Rachelle

I'm scared.

I'm terrified.

I'm petrified.

I'm scared.

I'm in my room, curled up on my bed. I rocked back and forth, hugging my legs tightly towards my chest. Tears flowed freely from my eyes but I couldn't utter a single sob. I stared straight ahead at the bare beige part of the wall in my room. That's all I did ever since I got home. Mom picked me up from school and Ms. Silvia explained everything to her. Well, at least explained as much as she could get from what she saw.

Honestly, I wanted to speak up. To scream, to let them know what really happened. After Ms. Silvia "enlightened" my mom as well as the principal with the situation, they looked at me like I was crazy. It was written all over their faces. I wanted to tell them that I wasn't screaming at nothing. I was screaming at the pain, at that ear-piercing sound. The urge to tell them the truth was there but my voice got stuck in my throat. All I could do was cry. But I believe that there was a voice in my head saying that it's better this way. It's better for them to not know what was really happening. That if I told them the full truth, they would hate me, hate me for being crazy. It sounded so stupid but at the same time, it made sense.

I didn't want to be hated. I didn't want to be crazy. But at the same time, I felt like I was slowly submitting to this sick game. Something was pulling me towards the idea of letting go, of not caring about what others thought about me. I wanted to give in to the idea of being free and letting go of the goody-two-shoes label I always had. I have it in school, I have it in my own home. Wow. I never knew how much I hated to be good. To be perfect. To be the perfect role model for everyone else. To be the one to always give in to people. To be so scared of trouble and problems. To be so scared of life.

It's tiring, isn't it?

My eyes widened at the voice resonating in my head. It sounded like a little girl, high-pitched but somewhat soft.The voice had a hint of...mischief.

The voice giggled.

Don't be startled, Elle. I don't bite. I mean, I can't in the first place but you don't know that.

She giggled again.

"W-who are you?" I asked, my voice shaky. She hummed in my head.

I'm Chloey! Need I say more?

I sniffed and shook my head, acting as if she was right in front of me. I'm probably imagining a voice in my head to calm me down. Yeah, that's why she's...talking to me in my head. But why did I imagine the voice of a little girl..?

Oh, hun, you didn't imagine me. I'm real, as real as your desire to break free! Away from the facade you call your life and live. Am I right?

My lips slightly quivered in fear. She was right and she was real. Wait, what if this is just a joke? A sick way to make me feel better.

Aw, you don't believe me. Well, is this convincing enough?

Suddenly, the pillow beside me was lifted up into the air and I was smacked in the head. I flinched. Now I'm really scared. I hugged my legs closer to me in attempt to comfort myself. I gulped and felt tears prick at the corners of my eyes. "S-so y-y-you're a g-ghost?" I asked cautiously.

She laughed really loudly that my head pulsed.

Oh my god you are hilarious! I'm not a ghost, dear. I'm your little friend! Here to give you advice and help you out with things. I can move things 'cuz I use this force thingy. It's complicated and boring so let's skip that part.

My friend? Why would I be so afraid of a friend? "I don't u-understand. Why are you he-," I got cut off by a force on my lips and a voice telling me to shut up.

Why wouldn't you be afraid of a friend? You never know when they'll betray you, hurt you. Oh, but I won't do that! I would never! Let's say that I'm your little helper, your bestest friend. You can trust me.

I could just hear the smile in her tone. I don't know why I actually believed her, it might be the stress I'm under at the moment but I was convinced. I'm not this easily persuaded but my brain just told me to do it. Believe Chloey. It'll be good for you, it said to me in a way.

I don't know why I smiled but I did. And I could feel Chloey smile too.

I spent the rest of the day talking to Chloey. It looked like I was talking to myself, and I kind of was doing that. I must have looked crazy but somehow, in the comfort of my bed and the voice of a little girl I "met", I didn't care. I wasn't so scared of looking crazy because I knew that I'm not.

I. Am. Not. Crazy.

---

I woke up the next day with a headache. It must have been caused by my crying yesterday. I guess I fell asleep while talking to Chloey.

Chloey.

I called out to her, calling her name a couple of times. When I got no response when I said her name for the fourth time, I concluded that she was a dream. I didn't know how to feel about that.

I decided to get out of bed since I did have school today. While I was walking down the stairs, my head pulsed and I gripped onto the railing for support. I gasped and felt something enter me. All of a sudden, a giggle echoed in my head. Chloey.

Haha! You thought you could get rid of me that easily?

For some reason, I smiled. I shook my head. "Of course not," I replied with a giggle of my own.

Someone's in a good mood today.

I continued down the stairs and sat at the counter. Fey was already there with a plate of bacon and eggs. I smiled at her thankfully then proceeded to munch on the breakfast she prepared. As I chewed n a piece of bacon, Fey asked a question that put me off.

"Hey Elle, if you mind me askin', what happened yesterday? Why'd you arrive home early?" I frowned but covered it up with a blank stare.

"It was nothing to worry about," I said, trying to make it clear that I didn't want to talk about yesterday. Even if I tried to make it clear, she annoyingly persisted.

"You can tell me anything, hun. Did...did you get in trouble?"

Now that put me in a bad mood. I frowned fully now, not bothering to hide it.

Did she just assume you got in trouble? How rude! Put her in her place, Elle.

I hesitated and debated whether to heed Chloey's words. I don't want to get mad at Fey but she was really pushing it. How could she say that?

Reluctantly, I put my spoon and fork down and open my mouth to say something but nothing comes out. The words are stuck in my throat again.

Hey! What are you doing? Put her in her place!

I clenched my hands tightly into fists and closed my eyes. I tried to calm down but Chloey's pushing and Fey's awaiting gaze wasn't doing anything to calm me down.

PUT HER IN HER DAMN PLACE.

"Rachelle? Honey? What's wrong dear? You don't have to rush, I can wait," Fey reassured but it wasn't reassuring at all. It made something snap.

"You can wait? You expect me to actually tell you what happened yesterday?" I fumed and balled my hands into fists. "Why do you care so much? It doesn't have anything to do with you so I don't see the point of you prying. Mind your own damn business! Don't talk to me as if you're going to understand and be my friend. You're probably going to judge me when I tell you so I'd rather not. Now please, leave me alone. I don't want to be in your presence at the moment."

She gawked at me with eyes filled with worry and fear. Listening to my request, she walked away uncertainly. I took deep breaths to calm myself down. I felt Chloey smile.

Nicely done, Rachelle.

---

I never in my life dreaded school, more-or-less the thought of it. Although I say that, my body isn't allowing me to go through the huge, open doors of Brooke High. It's like there's an invisible force field around the entrance that isn't allowing me to enter. I gulped and closed my eyes tightly.

Maybe I shouldn't go to school today. I could tell them that I was sick. They would believe me, especially because of what happened yesterday. Yeah, I'll just turn around and head home...

What the hell am I saying? I'm just making up excuses. I have to go to school. I have to be a good student.

Tsk. Just go home, Elle. They'll understand.

I opened my mouth to talk but got cut off by a sigh.

Why do you even want to go in there? They're going to talk behind your back when you aren't looking. Hellooo, teenagers? And besides, what happened to you yesterday was gossip-worthy. The whole school probably thinks you're crazy!

My throat went dry at the words that echoed in my mind. My eyes widened and a chill went down my spine. My heart thumped loudly in my chest, irregular. The sudden feeling of fear rushed through me and plagued my whole body.

Chloey was right. The rumor or truth rather of me screaming at apparently nothing must have spread around the whole school by now. I would be the target of judging stares, whispers behind my back, looks of disgust. They would think that I am crazy. And yeah, they are teenagers. We are teenagers. Teenagers do those things all the time without any regard for the things that person has done for them, their feelings, their life.

Teenagers are...heartless.

I turned on my heel and took a step down the elevated floor of the school. I was so close to the entrance but my sweet escape had to be ruined by a familiar western accent. Dammit.

"Hey, Elle!" Jennifer frantically waved her hands to get my attention even if my back was facing her. My eyes widened and I was stuck in my place, once again not being able to move. "Hey! Rachelle Umber! Helloooo?" she hollered, getting louder and louder.

I heard her coming closer due to her heeled-boots click-clacking against the ground and before I knew it, she was standing directly behind me. I jumped at the hand she put on my shoulder. "Earth to Elle? What's gotten you so jumpy, girl?" She raised an eyebrow at me and smirked playfully but her expression was soon replaced with worry.

Her voice suddenly got softer and she held both of my shoulders, making me face her. "Are you alright? You look shaken up," she asked, her eyes examining my face.

I gulped. "I-I'm fine," I reassured as much as I could. I shook her hands off me and calmed myself down. I was so close! Ugh.

Ugh indeed. If only Ms. Cowgirl here minded her own business.

"What do I do now?" I asked Chloey, my voice a quiet whisper.

You have to go now. She'll just think you're crazier.

At the mention of that, I smiled at Jennifer as if nothing ever happened. She returned it with hesitance. Suddenly gaining confidence, I take hold of her hand and sprint towards the school's entrance. She stumbled after me but caught up in no time, giggling along the way. I giggled along with her, playing along.

Please let this day turn out alright.

---

im eXCITED

/8/16/17/