🐦

Miwa

It took until the next evening for Tobias to answer Miwa's texts:

English Piece of Shit: Hey, wanna come over? Wanna hang out?

Miwa was sitting cross legged next to her mini fridge, eating some leftover chocolate cake with her phone in her hand scrolling through Facebook. She had to squint at her screen to make sure she wasn't tripping. She almost wanted to take the fork that was in her other hand and somehow stab her screen with it. It wasn't possible, but if she imagined it was Tobias's throat then just maybe.

As quickly as he sent his text she also typed and sent her message.

Miwa: You asshole 🤬 what the hell have you been doing?!?

English Piece of Shit: FDAMF

Miwa made a face. Fucking, dealing, and more fucking.

Miwa: You disgusting son of a bitch

English Piece of Shit: I know I'm a son of a bitch. But shut up and come over. I have a little surprise for you.

Miwa bit her lip, tapping her fingers against the hard plastic of her phone case. Liezel must've told him. A spark of hope flickered inside of her.

Miwa: You're bending the rules?

English Piece of Shit: You still have to pay for your usual. But I'm being generous here.

Miwa: Haha, so you want to be Mother Teresa now?

English Piece of Shit: Bitch, I'm offering to end your suffering. Don't you want to know how?

Miwa: What exactly did Liezel tell you?

English Piece of Shit: Enough. Anyway, I have this virginal china with me. She's ready for taste testing ;)

Miwa: Eww, I'm not doing a threesome.

English Piece of Shit: As much as that idea is inticing, that's not what I'm talking about.

Miwa's eyebrows arched upward. If it's not OC and grass, then what?

Miwa: You wanna tell me what it is?

English Piece of Shit: Come over and see.

Miwa: I'll meet you in half an hour.

English Piece of Shit: Not our usual spot. My loft.

Miwa felt a little uneasy. His house? She'd only been there once and let's just say if she were forced to spend the night over at his place, she wouldn't get a wink of sleep. Why the change of scenery? She smelled a rat.

Miwa: Um, why?

English Piece of Shit: Why not?

Miwa: You're now scared of Chinatown?

English Piece of Shit: There can only be one front-row seat to this performance. Like I said, she's virginal.

English Piece of Shit: Unless of course you have the cash and I'll have your usual ready.

Miwa stole another chunk of chocolate cake. She stared down at the empty Twinkie wrappers littered around her and then at her bomber jacket hung around her office chair. Her pockets were empty. Leo hadn't told her squat: Liezel made it very clear that she still had to be punished; and her account was sucked dry. She needed to feel her tingle when she touched her invisible force fields. She needed to feel the rocket of energy that boosted her ability to climb the world. She needed to feel at ease when she was writing songs or at work. She didn't want her rush; she needed it. Even if what Tobias was offering was merely a sample, it was still something.

Miwa: Where's your damn place again?

Tobias sent her the address. Miwa sighed. She would've dumped his ass long if it weren't for the fact that: A. She knew him and vice versa (she wasn't about to trust some rando out on the street selling her contaminated crap) and B. For being an asshole, Tobias always delivered no matter what.

She threw away her trash and retrieved her jacket just as Liezel walked by, stopping in front of the doorway. Liezel had a towel wrapped tightly around her body and was wearing one of those charcoal face masks she loved using so much. She was only missing her Devil's horns, tail, and staff.

"Where are you going?" She asked.

"Out," Miwa said. She gave her 'the look' and walked past her, lace-up boots in her hand.

Liezel followed her. "You're going with Toby?" She used his nickname.

Miwa glanced a look over her shoulder. Nobody in their little group used Tobias's full name except for her and Jax— the fifth member in their circle. And why would they? Tobias hadn't earned that privilege, and he quite possibly never would. But there was no kidding that Miwa heard the slight pitch in Liezel's voice surrounding 'Toby'. Did she like him? Miwa glanced back again. Well, they certainly would make a 'wonderful' couple.

"Yeah." That was as far as Miwa would divulge. After last night, Miwa thought it would be best to keep Liezel's nose in her walk-in closet where it belonged.

"What does he want?"

Miwa finished tying up her boots. "Why don't you call him and find out for yourself? You seem to tell him everything I do," she muttered coldly.

"I'm just looking out for you," Liezel defended. Her posture reminded Miwa of the same one her father did to exert dominance when he was about to scold her and her brothers' for something they did wrong. Except her display of dominance was all for the wrong reasons. God, Miwa sometimes wanted to rip that foolish look of superiority right from her face.

"Yeah, and pigs fly."

"You doubt me? After all the times I made sure you got home safely? After all the times I cleaned up your vomit because of all the garbage you put in your body? I'm actually the reason why your family doesn't know anything about your problem, so it's about time you be fucking grateful, Miwa."

Miwa opened her mouth to argue back, but she couldn't. She hated to admit it, but Liezel was right. If she had been admitted to the hospital the first time she overdosed, her secret might as well had been broadcasted on TV. She wouldn't know what to say to her family had Liezel not intervened every time she saw stars. Miwa would sooner put up with Liezel's manipulative behavior than to live in shame should her family and bandmates know the ugly truth.

"Don't wait up for me," Miwa said, flinging the door open.

"If I don't, then who will?"

There were smirks you couldn't hear, and yet there were some you instantly recognized even if your back was turned. Miwa didn't appreciate how there was a depth of truth beneath her scorn and mocking tone. She always had to have the last laugh.

She closed the door and didn't look back.

***

Like Liezel, Tobias also lived off-campus. Miwa would've thought he'd live in his Greek fraternity's house, but maybe the thought of sharing a space with even his own frat brothers gave him the willies. Tobias had a renovated white marble brownstone all to himself, with black cast iron balcony railings and outdoor wall lamps— details reminiscent of his family's mansion in the Upper West Side. As if the people walking down the street really needed any more hints that a rich and spoiled fuckboy lived here. But if you ignored that, then yeah. Sure. The brownstone was lovely.

Then she forwarded her gaze to the very top part of the brownstone. It was the only part of the entire brownstone to be made out of steel, with huge three by three windows and aluminum tempered glass double doors in the center, and of course— the balcony. Miwa could only guess that the top floor was where Tobias hid his clients' drugs for when they were ready to be bought and distributed.

Before her knuckle hit the surface of the door, Miwa's conversation with Raph resurfaced. She couldn't believe she'd almost forgotten about it; it  felt so long to her. Everything did.

Don't forget, Miwa. Just ask for the info, try out his new drug, and get the hell out of there.

She knocked. No answer. She knocked again. No approaching footsteps or rustling of the doorknob. Then she took out her phone and sent him a text. Was he serious? Why the hell would he—

And then she heard the nearing fits of overlapping giggles and squeals, followed by a girl's voice, and then the sound of horny body weight slammed against the door.

Miwa almost wanted to leave and call it a night. It was probably a good thing that the front door didn't have smart glass. Then the doorknob jiggled and seconds later, a girl stumbled out the door, pulling down her sequin dress and casually tucking her hair behind her ear like she didn't just finish a mouth wrestling competition. The girl briefly looked at Miwa with what looked like jealousy before continuing away.

That's when Tobias stepped out into the doorframe. He almost looked like a young Christian Bale, except young Christian Bale didn't have fluffy layered hair and a scar on his bottom lip. But both men did have a well-defined facial structure that played to their advantage. Tobias wasn't Miwa's type, but she could see why women swooned and drooled over him; it was because they were drawn to the amount of gravity coming from his massive balls.

"Are you sure you were talking metaphorically back there?" Miwa doubted.

"I was being metaphorical and literal," Tobias clarified in that accent of his— a mixture of British and American. Miwa saw evidence of his hookup— unbuttoned and unzipped jeans, unbuttoned shirt, and fresh scratch marks to his collarbone.

Miwa tried to look over Tobias's muscular physique. "Anyone else inside? Cause I really don't want to see girl Z flashing her you-know-what."

"Girl Z?"

"The girl that just left? Yeah, I'm sure she's girl Y. And then the girl you were with a few weeks ago was girl X. And then before that was girl—"

"Alright, you made your point," Tobias grumbled. Then he grew deadly quiet and stared at Miwa. "Jealous much?"

Miwa rolled her eyes with disgust. "If anything, your sidepiece gave me the stink eye as she was leaving."

Tobias chuckled. "I told her we weren't going to be able to reach level five today since I was expecting company. She wasn't too happy hearing that."

"Imagine how happy she'll be when you toss her out like a broken sandal in a few weeks or she hears that you're fucking her friend at the same time."

That was usually how Tobias rolled. He'd stay with someone until he either got bored or his wandering eyes found another girl that was hotter than the last. At best, the relationship would last a month. Miwa knew it wasn't the girls' fault; because who could really resist his charm and smile when deep down, honesty wasn't encompassed in his nature?

"I actually might keep this one around for a while," Tobias considered. "She may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but. . ."

Miwa groaned. She wanted to get this over with as quickly as possible. "Can I just come in please?"

And so Tobias let her. Miwa didn't even bother taking her boots off. It wasn't like she planned to stay long. She took a look around at the living room and dining table. Every piece of furniture looked like it'd been bought at a furniture auction and Tobias was the highest bidder. She remembered last year when Tobias held a lavish party at the beginning of the semester and encouraged his frat brothers to hurry up and 'snatch that freshmen meat' before it was too late. Miwa didn't catch the rest of his speech because she was too stoned, but she did remember wanting to stuff her ears with poison.

"I thought Asians took off their shoes when they enter a stranger's home," Tobias remarked.

Miwa frowned. "I'm not staying. I only came here for two things: the information I asked you about, and to give me a sample of this 'virginal china' to take back with me."

"I invited you to the comforts of my own house, and you want to leave like that? When you've been blowing up my phone constantly?" Tobias snapped his fingers and laughed disbelievingly. "Aren't you an ungrateful little bitch."

Miwa narrowed her eyes at him. That was the second time today someone insinuated her 'ungratefulness.' "Give me what I want, Chapman. Or else I'm leaving."

Part of her wanted him to call her bluff. If he knew all of the physical and mental anguish she went through, he'd want to writhe on the floor like a worm caught on fire and cry. He'd feel so desperate that he'd have thoughts about buying from those who dealt under the bridges, even though there was no guarantee the pills weren't a hot batch. There were fates far worse than death.

Tobias smiled amusingly, as if it were a challenge he was ready to accept. He walked up to Miwa until only their noses were centimeters apart. She could see her own reflection in those brown eyes that, when crossed, became the rocks ships crashed onto in the eye of the storm. Her reflection stared back at her with a face that reminded Miwa of last night.

Pathetic. Pathetic. Pathetic.

"Do you really want to do that?" Tobias whispered into her ear. She could smell the minty aroma from his breath, his lips hovering above hers. She hated having to do this. She hated that she valued her 'dose' than her dignity.

She swallowed thickly, fists tightened at her sides. Her chest throbbed with rising anger, attempting to drown back her embarrassment. She was tired of being humiliated. "Give. Me. What. I. Want," she rasped, hoping she sounded menacing and serious enough.

Tobias bit his lip as if he were trying not to widen his smile. He slowly raked a hand through her ponytail, intently watching as all that dark and beautiful hair escaped through his fingers. Miwa wished Tobias still had his lip ring so she could yank it and watch all the blood gush out onto that floor he loved so fucking much.

He then retracted his hand and nonchalantly walked towards the kitchen. Miwa felt like vomiting.

Seconds later, Tobias appeared again with a notecard in his hand. Miwa lurched forward, only for Tobias to keep the notecard out of reach.

Tobias held up a finger. "Question— you don't have to answer, but if you do you're pretty much answering it— why do you care so much about Casey Jones?"

Casey and Tobias were in the same fraternity: Omega Delta Phi. Miwa understood why someone like Casey would want to join and fit in— packed with testosterone, total jock, and a lady's man; however, he was no sleazeball or asshole. He was everything Tobias wasn't.

"What's it to you?" Miwa sneered.

Tobias shrugged. "You've never mentioned him before until you called that day to ask where he lives. In my experience, people don't do that because they're bored."

"All you need to know is that it's not for me."

"Then who?"

"None of your business. Just give me the damn address."

"I'm not surprised if it's one of Casey's exes. Wait— is she demanding child support?" Tobias laughed to himself.

"I think you should worry about yourself. With all the women you've been, one of them is bound to show up at your door with a baby claiming you're the father or that you gave them the clap."

It hadn't happened yet, but there was a first time for everything. Tobias smiled condescendingly, but he didn't answer. "What's going on between you two?"

All Miwa could think about were her childhood memories with Casey. Like how he was always at her house and never really wanted to leave. Like how he loved messing with Donnie's gadgets until one electrocuted him. Like how he never passed the opportunity to flirt with her and even asked her out once. She didn't know every intimate detail about him, of course (that reservation was only for Raph), but that didn't mean he was any less of a friend. She then thought that maybe she wasn't just doing this to help her brother, but to also see what else she didn't know about.

"Just friendship. Nothing more," she answered tersely.

"Oh." Tobias held the paper between his fingers like a playing card. He shook his head, once again laughing. "Here I was thinking you lot were boning."

Miwa snatched the notecard. She skimmed over it and stashed it in her pocket. "Now for the second thing. Where's this 'virginal china'?" She demanded.

"I think you might want to stick around," Tobias insisted. "This is brand-new territory."

"I already told you before that I don't do coke."

"Mouse, what I have is better than coke."

Miwa tensed hearing the old nickname he used for her back in high school. She knew that he knew she hated it. "And what's that?"

"Let's go to my office," he suggested, getting a head start as he walked up the stairs.

Miwa stood there like a dope. A little voice in the back of her head was shaking her shoulders, slapping her across the face and exclaiming that this was a terrible idea. Actually, anything having to do with Tobias was an idea that warranted running the other way. But let's just say Miwa didn't talk much with her conscious these days (would she really be here if she had?).

To her conscious's disappointment, Miwa found herself following Tobias. She admitted she was curious to what his 'office' looked like, a room hiding enough product to send a Mexican drug cartel to sleep. His office was sleek with style: leather swivel chair sitting at a U-shaped modern-like desk with a light strip, cabinets mounted behind it full of all kinds of shelf decor— a golden skull with bunny ears, fish statues spouting water, and framed pictures of himself in front of mountains, private resorts, sunny beaches, and any other place he may have felt narcissistic enough to capture his beauty to stare at until the end of his days (funny, she would've thought he'd frame pictures of every girl whose heart he broke). One of the shelves stored a safe— which Tobias went over to and inserted the combination. He took out what he needed— a tin container— and showed it to Miwa.

"Are you going to open it or what?" Miwa asked.

Tobias smirked. He removed the lid, and inside Miwa saw the prize: five green and white capsules. Obviously she knew they weren't aspirin, but she had a feeling they were far more potent than all the OxyContin she took. What was their street value? How did Tobias get his hands on it?

"What is this. . .?" Miwa resisted reaching for a pill.

"Token of good faith. It hasn't been up for sale, and yet every dealer out there wants a piece of the pie for their clients."

"Does it even have a name?"

"Eden."

Miwa blinked. "Eden?"

"Yeah, the Garden of Eden? Where Eve ate the apple from a tree or some shit? The scientists who created this said that when you take the first one, it will interpret your every thought, emotion, and memory and transform it into your own garden. It'll almost be like stepping into a virtual reality; you'll feel at peace."

Tobias held the tin container closer to his chest when Miwa attempted to reach for it. "But they say take too much of it, and your mind will be trapped in that paradise while your body shuts down. The only one who can make that escape is you, but you're already on cloud nine to even care."

Miwa felt like Alice when she saw one of those 'Eat Me!' 'Take Me!' cookies— overcome with curiosity and enticement. "How much is too much?" she asked.

"Let's find out together, eh?" Tobias grinned, offering her one of the pills.

Miwa's thoughts were racing in an Olympic cross country track, trying to outrun each other to reach the finish line. The contestants were her rationality and her escapism— two factors that were constantly fighting in different arenas, but the prize was ultimately the same: herself. Whenever she felt like her rationale and her ability to make a good decision would score the victory, she's proven wrong when her desire to avoid thinking about her responsibilities and seek an escape from life's pressures run just a little faster. She felt almost helpless; it was her fault. She was an awful person.

That's pretty much how she and Tobias ended up on his Kingston tufted leather sofa. She was wary about sitting on it because she thought that maybe at some point Tobias did it with a girl here (she had a feeling that man would do it on top of a washing machine if he could), but when you take drugs you don't think straight.

The feeling settled inside of Miwa like a click when the song playing on the speaker— Day 'N' Nite by Kid Cudi— winded down. Everything was in slow motion and her body felt light and heavy at the same time. She looked over and saw Tobias's mouth moving, but his words sounded like he was gargling through water. It soon became hard to keep her eyes open. Soon, she saw shapes and colors of every size and hue everywhere she turned— they became more disoriented and brighter the harder she stared. And they also grew mouths. . . and then feet. And then hands. Instead of feeling paranoid, however, she felt more confused and unfocused.

Except for this cylindrical shape. It elongated itself further and further until it figured out a way to become three-dimensional and slither across the floor. Its head was shaped like a spade, beady round pupils staring at her like it could read her soul, and— funny enough— its scales had a pattern that was just like the one printed on Tobias's shirt: black and brown banded spots.

The snake used its tail to lift its body off the ground, maintaining its upright posture. It flicked its tongue, speaking in Tobias's husky voice: "I invite you to the garden of Eden, sister."

***

"Hajime!"

Miwa attacked. Thunk. Her father sidestepped like it was nothing. Thunk. She tried to go for his face, but he quickly raised his wooden sword up in time. Then she tried again and again and again.

"Harder!"

Miwa grunted. He eventually had to slip up. She used every trick in the book, but it was kind of difficult to overpower someone who taught you everything you knew. But she definitely felt more exhilarated; awake. It'd only been a few days since she took Eden, and yet she was here feeling like she'd finished a pack of Red Bull.

"Why are you holding back?" Her father lunged forward, striking down.

"I'm not," Miwa denied, firmly gripping the hilt.

"Then attack like I am your enemy!"

Miwa gave a battle-cry. Their wooden swords clashed. She felt her senses open up. She was able to push back and attempted a thrust of her own, followed by a swipe of her leg. Her father saw it coming, but his expression changed. That's when he pressed her with more force. Her blade hit his hilt and she twisted it, sending it skidding across the tatami mat. But the fight wasn't over yet. After blocking her father's controlled punches, she slid to the floor, stroke his knee with a swift kick, and took advantage of his state to reach for his sword and use it to place him in a headlock.

After a long pause to catch their breath, her father nodded. "Very good," he praised. Miwa let him go. "I recall you were struggling a little the last time you were here."

Miwa chuckled. "It's hard to find time for training when you're busy with other things."

Her father hummed. He put back his practice sword and sat down with his legs crossed. He invited Miwa to join him. She copied his movements, sitting across from him. He studied her face for what felt like forever; and that made her somewhat nervous.

"Exactly what I want to talk to you about," he said.

Miwa gulped. "I'm actually the reason why your family doesn't know anything about your problem." Liezel's words found a way to taunt her. Her father could pull out the secrets from her conscience if he really wanted to, so nothing really ever got past him. What would happen should he ever find out? Or any of her brothers? Their disappointment really would be the end of the world. She wouldn't know if she'd ever be able to bounce back from it.

"The day I became leader of our clan was the night I fled Japan," her father explained. "I realized I not only had a responsibility to the disciples who would look up to me, but to my family as well— to find a way to protect and provide."

"Was it ever depressing?" Miwa asked. When she looked into her father's eyes, they looked like they aged a thousand years. "Being leader, I mean?"

"Sometimes. It is especially hard when you realize that our clan is one of the last of its kind and that it grows smaller each day."

"So then how did it come so far?"

"Our clan's future was bestowed on the shoulders of every firstborn. They were tasked teaching the Hamato clan's secrets to the next generation and so on. We had numbers that reached far beyond the shores of Japan's islands, which was how our influence touched the lives of many."

"Until The Shredder came," Miwa said.

Her father closed his eyes for a second, as if he had relapsed into a forgotten memory, then opened them again. "The war your grandfather sought to put an end to never ended, only delayed. The Shredder will be coming for us all to finish what he started, and I would fail you as your father and Sensei if I did not prepare you."

"Prepare me for what?"

Her father took a deep breath. "As my eldest child, you are set to inherit my mantle. Should the day come where I shall no longer be a part of this world. . ."

Miwa understood what he was trying to say. She widened her eyes. "Woah, are you saying I'm now. . .?"

"Not yet, anyway. I just want to start preparing you the way my father prepared me. If not now, then when? It's best not to leave things that could be done today for another."

Miwa lowered her gaze and fidgeted with her fingers. When she thought about what she did at Tobias's house, it made her feel so guilty. How the hell did her father expect her to be a leader when she didn't possess a single qualified trait? What could a drug addict possibly inspire in her followers? How to get high?

"I think you're talking to the wrong person," Miwa said remorsefully. "I'm not the right person for the job."

"Oh? Why is that?"

Because I'm a fucking junkie who has to depend on her toxic friends for my fix when I use up every dime my job pays me. "It's really Leo you should be looking at. He has everything I don't— responsibility, ability to make decisions, resilience, and it helps that he's a good role model, so. . ."

"Leonardo has always been a natural leader. But he can also be too hard on himself. He tries to have control over everything, even when sometimes control is futile."

"Yeah, I can't decide who's the bigger control freak— him or Donnie. But growing up, we depended on it. He kept us in check when you weren't here. What have I done for my brothers except being a second absentee?"

There was brief sadness in her father's eyes hearing that unintentional subtle jab. She thought it was because he knew she had a point. "You are able to balance three separate worlds: the Hamato Clan, your band, and your job. That requires discipline, Miwa; and discipline is part of being a leader."

"That doesn't mean anything. I'm not perfect."

"Leadership is not about perfection," he said in a calm, but serious tone. "Leadership is about flying and falling and getting back up. Leadership is facing whatever stone is thrown your way with courage and honor. No matter how heavy the burden is, it matters that you carry it."

"I'm not ready." Miwa's voice faltered.

"No one truly is. You get to choose what kind of person you are going to be, and then decide if that is a version people around you want or need."

Miwa let those words sink in. How would she even know how to choose? When she was caught between two opposite worlds? She was already unworthy of any title, but now her father was expecting her to weigh her future? What made him think that she could do this? She admitted the idea of her being leader sounded awesome when she heard her father talking about it when she was little, but now? If there was ever a time he should reconsider his heir, it'd be now.

Just how was she expected to take care of her clan's legacy when she couldn't even take care of herself?