It might be a couple of hours that have passed between me and Hawks. He was in the same room and he was trying to get me to calm down. After a long while he did manage to do that. Reality just knocked at my door. What else should I say? I couldn't deny it anymore and I couldn't continue to bath in self pity and denial because I failed to kill myself. This was just not who I was... yes I hated the situation and yes I would try it again but not now... not immediately. Why?

For starters there was a hero with me in the room.

Second, I don't ever want to feel that pain of suffocating. It was a bit too much for me. If anything, I needed a way to die without any pain. If I get back home, it would be any kind of medicine I could find. If I get my hands on sleeping pills the better.

However that was a problem for me, for a bit later than now. I was in a hospital after all. The most that matters right now was to get out of here and not just disappear. I couldn't do that even if I wanted too. How do you even get out of a hospital which for sure had some security and if not them, then Hawks would be a problem for sure.

Hawks: Feathers.... I know this is hard for you to swallow and get through... I've been there once.

Me: Did ... did....did you try ..... kill ... yourself.... too?

Hawks: No but I've deliberately hurt myself in a pretty bad way. I've came close to it a couple of times....

Me: Oh....

He had this something to him which made me answer back. It was either that or it was a bit of a habit to just talk back to people so I wouldn't be rude at all. Even if that was the case, it was still a shock to hear him say this. Hawks might not went that far but he still hurt himself... which is something what I never did. I was afraid of pain but not of dying....

Hawks: Would you listen to me?

Me: ....

Hawks: You don't have to listen to me or say anything if you don't wanna.

Me: I'll listen...

Hawks: I know how you feel right now. I've been there once. 

Me: I...

Hawks: Just listen for a bit, alright.

Me: Mh.

Hawks: You feel like you are drowning with no way to breath. No one around you to tell your problems or support you, as if you are alone. Within all this, there are expectations you have to keep up too and everything is just too much. 

Me: How did you-

Well if this was not quite spot on. He was right, I did feel like this but I felt worse than this because I knew that I was on my own. I used to be quirkless and I knew how much I was worthless. Besides all this, there is also the fact that everything I do is not for me but for someone else and I always manage to mess things up. There was not a single time I got a thank. you or a well done at all. 

Hawks: This is how I felt back then and I am sure that you do too but would you mind telling me what happened?

Me: ....

Hawks: Again, you don't have to tell me anything if you don't feel like it.

He was not pushy which I didn't ever experienced at all. Usually people would urge me to do or say stuff. This was kinda... new and refreshing. It made talking to him easier because it was out of my free will. I could say no to it and I wouldn't fake anything. He would just accept it with how many times he told me I can say no, it wouldn't be a problem. In fact, this hero didn't expected anything out of me. 

Me: I *sigh* where do I start.... it's just too much. I can't stand it anymore. Why did you had to safe me again?

Hawks: Two reasons. One it is my job to save people and two, you're young feathers and no matter how hard life is, you should try to go on. If it gives you lemons, squeeze them and make the best out of it. I learned this on my own but it wasn't easy. Each day I was barely holding on for years but when I got through it, I was just... I felt better cause I came to terms with my situation and made the best out of it.

Me: I am different than you, you have a future and you have such a good quirk.

Hawks: You as well kiddo.

Me: No, I am quirkless... I always was.

Hawks: Huh?

I wasn't sure if I was allowed to tell him the story or not. Was it even a question about do and don'ts at this point? No matter what I would say, it would be me and I already did something that could get me thrown out of the hero school. As if I wanted to return there. At the moment I still wanted to die and my mind was thinking about ways to do so but all I could think about was just one saying:

"Why don't you pray for a good quirk in your next life and take a swan dive?"

Why was it this saying that popped up in my mind right now.... why was it his voice that echoed through my head and why was I remembering this now?

A/N: If you come upon this.... I need some tea..... anyone up to give me either cookies or tea? 👀