Dawn was excluded from my days. Curtains would stay closed the moment I'd awake. It wasn't the same anymore, words wouldn't leave my mouth when I'd try to describe the way it looked at that moment. There were no ears to listen to what I had to say, too. Sometimes I imagined everything to be how it used to be. But my trying got never rewarded with succeeding.

Sitting onto the small porch we had, I stared at the sky hovering above me, sun breaking the horizon. Coffee on my thigh, tiredness wanting to take me back into my restless slumber, and totally having forgotten to put Benji's wet bedding into the washing machine, the morning didn't start great. I tried to trade those feelings for something more helpful, tried to tell myself how lucky I was to live here, not fully socially excluded because of the neighbors, but still in a rather quiet area, the view consisting out of pastures, trees, and a lake nearby.

Swallowing the coffee, the bitterness resembled my feelings. I didn't want to go through today- knowing what was ahead. Busy days would come- the refugee parents needed to prepare themselves for the language and integration tests and since not all children spend their afternoons at the daycare, some were required to stay at school longer. It'd mean I'd be home late, needed to provide my son and myself for dinner and do all the household somewhere in the evening.

The things I'd do to just dive back into my bed.

Lost in thoughts for a moment as I stared at two sparrows sitting on a branch, the breeze making them bounce slowly, I wondered if one of them was the spaghetti bird. Had it flown all the way to the sun?

I looked up when I heard the screen door of the back door creaking. A frown creased my forehead, not used to Benji waking up so early. He was a deep sleeper, and I was usually the one to drag him out of his slumber in the morning. Standing up, I made my way through the house, looked down at Benji who visibly swallowed and widened his eyes. "Where are you going so early?" Gazing his appearance, I realised he'd already put on his uniform, but with the cowboy belt and hat on, too.

"I have a presentation." He said quickly, making eye contact. "The powerpoint got deleted accidentally and the teacher said I had to remake it. It is today, I forgot about it."

My frown became deeper. "What presentation?"

"About cowboys."

"You haven't mentioned anything about it before."

Benjamin rolled his eyes, fiddled with the cowboy hat. "Sorry, I forget things too. It's from English subject. We had to write an essay and then present it to the class."

Things didn't add up. What teacher would demand a pupil to come at school at such absurd time to make a lost Powerpoint? "I don't believe you. Why would she want you to get to school this early?"

"Because today a lot of peers have the presentation!" Benji exclaimed, furrowing his eyebrows in frustration. "Next week we have the school trip so we don't have time for it! And others come earlier to set up their table! Some bring stuff, you know." He made eye contact, didn't move his eyes from my gaze that burned onto his face. It made me believe him.

"You can't wear your belt when you're wearing your uniform. Ruins the belt loops."

Benjamin rolled his eyes, threw his hands into the air. "Fine! Can I go now?"

"If you watch your mouth." I answered, giving him a warning look. His own, frustrated frown faded lightly, he looked down before he snatched his belt off his waist and stepped into his black Dr. Marten boots. "You can take it with you, show it to your peers."

He didn't answer, simply reached for his backpack and went over to the front door.

"I'm talking to you."

"When I answer, it's not good, so when I decide not to answer, it's not good either." Benjamin glanced at me, furrowed his eyebrows in annoyance.

"You're being rude when you talk, I don't tolerate that."

"Sorry, Papà." Thick, salty tears started rolling down, but he was quick to wipe them off. "I'm nervous for the presentation, I just want to be on time before she gets mad, too, like everyday. I want to do it well for once, please can I just go now."

Façade or not, I pulled him in a hug and pushed my hand against his bottom. "Go. You'll be fine." Swallowing, Amanda's words flew through my mind, but I didn't give in to them. I could fix it myself, I didn't need their help. "You're alright, yeah?"

Benji nodded, wiped his face and jumped onto his bike. "I might show a part of Casey Tibbs. Like when he goes rodeo riding. I'll practice in the afternoon in the backyard." He pointed at the horse I had made. Legs made from wood, the sitting part was an iron barrel, laying position which rested onto the wooden rack. With a horse face sawn out of wood as well, he was able to put a halter onto it and ride it like a horse. Not much further, a cow made out of the same system stood there, too. That way, he could practice catching cattle on a horse with his lasso.

We had bought an old and unused western saddle from a riding school not too far from here, Benji had saved for it himself.

"That's fine, Benji." Sighing softly, I drank the remaining of my coffee, waved him off and got ready for my own work.

Driven off and arrived, I made myself ready for class, decorating the chalkboard with drawn balloons and other birthday decorations for one of my pupils' birthday. The morning had went rather smoothly, and when one of the volunteers came for lunch with the children, I went up to the staff room to eat my own lunch in peace.

It was one of the moments of the day I quite appreciated. Seeing it could be rather tiring, Teddy had put up a vacancy for voluntary work consisting out of spending lunch time and the play thirty minutes that followed after with the children. That way, us teachers could eat lunch in peace, work on our last preparations for the lesson that would follow.

After greeting some colleagues, I sat down in the corner, reached for the newspaper and quietly ate my lunch after a quick prayer. Unhealthy chicken club sandwich, but my tastebuds were satisfied as much as my stomach was after one and a half of the sandwich.

"Zev." Teddy appeared in the room, sitting down onto the table close to me. "Where were you, Wednesday night? I wanted to give you your coffee, but you were nowhere to be seen."

"Oh." Frowning, I looked up at him, swallowing down my bite before answering. "I forgot to tell you. Adeline became unwell, so I went home right after so she could go home and I could stay with Benji, of course."

Teddy nodded, a concerned expression forming onto his face. "Poor girl, just the flu?"

"Yeah, asked her how she was doing now. Said it was just a stomach bug."

"Right, that's good to hear." He gave me a smile, then ticked his pen onto his thigh. "Anyway, Salomé emailed me, says not to have received your material yet."

Genuinely confused, I retrieved my phone out of my pocket and checked my email. "She hasn't? I sent her the files yesterday evening." Refreshing my email, the notification popped up that one email was unable to send. Clicking onto it, the reason appeared not much later. "Oh, the files are too big. Tough. Got a hurry?"

"It do be in a bit of a hurry. Is there a possibility you can print it, bring it over to her house later? She needed it for tomorrow. I checked my timetable and I'm able to take over your class in the afternoon. Been wanting to do that, too, because I've been wanting to observe the behaviour of Gloria." He referred to a girl who hadn't been here for a long time, seemed to have gone through several traumas.

Agreeing because the mail could be untrustworthy with the confidential information, I found myself in my car an hour later with a folder full of documents. It wasn't hard to find her house, I'd driven by before. The moment I parked, the door flew open and Salomé received me with a rather sheepish look onto her face.

"I'm so sorry for the inconvenience. Were you alright with it?"

Nodding, I locked the car and stood at her doorstep, stretching out my hand that held the folder. "Yeah, yeah. Don't worry. Coulda done it through the mail but you'll never know about the nosy postmen who'll shamelessly dig through your stuff. I don't want to risk the privacy of those children, they're rather vulnerable." I smiled a little, glancing at her brown eyes. They were warm, welcoming. It made me feel a bit uneasy about myself, even more when she opened the door for me and I stepped inside.

"You're right, I understand." Salomé waited until I was fully inside. "Teddy said you'd been wanting to discuss the material with me, so come inside please."

Shrugging, I entered her small house, taking a quick glance around. "There's not much to discuss, but you can go through the documents and if you have questions I'll be glad to answer them." The house was neat, light, with the walls painted white. Children's drawings were stuck to the wall, with toys neatly tidied up in boxes in the corner of the living room. Most of her furniture was either grey or black, but a cosy atmosphere was added by the colorful accessories she had. An orange lamp, yellow candles, green plants, cushions.

"You hungry?"

"What'd you have to offer?" I sat down onto her grey sofa, brushing my fingers over a creme colored pillow with tiny lobsters scattered all over.

Salomé chuckled, I heard her shuffling over to her kitchen. "Uh.. cake, cake and cake."

"Guess my option would be cake, then." Giving her a smile, she placed a tray with different cakes onto the coffee table in front of me.

"I got options in the flavours. That good enough?"

"More than enough." I picked the cheesecake and was happy that I was able to rinse the thick stickiness away with my coffee. "Bake it yourself?"

Salomé nodded, plopped down onto the sofa with a respectful distance. She picked carrot cake. I watched how she pulled down the part of her long skirt that had managed to creep up a bit. "Yeah.. the mornings are fairly boring. The kids are at school, of course. So I bake. Not really helpful, though. Because I've got to eat almost everything myself before it starts to mold."

"Doesn't sound too bad to me." No doubt she had talent for it- it had been a long time since I'd tasted something so good. "Does your family live around here?"

"No." Salomé shrugged, reached for her coffee. "Name a country, and most likely one of my family members will be there."

"Nauru?"

"What?"

"Number three smallest country of the world."

She rolled her eyes. "Got me there already. No, but.. they're literally everywhere. By the way, how do you know? And which ones are the first and second?"

"Monaco is the second-smallest by area in the world, Vatican City is the smallest." Shrugging, I finished my coffee, placing it onto the coffee table. "Been to Vatican City, it's in Italy, Rome, then wondered where the other small countries were."

Salomé laughed. "Oh, you're that kind of person."

"What?" I pulled an expression, pretending to be offended.

"The one that likes to do research. Whether it be about birds or about why one meadow's grass grows faster than the other one to why some Chinese people do the peace sign while taking photos."

"Can't deny." I chuckled,

"What? That you searched for the latter?"

"Only my google history holds that answer."

We both laughed. It felt good, had been a while since I'd had that joyful feeling erupting from my insides. After it dying down, we both finished our cakes in silence, Salomé flipping through the documents. "Before you ask where I come from, where my roots lay, why I'm here- I don't know. My father is a missionary. I was born in Wales, moved every one or two years to another city, state or country. I grew up everywhere. Never settled. Only when my mother got sick, but when she passed away when I was seven, we continued to travel."

"I'm sorry about your mother."

"Malaria. She was pregnant. High risk." Salomé shrugged. "I thought maybe that would stop my father, finally settle and make a place feel like home but.. it never happened."

"Where is he now?"

"I lost track of it. Last time I talked to him he was in Nicaragua. He wasn't fond of me leaving, wanting to build up something myself in the country I feel I belong."

I thought about it for a while. Living in a house or having a home wasn't the same thing. A home wasn't something self-evident and it'd taken me a while to realise that. Having grown up in a rather warm family myself, despite the absence of my father and the endless fights between me and my sisters, I'd barely had the feeling I missed something while being young. Whenever something bad would happen, whenever I was feeling tired, whenever I came back from a day out- I'd always return to the small, brown reddish bricked house around the corner, where the smell of food was always present, where sisters fought, where a mother would peck my cheek and welcome me back with her warmth.

Growing up, I realised it was something pretty rare according to the society we lived in today, so when I left my home to build up my own, I'd made a promise to myself that I would do anything to make my wife or children say that the house we lived in, wasn't just a house, but their home.

But what'd happen when someone who was part of you, your life, isn't there anymore?

Yeah, it doesn't feel like coming home.

Therefore, in some ways, I related to Salomé.

•

More about Salomé <3

Do you think Benjamin was speaking the truth? What was he up to, or was he telling the truth to his father?

Salomé's youth? Character?

Teddy?

Let me know your thoughts! Votes, comments and shares muchhh appreciated xx love you all