I'm alive! :0
— — — —

Once you've hit rock bottom, there's only one way left to go: up.

Out of all the metaphors that could've been applied to the situation, Impulse felt like that one fit the best. He used the phrase a lot actually, as a quick way to simply combat worries and anxieties. Right now, he was using it to hope. Right now, he was saying it to himself because of Zedaph.

Logically, he knew that simply hoping couldn't guarantee Zed's recovery. He knew that healing wasn't linear, and that things could get one thousand times worse tomorrow, or that rock bottom could simply be hit again.

But he refused to believe in the worst that could happen, because he'd done that before far too many times to be healthy. So for now, he resorted to hoping, and doing his best to actually make himself useful for once.

Word of Zedaph's state had spread through the village like wildfire, and it wasn't long before all the hermits were doing the same things as Impulse. Helping out whenever and wherever they could, and in their free time, worrying. Impulse didn't think there was a single hermit he hadn't seen lending a hand. It was almost as if some disaster had beset the town, which really showed just how much the hermits cared for each individual in their little community.

Yes, just another thing Impulse loved about Hermit Village. If it were an ideal world, he would never leave this place. He wished he had more time than he did.

Half of it was gone already.

Maybe, Impulse figured, the fact that he had barely six weeks left in the village was in fact why he was helping out so much. It was simple. If he was spending his last month and a half here, it needed to be perfect. He needed everyone to be okay, even if it was just for his own sanity.

Which in turn had made him feel miserable when he realized that Zedaph's illness had flown under everyone's radar. Of course he'd done his part though, and he'd even used a little healing magic to help out a day or so ago. But he still didn't feel great about the whole thing, even as Zed got better.

"Hey... can I talk to you about something?"

Impulse looked up from where he'd been sitting cross legged, staring into a cup of coffee. At the base of the lodge's stairs stood one Xisuma Void, shoulders hunched over, and hands fidgeting slowly.

"Yeah, of course," Impulse smiled, motioning for X to join him on the living room couch. Xisuma's stance got a little less tense, and he shuffled his way over, sitting down and sinking into the woolen green couch.

They sat silently for a minute or so, waiting as Xisuma gathered his words, the quiet only broken by the voidwalker's shuddery breaths. "You deserve to know about what happened to Zed last year." he finally breathed out, tension in his words.

"You don't have to tell me about it if you don't want to," Impulse murmured, he could easily tell that the subject was hard to talk about, even if he didn't know much about it. Xisuma shook his head. "I need to get this out right now. I could probably use your input too, considering you weren't there like the others."

Impulse nodded, humming out a quiet "Okay." X sighed, looking down and picking at the seams on his gloves. Staring down at his coffee, Impulse waited. It was getting cold. He should probably drink it or something. He didn't.

The clock ticked over to the next minute.

"I have a brother."

Xisuma didn't look up from his hands as he spoke. "He lived here with the rest of us, and I'd never left his side. He was like my other half. Zedaph called him Exy... the two of them were close, always up to shenanigans together."

Reaching into his pocket, X pulled out a bent and crumpled photo and passed it over. Impulse straightened it out a little. The photo showed Zed, and someone Impulse didn't recognize with an arm slung over his shoulders. The stranger, Exy, Impulse assumed, looked nearly identical to Xisuma, if it weren't for their blood red eyes, bright white hair and skin that was several shades paler than X's. They were dressed entirely in red, wearing armor and a cape, and Zedaph wore a strange pink and yellow sweater, with a scarf that matched.

The duo were grinning without a care in the world. What changed?

"They pretended they were the village superheroes. Well, moreso Zed was the village hero and Exy was the supervillain. It was funny, at the time. But a 'prank' went too far." Xisuma curled in on himself a little, this next part painful for him. "Ex started acting weird. Like he wasn't himself anymore. I tried to ask him if something was wrong, but he just started getting cold and distant."

Xisuma swallowed, and finally looked up at Impulse. "He locked Zed in his basement. I don't know why. And he kept making all of these damn excuses, that it was just part of the game or that he was trying to keep Zed safe." X's breathing picked up, anger and confusion making his voice shake. Impulse choked back a horrified breath, eyes widening as he stared at X. He wasn't sure what he'd expected, but this wasn't it.

"When it was all over, I didn't know how to forgive him." Xisuma looked away, up to the ceiling. "But I wanted to fix things. Zed wanted to fix things. But Ex left, on his own accord, and I didn't stop him because a part of me knew he was just going to break things again if he stayed. His presence was toxic."

Impulse reached out, wordlessly taking Xisuma's hand and squeezing it a little. He swallowed thickly, his head not taking the news well.

"We both missed him a lot. But I think I really just miss the person he used to be." Xisuma finished with a long sigh, eyes downcast behind his visor. Impulse bit down on his lip as if it would stop him from blurting out something stupid, when he really couldn't think of anything to say.

It was clear that X had left some details out, but the basics of the story were enough to paint a big enough picture. A wave of sympathy for Xisuma and Zed and even Exy flooded through Impulse as he tried to process it all.

"Sorry," he finally found the words to mumble, "That all sounds awful."

'Awful' didn't really do the situation justice, but Impulse wasn't sure what he should say. "Is- Is it why Zed was having those nightmares this week?" he asked impulsively, reaching over to put his coffee mug onto the small table.

"Yeah," Xisuma answered softly after a long pause. "He'd been having them off and on after the incident. They probably just got worse when he got sick or something."

Impulse nodded, drumming his fingers slowly on his knees. Recalling the day he'd seen Zed up and awake at 3am, he realized the hybrid had probably been having nightmares then too. How many signs had he missed?

"Thank you. For telling me, I mean. I know it's probably hard to relive everything." Impulse turned his head back to X, pulling his concerned face into a small smile.

"Oh, hmm." Xisuma smiled back, or at least Impulse assumed he did from the way his eyes squinted. "Hey though, I got through the whole retelling-thing without crying, that's progress. Gosh, you wouldn't've wanted to see me a year ago, I was a mess." he let out a sad sort of laugh. "I don't know... It's like everytime I think I've gotten over it, something reminds me of everything, and... yeah." X trailed off.

"I get it, yeah," Impulse murmured back, taking X's hands in his own again. "I'm here for you though. All of the other hermits too, all of us. I promise."

"Thank you," Xisuma hummed. "Curse you, healing! If only you could be linear!" he joked, shaking a fist at the sky. Impulse laughed lightly, the mood of the conversation changing from dramatic to silly. "Yeah, curse you healing! Skip the zig zags and get to the end already!"

Xisuma leaned forward, cracking up with happy giggles. "I asked to ride an actual roller coaster, not an emotional one!" he said sarcastically, and the two fell into uncontrolled laughter. They cackled for what felt like hours, until Xisuma was wrapping his hands around his stomach, and Impulse was wiping tears from his eyes.

"It feels good to laugh," X breathed out after a pause, having finally stopped giggling. "Yeah, yeah it does." Impulse agreed, smiling so that just his front teeth showed.

After a few minutes, the two fell into a slow and comfortable conversation. They cracked jokes and poked fun at things, and it felt strangely normal. A pleasant and welcome normal, but new nonetheless. As if Impulse suddenly just didn't have a care in the world anymore.

Eventually, Xisuma got up, claiming he had some things to get done. Impulse headed back for his room in the lodge as well, parting ways with X at the stairs.

"Don't forget the meeting this week," Xisuma reminded quickly, "Zed'll be there!"

Impulse shot him back a thumbs up. "Wouldn't miss it, X!"

. . .

Excitement had made waiting for the biweekly meeting had been torture, each minute and hour passing more slowly than the last. But now that the day had finally arrived, Impulse wasn't anything but anxious.

There wasn't anything to be worried about though, he reminded himself as he walked down to town hall alone, purposefully taking a slightly longer route. Zed was going to be there, everyone was going to be happy that he was better, and everything would be great. Right? Right.

It was strange that his heart was beating faster than it usually should. Okay, okay calm down. He swallowed and ran a hand through his hair that had been slowly growing longer over the past months. Okay, you know, maybe it wasn't anxiety, maybe it was just anticipation. Yeah, that was probably it.

He was just excited for all the hermits to finally be together again, excited because things were better and returning to normal. Impulse nodded to himself, putting on a smile. Zed wasn't sick anymore! How great was that?!

Yes, he was happy, the pit in his stomach simply because he'd been so excited that he hadn't had as big of a breakfast as usual. Not because part of him wondered if Zedaph wouldn't actually be back to normal, no, not at all. He just... hadn't eaten, yeah.

He huffed out a couple slow breaths as he approached town hall and hopped up the steps. Cleo and Stress were just in front of him, talking quietly on their way in, Cleo with one arm around Stress' shoulders. Impulse gave them a smile and followed them through the propped open double doors. He flicked his eyes across the room, about half the hermits were here, filling up the seats at the long table or milling about with one another. His palms were sweating. He stuffed his hands in the pockets of his shorts.

Zedaph wasn't here yet, and neither was Tango. Impulse sighed, eyeing an open seat next to Scar, and heading for it, not particularly interested in talking to any of the other hermits right now. He'd probably say something wrong.

Sitting down, he stared at a random spot on the opposite wall, smiling thinly. Nobody else wanted this seat, right? He hadn't taken Cub's or Mumbo's or anyone else's chosen spot, surely. But what if he had? What if Zedaph wanted this seat when he came in?—

"Anxious?"

Verdant green eyes studied him, curiously peering.

"No." Impulse looked at Scar out of the corner of his eye, but refused to face him directly. Scar frowned, eyebrows scrunching together. He opened and closed his mouth a couple times, trying to decide if he should say something to fill the awkward silence. "Maybe a little," sighed Impulse after a second.

"Me too," Scar hummed, letting out a deprecating giggle. The vex drummed his fingers on the table, giving Impulse a knowing look, one with sadness in his eyes.

"It'll be fine," Impulse breathed, though whether it was more to himself or Scar, he wasn't sure. "Whatever you're worried about, it's probably nothing."

Scar blinked slowly, leaning back in his chair. "And the same goes for you."

There was a pause of comfortable silence, before the two spoke in unison. "Thanks–" Scar cut himself off a little, laughing and muttering "jinx" under his breath. Impulse chuckled, a real smile warming his face.

The two talked casually for a minute or so as they waited for the rest of the hermits to get there. Impulse briefly realized that Scar had been early, which was rare for him, and they joked about that for a moment. Hypno ended up taking the spot on the other side of Impulse, sitting in a strange criss crossed position in their chair.

There was a sense of warmth within the crowd, like all of the tension from the past week was slowly draining away. Impulse wouldn't lie, seeing everyone else feeling good, it made him feel nice inside too. He was flicking his gaze across the hermits, studying each of them, when their chattering suddenly hushed.

Collectively, everyone turned their heads towards the room's entrance, meeting eyes of red and violet. Tango and Zedaph stepped in quietly, hands subtly clasped together. Zed smiled softly, realizing they were all staring at him.

"Hey guys," he breathed out, raising a hand up in a little wave.

A beat passed before a chorus of 'hello's, 'hey's and 'hi's responded to Zed's, all of the hermit's voices overlapping into a mish-mosh of sound. Zedaph grinned from ear to ear, eyes brightening as he heard the others.

Tango suppressed a chuckle at Zed's childlike expression, leading him over to two free seats with a tug of his hand. They settled themselves down, Tango not letting go of Zed's hand, as if the sheep hybrid was using it as a lifeline. There were a few hushed murmurs amongst the other hermits until Xisuma rose from his chair as he did at the start of every meeting.

"Hello, everyone," X said 'everyone' as almost an afterthought, eyes trained on Zed. "I think I speak for all of us when I say that I'm very glad you're doing better, Zedaph." From the hermits, a wave of murmured agreements as well as enthusiastic nods and smiles confirmed his statement.

"And I hope you know that, if you need anything, we're all here for you, Zed. And if you need to talk about any of it, don't hesitate," Xisuma lowered his voice, speaking just above a whisper. He blinked slowly, looking at Zedaph with a level of understanding and empathy reserved for only the both of them to share.

"Thank you," Zed smiled back, and looked out to the table. "Really, I owe you all so much thanks... I was practically at my lowest, and you were all there for me, it- it means a lot guys." He paused, studying his lap for a moment. "As I'm sure you all sorta know by now, I haven't really been, well, 'okay' for a while. A lot of things from last year had been, still have been affecting me, and mixing that with sickness... well it wasn't fun, that's for sure. But- but you guys helped me get to such a better place, I don't even know how to thank you enough."

Zedaph looked up, eyes shiny with tears, yet beaming with joy, an almost embarrassed blush splashed on his face.

"Aw, you don't have to thank us, we'd help you any day!" Bdubs said from across the table after a pause. Zed's face flushed redder.

"Yeah, we're all just really glad you're okay," Beef agreed, nodding. Next to him, Etho nodded too.

"Mhmm," Cleo hummed, "We're gonna help you through this battle of yours."

The hermits broke into chatter again, giving their own affirmations and agreeing with others'. A very flustered Zedaph sunk back into his chair, leaning to the side to put a hand on Tango's shoulder. The netherborn, in response, took Zed and pulled him out of his seat and into a hug. "We love ya, buddy."

On either side of Tango and Zed, both Stress and Ren joined the embrace. Then it was Mumbo and Bdubs pushing their chairs back and joining in. One by one, all the hermits swarmed around Zed, and someone (Scar) shouted "Group hug!" Impulse, without a second thought, jumped from his chair and wormed his way into the hug too.

Through the mess of heads and arms, Impulse could see Zed choke on a happy sob and lean into the others. The hug felt like it lasted hours, even though it couldn't have been more than a minute.

Unsurprisingly, the first to step away was Xisuma. "Uhm, hate to ruin the moment, but I did have a couple other points to go over in the meeting...?"

With a few, "ah, yes"s and a couple murmured "right!"s, the hermits all scrambled to find a chair to sit in, directing their attention back to the mayor. If Bdubs and Etho ended up each sitting in half of the same chair by accident, no one noticed.

"Okay, thank you," Xisuma nodded, "First order of business: tomatoes are going out of season soon. And we are running rather low. So either..." He glanced pointedly at Ren, "We need to stage an intervention for Mr. drama queen, or stock the Stop The Monologue Barrels with something else."

A hand immediately shot into the air, but didn't wait to be called on. "Can we throw leeks at him?!" Stress asked, a way too excited grin on her face. "Or potatoes, those are in season."

Xisuma seemed to ponder it for a moment, before answering, "Yeah, that'll work." He flashed a thumbs up in Stress' direction, and looked about ready to move on to whatever the next order of business was, though unfortunately for him...

"Wait, what's a leek?" Tango asked loudly, eyes narrowed in confusion.

Joe pushed their glasses up their nose and opened their mouth to give a detailed description of what a leek was, but before they could, Stress' eyes lit up, and she whipped a leek from her pocket, dropping the vegetable on the table. "This."

"Ohhhhhh," Tango reached over and picked up the leek, studying it. "Yeah, I could throw one o' these at Ren."

"Stress, love? Hate to be that person, but why did you have a leek in your pocket?" Cleo asked, about to laugh.

"Hmm? Oh, you never know when you're gonna need a leek," Stress answered vaguely, shrugging with an innocent smile.

"She has got a point there. But, um, could we move on to the next meeting point?" Xisuma clapped his hands together, getting the attention of the hermits back, save for Tango, who was still thoroughly intrigued by the leek. Satisfied by them all mostly listening, X started again. "Okay, so, last thing before we're done here, we haven't planned the weekly get-together yet, so if you have any ideas, shout 'em out!"

Chatter erupted amongst the hermits as they turned to their neighbors to discuss ideas excitedly. Tango, no longer distracted by the leek, exclaimed, "How about a bonfire?!"

"Ooooh, what about a movie night instead??" Ren suggested, tail wagging between his chair legs. "Yeah, that would be fun!" Joe agreed, nodding in Ren's direction. Tango rolled his eyes, but clearly liked that idea better than his own.

"Maybe a sleepover too?!" Bdubs was louder than the rest, and everyone seemed to nod in agreement with his suggestion.

"Sleepover and movie night?" Xisuma confirmed, tone excited. "I think it's a good idea, and if there are any objections, make them now– but please don't because I like sleepovers –and there appear to be none! Alright, who's hosting–"

"Mumbo should!" Scar interrupted, pointing to the vampire in question. Startled, Mumbo gave Scar a confused look. "Wait, why me?!"

"Because you haven't hosted in foreeeever," Scar complained, " And plus, your place is the coziest for sleepovers! You have blackout curtains man!!"

"Okay, okay, fine, I can do it. But if someone else wants to..." A dozen unblinking eyes stared back at Mumbo, no one else offering to host.

"Welp, it's settled then!" Xisuma exclaimed, and Mumbo huffed out a sigh, folding his arms across his chest. "Mumbo will host. And, with that decided, I think I can call this meeting adjourned! Have fun, talk amongst yourselves, plot whatever you need to plot. I've said all I need to."

. . .

Walking out of the meeting amidst a crowd of positive hermits, Impulse breathed a sigh of relief. See? He told himself, There wasn't any reason to be anxious earlier. Things went well.

Somehow, after he hopped down the town hall steps, he ended up next to Tango and Zed. Tango still held the leek from Stress, and he was stroking its dark green leaves with starry eyes. Zedaph was walking close enough to him that they bumped shoulders occasionally, and his lips quirked up in a humored smile.

"Sometimes I forget you grew up in the Nether without Overworld vegetables," Zedaph said, reaching over and poking the leek. The sheep hybrid's voice sounded slightly strained, but almost normal, a low laugh in the back of his throat. The other Hermits had finally, for the most part, stopped swarming around him like middle school girls to a pop star.

"Yeah," Tango hummed back, pulling back the leek's leaves gently to peer at their undersides, "Nothin' but mushrooms and weeds down there... Oh! I should probably give this back to Stress-" Tango flicked his head around, scanning the courtyard for the butterfly hybrid until he spotted her.

"I'll be right back!" Tango gave Zed a small shoulder pat before jogging off.

Zedaph hid a laugh with the back of his hand. "He's such a goof," he murmured to Impulse, staring in the direction Tango had run.

"I mean, he laughs at butt jokes, what did you expect?" Impulse responded with a grin, looking off to where Tango had reached Stress, and was animatedly talking to her about the leek. "Pff, yeah! He's like a 10-year-old sometimes," Zed burst into little chuckles, a welcome contrast from how he'd been just a week ago.

Impulse let the silence stay comfortable for a moment before speaking. "Yeah. Hey, by the way–"

"If you're going to say 'I'm glad you're doing better' I am going to have to start a reverse swear jar for all of you guys," Zedaph interrupted, folding his arms across his chest.

"Oh- Oops, caught in the act!" Impulse laughed, raising his hands defensively. "But seriously, I really am happy that you're better."

Zed smiled, features softening, "Yeah, thanks. This'll sound cheesy, but I really couldn't have gotten better without everyone," Zed leaned closer, voice lowering to a whisper, "And especially not without that magic of yours."

Impulse looked to the ground, eyes widening. Zed had been so out of it when he'd used his healing magic, he had been sure he wouldn't remember it. "Oh, yeah," he stuttered out, "It was no problem, Zed."

Zed was smiling mischievously, like a kid who'd just found the hidden cookie jar above the kitchen cabinets. "Don't worry, Imp. it was cool," he said, his gaze and stance shifting to be slightly less intimidating, "You should show the rest of the Hermits, they'd think it's epic."

"No-" Impulse blurted, hands fidgeting with the hem of his shirt and heart beating faster in his chest. "I didn't even think you would remember that, to be honest... I- I'm sorry."

Zed furrowed his eyebrows, eyes shining with a sudden concern. "Impulse, it's fine, really. None of us would–"

Before Zed could finish his sentence, Tango sprinted back to them from across the way, cheering. "Stress said I could keep the leek!!!" He raised the vegetable above his head as he reached Zed and Impulse, a giddy smile on his face and his tail flicking happily behind him.

"Oh, there's so many things I could do with it! I could chop it up and cook it, or maybe I could get Scar to put a spell on it so it won't rot! Oh- and Stress gave me seeds so I can grow more of them!" Tango spoke rapid-fire, hopping from foot to foot. "Oh- uh... sorry for interrupting you guys... What were ya talking about?!" he asked brightly.

"Oh, just Impulse's m–"

"MOTH FRIEND!" Impulse shouted over Zed's answer, speaking almost as fast as Tango. "We were talking about my adorable moth friend! You guys haven't met her yet- look!" Of course, by moth friend, Impulse was referring to Fuzzy. She'd pretty much been permanently nesting in his hair, only leaving to eat or flutter around, or whatever else Pearl's watcher eye moths did. He reached up and cupped his hands around her, showing her off to the other two.

Tango gasped and burst out into happy coos, while Zed shot Impulse a subtle frown and narrowed his gaze. A second passed and the sheep hybrid let out a sigh, turning his attention to the moth. "Her name's Fuzzy," Impulse said, petting her with his thumb.

"Awww, I love her! She's adorable!" Tango hummed, tucking his leek under his arm so he could pat the moth with his finger gently. "Yeah, she is," Zed agreed.

Once they were done fawning over Fuzzy, Impulse placed her back on top of his head, and the three began walking back towards their houses, or in Impulse's case, the lodge. Somehow, they'd begun talking about the sleepover later that week.

"You're going to love it!" Tango exclaimed animatedly, fire in his hair flaring up. "Hermit sleepovers are the best."

"Yeah!" Zedaph nodded, "You've never been to one."

"I'm sure it will be awesome," Impulse smiled, not admitting to the slight anxiety that came with the anticipation of the event. He looked up when he realized they'd reached the lodge, his stop. "Welp this is me..." Impulse put his hands on his hips, a sudden excitement in his eyes. "I can't wait for the sleepover!" He grinned, saying that made him feel like he was a kid again.

"Me neither," Zedaph smiled, suddenly stepping forward and wrapping Impulse in a hug. Tango joined in too, wrapping his tail around the three of them along with his arms.

They finally split apart, and Impulse put his hand on the door to the lodge. "See you guys later?"

"Yeah, later 'pulsie!" Tango smiled. Zedaph nodded his agreement, and they waved as Impulse slipped inside and away.

Impulse pressed his back to the door and stood there for a moment, breathing out a long, pleased sigh. Soon enough, he pulled himself up and ran up to his room, spinning around and laughing.

Oh, this place. This village. There was something so relieving about being here.

Impulse was alive again. He was a kid again. He was awake again, living again, breathing again.

He flopped backwards onto his bed, and Fuzzy fluttered off his head and circled in the air above him.

"Pearl, I might be about to die, but gods...

I think I'm gonna be okay."

~ end chapter 22 ~

A/N: hi!

You all may have been wondering where I've been. Truth be told, I don't have an excuse for my unannounced hiatus. I just procrastinated this chapter for a while. I sorta just, closed my eyes, and opened them, and it had been two months. Seriously, I don't know what the heck happened. But I'm back!!! Hooray! I hope y'all didn't miss me too much <3

I'm very excited about this story, so I can assure you, more chapters will be written for you!

Addressing Zed's backstory thing, I'm not going to go into it any further than what was in this chapter, for now. It's just the canon lore between him and Ex anyways, just exaggerated.

See you in the next chapter!!! (It would be such a shame if something bad happened at the sleepover)