July 31, 2022
Mylapore, Chennai

Tharangini 🏞️

Today, it's Aadi Pooram.

I was unable to sleep, so I rose early and began the day. There was much on my mind, and I didn't want to lie in bed and stew over it. I got out of bed and went to the kitchen to make a cup of tea. I sat down at the table and began to think about my problems.

I am done with my exams. Phew! Eight semesters with internals, quizzes, assignments, records, reports, and exams came to an end, officially promoting me as a Computer Science Engineer. 

I am not interested in graduation day or the college anymore. I just want to get a job. Nothing about college excites me. But I didn't lose hope and I finished my degree with the required dedication. I knew I needed a degree to get a good job, so I kept my eye on the prize and finished it. Now I'm ready to start my career.

Only Rangan and Kabali can save me from this dry world.

Thiruvallikeni Parthasarathy Temple and Mylapore Kabalesshwarar Temple have become my hangout spots since I shifted to Chennai.

A solo temple date. Sounds good, right? 

As much as I wanted someone to pay heed to my rants, I also wanted to be alone, basking in the "me-time." 

This generation's culture doesn't fit well with my personality. I am fed up with the hookup, breakup, situationship, etc. drama happening around. They change partners like tissue paper with no remorse, and the idea of being virgin or untouched is so silly for them. 

If waiting for the right man means being unfit, I am glad to be one. 

On one side the external world is hard and on the other, the situation at home seems harder. It's been a whole freaking year since I had a proper conversation with my mother. 

Initially, I convinced myself that she was busy and caught up with work. But it wasn't the case. She never said no to Krithi. They spent time together, often ignoring me. 

My mother, who once couldn't spend a minute away from me, is not at all bothered about my existence. 

That's what I felt. 

I asked her many times, which she brushed off with lame excuses. Am I overthinking it, or has she gone away for real? 

It's like Niranjana Karthikeyan and Krithika Karthikeyan on one side and Tharangini on the other. 

I spent many nights scrutinising my actions, which probably would have disappointed her. 

Frequent dismissals and ignorance from her and Krithi landed me in a state of exulansis, which I embraced with no doubt.

I finished my morning chores, performed a pooja, sang Perumal hymns, and checked the college WhatsApp group for notifications. My stomach grumbled, asking for food, and weirdly, I was craving a sweet. 

I dialled my mother's number, asking her if I could prepare akkaravadisal. She hummed and cut the call without saying a word. 

'Vidu vidu paathukkalam. Nee modhala seiyu. Pasikkidhu.' The flesh remarked, and I agreed to it without a thought. 

--------- 

Yum! I never knew I could cook this well. 

The delicacy slid down my throat like honey, and I was praising myself for a long time until the usual disturbance interfered. 

'Nee Aadi Pooram nu akkaravadisal seiyyala. Nee yen senja nu enakku theriyume.'

'Of course, why will you not know?' I shot back and took out the diary I had been writing for so long. 

Three years ago, I was frustrated with the hypnagogic images and felt it was utter nonsense to be delusional, but over time, it became my solace. 

I was afraid that I might lose touch with the real world, but it seems like it's a better option. The images that snatched away my peace were wrapped around me like a warm blanket whenever I broke down. 

Sometimes, I used to write at night, ditching sleep, and after every chapter, I felt like crossing some stages. 

The situations that popped up were so random and abnormal; nevertheless, I gave into them, writing whatever I saw via the brain. 

Aadalarasi breathed life, comforting me, while the guy was all I craved. 

I had a separate notebook, mostly to vent out all my pain in it. I wrote, addressing the guy and expressing my pain and grief, as if he were listening to me. 

He might belong to Aadalarasi, but I have befriended him for life. 

The pain of not having a friend diminished once I started relying on that character. 

One day, I was literally writing apology letters, asking for sorries for blaming him as a nightmare and painful destruction. 

He's the eternal peace I am craving. Until and unless my husband arrives, I am going to be completely dependent on this guy. 

The absence of a male figure in my life is taking a huge toll, playing with my feelings.

You act wrong when you are desperate for something.

So I felt it was better to write to that guy, and after every letter, I felt like the hypnagogic image was sitting right across, patiently listening to me. 

His face was still hidden, probably because he didn't exist. I tried fitting up my favourite male celebrities' faces, which was an utter failure. I let it as it is for, he without even existing, chased away the pain I had been bearing for a long time. 

And you know what? At one point, while I was watching a sequence virtually, I heard his name. That's the first time his name has been mentioned. It felt so familiar, but unlike Aadalarasi, I haven't come across it before. 

That's what I believe. 

His name sounded so good and pleasing that sometimes, I used to chant it like a stothram. If people heard this, they would mistake me for being in love.

Irukkura prechanai la idhu thevaya?

I asked myself and flipped the pages to that particular sequence where his name gets revealed for the first time, I gulp a spoonful of akkaravadisal, glancing at the words. 

He's a rhapsody of completeness—I wrote about him in a letter, which was cent perfect true. 

He might be fictional, but that doesn't stop me from admiring him. He might be just some random visuals, but I'll be cherishing them for life.

Standing by someone when they are lonely isn't a simple thing. He did it when no one bothered. 

I clearly know that he's just a piece of imagination, and I won't lose anything by thinking about him. Sometimes, I even tried fitting myself in place of Aadalarasi, just to stay by his side, imaginarily at least. 

He's my abstract, arcane spirit, with whom I would like to go into abstinence and not return.

Avalukkaga ✍🏻

"Penne! Paal karandhuvittaya?" He walked in, gazing at the bitsy woman who was carrying the cans back inside the house. 

She nodded her head in approval and stumbled, unable to carry the cans all by herself. He moved to her in a jiffy, carried all the cans single-handedly like an expert, and trotted away with a smile. 

She was flushed and embarrassed owing to her clumsy self, and stood at the gate of the house, scolding herself for being weak. 

She didn't exactly have weak flesh. She had endured a really long journey to reach the destination and badly needed time for recuperation. In an unexpected turn of events, she met this guy the previous day who took the cake, stumping her on the spot. 

As if fate wanted to keep her close to him, she met him again, and on his friend's insistence, he appointed her to work on their premises. 

He came back and clapped his hands, gaining her attention. He actioned like eating, calling her to have food. She quickly went to wash her limbs, wipped them with a cloth, and went inside the house to see him settled on the floor with a mud bowl in his hands. 

"Kezhvaragu koozhum, pirandai thuvaiyalum thaan ulladhu. Unakku sangadam ondrum illaiye?" He asked politely, handing over the mud bowl filled with porridge to her. 

"Unavu undu pala dhinangal aagivittana, ayya. Thaam tharuvadhu amirdham aagum. Velaiyum thandhu, unavum tharuvadharkku mikka nandri." She shot a generous smile, settling next to him, and drank the porridge in the twitch of an eye. 

The guy didn't expect her answer to be as such and instantly felt bad for her. The day before, she was all naughty and chirpy, playing with Azhagi and teasing him to the limit. 

He pretended to be angry, but deep down, he was elated by her happy self. He hadn't met such a woman in the twenty-nine years of his life and was excited to know more about her.

The bitsy woman looked at him naively, fumbling with words. From her behaviour, he understood that she needed some more food and looked at his bowl, which was untouched.

"Idhayum neeye unbaiyaga. Naan piragu paarthukolgiren."
She shook her head like a puppy, denying his offer. She was embarrassed to ask him for extra food and found it unethical too. Upon that, it was his share of food.

"Naan kuduththaal vaangi kolla maattaiya?" She blinked like a baby and took the bowl, thanking him for the kind gesture. She drank the porridge in a snap and smacked her lips, relishing the taste. He smiled at her and got up, dusting his hands. 

"Nee ingeye thangikollalaam. Manamudikkadha pennai thaniyaaga viduvadhu maankuttyai vengaiyidam viduvadharkku samam. Yaarenum vinavinaal nee yen aththai magal endru sollikollalaam." She was flabbergasted at his remark, yet smiled at him brightly. 

She collected the mud bowls to wash them and almost left the veranda while he watched her dubiously. He mentioned aththai magal on purpose to pull her legs, but her unresponsive reaction landed him in confusion. 

"Aagattum maama." She giggled, feeling mushy as her feet tapped the ground in delight, and she was out of sight. He chuckled at her comeback and grinned like a love-sick man. 

Azhagi was pleased to catch a glimpse of him and hopped towards him excitedly. He laughed, caressing her head, and lifted her to his lap, playing with her for a while. 

"Unakku avalai pidithirukkiradha, yen selvame?" He asked the little fawn, who bobbed her head as if she understood his question. 

It's been a long since the woman went to wash the vessels, and a sense of worry clouded his skull about her absence. 

"Ilankovane!" He called for his pet dog, who ran inside with his enthusiastic self, wagging his tail.

"Naan ippozhudhu vandhuviduven. Nee Azhagiyai paarthukol." His loyal pet shook his head, standing in front of the little fawn, taking charge. 

He smiled and went away to look for the woman. He heard a honey voice filling up the backyard, accompanied by the sound of anklets. 

The guy was stupefied watching the dainty woman play the yazh, lost in her own world. Her eyes were closed, and her feet moved like a slow-moving ripple of an ocean to the verses she was singing. 

Itavala! Kuta ala! Kovala! Kavala!
Kana marapa! Niya ninaiva!
Maya manna! Ulaku al mannava!

(Oh cattle herder who dances with women who herd cows, dancing on their left and right sides!
Oh Lord with a pot!  O Lord with a plow!  O Lord who protects! 
Oh Lord who has the tradition of
being invisible!  O Lord who is always in the thoughts of his devotees! 
Oh indestructible lord who has no end! 
Oh King who rules the world!)

The woman turned, holding her yazh, mesmerised by her guardian God, and out of an instinct, she felt someone present along with her in the backyard and opened her eyes to see him with a faint smile dancing on his lips. 

She stopped, bending her head down and clutching the instrument to her abdomen. He understood her state and cleared his throat, gaining her attention. 

"Mele paadamma." He said it softly, boosting her confidence. She had various reasons to be hesitant, with one being shy in front of him. 

"Thayakkamaga irundhal sol, naan purapadugiren." He said softly and was to above to leave when her voice halted his steps.

Tol iyal pulava! Nal yazh pana!
Malaic celva! Tolak kotta!
Polam puri atai valampuri vanna!
Paruti valava! Poru tiral malla!
Tiruvin kanava poru viral malla!

(Oh Ancient Poet! Oh Bard who plays a fine yazh!
Oh Lord wearing a thulasi garland! 
Oh Lord with a victorious conch!
Oh Lord with golden clothes!
Oh Lord whose complexion is like that of a right-whorled conch!
Oh Lord who carries a discus on your right side!
Oh Warrior with great skills! 
Oh Lord who is husband to Thirumakal! 
Oh Victorious Warrior!)

His lips curled when she continued, acknowledging his presence, and his eyes were fixed on her waist, which swayed along with the yazh. 

Apart from the verses, her devotion to the supreme lord exhilarated him, who was curious to know more about her. 

With the verses, he concluded that she might belong to the Vaishnavaites. 

She glanced at him, warning herself not to sight him deliberately.

Ma nilam iyala mutal murai amaiyattu,
nama vellattu natuvan tonriya
vaymoli makanotu malarnta
tamaraip pokuttu nin nemi nilale!

(Oh Lord with a navel lotus on which Brahman of the Vedas appeared, before the huge land appeared amidst the fierce deluge!
O Lord who protects the world with your discus!)

His eyes caught hold of the jasmine strings that were tied by the women in the early hours for the nearby little shrine. He took a medium-sized string, plucking the flowers from it. 

She was perplexed at his actions, but her visage turned red when he walked nearer, showering her with the jasmine flowers. 

Her breath went abnormal in his presence, with thoughts wishing to run away from him on one side and to engulf him with her arms on the other side. 

Her eyes widened at the latter thought, and she coughed, covering up. 

"Neer venduma?" He asked with concern, to which she shook her head, saying no. 

"Vainava kulaththai serndha penna nee?" He asked, placing a single jasmine flower on her right palm. 

She simpered at his act, holding the flower softly in her fingers. 

Her fingers reminded him of the tube roses, urging him to caress them amidst his rough ones. He was shocked by the line of thinking and took a step back, to be decent. 

No woman over the years tormented him this way. It's not even twenty-four hours since she arrived, but he was abstractly wandering with her in a dreamland.

"Aam ayya! Ammai patri ariyen. Yen thandhai Vainava kulaththai serndha brahmanan aavar. Avarai pin thodarndhu naanum Ranganukku sevai seidhu kondirukkiren."

He smiled, acknowledging her history, but frowned when she looked a little frightened. 

"Ennavaaitramma?" He panicked at her trembling. 

"Thamakku enmeedhu kobam illaiya? Thaam Piraisoodararai vanangubavar. Naano Ranganin kaaladiyil saranadaindha pedhai." 

He breathed out in relief and bent to her head level, lifting her chin up to face him. 

Looking into her eyes, he answered, "Ekambaranai manadhara baavippavar pirarai kurai solla maatargal, amma. Avan anbin aadharam. Kobam, veruppu, vanjam ariyaa dheivam. 

Appan vazhiyil nadakka ennubavan naan. Kavalai kolladhey, Ranganum em appar thaan. 

Matravar patri naan ariyen. Eninum indha illaththil anaithu dheivasakthigalum ondre aagum. 

Sakkram yendhinaal Thirumaal, avarin illaal Thirumagal. Thirisoolam yendhinaal Sivan, avarin illaal Sakthi. Vel yendhinaal azhagu konjum Murugan, buththiyil thalai sirandhu vilanginaal Gajananan. 

Naan arindhadhu idhuve aagum."

Her face bloomed with happiness, absorbing his words. The people of her time were divided into two large groups, the Saivites and the Vaishnavaites, who often fought to prove the superiority of their gods. 

The people followed them like cattle, succumbing to the division, which sometimes caused wrathful riots. The woman recognised him as a Saivite by his appearance. The other day, when she came to his home for the first time, her eyes fell on the divine sivalingam amidst the butterfly pea flower plants. 

"Ariyum, Sivanum ondru. Ariyathavan vaayil mannu enbadhu allavo thammudaiya vaakkukana porul?" She asked with a wide grin, stepping closer to him. 

She smelt of sandalwood and jasmine, which intoxicated him. All his years of celibacy came crumbling down in front of this enticing woman. 

He minimised the distance between them, tenderly grasping her palm. 

"Elidhil uraithirundhal indha udhattil pooththa punnagaiyai kaana mudindhirukkuma, Mavvale?" He held her lower lip with a mischievous glint lightening up his face. She shivered at his touch and held his wrist involuntarily. 

"Vainava kulam, peyaro Aadalarasi. Un naamathirkkana arththam arivaaya?" He probed, releasing her lip. 

"Ariven. Sakthiyin marupeyar aagum. Aadalarasanin Aadalarasi. Sakthi ammai pirappal Vainava kulaththai serndhavar allavo." 

"Appadi enil neeyum Saiva kulaththil pirandhavanai manamudippaiya?" He flirted with squinted eyes, turning her beet red. She knew he was asking about him and gasped when her heart jumped to accept his claim. 

"Aadalarasi." Their neighbour called her, and she ran away, declaring, "Purapadugiren Saiva kula sreshtare." 

He walked away, patting his chest with a huge smile, to carry out his daily activities. 

Aval kannil yedho oru maayai ulladhu. Arakki.

------

The sky was a brilliant mix of orange and red, indicating the arrival of night. The sun sank slowly below the horizon, casting its last golden rays across the land. Aadalarasi had gone for a walk nearby with Ilankovan, and the man came back, completing all the chores he had wished for. 

He washed his feet, smiling about the conversation he had overheard in the afternoon. Aadalarasi was enthusiastically explaining to the neighbour about her favourite sweet. 

Born and raised in a Saivite family, he wasn't aware of this sweet that will mostly be served in Perumal temples. He heard her explaining the procedure to prepare the delicacy, and his eyes captured her immense happiness whenever she mentioned it. 

Sadly, while travelling, she couldn't spot any Perumal temples and poured her heart out to the neighbour, expressing how much she missed tasting it. 

He thought for a while, weighing the battle between his heart and brain. As always, his heart won, and he decided to prepare the sweet. He wasn't sure of the outcome of the dish, but he was determined to make her happy.

"Avalukku pidikkuma?" He asked himself yet and proceeded with the idea of preparing akkaravadisal. 

He took the required amount of raw rice and moong dal in one is to one-fourth proportion in a mud bowl and washed the mixture thoroughly by adding an ample amount of water. 

Filtering out the contents, he placed the bowl down and went out to the backyard. He took a small pile of wooden logs, placed them inside the wooden burner, and lit them up. 

Taking the washed mixture and other ingredients, he came back to the backyard, humming incoherent tunes. 

He placed a big mud vessel on the burner and added a good amount of ghee, followed by the mixture. Stirring the content for a minute, he added four bowls of fresh milk and stirred the contents with a spatula, later closing it with a mud lid for the mixture to boil. 

In the meantime, he grated a medium-sized jaggery block required for the delicacy. 

"Karuppattiyum serthal suvai koodum." He went inside to get the palmyra jaggery, grated it, and by then, the mixture was boiled to the optimum level. 

He took another vessel and added more ghee to it. He transferred the boiled contents into this vessel and added the grated jaggery and palmyra jaggery to it, mixing them up finely. 

As the sweeteners blended with the rice and dal, the aroma filled up the house, and he was proud of his feat. 

He powdered some elaichi and added it to the sweet for flavouring purposes.

Ilankovan's bark could be heard from the living, meaning Aadalarasi too had arrived back home. Like a moth attracted to a flower, she walked into the backyard, sniffing.

Her eyes widened as she watched him cook, and she ran to him, holding his arm. 

"Pasi endral ennai azhaithirukkalame, ayya. Thaam yen ippaniyai seigireer?"

"Naan thavaru seiyyavilai, Aadalarasi. Amaidhi adaiyuvayaga." He released his arm from her grip, satisfied with the superficial outcome of the dish. 

"Satru poru." He went inside the house again, leaving Aadalarasi. She was overjoyed looking at her favourite sweet, and her heart swelled with gratitude and affection for him. 

The man came out with an eating bowl and served the sweet into it. 

He again added a spatula of ghee to the sweet and nudged Aadalarasi to have it. 

"Suvaithu unakku pidikkavillai endral ennai mannithuvidadi, arivaiye. Aarvaththil samaithuvitten." 

Aadalarasi stopped him with terror, hearing an apology from him. She was more than happy to have the sweet as it is. She would never judge his culinary skills, as his efforts had already swept her away off her feet. As a woman who has cooked since the tender age of four, having someone cook for her is equal to having the Supreme One beside her. 

She hadn't seen men cooking, and it was women who cooked food, irrespective of time and the number of people who came to eat. His actions rendered her speechless, landing her in blissful trouble. 

She was losing her sanity and her complete self to him this soon. 

The man cleaned up the backyard, and as it had become dark, Aadalarasi promptly went in to light the oil lamps all around the house. 

She took the bowl and went inside the house to see him sitting on the floor, lost in thoughts. Taking slow steps, she reached him, and he gazed up to see the shrewd woman looking at him with various emotions on her face. The lighted lamps illuminated her face, tempting his inner beast. 

He slowly held her free hand, pulling her softly to settle between his legs. She sat without a second thought and smiled when his warm arms wrapped around her body. 

Was this too much? Their hearts questioned, yet they stayed the same, enjoying each other's presence. Aadalarasi took a tiny morsel of the sweet to her mouth, and as soon as her tongue touched the delicacy, she exclaimed like an excited baby elephant, relishing the taste of it. 

He laughed heartily at her expressions and a sense of contentment clouded his skull that he could make her happy. He wished to do the same for the rest of his life. 

Infatuation? Lust? Love? He didn't know what was the foreign feeling, that troubled his heart. He wished to go in a flow, and as Aadalarasi was comfortable with him, he was a little free and loosened up around her. 

Aadalarasi took another morsel of the sweet and stretched her palm to his lips with a smile. He gazed at the petite woman fondly and opened his mouth, eating the sweet. To be honest, he was impressed with his own skills, and more than that, he was happy that Aadalarasi liked it. 

They ate the sweet, drowning in the moment of newfound affection, and a thought crossed Aadalarasi's brain, which displayed as subtitles on her face. He held her face, raising his eyebrows.

"Thammudaiya peyar enna?" He laughed hard, to which she pouted and held the bowl close to her chest. 

"Thaam ennidam sollave illaiye. En meedhu nambikkai illaiya?" He denied her claim by clicking his tongue.

"Unnai patri enakku muzhu vivaram theriyadhu thaan. Aayinum un kangalil poi illai. Avvirandu karu vizhigal ennidathil saranadaindhadhu pol thondrugiradhu." He blew air on her forehead, wiping the sweat beads. She shivered a little and clutched his arm around her waist. 

"Neram eduthukkol, naan ketka maaten. Aanaal edhayum maraikkadhe, Aadalarasi. Naan unakku theengu seiyya maaten. Ennudaiya nokkam unnai paathugaapathe aagum." She fed him a morsel of the sweet cheerfully and thanked him from the bottom of her heart. He dismissed her thanks with a glare and opened his mouth for her to feed him. 

"Athuvarai thaam solla maatteera?" He gulped the sweet, planning to play with her. 

"Yen peyar sonnaal nee enakku ondru thara vendum." She blinked, not getting his context, and scrunched her eyebrows further when he pointed his cheek. 

"Muththam kudukka vendum." She was taken aback by his assertion and tried to get away from his hold. He felt bad for putting her in an uncomfortable spot and left her. 

"Vilayattu vibareedham aagivittadhu. Innoru murai idhu nadakkadhu. Mannith...." Her palm met his lips, and the next moment, her lips were on his left cheek, pressing a sound kiss. 

His mind was blown away, feeling her lips on his skin, and he pinched himself to confirm it for real. Aadalarasi smiled at his actions and rubbed the place, relieving his pain. 

"Killi paarkka avasiyam illai, idhu nidarsanam." She pecked his cheek again, tucking her head down. 

He recovered from the state of dumbfounded heaven and held her chin, lifting it up to his level. His passionate advances lured her to close her eyes. 

She grabbed his arm when he started peppering kisses on her face slowly, taking his time to feel her skin with his lips. 

He whispered his name in her ears, gently biting the lobe. She trembled in ecstasy, holding onto him dearly. 

Her mind replayed the name like an echo, feeling pleased with it. He kissed her chin and lifted his gaze up to meet hers. 

"Un maamanudaya peyar pidithirukiradha?" She blushed when his arms met her chest in a tight embrace. She just had a thin shawl covering her upper half to keep herself warm from the chill weather. 

He opened his mouth, nudging her to feed the sweet, which she gladly did without a protest and flustered with his occasional kisses on her cheeks.

She liked them and wanted more in the future. She wasn't sure about her feelings, but she knew that she'd be by his side forever. 

"Arugil oru Perumal koyil ulladhu. Neram kidaikkum pozhudhu unnai angu azhaithu selgiren." He said this, hugging her to himself. Her happiness knew no bounds, and she felt like she was attaining the peace she had been craving for so long.

He saw her pondering over something and placed his chin on her shoulder, breathing on her neck.

"Ennavaaitradi Mavvale?" She let out a hesitating look, gulping a little. He comforted and coaxed her for a while, pestering her to say out whatever she felt. 

"Naan thammai ore oru murai peyar kondu azhaikkava? Tham peyar enakku migavum pidithirukkiradhu." She asked and shut her eyes tight, fearing his reaction. 

He was way older than her, and calling him by name sounds disrespectful. She chided mentally for wishing something out of the box and prepared herself for any punishment he would bestow on her. 

"Naan kaathukondirukkiren, Aadalarasi." His welcoming voice vibrated on her skin as he placed a kiss on her collarbone. Her heart leaped in merry and she quickly turned to him, placing her forefinger on his cheek dent. 

"Sivaarunan!" He beamed in joy and pecked her forehead, wreathed in smiles. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hey peeps! Here is the tenth chapter.

For those who don't know, the verses are from "Paripaadal," third song, lines 83-94 sung in praise of Thirumal.

How's writer Tharangini this time? Kindly drop your comments and feedbacks.

Just few more steps before we jump to the present timeline of the story. I am trying my level best to make it happen soon.

Thank you so much for your support.

Hope you liked the chapter.

Love you all.

Anbudan,
Mrinalini 💗