JOSI

That night, Josi dreams. She sees her parents, she sees Aspen. They have their backs turned to her, but she's happy to see them. She hasn't seen them in ages, and now that they're right in front of her, she's ecstatic. So she runs towards them, arms wide and ready for an embrace. And when they turn to her, she gives them all a smile. But they don't reciprocate that gesture.

The look in their eyes is unfathomable. They stare at her with so much disdain, it creates a knot so tight in her stomach. She reaches out for them, but they pull away. Even Aspen is frightened. So frightened that she recoils and hides herself behind her mother. Then Josi begins shrinking in size, and at the same time her parents grow.

All she can see now are their eyes. Their accusing stare. The fear. They're no longer looking at her, but at the crimes she's committed. Or maybe they do see her there, and that's what makes them even more revolted.

Josi jolts awake. A nightmare. She tries desperately to calm herself, to steel her heartbeat. But the feelings attached to the nightmare haven't left yet. She looks over to Idris's side to find him still asleep, then looks down at her hands and realizes she's trembling.

How real that nightmare had felt. The disdain in her mother's eyes, the disappointment in her father's face. Aspen's unwillingness to even look at her.

All too sudden, the tears flow. And soon she's full-on sobbing, though only soft enough that it doesn't wake Idris. She buries her head against her knee, still so shrouded in fear. So consumed by the scenes of that nightmare.

Even as she sits there dealing with the aftermath, Josi knows this won't be the end. The nightmare will return, possibly the following day. Or the day after. But it will never leave her side. This, she knows for sure.

The following morning, Josi gives her mother a phone call. Returning to sleep had been next to impossible, not with the possibility of those nightmares returning. So she had laid there until daybreak, afraid to even shut her eyes, for fear that those scenes would come back.

But this has all confirmed Josi's fears. She waits until the line connects, until her mother renders the same salute mixed with sadness. Because Josi hasn't been home in a little over six months. She hasn't seen her family since, and even the phone calls are growing few in number. Not her family's fault. It's all Josi's. Even now as she phones her mother, she brings nothing but sad news.

"I won't be coming this weekend."

Her mother is first silent, and Josi knows it's her struggling to come to terms with the disappointment. "Is there a problem?"

"I just have to take care of an emergency." Another lie.

"Is everything okay? What emergency?"

"Don't worry, it's nothing too serious. I just . . . won't be able to make it. Tell Aspen I'm sorry."

Her mother, however, doesn't seem quite convinced. "Josita, if there's something going on, please talk to me. Please."

For a second, Josi contemplates it. She could let her mother in on everything that transpired since the day she was kidnapped. She could confide in her. She could relief some of that burden off her shoulders. And maybe her mother would listen with an open mind. She would tell her it's all okay, that she's done and is still doing her best. That though she's a murderer, she will never condemn her for being one. That she still loves her even with who she's become.

How sweet that reality would be. If only it really were that easy. But Josi can't afford to feed herself that false sense of hope. "There's nothing going on, mom."

Her mother goes silent once again, and this time the silence runs heavy. "Promise me you'll be home next time."

Josi takes a breath in, and while still uncertain, says, "I promise."

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This time around, Josi finds herself with Idris when the news arrives. They're in the car after having just left a restaurant. Another date. They seem to be spending more time together that way, as Idris can't go a day without Josi any longer. She's always there for him, of course. She is his girlfriend.

Josi didn't expect the news to hit now. She's browsing through her phone, ready for Idris to take off, when he hurls out some curses and throws his phone at the dashboard. He runs his hand through his hair, and from his face Josi can spot a mix of anger and just pure exhaustion.

"Is everything okay?"

Suddenly, all his anger turns to her. "It's you, isn't it? You're behind Seven's death, aren't you?"

Josi doesn't lose control. She knows he's just grasping at straws. She matches his energy. "Are you serious?"

"I don't fucking know, Josita, am I?"

She gives him a glare almost as mean as his own, because though she knows his accusations are correct, Idris isn't doing it because he knows he's right. He's doing it to relieve his frustration on the nearest punching bag.

Josi hops out the car and slams the door shut. But Idris will not stand for it. He leaves the car as well. "Get back in the fucking car, Josita!"

Now Josi's vexation blisters into something more authentic. "Or what?!"

Idris comes to a stop in front of her. "One phone call and your family's house will be riddled with bullets."

The shock of it all is so great, Josi's brain doesn't process it just yet. Then it sinks in, and she gives him a slap that leaves her hand stinging for seconds to come.

Idris still doesn't budge. He slowly turns back to her, his face stony. "Get back in the car."

Josi can't even stand to look at him any longer. She slams the door shut once she enters and waits for Idris to steer the car back to the estate. This is typical of him; his threats. But to think he would resort to using it against her so easily. She should know by now not to expect anything from Idris. The devil will always remain the devil.

That night, Josi sleeps in the guest room.

~《¤》~

IDRIS

With Seven gone, that makes Idris the last man standing. He theorizes they'll come for him when he doesn't expect it, probably in the middle of the night when his guard is down. While that seems plausible, what's stopping them from ambushing him in broad daylight? It's not exactly like he has the means to fight back. All he has now is Croff and a couple other guards who are only there because they have nowhere else to go.

This must be how it feels like treading at the edge of your life. Death so close, yet unforeseeable. He has no idea when it will come. Now he thinks about life after he's gone. Josi won't be there any longer. Amongst the heap of torment, this idea alone causes him the most anguish. To never see Josi again . . . He hasn't given it much thought. Now that he has, he feels like breaking something.

They're stealing the love of his life away from him. They, the universe, fate, maybe even destiny. He has no idea who or what it is, but they're coming between him and Josi. Before he knows it, Idris hurls his glass of whiskey against the wall. He can't be separated from Josi, even if he no longer lives. Even if he's in a place lower than hell. He needs her by his side at all times.

The frustration eats Idris up to a point where he can hardly even stand being in his own skin. But he knows he can't do a thing about it, because when the time comes they will pay him a visit. And after that visit, he will no longer be with Josi.

It almost seems like his life hasn't been the same ever since he fell for Josi. He's known bliss, but he's also known discontent-and not the usual kind that comes with running a mafia family, but the kind that comes with managing a relationship.

Maybe you're just not cut out for a relationship, Josi had once told him. Now as he looks himself in the mirror, he realizes she may have not been too far from the truth.

But how can he love a person and watch them be happy with someone else?

When the sun sets, Idris retreats back to the bedroom. He hasn't spoken much to Josi ever since their fight three days ago, so imagine his surprise when he finds her there on the couch, cladded in a robe. It seems she was watching the sunset, but now the show is over. She still doesn't leave, however, even as Idris takes a seat at the other end of the couch.

Then they swim in silence. Josi is first to make a move. Idris can feel her eyes on him, but he doesn't return the stare. She takes things a step further and pokes his cheek with her foot. "How long are you going to lock me up this time?"

Idris allows her keep up with the poking. The frustration from earlier dissipates a little, and he wonders why it takes so little for Josi to chase it away. He grabs her ankle and lays a kiss against her leg. "What is it about you that makes me feel this way?"

"I can't answer that for you."

"Is it because of your body," He lays another kiss, this one on her thigh. "Or because I took pity on you."

Josi laughs. "You don't do pity."

Idris knows she's telling the truth. "Then why?"

She looks at him and says again, "I can't answer that for you."

Josi is right. Only he knows why he latched on to her. He has a hazy idea, but he's kept it so deeply buried, he's reluctant to visit it again. But when he uncovers the idea, he sees the side of him who thought Josi could give him what he's been missing. What do they call it, a placeholder? He crafted from nothing a relationship he may or may not have forced upon her. Because he wanted that life for himself.

But does Idris feel guilt? Not by a long shot.

If he had the chance to do it all over again, Idris would gladly take it. He would steal Josi from that wretched ex-boyfriend of hers. He would truly make sure her ex-boyfriend were no longer a factor, even if it meant she ended up hating him, because he can't stand the idea of the two together. Even now when he has Josi all to himself.

The fact that they were once together still tortures him, and if putting an end to that torture meant putting an end to her ex-boyfriend, then Idris would gladly, cheerfully, take that chance.

He should have done it anyway, despite Josi's protests. Now it's too late. But at least he has her. He has Josi there by his side, something that ex-boyfriend of hers can only dream of. So he kisses her in all the right places, because only he can. And he loosens the belt around her robe, because only he has the right to. Then he gazes at her body under him-and when he gazes at her face, he sees her smiling.

A smile so warm. A smile only for him. So Idris casts all other thoughts aside and kisses her, because he has Josi all to himself.

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