I stop Jack from moving with my hand on his elbow and take a moment to calm my breathing.  This is going to hurt Sam and I can't have Jackson rubbing it in his face while I tell him.

It's going to be awkward enough walking out of this room with Jackson's shirt on, let alone Jack walking out behind me bare-chested. 

I'm momentarily distracted by the rise and fall of his chest, gazing at the beautiful ink before me.  I'd thought I'd seen the last of the remarkable artwork littering his body until now. My eyes land on the neatly lined book missing its label, the one I had claimed for our story and bite the inside of my cheek.

"Mags?" Jack's voice is lined with concern as he lifts my chin with his forefinger, forcing my eyes to meet his.

"I need to talk to him alone." I whisper, suddenly snapped from my reverie.

"No way in hell." Jack protests as he crosses his arms and hides the intricate artwork lining his chest.

"In case you've forgotten, you are on thin ice." I warn.  "Very thin."

I recognize the look he gives me, the all-knowing smirk I've seen too many times to count. He assumes he'll get his way, but not this time. This time, I've got the upper hand.

I glare into his eyes and he reluctantly lets me continue.  "You don't have a voice in this situation. I suggest you sit your ass on this bed and wait." 

Jackson's jaw drops slightly from my sudden dominance, his diamond eyes doubling in size. However, it's not long before he quickly recovers then he plops down casually on the bed offering another cheeky grin.

I turn towards the door and place my hand on the knob. I take a deep breath and for the life of me, I can't decide what I'm going to say.  After standing frozen in place for a few moments, Jack comes up behind me again and lays a soothing hand on my waist as the other plays with my sun-kissed locks. 

"Are you sure you don't need me to handle this?"  He whispers.  I turn to face him and see the sincerity shining through his eyes.  Despite every rotten thing he's put me through, I'm grateful he's here. 

"Strong women don't play victim, don't make themselves look pitiful and don't point fingers. They stand and deal." I've always loved that Mandy Hale quote and it seems I've found the perfect use. "Yes, I'm sure it has to be me."  I bite the inside of my cheek to keep my breathing in check.

"He's a big boy, he'll be fine." He reassures me the best he can but I see the muscles in his jaw clench.  He hates the fact that I ran to Sam instead of him and that I care this much about Sam's feelings, but in his own way, he's trying his best to be supportive.  He has to be, like I told him, he's on very thin ice.

I nod and walk through the door, carefully closing it behind me so that Jack doesn't get the idea to follow.

I cautiously saunter to the living room and discover Sam sitting on the couch holding his head in his hands. 

"You're leaving?"  He questions without even looking in my direction. 

My eyes widen a bit in confusion but I clear my throat and lower my head as I answer, "Yes."

Sam lifts his head from his hands and looks me over.  When he notices I'm wearing Jack's shirt he lowers his eyes in disgust.  I understand why he's upset but I don't like the way he just looked at me, as if I was a disgrace.

"Why would you do this to yourself?" He spits through grit teeth.

I didn't expect this question so it throws me off guard. "We're not together again or anything, we're kind of just- trying to work through our feelings."

Sam shakes his head in disbelief and lets out a puff of air.  "Don't kid yourself."

I feel an angry burn rise in my chest. I came out here with the mindset to be gentle and let him down softly, but it seems no matter how many times I try to tell him I'm not interested he won't believe it.

"He's just going to hurt you again and you're going to come crawling back to me." He declares through grit teeth.

I know he's upset and he doesn't mean what he's saying but I'm livid. I feel the angry burn that started in my chest rise to my cheeks and cover my face with its warmth.

"He's trash Mags. I don't understand why you can't see it."  Sam's words remind me of the way he first spoke about Jackson.  Hateful, jealous words, only spoken from a lesser man. 

Despite the countless insults Sam has thrown at Jack behind his back, Jack has never once said a bad word about Sam.  He may have spoken out about his disapproval of me staying here and even accused me of sleeping with him once, but never has he used name-calling.

I straighten my back and try to push down the hot rage but I've had enough of this entire situation.  It seems like without laying it straight with Sam he'll never get it.

"Sam, I really appreciate all you've done for me the past few days but this is my life.  It's not yours, not Jackson's, not anyone else's so even though your opinions are valid, I would appreciate if everyone would just start respecting my decisions.  They're my decisions, not yours."  My words are like venom and I need them to seep into his skin until he finally comprehends my words.

Sam looks surprised with my sudden show of backbone but he nods quietly in agreement.  I'm tired of everyone trying to tell me what to do, who to forgive or not forgive.  It's time for me to grow some balls and make my own decisions then stick by them. 

"Thank you," I say a little softer. "Thank you for taking me in and taking care of me at one of my lowest points.  I appreciate you and would like to still be friends, but Sam, that's all we ever will be."

He nods his head again. "I'm sorry. I wish you luck, I truly do."

In a bittersweet end, I give him his own words as encouragement. "One day you'll find someone who will love you the way you truly deserve to be loved."

I feel slightly guilty for being so upfront with Sam, but it's what he needs so he can truly move on from the idea of us.

I head back to the spare room and quietly open the door expecting to find Jack leaning against it eavesdropping.  Instead, I find him sitting on the bed with his lip ring tucked between his teeth and his knee bobbing up and down nervously. 

When he notices me in the doorway he's by my side in an instant, ready to pull me in his arms at the first sign of distress.  He holds my face and eyes me over carefully but is surprised to discover that I'm just fine. 

I'm not upset, not crying or internally breaking down, I'm just okay.  I am rebuilding myself and I will no longer be so susceptible to being torn down.

Forgiving him won't be easy.  It hurts like hell knowing I placed my trust in the palm of his hands and he crushed it.  I understand that in his mind, in his own mucked up way he thought he was saving me from hurting.  Our relationship doesn't have to be perfect, but it won't work if we're not completely honest with each other.  If we can do that, I'm willing to do my best to start fresh.

"No second thoughts?" He asks worriedly.

Ever since he so casually strolled into my life, threading himself into every fiber like he so easily threads his hands through his chocolate-colored hair, I can't honestly picture my life without him.

We gaze into each other's eyes and I know our eye contact speaks more than words ever could, but I speak anyway, "Never."

"Come on." I say with a shy smile as I take his hand in mine and guide him out the door. 

We shuffle by Sam without another word. Despite the fact that Jack was coming here to drag me home, I'm the one leading him out of the front door and I don't look back. 

Once we're outside we both breathe a little easier.  However, just because internally I've accepted that I want to forgive him, doesn't mean I'm not going to make him sweat a little.  After all, he deserves it.

"Well, I have to say I'm loving this newfound confidence," Jack says through a cheeky grin. "Are you driving my car as well?"

"Alright, let's see the keys." I say, calling his bluff with my hands in the air ready to catch them.

To my great surprise, he tosses them to me.

"Wait what?"  I stand shocked holding the keys to his gorgeous new Dodge Charger.  "You're going to let me drive your car?"

"Why not?  It matches your new sense of authority."  Jack teases and gives me a cheeky wink.

Before he has time to change his mind I give him my own cheeky smile in response and unlock the doors with the clicker. 

"Hop in!" I say as I get in his driver's seat and attempt to turn on his car.

The interior is completely different from my own old Sonata and I quickly realize there's no place for a key.  There is no way I'm embarrassing myself in front of him after I just acted so dominant, so I pretend like I know what I'm doing. 

Fake it till you make it.

Jack relaxes in the passenger seat after he grabs a spare shirt from the back and casually slings his arm over my headrest.  "We going, love?"  He asks in a cocky tone and I realize he only calls me love when he's teasing me.

"Yep." I say as I continue searching for the slot for a key.  "Just hold on."

I decide that maybe I can't find it because it's too dark so I close my eyes and start feeling around with my fingers.  After a few more seconds I lean back in defeat. 

"Where the hell does this key go?" I'm incredibly annoyed as I hold the key up to his face.

He's trying his best to hide a smirk but I see it clear as day in the corner of his mouth.

"Mags, you've seen me countless times use that key to open the door to the penthouse."  He answers.

"House key?" I say stunned looking at the shiny silver object.  "Really? Well, how the hell do you turn this thing on?"

His smirk broadens and he leans in close to me and presses a start button. "Should I be worried about you driving us?"

"This thing probably drives itself.  Unlike you rich people, I have to manually drive my car. You're in good hands and besides, you should have thought of that before handing me your keys."  I say as I start to back out so he can't take it back.

We only have a few close encounters on the ride home and Jackson sits on the edge of his seat the entire time, either ready to throw me out or take over at any moment. 

"Stop it you're being ridiculous, I'm a fantastic driver.  Just sit back and enjoy the ride." I can't help but smirk as we exit the freeway.

"Bloody hell, there is no fucking way I can sit back and relax after you just tried to back up on the on-ramp Maggie."  He says in a shaky tone.

"It's late, there's no traffic, and I realized I was getting on the wrong freeway.  There's no one on the roads but us so why not just back up real quick rather than having to take a detour?"  I try to reason.

"Please do not ever do that again, even when I'm not in the car." I roll my eyes and he continues. "I mean it, Maggie." He's stern and his breathing is slightly accelerated.

"Fine but you're being a baby." He was being overly dramatic in my opinion, there was no one on the freeway!

The second we pull up to his apartment and he attempts showing off his terrible acting skills by waving his arms dramatically and thanking God we got home safe. The valet looks at him as if he's got a screw loose but doesn't say a word. Jackson never seems to be embarrassed but I can't help that a faint blush paints my cheeks.

"Come on, I wasn't that bad." I say as I nudge him slightly with my elbow.

"I'm driving from now on or we're hiring a professional to provide you lessons." He says jokingly, or at least I think he's joking so I laugh.  Things seem a bit easier with us, but I'm still not hopping right back into bed with him. 

"Have you eaten?"  He asks as we enter his penthouse.

"Yes, I had popcorn." I shrug, casually looking around his living room. 

Boxes are still strewn about and he still doesn't have much furniture. We were supposed to go shopping together and I was going to help him get this mess cleaned up but of course, we never got that far.  It seems as if he hasn't touched a thing since I left that morning, I wonder if he's even been home. 

"That's not a dinner. Why don't we order takeout or something." Jack offers.

"No, it's okay.  I haven't had much of an appetite lately." I set my purse close to the floor and stand awkwardly as if it's my first time here. I can't help the feeling of uneasiness that wafts over me considering the last time I was here he-.

I shake the thoughts from my head and decide not to relive the past. All our lives we're taught to remember our history, ensuring we don't repeat the past but I find myself desperately attempting to forget.

Jackson's diamond eyes explore my face with concern but I brush him off. "Don't worry about me, I'm fine."

"You like Chinese?" He asks despite the fact that I just told him I'm not hungry.

"I love Chinese, but I'm not hungry." I say definitively.

"Well I am, whether you eat it or not is your choice but I'm doubling the order so it would be a shame if it went to waste." Jackson shrugs and he doesn't bother hiding his pretentious tone.

I cross my arms and frown.  He always has this need to get his way and it infuriates me, partly because I'm the same way. 

Then without giving me a chance to retort he adds, "So Miss Not-hungry, if you were to normally eat Chinese, what would you order?"

"Hmm," I pause in thought as I sit on his leather loveseat. "I like pork fried rice and sweet and sour chicken.  Oh and an egg roll." After reciting my order my mouth actually starts to water. 

Jack raises his brow and a confident 'I just won' smile turns up in the corner of his lips.  I roll my eyes at him but he doesn't catch it before he turns towards the kitchen.

I slowly saunter to the giant floor to ceiling living room window and silently admire the view. My view is clouded with visions of recent memories, our bodies pressed tight against the chilled glass, his breath on my neck, those three little words.

Jackson pops out of the kitchen and plops down on his loveseat, leaving just enough space beside him for me. I linger by the window and he attempts to lure me in by massaging the spot next to him with a wink.

My stone face betrays me and my lips crack a smile. "Very charming."

I sit beside him despite previously deciding on a five-foot rule. I can never seem to keep that one.

"What restaurant is going to be open past midnight?" I ask curiously.

"Red Dragon is my go-to." He remarks proudly.

"You stay loyal to one Chinese restaurant?" I giggle.

"Yes, they're all different so once you find one you like, you have to stick with them." Jack states as he slyly wraps his arm around my shoulder. I find myself rolling my eyes once again before crossing my arms in revolt, I won't give in to him so easily.

"I've missed you." He whispers and I feel his hot breath cause goosebumps to trail my neck.

"Jack, don't you dare try to smooth talk me." I growl with one brow raised as I tuck my legs up on the couch in front of me.

"I mean it." Jackson says as he reclines and attempts to pull me closer but I stiffen and pull back. "I felt an emptiness I can't even begin to describe."

"How long did you wait outside of my apartment before Bethany finally gave you the address?" I'm curious how long it took Bethany to give in.  She really doesn't like people suffering in heartbreak, even if he may have deserved it.

"A long time.  The first night I sat on the stairs until the sun came up, just waiting patiently until you came home." He nervously threads his hands through his hair and his leg starts bobbing up and down.

"You sat on the stairs all night?" I ask with wide eyes.

"Yeah, Beth offered me the couch but I said no, so she brought me coffee." He smiles kindly and I think of how much of a softy she is.

Traitor.

We sit in silence for a while, briefly making eye contact a few times unsure of what to say. The car ride seemed so easy, but this, this is so much harder.  I briefly wonder if I'm the problem. I can't just let everything fall back into place as if nothing happened between us, so I allow the awkward tension to ensue until the bell signaling Chinese food breaks the silence.

Instead of using the perfectly good kitchen, we opt for sitting on the wood floor in the living room and he plays the very first season of Friends.

"I thought you said you didn't watch Friends?" My brow furrows and I wonder if this was another one of his lies. How many things has he lied about?

"I didn't." Jack pauses for a moment, clearly contemplating then just nods his head in defeat. "I got it because I know you like it." He shrugs.

My face flushes with heat and my cheeks turn a darker shade of pink. He got it specifically to watch with me because he knows I love it.

I actually devour my food and the mood lightens as we laugh along with my favorite show. Before long however, I notice Jackson peeking at me in my peripheral, not really watching as Rachel is forced to cut up her credit cards.  I reach for the remote to turn the volume down and turn to face him.

"You know, I respect you for not making your decision in haste." He says immediately as if he's been waiting to speak. "In fact, I wasn't expecting you to forgive me at all. Why would you?  I've got nothing to offer, I'm an asshole with a shit attitude and you'd probably be better off without me."

I mull over his words for a moment before I decide to speak.  "You told me you'd answer any of my questions, right?"

"Yes." He bends one knee and places his elbow on it casually leaning towards me, preparing for what he knew would be coming.

"What do you mean you don't have a family?"
I finally ask. 

He clears his throat and watches me carefully.

"You said you'd answer all of my questions if I came home with you." I remind him.  I'm expecting him to try to squirm out of answering. 

"I grew up in the foster system in London."  He finally breaks the news that he had been hiding from the beginning and I understand why he's kept this information so heavily guarded. His hand nervously runs through his hair and his diamond eyes fall to his feet.

"My parents or mother, who knows, abandoned me on the doorstep of the LFB."  He concentrates on the floor as if he is memorizing the patterns in the wood.

"What is that?" I ask quietly.

"It's a firehouse in London."  He shrugs without bothering to look up.

"They just left you?"  Tears begin to well up in my eyes as I imagine his mother dropping him off in a bassinet.  Just abandoning her child to an unknown fate.

"They just left me on the fucking doorstep.  They didn't give a fuck what would happen to me and I don't have any answers for you on why."  He growls.

"I'm sorry." I whisper and join him in focussing on the wood floor. "Have you tried to find your mother?"

"No." His response is sharp and his brows are furrowed. "She didn't want anything to do with me, why would I make any effort to find her?"

I simply nod and our silence fills the air as I debate my next words. Pieces to Jackson's personality puzzle fall into place and I find his anger issues make much more sense, how would anyone cope with being abandoned?  Anger, aggression, always keep people at a distance, use them before they use you, it all makes perfect sense.

"I grew up in assorted houses, foster homes, a few different families took me in then changed their minds.  At a certain point, no one wants to adopt a troubled teenager, so I ran away." He says a little softer.

"You could have told me, Jack. I would have understood."  A few tears are let loose, slowly trickling down my cheek. 

"But that's just it Mags, how could you understand?" His tone is much more serious, his breathing slightly labored.  "I'll never be the man you want or the man you need.  We'll never have big thanksgiving dinners or have to decide who's parent's house to go to for Christmas."

His words are harsh and spoken through grit teeth. "My last name was picked in an orphanage so if we ever married you'd be dropping your last name for one that means nothing."

I dry my eyes with the palms of my hands and try to remain strong for him, "Jack, my life has never exactly been planned out.  I don't know where my future is heading. Hell, I'm 26 and I work at a night club.  But the instant I met you I didn't care, I fell in love with you. I didn't fall in love with your status, or your family, or your name." 

I make sure his diamond eyes meet mine when I confess, "I fell in love with the charming, sometimes temperamental, tormented but beautiful soul that you are."  I reach for him but he pulls away.

"You think you don't care, but what about in the future when the affection you have for my witty banter fades?"  He asks with raised brows.

"It won't." I reply sincerely.

Jackson nods his head no and stands to leave, "Just think about your future and what you want it to look like before you make any drastic decisions.  Do you want a big family with a nice white wedding and a house on a hill with a picket fence?  I respected you earlier for not just taking me back immediately.  I'm a mess and despite how painfully and selfishly I want you, I don't deserve you."

Jackson's voice is cracking under pressure and his chest is tight as if he's attempting to hold himself together.  He begged me to come home with him but now he regrets his decision?  He thinks he's being selfish like he's keeping me from some greater future. 

As I quietly ponder his words he speaks again. "If you decide to try this again, I'm going to do my best to be a better man.  You make me want to be better, to do better.  I won't say we won't fight, because we will.  It won't be instant, it's going to take time, and it will be challenging but you're worth it. I'll do it for you."

I want to wrap him in my arms and tell him everything will be alright, but his diamond eyes meet mine with caution and I can see he has more to say, so I hang on his every word.

"Do me a favor and give it serious thought. I've never had someone that was constant in my life, people come and go but no one's ever been permanent. I'm used to abandonment, it's nothing new to me, love. However, if you accept me back, then decide down the road our relationship isn't worth the trouble-" He pauses and for the first time, I'm given complete access to his vulnerability. "I don't think I could lose you twice."

Tears start streaming down my face and all I can manage is a simple nod which he quietly returns. 

"I'm going to hop in the shower." He states as he runs his hand through his hair and we have a silent moment as he lingers.  I suppose he's waiting for me to say something, anything. But I can't, I desperately want to but words evade me.

Jack stands for a moment longer then nods his head as if I've given him an answer then he walks away, and I let him.

When I hear the hot water start I lean my head against the love seat and stare at the steam coming from under the door. 

His words, 'Just think about your future and what you want it to look like.' echo in my mind.

Slowly I feel myself stand and move towards the bathroom door.  My hand grazes the handle and I close my eyes, inhaling a deep breath before opening it. 

Jack is already in the shower, water pours down like a waterfall and steam has filled the room. His eyes are closed as thousands of drops of water drip down his hair softly and trickle down his body.

When Jack's diamond eyes open he immediately makes eye contact but doesn't say any a word when he sees me standing in front of him.  He simply watches me, unsure of my next move. 

I slowly slip his shirt off over my head and slide my underwear down. I stand for a few seconds staring into his diamond eyes, searching for courage before I slide the sheer shower curtain open enough to step in then shut it gently behind me.

We stare at each other longingly but without touching as water begins to slick my body.  I raise my hand to his cheek and lean into him, bringing his lips tenderly to mine.  I feel his hands slide around my waist and pull me flush against him. 

With water raining down on top of us I pull my face back slightly and breathe through my mouth to avoid inhaling water.  My thumb caresses his cheek and I concentrate on his diamond eyes staring into mine as I work up the courage to speak.

"I don't want a future without you in it."

END OF BOOK 1

Thank you guys so much for reading my very first book and for all the encouraging words you've given me!  This has been an awesome experience and I'm currently working on the second book in this series.
Hang tight because this isn't the end of Maggie and Jackson!
❤️
(Preview 1st chapter of book 2 on the next page.)

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Remember this?
So in the end, did Jackson win your heart or push you away? Let's find out your opinion again.

Are you Team Jackson or Team Sam?

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