Why am I even doing this?

No one appreciates this anyways.

I wonder if they would even notice if I stopped doing everything I am doing.......

Again, why am I doing this?

As I started to get to the kitchen, I started to regret standing up. It was me who got into bed around midnight or 1 am because I would normally train after school to control my quirk. It was also me who was up at around 5:30 am to get to the kitchen and clean up the mess. It was then again me who would then prepare everything so Kacchan could do the breakfast or I would do it when he wouldn't do it... so I would prepare everything for him so he has everything cut in pieces and everything. 

In short I was getting 4.5 hours a sleep for months now. I was at my end. I was tired and I could feel my energy slowly draining from me.

This time when I got to the kitchen, I stopped at the door because Kacchan was there.

Me: Morning Kacchan!

I tried to sound as happy as I could but I failed at doing that. He just turned around and looked at me. There was no smile at my face and I knew it. I probably also looked like a mess since I gave up to even cover anything up.

Kacchan: You fucking look like a dead person Deku.

Me: A lovely morning to you too.

Kacchan: Why the fuck are you even up?

Me: What do you mean? I am always up at this hour.

Kacchan: I am asking why you are doing this every morning idiot.

Me: Because someone has to do it.

Kacchan: Yes, someone but not you Deku.

Well thanks for the pep talk... how about some encouragement?

How about a:

"Thanks for helping out Deku."

or

"You did a fucking great job Deku."

Why can't you just say thank you for once?

Me: I-

Kacchan: No one asked a loser like you to do it. Get lost.

It sounded harsh but he for sure didn't meant like this... or he did. Let's be honest, this was Bakugo in front of me and he meant what he said. Not only did his words have some truth to it, they even cut through my heart like a sharp knife. It was as if he was actually cutting butter. I knew I was useless and I knew I would be back to being a useless little idiot. No need to rub it into my face at all.

Me: Alright.

I wanted to smile but once again failed. Instead I looked to the floor and felt something dripping form my chin. At this point I have to say, I felt so empty and tired that I didn't realise that I was crying or that a tear made its way down my cheek.

Me: You're right. I am sorry. I'll get going.

Stay strong... 

He doesn't mean it like that..

He is just....

He is...

He is telling the truth,.....

No one asked me to do it...

I also just decided to butt in and do it... am I a push over?

Gosh, I am a push over!

Since Kacchan already told me to get lost, I took it a bit too serious since I went out of the dorms and stopped right in front of the door. It was closed behind me but that wasn't the worse. By now I felt this pang in my chest. How should I describe it best. It was hurting, it was beating and it was aching. There was just this bottomless hole, it was burning and it was making me feel cold at the same time. My tears wouldn't stop once they started and I just collapsed against this same door crying there. It was too early for anyone to see me cry, that much was for sure.

Maybe Kacchan will open the door.

Maybe he will come here and be there for me, like I was there for him....

I always wandered if he would safe me....

While I was crying there in front of the door, I tried to get myself to think about something positiv but all I could remember was the time when I saved his stupid ass. When we were small, he fell down in a river, I was there to offer a helping hand. When he got attacked by a slime, I was the one who ran to him without thinking twice. When he got attacked by the LOV, it was once again me who saved him but was it really just a one sided feeling of friendship?

My bubble of illusion finally popped completly.

At first it was just about my dream of becoming a hero.

It was not wroth it.

I was quirkless and that was the fact. This quirk was not mine and it was wrong for me to have it. All the time I worked so hard to controll it and how much I broke my bones... but for what? Training... more and more training.... more and more screaming..... no "you did well.", or any kind of compliment. All I always got was just criticism....even Aizawa-sensei thinks I am a failure at using that quirk... well it is not mine to begin with.

My thoughts started to think about everything but not a single happy thought in sight. Each thing, each save I did.... I couldn't remember anyone telling me that it was a good thing or thanks. I would always be scolded.... to be honest most of times I was a push over and if I did thinks to help, I would get yelled...... 

It made me feel worse to the point where I just jumped up from my spot and started to walk around UA. I had to get away from that dorm, from the people, from my thoughts, from my memories. I needed to be alone.