was around eleven pm when I heard Benjamin's creaky door open, the stairs creaking a moment later. Figuring he had to use the toilet, I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep. Two hours later, I woke with a scare, wondering if I had heard Benjamin coming back up again.

An uncomfortable feeling appeared in my guts, and I didn't understand why. My feet dragged me out of bed, and before I knew it, I stood in Benjamin's room. With my tired eyes landing onto his bed, my heart sunk deep down when I saw the open blankets, no pillow and a further empty bed.

"Benjamin?" I turned on the lights, saw how his curtains had been shoved open slightly. "Benji?" Panic erupted in my body, making my mind foggy and hazy. "Benjamin, where are you?" Falling onto my knees, I peeked under his bed, knowing he did the same and maybe, since the reason was still unknown to me, he would lay sleeping there. The floor was as empty as his bed.

Think straight, Zev. Maybe he fell asleep on the toilet. After opening all of his closets and even drawers, when even God knows he'd never be able to fit in there, I ran towards the bathroom, slamming open the door. He wasn't there. "Benjamin?"

Storming down the stairs, I opened the toilet door so roughly, that it hit the wall, tearing off pieces of the white paint. "Amore, where are you?" Panic engulfed my body entirely, and the anxiety I had felt for him all along ever since Aurora passed just increased by a million times more. Where was he? What had happened?

I ran into the living room, checked the couch, the rocking chair, the kitchen, but he was nowhere to be seen. Casey slept on the couch, not aware of the situation. "Benjamin! Benjamin?" Tears appeared in my eyes, I was wide awake. My ears tried their best to listen to something, but it was dead silent. Not even the crickets in the darkest night were awake. "Benjamin, please, where are you?" The panic was slowly taking over my body.

I couldn't stop shaking, screaming. And when my eyes fell onto the place where his boots were supposed to be as well as his hat and they weren't there either, I felt my heart tearing in two. I had one last hope.

My eyes tried to search for his bike in the backyard.

But his bike was gone, too.

•

Zev and Salomé after the night before? Do you think they regret it/ want it- whatsoever?

Daniels words towards Zev?

Benjamin???? :( where is he? What happened to him?

Let me know your thoughts and feelings in the comments x