July 7 2018, 7:00 am, Kanchipuram

Tharangini 🏞️

As I stepped onto the cool soil, with the rushing birds flying above like little whippersnappers who play hide and seek, I squinted my eyes, witnessing the radiant sun rising up in the sky. A gentle breeze graced my skin, which was soon covered with goosebumps. A pair of tinkling bangles adorning my hand, a shimmering pair of golden jhumkas hanging down from my ears, a long string of jasmine flowers adorning my hair, and a pair of salangai holding my ankle with pride, I stood in front of my dance teacher dressed up in a half saree, waiting for her nod to start.

Despite having a number of comfortable outfits, dressing up like a typical Tamizh girl will beautify any woman, who will be as gorgeous and alluring as a heavenly nymph.

Ma'am was on a phone call and asked me to wait a little until she finished her call. Nodding my head, I turned to face the waves and gradually walked down the memory lane to look at the life I had been living till now.

Stepping into adulthood just forty-two days ago seemed exciting, and I felt like I had reached a whole new world.

I am a girl with simple desires in life. I must be one of the Almighty's favourites, as I am blessed to have the best family. I lead a normal and peaceful life, with my amma Niranjana Karthikeyan safeguarding me like Goddess Durga. As blessings come with a lot of trials and tribulations, I lost my father, Advocate Karthikeyan, to a road accident when I barely went to school. Fortunately, my mother's divine presence reduced the pain of loosing him.

With vague and blurred memories of him pampering me when I was a child, I could not remember a single day feeling unloved, as I had my wonder woman giving triple the love that any child would wish for. My mother never tried to replace my father, but she gave me more love to reduce the pain of his absence.

'No one can replace a human's position in your life ammu; they can give you more love and respect, but nothing can replace the void they left. I can never replace your father's place, but I can give you extra love and care by being more than a mother, a best friend, and a baby too. Appa might not be with us, but he loves us truly. We should make your father proud, and he will always protect you in one way or another,' as quoted by amma.

Keeping all the grieving thoughts aside, I started focusing on my life, trying my best to do something worthwhile.

Good but not extraordinary in studies; not that I cannot learn, but I am fed up with the present style of education, which demands work but doesn't care about knowledge. Learning comes with creativity and skills, which were understood by amma and she never forced me to top the exams. All she asked me was to acquire skills. I didn't wish to be a parrot who simply spits out the byhearted words, having no clue about the actual context and depth of the concepts. I might be slow at learning, but I never had half knowledge of anything.

Hailing from a Tamizh Brahmin family with the "city of thousand temples" as our native, with many from my family interested in arts, I too had a natural inclination to music and dance. Amma noted it and sent me to Carnatic music and Bharathanatyam classes. Trained for over fourteen years under Mahalakshmi, my guru, I finished the junior and senior exams in Bharathanatyam, earning a distinction in them.

Bharatanatyam, a beautiful word made up of four components: bha, ra, ta, and natyam, meaning emotion, music, rhythm, and dance, respectively, has revolved around me for a long time, and I danced anytime, anywhere, to express whatever I felt. Dance and music have become an integral and inseparable part of my life, adding colours to it.

"Tharangini, shall we start?" Maha ma'am must have finished her call, and I quickly walked to her. Performing the guru vanakkam first, I stood in my position facing her.

Ma'am tapped the song on her phone screen and gave a slight nod, bringing a smile to my face.

🎶Sooriyan vandhu vaavenum podhu
Sooriyan vandhu vaavenum podhu
Sooriyan vandhu vaavenum podhu
Enna seiyum paniyin thulieeee
Enna seiyum paniyin thuli🎶

I twirled, tapping my feet to the beat. The Mozart of Madras has sprinkled his magic while composing this masterpiece, using the Maand raagam, which brings out the mood of romance along with cheer and warmth.

I, like any other normal good woman, desire genuinely for a man's pure love, and I hope there is nothing wrong with it. I mostly had women in my life, and the opposite gender seemed foreign, though I don't feel awkward being around them. Maybe the lack of men in my life build up the desire to have a guy for myself, which of course will be my husband.

I naturally started imagining my better half as the sun to my world, the moon of my sky and the star of my galaxy or in short, the one who would brighten up my life with his presence, love and passion.

🎶Kodi kaiyil ennai kollaiyidu
Kodi kaiyil ennai alli edu
Kodi kaiyil ennai kollaiyidu
Kodi kaiyil ennai alli edu

Anbu naadhanae
Nee anindha modhiram
Valaiyalagavae thurumbena ilaiththen
Andha modhiram ottiyaanamaai
Aagumunnamae anbae azhaiththen🎶

Stretching out my arms and twirling a full round, half-bent, I came back to position, floating in my delusional world. A tall guy, probably five feet, eleven inches to six feet in height, stood with crossed arms over his chest. Obviously, his face was shaded with a white light as my eyes were yet to quench the thirst of finding my soulmate. The whole world seems dark, with only him as my source of light. His rough, veiny arms embraced my waist, and I closed my eyes, fighting the mushy feeling that shook my heart.

🎶En kaattril suvaasam illaieee
En kaattril suvaasam illai
En kaattril suvaasam illai
En kaattril suvaasam illai
Adhu kidakkatum vidu
Unakkenna aachchu🎶

My breath got struck in my throat when his long fingers walked along my arms rhythmically, with his breath fanning my nape. His bulky arms looped around my waist again, and I could hear his soothing heart beat a little louder, owing to the eerily silent atmosphere.

🎶Sowkkiyamaa kannae
Sowkkiyamaa
Sowkkiyamaa kannae
Sowkkiyamaa🎶

I continued dancing in his arms and let him do what he wished. Slowly, I felt him releasing me from his caged embrace, and I was turned to face him. His smooth lips placed a feathery kiss on my forehead, and I held his arm, basking in his body warmth. I felt him moving away, and when I tried to reach him, he vanished just like that.

I snapped out, hearing the song continue, and finished the dance, still lost in the thoughts of Mr.Soulmate. It's not that I haven't imagined anything about him, but this was the first time that I reached this level. It felt as if I knew his skin texture, body temperature, heartbeat, anything and everything about him.

In short, the guy in my imagination was completely mine in every possible way.

A little girl, who must have come with her parents for a walk, smiled at me, and I winked back at her. No matter what, this wish of mine to have a complete family must be fulfilled at any cost. With me in my husband's arms and our children trying to reach us for a hug, I don't think anything will be as blissful as this.

Nataraja, nee thaan arul puriyanum.

With my heart filled completely by the thoughts of having a family, I looked up to see Maha ma'am smiling gently.

"Nalla panna Thara." Damn, getting this compliment from her is equal to winning an Oscar. Even if you feel satisfied, her plain face will break all your confidence.

'Adhu onnum illai, nee illadha purushana pathi nenacha vera ulagathuku poiduva la, adhu avangaluku epdi theriyum? Athaan nee romba feel panni aadratha paathu avangale vaai vittu appreciate pannitanga.'

Introducing the slowest organ of mine, which is famous for its counters but is useless in terms of helping me out.

'Inaiki thaan illa, he'll be there somewhere; yen wait kooda pannalam. Nee un vaaiya moodu. Unakku kalyanam panna kuduthu veikala adhuku naa enna panna.' I shot back to shut it off. All are happy to have good brains, and here I am struggling with this dappa one.

'Edhu? Enakku kuduthu veikalaya? Paithiyama nee? Naa epdi pannuven?'

In the name of defending myself, I did something so insane.

Ippo paarunga epdi samalikiren nu.

'It's you who makes me think like that. So take the title to yourself.' I gave a good reply and felt proud of myself. Ma'am was on a call again, thank God she didn't notice my weird expressions.

"Thara, you are shifting to Chennai, right?"

"Yes, ma'am, we will be shifting to Chennai today."

"All the best for your future endeavours, Tharangini. Don't forget us." How will I forget when I have spent my whole eighteen years here? I seek her blessings and leave for home, not before assuring that I will stay in touch.

I reached home and heard murmurs from the kitchen and sighed, slapping my forehead. "Indha aunty yen vandhu irukku?"

She is a long-distant relative of ours, and her only job is to poke her nose into others' matters.

"Hey Chip," the Dale of mine said, hitting my arm. I gave her back two hits: "Buy one, get two free udanpirappe." She actions like cutting the head of that aunty, and I muffled up the laughter that threatened to escape my mouth.

"Niranjana, enna un pullaingala kandichi valakka maatiya?" Argh, this lady!

"Enna solla varel, neku puriyala." Amma answered her in a polite way. Niru, you shouldn't answer her like this, poori kattaiya eduthu adi.

"Noku yen di puriya pogudhu. Nethu andha aambala pullaiya andha adi adikira un periya ponnu, atha paathutu indha chinnava kai thatti kudhikira."

"Ava yen andha paiyana adicha?" Amma asked her, and she called Krithi. I went along and stood in front of them.

"Chellangala, nethiku enna panninga?" We kissed amma's cheeks and wished her a good morning.

"Ippo mattum onnum theriyadha paapathi maari moonjiya vechitu nikkuralunga paaru." Krithi glared and tried to argue, but I held her hand, stopping her. Amma tells us to be calm and turns to her.

"Ammu, what did you do?" I narrated as to why I hit him, and amma grinned upon hearing my answer. She faced that drama aunty, "Idha paarungo, en ponnu thappe pannala. School pora pullaikitta thappa nadandhukita, oru kooda porandhavala, avaluku innoru amma va iva adichathula enna thappu irukku? Neku puriyalaye."

Come on, Niru, you can do it.

"Yendi edhuvum theriyadha maari pesura. Appan illadha ponunga ipdi thaan irukum nu ooru ulagam pesadhu?" Niru's face turned red in anger, and Krithi whispered, "Kaali aatam confirm."

I chuckled and eagerly waited for my mother to thrash that lady.

"Avanga appa irundhu irundha inneram konnu podhachi iruparu avana. Enga ponnungaluku self-defence solli thandhu, adikka vittu vedika paathu iruparu. Neenga soldra ooru ulgathula naanga vara maatom. Neenga kelambalam. Yen veetuku varadhu idhuve kadaisiya irukattum."

Boom, sharp things said with sweet words. "Niranjana un ponnoda maanatha kaapathita."

'Enna?' The brain of mine and the udanpirappu of mine chorused, resulting in me smiling sheepishly. That drama aunty left our home with a big nose cut, and we laughed as she walked away hastily.

"Yen enkitta sollala?" Amma's stern voice scared Krithi, and she tried to answer when I sighed that I'll answer her.

I hugged amma from back and cooed, "Amma un ponnunga paathupom, nee romba tension ellam aagadha."

"Thara, you can be brave, adhellam illanu sollala. But don't hide things from me. Avanga soldra maari appa illadha ponnunga, amma seriya valakala nu, I don't want you both to suffer by their harsh words."

"Hello, hello, you are the best, okay? Karthi will be proud of you." Amma smiles upon hearing appa's name and hits me lightly.

"Avaru ennoda Karthi di, ungalukku Karthikeyan thaan." She's so possessive of him and never shies away from admitting her love for him.

Takeaway lesson of the day: never be shy about expressing your love openly.

"Appo en Karthi enga Niru?" Krithi asked and received a pinch on her ear. "Homework panna sonna, amma akka help kekkura unakku aal venuma haan?"

Amma continued pinching her ear, and I stood a little away, admiring them.

"Appo enakku?" I break their fight, and Krithi grins, "Paaru un aasa ponnu kekkura, ippo avala adi." Amma caressed my cheek and pinched it lightly. "Unakkanavar enga venum naalum irukalam. Chennai la irukalam, Coimbatore la irukalam, yen New York la kooda irukalam." I grinned and stuck out my tongue, hugging amma.

Krithi splits us and asked, "Aama adhu yen Chennai, Coimbatore, New York?"

"Adha engala pirichi vittu thaan kepiya?" Amma and I asked in unison. Krithi whined and I pull her for a hug as amma ruffles her hair. "Chumma adichi vitten Krithi. Yenga irundha enna, yen ponna kannula vechi paathuparu."

"Appo enakku?" Krithi asked with a fake sad tone.

"Odha vaanguva," we chorused again and giggled at her. All of a sudden, a thought struck me and I held amma's arm, leaning on her shoulder. This thought has been nagging me for a while now and I felt it better to ask her out.

"Amma, why am I not able to converse in Brahmin Tamizh just like how you do? It's not that I don't know, aana takkunu vara maatingudhe."

"Idhula enna Thara irukku? Nee nammaathu pommanaattinga kitta neraya pesunadhu illai. Avaa unnayum, un thangachiayum edhavadhu sollinde iruppa nu thaan naa unna avaa pakkam ellam anuppave illai." I listened to her as she washed the vegetables.

"School la padikkurache nee ella pillainga kittayum pesi pazhagurache, unakku nammaathu baashai varala. Indha velioorukku ellam pona ipdi thaan aagum, noku pazhagala, idhukku ellama yosippa loosu?"

Emmadi! Evlo periya explanation uh. I and the useless flesh sighed at the same time and I kissed her cheek, as she continued preparing lunch for us. Krithi was gone and it was just us in the kitchen.

"Thara, nee poi setha rest edu. I'll finish cooking."

"Illa ma, I'll help you."

"Vendaam di, I'll do it. Naa poi house owner kitta pesindu vandhudren. Krithi kulikka poirppa. Nee po, I'll call you later for help."

I left the kitchen and went to my room on the left. It wasn't spacious but nevertheless, I spent all my life here. Krithi stayed with amma and I had a separate room.

The thought of going to Chennai was exciting but missing this house and Kanchipuram felt heavy. After all, this room has witnessed every single version of mine. Right from my aggressive side to vulnerable state, the walls of this room have a detailed account of everything.

As someone who doesn't pressurize people with my emotional baggages, I took everything upon myself and just displayed the cheerful side to the outer world.

Amma already had so much on her plate, Krithi being my younger sister and me without any friends added up together, urging me to live the way that's not a burden to the people I love.

But, I do deserve someone to listen. Ever since I entered teens, I have seen girls and boys, happily hanging out and enjoying their teenhood. Some seemed cringe, some felt silly and surprisingly one or two cases were serious kind of love.

Love is a life-long commitment. None should dare to take a step into a relationship without having this thought in mind. It's not just PDA and materialistic happiness. Witnessing your partner's worst state and having ugly fights do come in love. All that matters is, despite all the differences, are they ready to still hold onto each other or not.

'Karuthu karuthu,' the skull meat acknowledged my thoughts.

'Nee niruthu niruthu,' yaay! That's a good counter hehe.

The room was empty, as we will be vacating in a while.

'Oru paattu paaduna nanna irukkumo?' I questioned the flesh and received a prompt reply, 'kilappungal!'

"Thara, inga setha vaayen." I heard amma calling me, probably to help her in shifting the kitchen appliances.

No issues, pudhu veetla paattu katcheri ya vechiduvom.

----------

We finished our lunch and right then, people from the moving company arrived to shift our belongings to Chennai. The house which we are shifting to is amma's best friend's house, who recently shifted to Texas. The house search job became pretty easy and we had already moved most of the furniture to the house. Only the kitchen utilities and clothes were left behind.

Loading the truck, the three of us stood inside the empty house with heavy hearts. This house is really special to us, especially amma as she and appa lived here ever since they married. I and Krithi spent all our childhood here and leaving this place felt heavy.

Amma and Krithi took one last glance at the house while I was not ready, fearing that I might break down. Understanding my line of thoughts, amma gently patted my head with a smile.

"Sogama irundhalo illa azhugai vandhalo yen ponnu edhayo katti pudichindu iruppale..." I chuckled hearing her and took out a wooden deer toy from my handbag.

The toy was made from rosewood and it had a spotted body. The spots were like tiny depressions on it's body. The sharply yet smoothly carved antlers, big doe eyes and long limbs were so professional and perfect, and from one look, anyone can conclude that this toy is many years old.

The deer was standing probably on a grass like parchment and there were two objects carved on the front. One was a thick stick and the other seemed to be a flower or probably a Sun. I always had this confusion with that carving. It indeed looked like a Sun but the place where it was carved confused my mind.

Wait, I forgot to add another cutest detail of the doll. A beautiful flower was hanging from one of the antler, which was somewhat similar to the Sun or flower object carved on the parchment. The flower gave a girlish appearance to this cutie and I personally feel that this is one of a kind.

If given an opportunity, I would like to carbon date the wood to find it's age. And also meet the person who carved it as well.

This toy surprisingly felt home and every time I hugged it, it was nothing less than a warm embrace.

'It's like as if the deer itself is hugging you right?' The flesh finally let out some good words for the day, which I couldn't disagree.

I hugged the toy close to my chest and found peace. This toy was gifted by my maternal grandfather few months before he passed away. That was the time I had lost my father too.

It was one of his rarest collections and amma said that none of them knew about it. The toy was inside a huge wooden treasure chest and I am not aware of the other contents of the chest.

My grandfather had instructed amma to keep the wooden treasure chest safe and hand it over to me once I am grown up.

'Unakku yaarum illai nu nenachidatha di kondha. Indha bommaiya kaila pudichindu iru. Nanna padichu periya aala valandhu vaa. Unkooda sera vendiyavaa ellam vandhu sendhuduva. Athu varaikum idha vechiko.'

My grandfather said this, while handing over the toy as I had continuous hiccups owing to prolonged crying.

Initially, I was unaware of the importance of his words but as I grew up, I started pondering over it, trying to understand the depth of his words.

What did he really mean?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hey peeps! Here comes the second chapter. How's our heroine? Kindly drop your much needed comments and feedback.

Happy Reading!

Take care. Thank you.

Anbudan,
Mrinalini 💗