When I went ahead and commited it... I wasn't prepared for this. To be honest there were a couple of reasons why I decided to throw the towel. One was that I was playing with this thought for quite a while now. Each moment I was at a lost, I was thinking about it. 

IT HURTS!

SHIT!

IT BURNS!

Kacchan told me to swandive once. That was the very first time I was thinking about getting to the school rooftop and then just do what he told me. You know what, the rooftop wasn't even the most important thing. I could also just jump of a building through the window or a fire escape or just any high place. That was what I thought back then. I was fully prepared to go through with it. 

The weeks that followed..... after Kacchan told me that.... I just looked at the window tempted to actually jump. I wanted it. I knew that back then but I always found an excuse to not go with it. Be it my mother, be it my dream, be it my future which might be bright... well might but let's be honest, I was just lying to myself so no need to sparkle and sprinkle the lie any further.

I can't.....

I....

It burns....

My lungs....

When I was small, I was playing a lot with Kacchan. He used to play the hero and I played the villain. I remember that I was begging him to switch roles but he never wanted to do that. Well that was not the important part. The injuries that I got from him were. The burns hurt, they didn't heal that fast and my skin always became a painting for him to use his artistic genes on. 

After a couple of years, I started thinking about what would happen if one day Bakugo would just let go and use his quirk on me.... and let's put it in a frank way.... Kill me on accident. Of course I knew that it wouldn't be an accident and of course I knew that the world hated me. Still I hoped for it when I was very little after I couldn't enjure the pain anymore.

The smell of my burned skin....

The sisseling sound that my skin made whenever his quirk would hit me....

The heat that was coming off it...

and the numbness that followed with extreme pain and agony.

I was never really proud to hide it and my mother never really said anything about them when he saw it happening at the play ground..... I knew that this was how I would die but I didn't wanted to die this painfully.

This is worse.

I chose wrongly...

FUCK!

It burns!

My lungs they burn!

When I met All Might and started cleaning up the beach, I was so close to the ocean that I could literally take a dive forever. Actually the time together might be the ones I should call the best times I had but they were the worse ones. I never cleaned up a beach that much before. Yeah... taking out trash is one thing... moving a damn car out of the water is another hole history. I hated my mentor for that. I thought he wanted to kill me back then.

I was exhausted on a daily basis.

I was hoping for an end each and every minute.

I hoped he would help me but IT was just me and the garbage...

Guess Equals find to each other in one way or another. 

So many people called me trash that I thought this was what he also thought about me. That was why I had to clean the beach. It was a simple message..... remember where you came from. A trash always is and always will be just trash which is why I had to put more energy into it.....

I hated it.

Week by week... day by day... it became harder and harder to train with All Might that the call to the ocean was definitely tempting. There is just one thing that stopped me from it. 

I once read something online after I was a bit curious about how painful it was... of course I googled it in the morning when I was still half asleep and on my way to more training on the beach. Anyways... it turns out drowning is more painful then anything else.

HELP!

SOMEONE END THIS!

I BEG YOU!

IT HURTS!

IT BURNS!

AIR!

I CAN'T BREATH!!!!

Also pills were no option since my mother would be the one finding me or I wouldn't be able to get them in the amount I need from RG. Even stealing them is no option with a healer around.

I hated my life.

I did for such a long time.

All I got was just ....

PAIN

Misery

Lies

Hatred

Suicde batings

Bullying

Accusations

I got called so many times that I can't even remember them all.

I got so many suicide baitings, I even lost count of them.

I wanted to die so many times... that I filled 13 notebooks filled with one word.... it was "Peace". Why peace? Well if anyone would find my notebook I could at least say I wished for it and no one would actually bother to stop me. It was my decision, my life and my pain after all. Who were people to tell me to stop and endure... for how much longer? I endured for all my life now! It isn't getting better.

It's getting WORSE !!!!!

I can't fake it anymore.

I don't have the energy to smile anymore...

I am just....

I am truly just a  mindless stupid fucking Deku.