"we were fire and water
love laced with sin
and whenever we happened to touch
smoke rose from our skin."

~~

Everything was hazy. The sounds muffled.

I was standing in what seemed to be a spacious backyard of a big house.

The sound of quiet sniffling caught my attention and my eyes landed a little girl no more than seven or eight years old, sitting on the grass with her head bent over her knees, a few feet away from me. She was clearly crying.

The glass doors slid open and a middle-aged man stepped outside, quietly walking towards the girl. He sat down beside her on the grass as the girl continued to weep silently.

The man looked familiar. I knew him from somewhere.

I just couldn't remember.

"What is wrong, mio piccola angelo? (My little angel)" He asked the little girl tenderly.

She hiccupped as she raised her head to look at him.

"Declan was mean to me." She squeaked.

The man smiled gently. "What did he say?"

She sniffled, her eyes filling with tears. "We had a fight and then he said he hated me!"

The man shook his head and tugged at one of the girl's pig-tails playfully. "That's not true sweetheart, I know for a fact that your brother loves you very much."

The girl folded her arms across her chest. "Then why'd he say he hated me?"

He sighed. "Because sometimes when people are hurt or mad at someone they love they say or do stupid things and then they regret them afterwards."

The little girl raised her chin in defiance. "Well, I don't love him anymore."

The man chuckled. "Of course you do, you love him that's why you're crying over what he said." He looked at the little girl affectionately. "I'll let you in on a secret."

He leaned forward to whisper in her ear. "Only the people you love have the power to hurt you the deepest."

The little girl blinked, absorbing the words. "Why do people fall in love then, why would anyone want to get hurt? That's just stupid."

The man chuckled softly. "Maybe it is stupid, but falling in love isn't exactly a choice."

The girl sniffed. "I still think it's stupid because it makes people fight."

The man tapped her nose gently.

"That may be so, but it also gives people something worth fighting for."

The little girl looked up at the man and smiled. "Thank you Papa."

"Anytime mio piccolo angelo." He smiled back. "And remember Angelica, no matter what happens, Papa will always love you."

~~

As soon as my eyes opened I was acutely aware of two things.

One, I was in a hospital.

Two, the lower part of my chest felt like someone was twisting a knife inside it.

I groaned from the pain and a second later I heard someone gasp.

I twisted my head to the side, eyes locking on the woman standing beside my bed with a syringe in her hand, probably a nurse.

"You're awake." She gave me a kind smile.

I swallowed, even breathing hurt at this point. I managed to give her a small nod.

"How long was I out?" I finally managed to say, my voice sounded raspy.

Her eyes softened as she studied me. "A while." She hurried to the door. "I'll go get Mr. Ossani, he told me to contact him as soon as you woke up."

Before I got the chance to tell her I had no idea who she was talking about she was already out the door.

I took a shuddering breath.

Where the hell was I?

What was going on?

Not even a minute later Sebastian was rushing into the room with the nurse. He nodded his head in gratitude at the nurse who just smiled before disappearing out the door again.

My breath hitched when I looked at him. His face was hollow, dark circles adorned the underside of his eyes, and his usually smooth jaw was covered with scruff.

"You're Mr. Ossani?" That was the only thing I managed to say.

His throat worked as he swallowed.

He took a step towards me.

"I can't give up my real identity." He responded, his voice was gravelly.

He took another step towards me and paused. His chest heaved.

"You were unconscious for four days." His voice was strained. "I thought you would never wake up."

His turbulent gaze finally collided with mine.

"Sebastian-" I breathed as I struggled to sit up, wincing at the sharp pain that shot up my torso.

At once he was by my side, helping me. His eyes moved across my face frantically, there was a desperation on his face which I'd never seen before.

His eyes grew haunted as he spoke. "There was so much blood, you were losing so much blood. You were almost gone when we reached the hospital and you needed blood but they said our blood type wasn't a match, that O positive couldn't give blood to O negative. I couldn't do anything." His voice wavered. "I was watching you die and I couldn't do anything. Do you have any idea what that felt like?"

I swallowed the growing lump in my throat.

He shook his head. "You would be dead if Warren hadn't reached in time for you to get the transfusion."

My eyes widened a fraction in shock. "Warren was the one who gave me the blood? The last time I saw him he was unconscious and in no state to donate any blood."

Sebastian didn't respond. His whole body was tense.

He was angry.

It wasn't the first time I was seeing him angry but it was the first time he was angry with me.

An involuntary chuckle left my lips.

His furious gaze snapped to mine, his jaw clenching.

"What part of this do you find amusing?" He practically growled out the words.

I shook my head in disbelief. "Oh, I don't know, maybe the fact that I took a bullet for you and you're actually mad at me for saving your life?"

He flinched. Like I'd just slapped him.

He leaned forward so that his face was leveled with mine and even in this situation I could feel my heart give a leap in response to his closeness.

"I am angry at you because you put your life on the line for me, you put me in a position where I couldn't do anything. I have never felt so helpless in my entire life. What were you thinking? This is not a book or a movie, this is real life, and actions have consequences. You could have died, you almost did. Did you even, for a second, stop to consider what you were doing, what you would be putting me through?!" He paused, his shoulders heaving as he shuddered.  "I told you how I felt about my brother's death being my fault, did you even consider what you would be putting me through, how I would survive if you died because of me?!"

I waited for him to finish, waiting for his breaths to even out. I spoke when he had calmed down a little.

"Sebastian, I understand what you're feeling but you should know what I was thinking. And if you weren't so angry right now you'd see that the decision I made was the right one."

He started to speak but I stopped him.

"If the bullet had hit you, you would have died, the only reason Tommaso kept me alive was because he was using me as leverage over you, if you died, do you think he would have wasted any time killing me?" I paused the ache in my chest intensified due to the rapid movement of my chest. "It was because the bullet hit me and not you that you had enough time to draw out your gun and shoot the man aiming the gun at you and the element of surprise due to my move granted us the few seconds it took for your men to rush out of the cars and to your side to face Tommaso's men. If I hadn't done what I did we'd both be dead."

Sebastian shook his head forcefully. "My men had clear instructions that they were to take you back to the safe house unharmed no matter what happened to me."

I gritted my jaw in frustration. "Do you really believe that the men working for your family would have given a shit about me if you were dead?" I shook my head.

"And even if they did manage to get me to the safe-house what do you think your uncle and Lucian would have done to me with you gone?" I demanded.

He didn't say anything.

In his heart, he knew I was right but the anger and frustration he was feeling were clouding his judgment.

"I need you to promise me that you will never risk your life for me again?" Although his voice was soft there was unmistakable desperation behind it.

I can't promise you that.

I didn't say it out loud but the way his shoulders stiffened and his whole body recoiled from mine, I could tell that he'd heard me.

"You would have done the same thing if it was me standing in front of that gun." I managed to whisper instead.

His head snapped in my direction, expression darkening,

"You don't know me." His words were hard.

They were like a punch in the gut.

"You're wrong." I licked my dry lips. "I do know you."

His whole body was shaking with barely contained emotions.

"You do not know me." He repeated. "You have no idea what I'm thinking."

"What are you thinking?" The second my eyes met his I knew it was a mistake. I shouldn't have asked.

"I'm thinking that I wish I hadn't let you stay with me and just let you leave that first night." His voice was so low I almost didn't catch it. "I wish you never came into my life."

And just like that he turned around and walked away, not turning back once.

And just like that, my heart shattered into a million pieces.

~~

Sebastian didn't come to see me the next day.

Or the day after that.

On the third day, I was standing by the window staring blankly when I heard a knock on the door. I felt my stupid heart stutter with hope.

Was Sebastian back?

Maybe he was here to tell me he didn't mean to say those things.

But when the door opened it wasn't Sebastian who walked in.

"Warren!" I called in disbelief as the large man made his way inside.

The bruises on his face still looked fresh but at least he was walking.

"Sebastian told me that you were the one who gave me blood for the transfusion," I murmured. "Thank you."

He shoved his hands in the pockets of his trousers and shrugged. "I owed you. You were in that position because of me, you saved my life by doing what Lucian wanted. Now we're even."

Even though his voice was emotionless, his eyes were soft as he spoke.

"How are you, big guy?" I asked gently.

He just gave a slow nod.

For a while, neither of us spoke.

"You are being discharged. I am here to take you back to the safe house." Warren spoke finally.

I nodded. I was already expecting it. They had removed my IV yesterday and I could move around and walk a little on my own a now, there was no use of staying at the hospital any longer.

~~

Warren helped me into the car and then got into the driver's seat beside me.

The anger I'd been feeling earlier started to resurface.

Sebastian had sent Warren to pick me up instead of coming and facing me himself.

If Warren sensed my frustration he didn't say anything. He just drove in silence.

The sound of Warren's phone ringing broke the tense silence in the car.

With one hand on the steering wheel, he answered the phone.

"Si, lei è con me in questo momento (she is with me right now)." He responded.

His eyes flitted to me briefly. "Lei sta bene. (She is fine)"

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. I knew Sebastian was on the other end of the call.

After telling him that we'd be reaching the safe house in a little over an hour Warren ended the call.

For a moment he didn't say anything.

"I know you are angry at him, donna (woman), but if it's any consolation, I have never seen him care about anyone as much as he does for you."

When I didn't say anything Warren sighed, almost like he was exasperated with himself.

"He lost it when the doctors wouldn't let him see you because you were in critical condition, I have never seen him like that, and I have been with him a long time."

I swallowed my eyes started stinging with tears.

"His brother died because he got shot." He said finally.

This time I couldn't help the tears from trailing down my cheeks.

"I knew his brother had died but I didn't know how." I finally whispered.

The rest of the car ride was spent in silence.

When we finally reached the safe-house Warren started to get out of the car but I stopped him.

"Not too long ago, you told me that you thought Sebastian and I weren't good for each other, that we shouldn't be together. Have you changed your mind?" I asked.

Warren's eyes narrowed on me.

"No." His response was firm. "I stand by what I said. The two of you aren't good for each other and it will not end well if you choose to stay with him. You should leave and never look back."

I swallowed.

"If you really feel that way then why'd you tell me those things in the car earlier?" I demanded.

For a moment he didn't respond.

"Honestly, I have no idea." He muttered as he stepped out.

~~

As soon as I got to my room the first thing I did was strip down and get into the shower. They had taped up the bandage so I knew it was okay to get water on it.

Once I'd gotten out of the shower and dried off I eyed the bed and cringed. I'd spent so much time lying on the bed doing nothing at the hospital that just thinking of lying down again made me feel nauseous.

Before I knew it, I was headed toward the one place that always made me feel better.

The kitchen.

As soon as I entered my eyes widened in appreciation. The kitchen was sparse and well-organized. The shelves were lined with a wide range of spices and condiments.

I eyed the gorgeous oven sitting all alone in the corner.

I rubbed my hands together in anticipation. My lips curled into a smile.

The cook eyed me warily when I gave her a grin.

"You know what they say," I said, my grin widening.

"When life gives you lemons, bake a shit load of lemon tarts."

~~

"Angelica?"

I almost dropped the hot tray of lemon tarts that I had just taken out of the oven.

"Sebastian." I swallowed.

I turned away to put the tray beside the three others on the counter.

When I turned around to face him my eyebrows shot up in surprise. My eyes zeroed on the teddy bear clutched in his outstretched hand. The teddy bear wore a small white chef's hat and there was a note pinned to its chest.

A note having a single word scrawled across it-

SORRY

My lips twitched as I tried to contain my smile.

"Is this for me?" I asked softly.

He gave me a stiff nod as he handed the little bear to me.

"We should talk." He said quietly.

I nodded. "We should."

I leaned against the counter and looked up at him expectantly.

"Seeing you hurt, bleeding, it was too much for me to bear. My brain was clouded with the fear of losing you and I wasn't thinking straight. You were right Angelica, if you hadn't done what you did we wouldn't be alive right now. Thank you for saving my life." His expression was solemn

"I should not have said those things to you. I'm sorry, mia cara." He murmured.

My heart gave a little flutter. I had no idea how much I'd missed that endearment till now.

"Are you sorry because you didn't mean those things or because the things you said hurt me?" I asked.

He didn't answer me. I watched his throat work as he swallowed. I could tell that this wasn't easy for him.

"My brother died because he got shot."

My heart gave a painful lurch. "I know" I whispered. "Warren told me."

He nodded, finally raising his eyes to meet mine.

"The reason I haven't come to see you in the past three days was because I wasn't in the right state of mind. I hated the way I spoke to you and I needed to make sure that it didn't happen again." He paused his expression growing solemn. "I have thought a lot in these three days and there is something that has been bothering me more than I'd ever like to admit."

He stepped closer till there was no gap between us. He leaned forward, so close that our noses almost brushed against each other.

"The first week in my house when you asked me to take you to that bar opening, you told me that you'd never been to a party before."

My eyebrows drew together in confusion. "What does that have to do with any of this?"

Sebastian's expression grew pained. "It got me thinking that if you had died then the only party you attended in your entire life would have been a shitty bar opening filled with criminals and scumbags. It also got me thinking about how many other things you probably haven't experienced in life, like going to college, cooking professionally, traveling, going out for coffee with your friends." His breathing grew labored. "I will never be able to give you these things, Angelica."

I started to argue but he shook his head slowly, stopping me.

"Please, let me finish." He said gently. "I told you that before my brother died I was at boarding school, far away from this family and this life. What I didn't tell you is how much I used to love it, having a normal life, not being part of this hellhole. Whenever I think of how happy I was back then the guilt I feel afterward almost cripples me, because while I was enjoying my life far away from this hellhole my brother and Ellie were stuck here. But even though I feel guilt, it doesn't make it untrue. I was happy back then." He leaned his forehead against mine. 

"Why did you stay Sebastian?" I finally whispered. "I understand why you came back, you came back for your brother and his family. But when your brother died and you sent Ellie and Adrian away, why did you stay? I know your brother never wanted you to be a part of this life. Why did you choose to stay here in this godforsaken place? Was it because you wanted revenge so badly?"

He took a step back, his face hardening.

"Avenging my brother's death means everything to me. But no, that was not my reason for staying here I could have done that on my own."

"Then why?" I whispered.

His hands clenched into fists. "They promised me that they would stop searching for Adrian if I came back."

My heart stuttered. "You stayed to protect your nephew."

I finally understood.

Sangue su tutto

Blood over all

Sebastian sighed. "He is my brother's legacy and my brother gave his life trying to protect me from being a part of this family. Adrian is an Alfonsi by blood. I can't let his son get dragged into this and this is the only way I can."

I could feel the tears pricking my eyes. My heart broke for the tortured man in front of me. He had sacrificed so much.

"You deserve to have a normal life Angelica and I could never forgive myself if I was the reason you didn't," Sebastian murmured.

I placed the teddy bear on the counted beside the lemon-tarts and brought my hands up to cup his face.

"Sebastian, you didn't force me to be here, I chose to be here. This is my choice."

My fingers caressed his jaw gently. "You are the only person left in this world who means something to me, Sebastian. I can't lose you." I whispered. "I don't care about going to parties or traveling. I want to be here with you."

His hands encircled my wrists gently as he tugged my hands away from his face.

"What if you're only saying this because you don't know any better? The only life you've ever known was taking care of your sick mother and dealing with that bastard of a step-father and as soon as you got out of that you got shoved into this hell-hole. Maybe the only reason you're okay with being here is because you have no idea how beautiful having a normal life is."

His eyes were frantic as they moved across my face. I could tell that this was eating him up inside.

"You're right," I told him softly. "I don't know what having a normal life means but what I do know is that I want to be here with you."

I tilted my head up so that I was looking directly into his eyes.

"You once told me that you would never take away my choice. Did you mean it?"

"Of course." He nodded his head.

"Then I need you to believe that this is my choice, that you are my choice. And you don't only have to accept it, you have to respect it too. Because this is what I want and as much as I care about you, you still don't get to decide what I do with my life."

For a moment he didn't respond.

But then his shoulders finally loosened and he leaned forward to lean his forehead against mine once more.

"Okay." He breathed.

I smiled as I encircled my arms around my neck.

I knew that he would respect my choice but I also knew that it still bothered him, the fact that as long as I stayed with him I wouldn't be able to experience those things.

And maybe there was a small part of my heart that grieved because I would never have that life.

I would never get to go to college.

I would never become a chef.

I would never have a home because criminals couldn't stay in one place for too long.

I would never get a chance to start a family, read my children bedtime stories or ask my husband how his day at work was.

But when I looked at Sebastian, I knew without a doubt that none of it mattered if he wasn't there to experience those things with me.

Someone once told me that love requires sacrifice but I disagree.

Love doesn't require sacrifice, because sacrifice means that you have a choice.

The moment you fall in love, your fate is sealed and the choice is already made for you.

~~

A/N: Hello lovlies!

Just wanted to thank you all for 1K votes and almost 20K views on this book!

Love you all very much. xx