I don't know if you know who you are until you lose who you are.

~~

I realized that this was the first time I was nervous to talk to Sebastian.

There was a time that I'd been scared of him but I'd never been nervous.

Maybe it was because this was the first time I was actually asking him for something. Something I really wanted.

He leaned against the kitchen counter, hip propped against the marble. He was reading a newspaper, a steaming mug of coffee clutched in one hand.

I stepped into the kitchen somewhat timidly. At once his eyes lifted from the newspaper.

His severe face changed when he saw me, the harsh lines immediately softening.

He tipped his head in greeting.

He reached for the white ceramic mug I'd been using from the counter and started pouring coffee from the coffee maker into it. I silently watched as he poured just the right amount of milk and two cubes of sugar before he handed it to me.

The fact that he'd actually paid attention to how I liked my coffee made my heart skip a beat.

"I was afraid I would not get to see you before I left." His husky voice caught my attention.

My heart leaped but this time it was from nervousness as I was reminded of my task.

"I wanted to ask you for something. A favor." I finally mustered up the courage to say.

His eyes lit up with amusement. "Yes?"

He took a sip from his mug, I watched his throat bob as he swallowed.

"I want you to take me with you." I suddenly blurted.

His expression changed from amused to surprised to completely blank in a matter of seconds. "I'm afraid I don't understand." His voice was calm and void of emotion.

I took a deep breath.

"I want to go with you," I repeated slowly this time. "I want to see what you do. I need to . . ."

I need to know what you're capable of.

"Why?" His question was curt.

I licked my dry lips.

"I want to know you, Sebastian." I whispered.

I want to know the man I'm falling for.

For a moment there was silence but he finally spoke.

"You want to go with me?" He asked slowly.

"Yes." I gave him a quick nod.

"Very well then. You should go and get changed." He straightened.

My eyes nearly popped out of their sockets.

I'd suspected him to say no or argue at least.

He frowned. "What's wrong?"

I shook my head. "Nothing, I'm just surprised you're allowing me to go with you so easily."

His eyes narrowed. "I have no right to allow you to do or not do something, no one does. If you want to go somewhere, you shall go."

I was stunned.

He was the only man who'd ever said that to me.

And he was right.

His voice broke into my thoughts once more.

"However, I believe it is my responsibility to warn you about the imminent danger you would be exposing yourself to by coming with me. You will be risking your life. Are you okay with that?"

I swallowed.

I tipped my chin up to look into his eyes. And then I uttered a single word to seal my fate.

"Yes."

~~

Warren drove the car while Sebastian sat next to me in the back seat.

"Do you know how to use a gun?" He asked casually, like he was asking me if I knew how to ride a bike.

"No." I told him cautiously.

He nodded clearly not surprised and I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

My eyes widened in shock and my breath hitched when he suddenly reached under the seat and took out a handgun.

My fear must have shown because he squeezed my thigh reassuringly.

"Don't worry, just a precaution, you won't need to use it. Either Warren or I will be with you at all times."

His fingers gently grasped mine and he placed my hands over the cold metal surface.

"A lot of people say pull the trigger but that is actually inaccurate, you never pull the trigger, just squeeze it till you feel the shot fire. Keep the weapon aimed away from your body at all times, preferably facing downwards but at a safe angle. If you see a threat do not fire, you don't have proper aim yet so there is a high chance you will miss your target and they will get enough time to shoot at you, run for cover instead, somewhere they will have to follow you, once your target is closer the chances of you missing them will be slimmer."

I listened to his instructions carefully. My hands had a slight tremble to them as I held the gun.

The car suddenly stopped moving.

"Erano qui (We're here)." Warren's gruff voice interrupted. My heart rate spiked.

We were parked a small distance away from what seemed like an abandoned warehouse. I could make out two men wearing black suits standing outside, they had their backs to us.

"The source confirmed that the weapons are supposed to arrive today, ten minutes from now, the target will be inside waiting to receive the shipment. Including the two standing outside, there are probably fifteen men in total, all of them armed." Warren said turning his head to look at Sebastian.

My eyes widened in shock and I turned to look at Sebastian hoping this was some sort of sick joke.

"This is insane! The two of you can't take on fifteen armed men on your own!" My breaths started coming out quicker. I was starting to panic.

"We aren't," Warren said flatly.

I let out a sigh of relief.

Sebastian's face broke into a smirk, which was almost cocky.

"No, of course not." He whispered as he leaned towards me, his nose brushing against the area beneath my ear as his lips delicately brushed my neck. "Warren has to stay here and keep the car running."

Before I could even comprehend what he'd said, he was out of the car and jogging towards the warehouse.

"He's going alone!" I screamed in horror. I tried the door only to find it locked.

I gave Warren an accusing glare.

"Open this door right now! We can't let him go there alone!" I shrieked.

Warren cursed under his breath. "Calm down woman. You can't go there with him, you will just make things harder for him."

"We have to do something. You go help him. I can keep the car running." I practically begged.

Warren just shook his head. "Watch." He ordered his own eyes fixed ahead.

Almost involuntarily my eyes trained on Sebastian's lithe form as he practically glided towards the warehouse. The men didn't see him coming.

His steps were calculated, and agile. It was like watching a lion moving in on its prey.

I was transfixed.

It happened so fast.

The men still had their backs to him when he reached them.

His hands wrapped around the neck of the first man and I saw them twist before the man fell to the ground unmoving, his head bent at an odd angle. He never even saw it coming.

The second man however did see Sebastian, he started reaching for his gun but Sebastian was quicker. Sebastian's hand lashed out, for a millisecond I saw something glint under the sun. He aimed precisely at the man's throat making a quick slashing motion, the man fell to the ground convulsing. A crimson pool quickly spread under him.

It was sick.

Twisted.

It was like I was looking at Sebastian for the first time

His movements were almost inhuman. Like I was watching a machine which had been programmed to kill instead of a man.

But instead of being terrified, I was mesmerized. I couldn't take my eyes off him.

"He used a dagger to kill the second one," Warren spoke up as he eyed me through the rear-view mirror. "It's always better to aim for the throat, it's messier but the cartilage is easier to puncture than the ribcage and it almost always guarantees a kill."

"Why didn't he just use a gun?" I found myself asking.

"Gunshot draws too much attention the men inside would have been warned," Warren answered.

"He could have used a silencer and still shot them in the back," I observed.

Warren looked almost impressed. "You're a smart one." He chuckled. "Your observations are correct but don't forget that there are still more than ten armed men inside, he needs to save as many bullets as he can before going in."

I nodded, my eyes still transfixed on Sebastian's back as he quickly slipped inside the door of the warehouse.

It was almost like watching a performance.

For a moment there was silence.

And then the chaos started.

The sounds of gunshots and men shouting pierced the air.

I held my breath. The panic started to build up again.

What if something happens to him?

What if-

"Count to ten. I promise you he'll be out before you finish." Warren's voice cut in.

I took a shaky breath, eyes still trained on the closed doors of the warehouse. I did what he'd said. I started counting.

I'd reached seven when the doors burst open. Sebastian stepped outside but this time he wasn't alone. He was holding a gun to another man's temple, the two of them slowly made their way outside, and ten or more armed men filed out after them, all of their guns trained in Sebastian's direction.

"They won't shoot," Warren said calmly. "They cannot risk killing the target, he's too valuable."

Sure enough, after a few tense minutes, the man Sebastian was currently holding hostage made a motion with his hand and the men lowered their weapons.

I watched as Sebastian walked calmly to the car with the man.

"Open the door now and get in the front seat," Warren ordered.

I did what he said just as Sebastian pushed the man into the back seat and got in after him. I noticed that none of the men made a move to approach or shoot at the car.

"Angelica, there is a black bag and a pair of handcuffs in the glove compartment, give them to me." Sebastian's smooth voice broke me out of my daze.

My hands fumbled with the latch as I struggled to get it open. He waited patiently.

I turned to hand him what he'd asked for and took the opportunity to look at the man he'd brought with him.

He was old, probably in his late fifties or sixties but he was in good shape.

When he saw me his eyes widened and his face grew very pale.

"Rita?" The man's voice was a mixture of shock and horror.

My chest tightened in fear.

No.

"Don't look at her." Sebastian hissed before he shoved the bag over his head.

I whipped my head back in front.

The tires squealed as Warren spun the car around and sped away.

"They won't follow us," Sebastian spoke again. "I told them I would put a bullet in his brain if they did."

"You should just kill me right now." The man grunted. "I won't tell you anything."

Sebastian chuckled coldly. "You will tell me everything I want to know and then you will beg me to kill you."

I shuddered.

He spoke of killing someone so casually.

I'd asked for it.

I was the one who'd wanted to know him.

I was the one who wanted to know what he was capable of.

And now I did.

~~

We stopped in front of a huge house, with glass walls and a big pool. Palm trees were planted along the driveway. It was the most extravagant place I'd seen in my life.

Sebastian and Warren left me in the living room while they took the man to what I assumed was the basement. I knew that if I'd gone with them Sebastian wouldn't have objected but I had a feeling it was better if I stayed here. I didn't want to know what they planned on doing to the man to get information.

"This is an unpleasant surprise." A cool voice spoke from behind me.

"Lucian." I hissed in distaste as I spun around to face him. "What are you doing here?"

He chuckled. "This is my house. What are you doing here?"

I swallowed.

Sebastian and Warren had left out that bit of information.

"Let me guess." Lucian drawled. "You came here with Sebastian."

He cocked his head to the side. "That's interesting, he brought you with him while he finished a task. He must really trust you."

I narrowed my eyes at him.

He casually strolled towards me, hands tucked in his pockets.

"I would really like to know, what is it about him you find so appealing?" Lucian smirked making my skin crawl.

"I mean you could do a lot better in terms of looks and money. He's not much to look at and his house is pathetic."

I gritted my teeth. "Just shut up!"

His sadistic smirk widened. "Why? You don't like it when I talk like that about your boyfriend?" He taunted. "It's not like I'm lying. To tell you the truth Sebastian is a coward, a disgrace to this family. Did he tell you how his brother was killed because he was too much of a coward to step up? That too on the day his son was born."

"I said, shut your mouth." I practically shouted.

Lucian chuckled. "Pathetic really, did he tell you how he ran away to a boarding school abroad, how he refused his duties and left his brother and his wife here alone to deal with the consequences? I mean come on Angelica you have really bad taste, even if you are just using him, you could still do a lot better." He laughed but it soon faded.

I aimed the gun Sebastian had given me earlier at his chest.

"If you even take Sebastian's name with your filthy tongue again I will shoot you." I seethed. I was so angry I could barely see straight.

His eyes widened in shock but it was only for a moment. His lips suddenly twisted into a grin.

"I was right." He chuckled. "You are in love with him."

He shook his head almost in disbelief. "You just saw him murder people in cold blood, you know he took a man down to my basement to torture him for information and here you are pointing a gun at me because I insulted him."

He laughed again. "You are a fool. You know he will never be with you. He will never accept you in his life. He will never love you back."

The gun started shaking in my hands. "Not everyone is a heartless monster like you, Lucian." I spat out.

"Oh, I know Sebastian isn't one. That is precisely the reason why what I said is true. Sebastian actually has a conscience. He would never drag someone into this life with him, not when he despises it so much." He smiled mockingly, "And he will never leave, not for you not for anyone. But you already know that, don't you? Sangue su tutto." (Blood over all)

"What is going on here?" Sebastian's voice suddenly boomed.

"Angelica?" He questioned softly as he eyed the gun clutched in my hand still aimed at Lucian.

"I was talking shit about you and I guess she didn't like that very much." Lucian drawled and it took every ounce of patience in me to not shoot him.

Lucian's eyes focused behind me on Sebastian. "I see you helped yourself to my shirt." His lips curled in distaste.

"My shirt . . . got ruined," Sebastian answered, I had a feeling he'd censored his words for my benefit.

"Did he talk?" Lucian demanded his expression turning blank.

"No." Sebastian said stiffly. "But he will."

"He won't. I told you this before. He is too loyal, he will not give up his boss. Just kill him to send a message and get it over with."

It was infuriating how Lucian was actually having a casual conversation while I had a gun aimed at him.

I felt an arm wrap around my waist as I was gently pulled back towards a warm chest.

"As much as I appreciate you defending my honor, Angelica, we need to leave." I felt Sebastian's breath on the side of my face. His voice was light, almost teasing.

His other hand slid over the arm that was aiming the gun and brought it down.

I tilted my head so I could look at him. His eyes were filled with amusement.

I gave Lucian one final scathing look as Sebastian tugged me towards the exit.

"Warren will stay here with the target a while longer." Sebastian called over the shoulder.

Once we were seated in the car Sebastian turned to look at me.

"Did you really point a gun at Lucian because he insulted me?" He asked almost in disbelief.

"I wanted to kill him for talking about you that way," I told him truthfully.

His eyes softened. He grasped my hand and brought it to his lips.

"Thank you." He murmured. "You are the first person who has ever defended me."

He let go of my hand. His eyes suddenly turned curious.

"When we were driving away from the warehouse. The target, when he saw you he called you Rita? He acted as if he recognized you."

His eyes studied my face carefully.

I could feel my chest tighten.

"I have no idea who that man is," I said evenly, keeping my eyes trained on his.

He seemed satisfied with my response because he nodded and started the car.

I trained my gaze out the window. My stomach churned with uneasiness.

I hadn't lied to him but I hadn't told him the whole truth either.

It was true that that man was a stranger to me.

But he had called me Rita.

He had called me by my mother's name.

~~

A/N:

Thoughts on the story so far?