CHAPTERS 31, 32 & 33 have been published together.

~~

The wind whips through my hair, cold and damp. My feet are bare, the grass soft beneath them.

Dawn is almost breaking. The sky is a canvas of blue and pink.

I'm standing in a field, behind a white picket fence, gazing at the rising sun.

"Angelica." His voice calls gently from behind me.

As soon as I hear his voice I know it's a dream.

My eyes squeeze shut for a split second, my heart clenching in pain. Not because I don't want to see him, I want to see him more than I want to breathe, but because of the realization that as soon as I wake up he will be gone and the pain of losing him will be almost too much to bear.

I turn slowly.

My eyes finally meet his gentle grey ones.

He seems so real.

His dimples flash as he smiles. Even the scar on his cheek is there.

I haven't forgotten a single thing about him. The thought gives me comfort.

"How have you been, mia cara?" His warm voice wraps around me like a comforting blanket.

"I've been okay." I manage to whisper. My lips quiver with uncontained emotion. "It's been so long since the last time I dreamt of you, I was afraid-" A soft sob escapes my lips, "I was afraid that I was starting to forget you."

"You can't forget someone who never left you."

I swallowed. Feeling angry all of a sudden.

"But you did leave me, Sebastian! You left me, my mother left me, my father left me. Everyone left me!" My hands clenched into fists. "People keep saying that people you love never truly leave you but I call bullshit! It's just something people say to make you feel better, it's not true. When I wake up you won't be there and I'll be all alone." I whispered.

"His eyes softened. "You say I left you but here you are talking to me."

I scoffed. "You know this is different, this is just a dream."

He nodded. "Maybe it is just a dream." He walked closer and cupped my face in his hands. "Maybe I'm not real, but what you're feeling right now is, and as long as you feel this way about me I will continue to exist" his hand left my face and tapped the place above my heart. "In here."

I sighed "I wish that was enough Sebastian, I do. But I can't help but feel that a huge part of me is missing, that I'll never be whole again."

" Maybe that's because you still believe that you need me to be happy," Sebastian murmured.

" Maybe I do need you to be happy, and now that you're gone I can never be truly happy again." I sighed.

"No, Tesoro, you're wrong. You never needed me to be happy. You were with me because you wanted to be with me and not because you needed to. The only person you need to be happy is yourself."

I closed my eyes, tears started to trail down my cheeks.

"I want you to be happy, Angelica. That's all I ever wanted." He whispered. "And the first step towards happiness is allowing your heart to hope. That's what true strength is, to keep hoping, even when you feel there is nothing left to hope for. You need to let go of the past and start moving forward."

His voice started growing distant.

I could feel the panic starting to claw at me but then suddenly my eyes met his.

His eyes were gentle. His lips were drawn into that familiar dimpled smile.

And suddenly all the panic I'd been feeling vanished.

Replaced by calmness.

Peace.

~~

When I woke up my heart felt full.

I smiled.

It was the first time I was smiling after dreaming about Sebastian instead of curling up in pain and sobbing into the pillows.

~~

My hands were clammy as I checked my reflection in the mirror for the hundredth time. I was standing in Nora's room. Wearing my favorite white, knee-length dress, which cinched at the waist and had tiny yellow daisies embroidered on it.

I still couldn't believe that I had talked myself into doing this.

Don't panic Angelica.

Do not panic.

"What's your brother's name, again?" I glanced at Nora's reflection in the mirror.

I'd called Nora and told her that I would be willing to meet her brother for dinner tonight. But I was starting to fear that I might die of a heart attack before I even got the chance to meet him.

"Vincenzo." She responded. "He's a paramedic and he was recently working as a volunteer in a medical camp in Africa."

Nora walked up to me and placed her hands on my shoulders comfortingly. "He's a great guy, Angelica. I've told him a little about your situation and he understands." Her eyes softened. "If, at any point, you feel uncomfortable or overwhelmed then just tell him, he won't hold it against you if you leave."

I nodded silently.

"I'll just be one call away." She assured me.

Nora had arranged the dinner in her own house. We both decided that it was better if my first date after Sebastian wasn't in a public place. I didn't want to risk having a panic attack and creating a scene.

The sound of the doorbell ringing had me practically jumping in panic.

"That's probably him. I'll go get the door and get him settled in the living room. You can come out whenever you're ready." Nora gave me a comforting smile. "I'll be back in a couple of hours, okay?"

I swallowed nervously and gave her a nod.

She pulled me into a hug and squeezed tightly. "I know this is hard for you. I'm so proud of you for doing this."

She gave me a final smile before walking out of the room and shutting the door quietly behind her.

The sound of the front door opening and closing and the deep baritone of a masculine voice talking suddenly reached my ears.

My chest heaved as my breaths came out faster.

I was starting to hyperventilate.

I can't do this.

Tears started to prick my eyes.

In hat precise moment, a single phrase flashed through my mind.

" I am always with you."

My mind wandered to Sebastian.

He wanted me to be happy.

He wanted me to move on.

He wanted me to be strong.

And all at once, I wasn't scared anymore.

A sense of calm overtook me.

I glanced at my reflection in the mirror and smiled.

"You were right, Sebastian. You never left me."

~~

I finally stepped out of Nora's bedroom and silently made my way down the hallway.

I knew Nora had left. I'd seen her car drive off from the bedroom window.

The hallway opened into the living room.

I hid behind the wall and peeked at the man sitting on the sofa. His side profile was visible to me.

The lights were dim and he had his head bent forward so I couldn't make out much. Just that he looks tall, judging from how his legs are folded.

He was wearing a white button-down shirt and dress pants. His hair was on the longer side and slicked back and a well-trimmed beard covered his jaw.

I squared my shoulders and strode forward.

As if he had sensed my presence he immediately stood up and started walking towards me.

My eyes darted to the ground.

He was almost a foot taller than me.

I silently cussed at myself for not wearing heels.

His shoes came into view, a pair of simple white sneakers and I smiled.

The fact that he was wearing sneakers comforted me for some reason.

Maybe he was as clueless about dating as I was.

I was still smiling when I spoke.

"Hi. I'm Angelica. It's very nice to meet you." I finally lifted my eyes to meet his.

Our gazes collided.

My smile dropped.

Everything came to a screeching halt.

Those molten grey eyes stared at me.

Eyes I could never forget.

Eyes I had dreamt about so many times.

"Angelica..." He rasped.

A tortured gasp ripped from my lips.

That voice.

The voice I'd envisioned in my head over and over again for the past four years.

But this time it was real.

My hands trembled.

Was I dreaming?

Could God really be this cruel?

My hand reached out to touch his face.

Warm skin greeted my fingertips as he closed his eyes and leaned into my touch.

"Sebastian." I breathed.