But what if,

somewhere between letting go and holding on,

we find the courage to love again?

~~

I watched as Warren trudged inside the front door.

"Ciao." He spoke gruffly and tipped his head about a millimeter in greeting. I was getting used to it. Warren didn't speak much, or show any emotion for that matter but I'd stopped being terrified of him.

"Will you be staying over for dinner?" I asked from the kitchen.

"No." His response was curt and I didn't mind, I knew he wasn't trying to be rude intentionally. It was just how he communicated.

I eyed the crisp suit he had on. "You're dressed up. Hot date?" I teased.

He gave me a blank look and for a moment I thought he didn't understand but then he shook his head slightly and muttered. "Not a date. Party."

My ears perked up at the mention of a party.

I couldn't recall the last time I'd actually gone to a party.

Had I ever been to a party?

I tried to search my mind but came up blank.

My mother's sickness started when I was a teenager. I'd spent all of my time taking care of her, I'd never had time for friends or parties.

"Have fun," I murmured.

Maybe it was the wistfulness in my voice but for the first time since I'd met him Warren's eyes actually softened.

"If you want to come talk to Sebastian." He muttered.

My eyes widened. "Sebastian's going too?"

Warren nodded in response.

For a moment I felt a pang of hurt in my chest.

Sebastian was going to a party and he hadn't even mentioned it to me.

But I quickly put my idiotic thoughts back in check.

It's not like Sebastian owed me any kind of explanation about where he went

And why would he want to take me to a party with him anyway?

                                                                                                     ~~

I stood in front of Sebastian's room.

I swallowed.

Come on Angelica.

Don't be a coward.

I took a deep breath and knocked.

"Come in." His response was instant.

I twisted the knob and stepped inside.

My mouth went dry as soon as I caught sight of him.

He was rubbing a towel over his wet hair, and the tight muscles of his arms and abdomen flexed as he did so. His bare shoulders and chest were glistening with water droplets. He wore only pants that hung low over his trim hips.

Holy

Shit

His eyes widened in shock when he saw me.

"Angelica?" He spoke my name in that deep masculine voice making me shudder. "Apologies, I thought it was Warren." He actually looked embarrassed. He quickly discarded the towel and reached for the white dress shirt lying on the chair beside him and started putting it on but not before I got a fleeting glance at the tattoo scrawled across the left side of his chest.

I quickly turned away, cheeks blazing.

This was the first time I had seen Sebastian without a shirt. Minus the time I had stitched his shoulder but he'd been bleeding and I was pretty preoccupied to be focusing on his body at that time.

I darted my eyes around his room. Not surprisingly, it was spotlessly clean. The windows were large with black drapes drawn over them, the floor was wooden, and a four-poster bed was placed in the middle. The adjacent wall had a flat-screen television mounted and a PlayStation placed below.

An involuntary smile tugged at my lips.

"What can I do for you, Angelica?" His voice startled me.

I turned around to face him and saw that he'd buttoned up his white dress shirt and put on a navy blue suit jacket over it.

He was dressed up.

For the party.

I gulped, suddenly remembering why I'd come here.

"So, Warren mentioned that you guys were going to a party?" I tried not to fidget.

His grey eyes blinked at me. "Yes?"

"I was wondering if I could come with you?" I blurted and Sebastian's chin lifted a fraction in surprise. I wrung my fingers nervously. "I mean it's completely fine if you don't want me to, I won't mind."

He studied me with a blank expression.

I shook my head suddenly mortified. "It was stupid of me to ask I'm sorry." I started to turn away.

"Do you want to go to the party?" His voice was soft, laced with a hint of disbelief.

I turned around and gave him a small nod.

He studied me for a beat and then he sighed. "If you want to go Angelica then you will go. I meant what I said the first day we met, you are completely free. You do not need to ask my permission to go anywhere. It's my fault, of course, I forgot to mention this party to you. I don't know why I assumed that you wouldn't be interested. But please, next time you want to go somewhere, tell me, don't ask me,"

My breath hitched. "O-okay." I finally managed to stutter.

He gave me a small smile. "Do you want to change before we leave?"

My heart sank as soon as he uttered those words.

Shit.

I'd completely forgotten about clothes.

I didn't have a single outfit that was fit to be worn at a party.

"What's wrong?" Sebastian's voice broke me out of my thoughts.

I cleared my throat. "Nothing, I just realized that the only clothes I have with me are the casual ones I wear around the house."

He gave me a questioning look. "Yes, and you look very lovely in them. What is the problem?" He said in a completely oblivious tone.

I could feel my cheeks heating up again.

"I meant I have no dresses, you know, appropriate for a party." He looked at me blankly still not understanding.

I waved my hand over his outfit. My face felt like it was on fire. "You and Warren are both all dressed up, I'll feel awkward. . ." I trailed off.

What the hell is wrong with me?

Since when did I start caring so much about looking acceptable?

I shook my head.

I should just be grateful that I'm getting a chance to go

"You know what, never mind." I gave him a huge smile. "I'll go and change. I'll be back in five minutes."

I practically ran to my room.

The only decent-looking outfit I could come up with from the small selection of clothes I had was an olive green tank top with black jeans.

I hurried out only to run smack into a hard chest.

Sebastian's arms locked around my waist to steady me.

"Sorry, I wasn't looking-" I started but my eyes widened in disbelief.

Sebastian who had previously been wearing a fancy looking suit now stood in front of me in a plain black T-shirt and jeans.

"Y-you changed? Why?" I sputtered.

"You said you felt uncomfortable being the only one not dressed up so I changed into something casual too." He lifted his shoulder nonchalantly. "I didn't want you to be uncomfortable."

~~

The party was actually an inauguration celebration of a posh-looking bar called "Bevi come gli dei (Drink like the Gods)"

The lights were dim when we entered and the music blared loudly.

Warren had wandered off somewhere and was nowhere in sight. Sebastian's whole stance was rigid, his eyes sharp as he looked around.

"I'll have to leave for a while to take care of some business but I will come back to you as soon as I can." His tone was tense, his eyes still scanning the surroundings.

I sighed. "Tell me the truth. You're not comfortable with me being here with you, are you?"

His eyes finally met mine.

"No. I didn't want you to be here." He finally admitted.

My shoulders stiffened. "Then why did you let me come with you?" I whispered.

He studied me for a second before responding.

"Because you wanted to come and that was your choice." He murmured. "I would never take away your choice just because I don't agree with it. I know what it feels like to have your choices taken away from you, it's the worst possible feeling."

I was rendered speechless yet again.

"I have to go now, bella. Please be careful. I will find you." He murmured finally before disappearing into the crowd.

I looked around awkwardly. Everyone here was a stranger.

I turned around only to walk smack into someone.

"I'm sorry-" I started to apologize but my blood froze in my veins when my eyes locked with a pair of cold black ones.

Lucian

My whole body went rigid.

My eyes flitted around desperately in search of Sebastian but came up empty.

"We meet again." His eyes gleamed as his hands clamped down on my waist.

"Let go of me." I hissed.

His eyes mocked me as his hands squeezed my waist so hard it took everything in me to keep my face from contorting in pain. I knew that was exactly what he wanted, to inflict pain, to make me suffer but I wasn't going to give him that satisfaction.

"Lucian." A cold voice suddenly interrupted. "What are you doing here? Everyone is waiting for you."

My heart froze in my chest.

That voice.

So familiar.

The voice from my nightmares.

Lucian's eyes widened a fraction as they focused on the person behind me.

"Nothing. Just taking care of some business." Lucian muttered.

His hold on me loosened allowing me to wrench myself free from his hold and face whoever had spoken.

I found myself staring into two soulless black pits.

The same black eyes that haunted my nightmares.

A chill ran up my spine.

The man who stood in front of me was old, probably in his fifties. His features were cold.

"Who is this?" He said in his eerily calm voice. His calculating eyes studied me.

"Sebastian's new plaything." Lucian drawled.

The man's eyes narrowed in suspicion. "Sebastian has never shown much interest in such things before."

Lucian chuckled coldly. "I can't understand why he chose her either. So many better options."

The man's eyes never left mine. "It's strange." He murmured. "She looks familiar for some reason. Like I've seen her before."

My breath started coming out in gasps my throat started closing up as panic started to consume me.

There was something sinister about the man standing in front of me. Something which made me want to run away and hide.

Lucian snorted. "That's not surprising. You've probably seen a hundred girls like her, she's so plain-looking."

The man's eyes remained focused on me. "Perhaps you are right." He finally drawled.

"Come now, figlio. We need to go. You've already wasted too much time. Everyone is waiting for us so the meeting can start."

Figlio

Son.

The word rang in my ears.

Lucian was his son?

I finally regained my senses.

For the first time, I noticed the vivid resemblance between the two men standing in front of me. The same cruel black eyes, the same straight nose, black hair.

They undoubtedly shared the same blood.

My eyes suddenly widened in realization as what Sebastian had told me earlier flashed through my mind.

Lucian is next in line by blood to lead this family.

Second only to the current Don.

If Lucian was the second in line by blood then that meant that his father was the first in line.

Which meant that he was the current Don.

Everyone calls him, il Demonio.

The Devil.

Sebastian's words echoed in my head.

He is a monster, the worst kind.

And as I looked into the cold black eyes of the stranger I believed it.

I knew I was staring into the eyes of a monster.

~~

My legs shook as I made my way toward one of the empty tables.

Lucian had left with his father. Even he didn't seem to have the guts to disobey his command.

I took in a deep breath.

They were gone.

I was safe for now.

Why did I want to come here so badly in the first place?

I was just getting ready to sulk when suddenly someone plopped down on the seat beside mine, a little too close for my comfort.

"Always so refreshing to see a new face." My eyes locked with a pair of icy blue ones. I took in the stranger's face. Tan skin, blonde hair, and a straight nose. Although he was attractive but something about him made me shift away from him, maybe the fact that his gaze was almost leery.

I gave him a curt smile but didn't respond.

"So what brings you here?" He ignored my obvious cold shoulder.

"I'm here with a friend." I shrugged.

"And where is this friend of yours?" He questioned.

His tone indicated that he thought I was bluffing.

"He's here somewhere," I told him evenly.

"He's a fool if he left you here alone." His eyes trailed over me making my skin crawl.

"He knows that I can take care of myself." I gritted out, that made him smirk.

"I can take care of you tonight if you let me." He drawled out suggestively making me cringe.

I was just about to snap at him when a feminine voice interrupted me.

"Ciao Ian." The new voice seemed to gain my unwanted companion's attention.

I looked up to see a stunning woman with red hair standing before us. She wore a sleek red dress with a slit up the side. Even her lips were painted blood red.

He raised an eyebrow in question. "What is it Deliah?" His condescending tone made me grit my teeth in annoyance.

"You haven't been answering my calls." Her tone strained with barely concealed anger.

"And your point is? I thought we understood that it was a one-time thing. A woman like you shouldn't be surprised, it's called a one-night stand for a reason. I thought you were an expert at those." He chuckled and I wanted to gauge his eyes out.

Deliah's eyes narrowed in annoyance. "I wasn't calling because I wanted to waste another night with you. I left my jacket at your house and I want it back. That jacket cost a fortune you better have it sent to my apartment by tomorrow." With that being said she straightened her back and strutted away like the Goddess she was.

Yes girl!

I was practically cheering on the inside.

"She's a Slut." Ian's voice snapped me out of my thoughts, and my anger and annoyance returned in an instant.

"Excuse me?" I demanded, my voice sharp.

"I was talking about Deliah. She's known for sleeping around." His condescending tone was grating at my nerves.

"Says the man who was propositioning me five minutes ago?" I laughed dryly.

His eyes hardened. "That was different."

I raised my eyebrows mockingly. "Oh, that was different? Because you're a man, and that makes propositioning complete strangers completely fine but God forbid if a woman goes after what she wants, she's a slut?" I laughed again. "But you know what's worse than being a slut, Ian? It's being a hypocrite, and that's what you are."

His hand clasped around my arm in a death grip and I tensed

"Careful puttana." He hissed threateningly.

"Or what?" I spat out.

His grip tightened and I had to fight the urge to wince.

"I would suggest that you get your hands off her, if you want to leave with your hands intact that is." Sebastian's voice was calm.

My shoulders relaxed.

I'm safe.

The thought resonated through my mind as soon as I heard his voice.

Ian's hand retracted from me so quickly you'd think he'd been burnt.

"Sebastian?" His voice was laced with surprise and I swore I detected a hint of fear.

Sebastian regarded him coolly, not bothering to respond.

"She yours?" Ian asked, eyes flashing with curiosity.

Sebastian tensed even further and his eyes narrowed in annoyance. "She is a human being, not an object to be owned or a piece of property to be claimed." His eyes hardened. "But let me make something very clear, I will not hesitate to break all of your limbs if you harm a single hair on her body."

Ian whistled lowly and hastily got to his feet. "Sorry man, I did not know." He drawled out. His eyes cut to me one last time curiously before he disappeared from sight.

Sebastian took the vacant seat beside mine. "Are you alright?" He murmured.

I gave him a grateful smile. "Yeah, I am. Thank you."

"I was listening to your conversation." He admitted after a moment of silence. "I'm glad you said those things to him. He deserved it." He swallowed his face contorting in anger. "Men like him infuriate me. I have the misfortune of knowing him. He uses women to fulfill his own needs and treats them like garbage once he is done."

I nodded. "I'm glad I said those things too. I can't stand it when men talk like that about women." My expression turned serious. "If I ask you a question will you be honest with me?"

He studied me for a moment before answering. "I don't know the question so I can not promise you that I will answer but I do promise that if I do it will be the truth."

I took a deep breath.

"If you were with someone, if you had feelings for someone, would it matter to you?" I asked him softly. "Would it matter how many guys a girl has been with before you?"

I held my breath as I watched him think over my question.

His eyes finally met mine. "No." I could hear the honesty in his voice.

"How many men she has or hasn't been with in the past wouldn't concern me, and neither would anything else from her past no matter what it is, why should it? Only an insecure man would be bothered by something like that. If a man is with the woman he wants and he still wastes his time worrying about her past rather than looking forward to their future together, then he's an asshole."

My eyes widened in awe.

Oh my God. He's perfect.

I swallowed as the thought flashed through my mind.

"You should definitely be giving other men relationship advice." I tried to joke weakly.

He laughed at that, the deep husky sound made my insides quiver.

"I don't know about that, mia cara." He smiled coyly. "I don't have any experience in that department if I'm being completely honest."

My eyes widened a little in surprise. "You've never been in a relationship? Not even a casual fling?"

He swallowed. "No, I've never been in a relationship. And as far as casual flings go I have never tried it because I always felt like it wasn't my thing but even if I wanted to I doubt any woman would ever find me appealing enough to consider." His words were genuine.

I could feel my mouth drop open in shock.

"Sebastian please tell me you're joking?" I breathed. I could see that he wasn't "You think you're not appealing? Have you looked in the mirror? You're extremely attractive, Sebastian. In fact, you're the most alluring man I've ever met. If someone asked me who the most attractive person in this bar was, I would point to you in a heartbeat."

Maybe I should have been embarrassed after admitting that to him. He might not adhere to the conventional standards of beauty but there was something about him that got your heart racing, something raw and purely masculine. The thought of Sebastian thinking of himself as unappealing bothered me.

He breathed through his nose sharply. Clearly taken aback.

"You're the first woman who has said that to me." He murmured. "Usually women tell me that they find me terrifying."

I smiled. "I thought like that too once." I brought my hand up and ran my finger along the scar on his cheekbone. He shuddered. "But then I got to know you." I traced the scar up to his eyebrow and then retraced the path back to his cheek.

His hand came to rest over mine lightly and he closed his eyes. When he opened them they were filled with torment.

"I feel like you will ruin me one day, Angelica." His voice was hoarse.

His forehead came to rest against mine.

"But why do I want to be ruined so badly?" He breathed.

~~

RANT:

Just a quick thought-

You don't need to bring down other women to make your female protagonist look good.

It is sadly so common.

No, I'm not saying that an antagonist character can't be a woman. I mean antagonist characters  are significant for any plot but I see  protagonists in books shaming female characters for no purpose besides the fact that authors believe that bringing down other women will somehow elevate their female lead. Like calling another woman "Sl*t" "Wh*re" "Skinny B*tch" will somehow make their female protagonist rise in the readers eyes because of how different they are from the other 'Tainted' and 'Unworthy' women.

STOP PITTING WOMEN AGAINST WOMEN.

And before you come at me and say 'It's just fiction' just know that this toxic fictional representation of women in these fictional books is the reason why millions of women find it so hard to trust other women. When you read an idea or a thought enough times, in books written by different people, a part of you might start believing it to be true.

I mean idk it just pisses me off.

And don't even get me started on how authors keep romanticizing players/men who use women for sex and then go ahead slut-shame the woman who is literally doing the exact same thing as the male protagonist. I mean double standards much?

Also, I don't like how male protagonist get away with treating the women they've slept with  like shit once they're done with them, I'm talking about the women they have casual flings with before the female protagonist enters the picture. I mean if a man treats women like shit, whether she was a one-night-stand or not, IT MEANS HE'S A SHITTY PERSON.

Everyone deserves respect. And men who kick  women out of their apartments right after sex, or don't even bother to remember their names and insult them to their faces are ASSHOLES. Infuriating how in books such situations are presented in a light where the man who is literally throwing a woman out of his house after using her to fulfil his needs is glorified and the woman being treated badly is considered deserving of such disrespect.

Also,

Romanticizing men who treat women like trash until 'The one' comes around is toxic, it leads to young girls believing that they can 'change' these abusive/toxic men. This kind of thinking is the problem. This kind of thinking IS the reason why women get stuck in abusive relationships.