The joy and the chaos, the demons we're made of
I'd be so lost if you left me alone

~~

Sometimes, when your grief becomes too overwhelming your mind decides to block it all out. All the agony, every emotion, replacing it all with numbness. It's a defense mechanism of sorts but only a temporary one.

My mind was blank, my whole body numb. I'd gained consciousness a while ago and found myself seated beside Warren in the passenger seat of a car.

Warren's wary gaze flitted to me again briefly from behind the wheel. He was probably worried I'd do something stupid like smash my head against the window or try to jump out of the moving car but I was too emotionally exhausted at this point.

We drove in silence for a while.

Warren stopped the car suddenly making me lurch forward in my seat, the seat belt dug into my chest.

He sighed, leaning his head back against the seat. "Don't you have any questions?"

I looked at him. For the first time I realized that his usual thick Italian accent had vanished. He was speaking English in a perfect American accent.

"Who exactly are you Warren?" I asked, my voice came out sharper than I intended.

Warren didn't seem to mind because he gave me a flitting smile. "My real name is Owen Harris. I work for Interpol which is an International criminal police organization."

My eyes widened in disbelief. "Y-you're a spy?" I sputtered in disbelief.

Warren, no Owen, had the decency to look embarrassed. "I was working to collect Intel on the Alfonsi family."

I was still reeling from the shock.

Warren had He'd been spying and collecting information on the Alfonsi family all this time? It was difficult to believe.

"So today when the authorities raided the safe-house-?" I whispered.

Warren gave a sharp nod. "I had collected sufficient information and evidence. It was time to bring those criminals to justice."

I flinched at his words and his expression softened. "I didn't mean Sebastian." Warren swallowed thickly. "He was a good man." He said gently.

An invisible fist squeezed my heart. My hands started shaking.

"H-he deserves a proper funeral at least." I finally managed to choke out as tears spilled down my cheeks. "I owe him that much."

Warren sighed. "I'm sorry but you can't go back Angelica," I started to argue but he cut me off. "If you go back now, everything he has done will be for nothing."

I wanted to ask him what he meant but before I could he motioned outside.

I noticed that we were parked outside a small motel.

"There's a room booked under your name. Take a shower, get changed." Warren's voice was gentle.

I realized that my arms and clothes were caked with dried blood.

Sebastian's blood.

Bile started rising in my throat.

I flung the car door open and staggered outside. My whole body heaved as I threw up the contents of my stomach.

Warren patted my back awkwardly as I continued to dry heave.

I was shaking, my whole body was drenched in cold sweat.

"Here's the key to the room. I'll be waiting outside for you in the car. Once you're ready, we'll leave." He held out the key for me to take.

I took the key and started walking towards the motel on trembling legs.

"Angelica, wait." Warren called out, stopping me. "Take this." He handed me a small smart-phone and I gave him a questioning look.

"There's a single video in this phone. It will delete itself after it has been played." Warren swallowed. "I'm not supposed to give you this." He smiled sadly. "But somethings should be done even when we aren't supposed to do them."

I gave him a small nod before taking the phone and walking away.

~~

My skin was red and raw from scrubbing too hard by the time I stepped out of the shower. I walked back into the tiny motel room from the connected bathroom.

I put on the fresh T-shirt and sweat pants I'd found in the closet.

The phone seemed to be glaring at me from the bedside table. For some reason I hadn't been able to bring myself to play that video.

You have to see that video Angelica.

You need to see it. If you don't you'll regret it forever.

I sighed as I settled down on the bed and clutched the phone in my hand. I held my breath as I clicked on the video folder. It contained a single video.

I just have to press play.

I took a deep breath and with shaking fingers touched the screen.

At first everything was dark and the only sound that could be heard was static but then the frame cleared slowly like a camera coming into focus. My eyes locked on a familiar form on the screen.

My breath hitched

Sebastian.

He sat in a barren room, a mirror behind him. His hands were folded on the wooden table in front of him.

There was a sound of a door opening and closing. Suddenly two men entered the frame and sat down on the chairs across from Sebastian.

I swallowed. I recognized one of the men as Warren, the other was a complete stranger to me.

"Mr. Alfonsi, you are already acquainted with Agent Harris." The unknown man spoke as he gestured towards Warren. "I am Special Agent Niccolaio."

Sebastian nodded his head in acknowledgment but didn't say anything.

"You understand what you have agreed to do?" The man questioned.

"I am aware of the situation, yes." Sebastian's voice was calm.

His voice.

I will never hear his voice again.

Tears welled up in my eyes and my heart clenched in pain.

The video proceeded.

"I'm curious Mr. Alfonsi" Niccolaio drawled "How long were you aware of Warren's true identity, how long were you aware that one of Interpol's best agents had infiltrated your tight-knit circle?"

Sebastian shrugged. "I knew who he was when I took him in." He gave Warren a smirk. "You think I would hire someone from outside the family without knowing every small detail about them?"

"And what was your reason for hiring Owen?" He asked, clearly intrigued.

Sebastian smirked at Warren. "If I didn't take him in or killed him you would've just sent someone else, posed as a client, found some other way. It was the easiest manipulation tactic, you thought you had the upper hand but in reality, you only knew what I wanted you to know"

Warren barked out a laugh. "You clever bastard. I always wondered why you hired me."

Niccolaio didn't look amused. He crossed his arms, his posture suspicious. "But now you've decided to help us? Why should we even trust you?"

The blood froze in my veins.

Help them?

My heart was beating wildly in my chest. I was almost too scared to continue watching but my eyes refused to stray from the small screen.

Sebastian leaned forward. "I wouldn't be here if you didn't need me. I have nothing to gain from this, you do."

Niccolaio shook his head. "That's what makes no sense. The head of the Alfonsi family coming forward and confessing to every crime the family has committed."

I gasped in shock.

Sebastian chuckled softly. "It doesn't have to make sense. You just have to take my statement. I will tell you everything you want to know, give you the information you need. Names, addresses, and locations of every criminal working under me. I'll give you the tracking number of each and every one of our containers. By the time we're done, you'll have sufficient evidence to make your arrests and bring down our whole operation."

"You understand that by doing this you are confessing to being a part of these crimes and you will be held accountable."

"I understand," Sebastian answered without hesitation.

"You understand that once you make this confession you'll be a convicted felon and will be sentenced to life in prison for all the crimes you have committed?" Niccolaio stated.

Warren suddenly leaned towards Sebastian suddenly, his expression serious. "Think about this fratello, ask for immunity in return for your confession, ask for a reduced sentence at least."

Agent Niccolaio's head whipped in Warren's direction "Have you lost your mind Agent?" He demanded.

Warren gave the detective a scowl. "I've been with him for years. He is a good man, he deserves better than this."

"He is the Don of one of the most dangerous family mafias in our country and he will be treated as such!" Niccolaio hissed.

Sebastian slammed his fist on the table and the two men quietened.

Sebastian's face was cold and emotionless. "I don't want a reduced sentence. It's time for me to atone for my sins." His voice quietened. "I have only one condition. I want assurance that Angelica is left out of this mess, and I want you to promise her safety. She will be given enough money to start a new life and get away from here. You will make sure that Vitale's do not know where she is, she will start fresh, have a normal life free of this blood and dirt."

I tried to fight the sobs that racked my body.

My face was wet with tears.

Sebastian had never planned on getting out himself.

Even if everything had gone as he had planned he would still have gone to prison.

He did all this

And he asked for nothing in return.

He sacrificed everything

For me.

A scream of agony threatened to leave my lips but I clamped a hand over my mouth.

"I have sources that tell me that that woman was an accomplice in Giovanni Russo's murder." Agent Niccolaio's voice pulled my attention back to the screen.

"She is innocent in all of this!" Sebastian's voice bellowed. He looked like he was two seconds away from lunging across the table and attacking the detective.

"We promise that Angelica will be safe. I promise." Warren suddenly spoke up.

Sebastian's body became a little less tense.

"Very well." Niccolaio finally said begrudgingly. He straightened, his questioning gaze trained on Sebastian. "I'm curious Mr. Alfonsi, why have you agreed to do this? Why have you suddenly agreed to throw your whole life away? What reason could you possibly have?"

Sebastian's expression became distant. "I have two reasons actually."

There was a pause before he spoke.

"My conscience wouldn't allow me to continue doing what I did. There is only so much guilt and regret a person can bear. I've been a criminal for too long. The Alfonsi family has hurt too many people, taken too much, it's time for us to pay. It's time for me to do the right thing for once."

The detective nodded.

"You said there were two reasons. What's the second one?"

Sebastian's lips broke into a sorrowful smile.

"I did something very foolish." He murmured. "I fell in love with a woman I was destined to hate."

My lips started trembling. A new flood of tears rained down my cheeks.

Sebastian's eyes flitted to the camera like he knew I'd be watching.

"I fell in love with Angelica Vitale."

The video paused and then the screen went blank.

~~

Warren was waiting in the car as he had promised when I finally stepped out of the motel.

I got in the car and put on the seat belt.

My eyes met Warren's. We didn't say anything to each other but a look of understanding passed between us.

Warren suddenly held out a book in front of me. "He wanted you to have this." He murmured.

It took me a moment to realize that it was a cookbook, one of the many cookbooks Sebastian had gotten me.

I took it from Warren with trembling hands and clutched it to my chest.

A cluster of papers suddenly fell from inside the book onto my lap.

I gazed at them in confusion. I slowly unfolded one of the papers and my breath hitched.

It was a pamphlet of a Culinary School in Australia.

I unfolded another paper, it was a pamphlet of another culinary school but this one was in America.

There were at least twenty pamphlets and articles, all from different culinary schools from around the world.

A lump lodged itself in my throat.

"He was collecting them for you." Warren finally spoke.

I didn't respond.

The car's engine roared to life beneath us.

I cried silently as we drove away.

~~

We reached the airport in half an hour.

Warren had stopped the car in the Drop-Off Lane which was surprisingly empty.

We got out of the car, I stood there awkwardly clutching the cookbook to my chest as Warren took something out from the trunk.

To my surprise, he was clutching my black backpack in his hand. I gave him a grateful nod before taking it from him.

I unzipped it and placed the cookbook inside. My mother's letter and family photo, the small teddy bear Sebastian had given me, along with two T-shirts and jeans were inside.

"This is your Passport and ID" Warren said as he handed me the two documents and then he placed a sleek black leather wallet in my hand. "There's enough cash in here to get you by for a week. There's an ATM card too. There's a piece of paper inside the wallet that has the ATM code with a bank address and account number. The bank account has enough money to ensure that you start a new life, it won't last forever but you'll be on your feet soon enough." Warren gave me a small smile.

"Thank you," I whispered as I placed the wallet in the back pocket of my jeans.

For a moment we just stood there in silence.

Finally, I straightened my shoulders and started to walk away.

I had just reached the automatic glass door when I heard Warren call my name.

I turned around and gave him a questioning look.

"I told you once that you and Sebastian weren't good for each other." His expression was sorrowful,

"I was wrong."

I wiped away a tear that had managed to escape my eye. "Goodbye, Warren."

I watched as he slowly got back in the car and drove away.

I stood there till I couldn't see the car anymore.

~~

I nervously made my way to the ticket counter. I was clutching the strap of my backpack so tightly that my knuckles had turned white.

The memory flashed in my mind.

Only a week had passed but it felt like a lifetime.

Sebastian's eyes were soft as he looked at me. "It's beautiful. Walking down Champs-Elysées at night. Visiting the Art museums, the Versailles palace. And of course the Eiffel Tower." He murmured. "There are no words to describe it, mia cara."

His thumb brushed against my cheek.

"I wish to go there with you someday."

Perhaps a lifetime had passed.

The Angelica that existed a week ago didn't exist anymore.

The lady at the counter gave me a kind smile but I couldn't bring myself to return it.

I handed her my passport and took out the money from the wallet Warren had given me earlier.

"A ticket for the next flight to Paris please."

The lady checked my passport and ID before giving a satisfied nod. She took the cash and handed me the ticket.

She gave me a concerned look. "Are you okay, Miss?"

I took a deep breath.

"No" I murmured. I gave her a small smile.

"But I hope I will be, someday."

~~

A/N:

Hey everyone! Sorry for the long wait.

Wattpad hasn't been functioning in my region since the past 3 weeks which is why I haven't been able to upload.

Thank you so much for your love and patience!

Ngl this chapter was a very emotional one to write. T_T

2 MORE CHAPTERS TO GO.