Brendon rolled over onto his back. Another night after a long drive, after an amazing show, where he snuck into Ryan's room that he was forbidden from being in, then had the best sex of their lives, and now Ryan wanted to snuggle. He wrapped his around him, smiling as he pressed kisses to Brendon's smooth bare back.

"Mmm You smell Devine.." Ryan mumbled softly into Brendon's back. It's where Ryan started to feel comfort when things between him, Sarah, and Zack started to boil or just after a long day. He missed Z though. At least he thought he did, he had been thinking more Brendon then her...

Brendon's eyes seemed to fixate on a chair in the dark, that sat empty and cold, occupied nothing and no one. He had been thinking deeply of something, Ryan could feel the tension in his shoulder growing bigger and bigger. Ryan lifted his head to look over Brendon's shoulder, placing his arm on his bicept. "What's wrong, my lovely little moon? What are you thinking of?" Ryan asked sounding so poetic. Brendon found it so comforting. Ryan truly was a modern day Shakespeare in his eyes.

"Things about me feel weird, just really....off... " Brendon says taking ill paused between his words and causing his quiet voice to crack. It worried Ryan, he sat up to look at Brendon better. "What do you mean?" Ryan asked. Brendon rolled over on his other side to face him.

"My face has aged, I can tell it has, I have so many more tattoos, there is no way I have gotten drunk that many times and got that many well done, cheep, shitfaced tattoos. I have scarrs where there wasn't before!" Brendon out a worried and uneasy sigh then spoke again, his voice going back to its queit and ill tone.

"I-I feel like when I passed, I woke up in someone else's skin. I look in the mirror and I don't know who's looking at me, it doesn't help that my hair is gone, I just feel less and less like myself the more I look at myself" Brendon said.

Ryan didn't know what to say, all he could do was frown. He wished he could explain it all to him, make his worries lessen, hell him understand better how much time had actually gone by but he wasn't allowed to talk about it to him, and he felt something that heavy could lead to some serious psychological damage.

Like 'Hey, wanna know why you don't look young?! It's cause your not! Some psychopath shot you in the head at a show and now you're eleven years behind, okay bye!' so to not Brendon anymore he let out a soft sigh and replaced his frown with a warm smile.

"You're still gorgeous to me.." Ryan began to rub his hand against Brendon's stubbled head. Ryan was excited to see Brendon's hair to come back because at least then he'd have something to pull during sex. And God he'd look so cute with little curle.

He moved his hand down to Brendon's to cheek, caressing his face. Brendon smiled softly, nuzzling into his hand. "Y-Yeah, I know, I just don't feel like me anymore." He told him. "You'll get back into the groove of things, I promise." Ryan told him.

Ryan lay back down next to Brendon, intertwining their fingers together, Ryan had their hands to his chest as he examined Brendon's gorgeously talented fingers and pressing kisses to his hand, and running it against his face. He was a dork like that, it was something Brendon admired Ryan, that even after becoming so big, he still managed to make him smile with Joe much of a dork he was, and how utterly ridiculous he could me. That's what he loved him for.

"You know something?" Brendon says looking at the way Ryan admires his hand like a statue. "What?" Ryan responds, continuing to kiss his hand. It was silent for what seemed like forever until Brendon finally spoke again. "I-I don't want to make music anymore. I just want to run away with you.." He tells him.

This is when things start to feel like Capetown all over again. Ryan gulped, "Bren-" Ryan managed but was cut off. "Yeah, yeah. I know, we can't-" He pulls his hand away "-the band, Keltie, the world." Ryan looked at him confused. "What about the world?" He asked "They hate gays." Ryan almost busted out laughing. No he did, which made Brendon glare.

"That's not funny Ry. So many people can't be honest about who they love because of it." Ryan nodded trying to calm himself from his laughter. If only he knew what year it actually was.

"I was gonna say, I wanna run away with you too." Ryan admits. He surprises himself with the words, with his dirty, dirty lie. He would never leave Z... Would he? "What about Keltie?" Brendon laughed awkwardly. "Fuck her." Ryan replied, laughing with him. 'Cause yeah, fuck Keltie. They hadn't talked just as long as he hasn't been in Panic. He hoped that wouldn't change. But he still new what he meant

Him or Z...

"So, it'll be me. Not her, or anyone else after you break up with her? Then you and I can run away together?!" Brendon asked excitedly. Ryan smiled at him. "Yeah, sure." He laughed with an even brighter smile. Brendon's heart melted just seeing it.

And Ryan? His head was begining to spin. He just told Brendon lies, and not just any lies, lies that could change his and Brendon's life. But what choice did he really have? Come clean and risk ruining Brendon's memories more or stick to the plan so he could get his money and restore Brendon's memory, never having to talk to him again.

Thoughs choices hurt, and god, letting go of Brendon again was more then he bargained for. This whole thing was way more than what Ryan had bargained for. Why did he agree to this stupid, stupid plan?

"I love you Ryan." Brendon said, he said it again like Ryan didn't hear him say it the first time. Of course he did. But saying it back meant lying to Brendon more, or coming to terms that it really was Brendon who he really loved and not Z AKA "Keltie". He'd rather die then do that.

"I know."