I turn around and see Jessica standing behind me. I can't believe she really is here. she comes torwards me and hugs me tight. She begins to cry and I cry with her.

"I missed you so much!" She says and I cry even harder. Hear her say that makes me even more happy.

"I missed you too."

"You look so... healthy." She says after she broke the hug.

"I know. My cuts are healed and I don't have any new ones." I say proudly... "Luke helped me trough this. I love him so much for what he did for me. He was there the whole time." I say and smile at her.

"You... you have a boyfriend?" She asks dissapointed.

"No. He is my best friend... and gay." I say and laugh.

"What are you doing here?" I say and look at her. She has lost weight and looks really tired.

"I searched for you... for the last five months. I didn't find anything until Ryan finally gave in and told me where you live." She says and smiles at me.

"I shouldn't have sent him the post card I think." I say and laugh.

"Gosh I missed you so much... this letter you wrote me. It broke my heart. You know... I love you and you should have talked to me! I would never ever leave you! You can trust me. I feel so so sorry. It almost broke me not to know where you are." She says and tears stream down her face again.

"I am sorry. I needed to be alone. I didn't want to hurt anybody. I was always a fighter and I never tell people about my problems. I never did. I am sorry if I hurt your feelings. I just wasn't ready to open up to someone no matter how much I wanted to. Luke helped me and now I am on the way of recovery. This island saved my life in a weird way." I say and laugh.

"I am glad you found someone to share your life with..." she says sad.

"Do you wanna come in?" I ask and she nods softly. I take my keyboard and walk into my house.

I walk into the kitchen, Jessica following me. "Sit down I'll be right back."

I walk into my living room and place the keyboard next to the couch. I walk back into the kitchen and sit down in front of Jessica.

"I am sorry, but I don't have any coffee."

"I don't mind..." she says and smiles at me with love in her eyes. "So now tell me the truth... the whole truth."

"My parents were always strict. They hot me when I let something fall and when I did really bad things... This started when I was three. It didn't stop even after I was twenty, they would always hit me for little things like not listening. My grandma was the only one who understood me." I say and tears stream down my face.

"This house was hers. She gave it to me... before she died. When I was here, I was always happy... a completly different child. Then she died when I was twelve. She was my whole world. I was never the same. I still am not the same and I probably will never be. I wanted to die... I tried to take my life a few times... never worked. I stopped singing and riding after my grandma died. My horse was sold, because she was the one paying for her. I was a total wreck. I didn't talk to anybody and began to cut and starve myself. After I realised I am gay, what was around thirty, I decided to hide it. It was when my parents told me to marry this guy, that I totally freaked out and left Ireland. I don't regret what I did. I traveled and met a lot of people. And I was hurt too many times. Even though I might have seemed happy to you when I met you, I wasn't. I was just playing my role like I always did. I lied to everybody until I believed my own lies. Then... I saw you and Danny kissing. I didn't even want to hear you telling me that it's not true. I just searched for a reason to cut again. My life was miserable and I wanted to die.... then I thought about going back home where I belong. I came back and everything got better. I sing again and I even started to ride a few weeks ago. There is only one thing left... I need to find someone to spend the rest of my life with. To laugh and cuddle. Someone who makes me happy when I am sad and most importantly who loves me and has the strenght to go trough the bad times without leaving. I couldn't stand another break up." I say and see the tears in her eyes.

"Do you have someone in mind?" She asks and forced a smile onto her face.

"Yeah I do." I say and smile...

"You do..." she says and I can tell that she is fighting with her tears.

"She is pretty and smart. She is the most beautiful person I have ever met inside and outside. I couldn't think about my life without her. She has beautiful brown eyes, in which I can loose myself in. Her smile... it's the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my life. She used to smile when she saw me. She is definitely the best kisser and her lips are soft... Her nose is the cutest thing I have ever seen in my whole life and her voice is soft and I could listen to her talking the whole day. I can't stand to see her cry, because it's making me sad that I am the reason that she us crying." I say and see the tears rolling down her cheek.

"So you are happy. Am I going to meet her?" She says trough her tears.

"I think you already know her." I say and press my lips onto hers.

She is surprised, but kisses me back. The kiss is full of need and desire. I brush my hand trough her hair and she moans into the kiss. It feels so good to finally feel her soft lips on mine.

I break the kiss and say "Do you want to be my girlfriend Jessica?"

"Of course!" She says and kisses me again.

....

Jessica is taking a shower and I am sitting in the piano room, thinking about what to play. I decide to sing Because of you from Kelly Clarkson and Reba Mcentire and begin to play. I totally get lost in the song. The sad songs I can sing best, because that is how I mostly feel... well felt.

I don't hear Jessica coming into the room too so I just continue. After I finish the song I feel her hands on my shoulder and hear her say "Your voice is so beautiful!!"

"Thank you...." I say and blush. I look at what she is wearing and it's just a towel. I quickly look away and bite my lip.

I want her soo bad right now. She walks around me and sits down in my lap. "What are you thinking about?" She says in her seductive voice.

"Nothing..." I say and get distracted by her attacking my lips. She puts her arms around my neck and begins move her hips against mine.

I moan into the kiss and she begins to kiss down my throat. I can't wait anymore. I need her... NOW. I pick her up and walk with her to my bedroom.

I gently place her on my bed, pulling my shirt over my head afterwards. I kiss down her throat until I reach her towel. I smile at her sly and open she pulls my head up to kiss her.

Her hands begin to work on my pants until I am only in bra and panties. She rolls us over so that she is on top. She moves her hand to the the clasp of my bra when we hear the front door open.

"God... this is Luke." I say and gently pish her off of me. "I promise we are doing this tonight...." I say and she just nods. Why does Luke always have to come in the bad moments...

I quickly dress myself again and walk down the stairs. "Hey Luke." I say and Hug him.

"Hey Fenella. So who is here besides us?"

"How... how do you know?"

"You are not playing piano like usual and you weren't in the garden like usual do when do I get to meet him or her?"

"You got me. Do you remeber the girlfriend I told you about?"

"Of course. The celebrity you can't he out of your head."

"Well she is my girlfriend again... she searched for my the last five months and you know how much I missed her..."

"Finally.... Now you can tell me her name!" He says and makes me laugh. The moment I want to say her name, she walks down the stairs and Luke yaw drops.

"I though you were joking when you said celebrity. I didn't think you would haven been dating Jessica Lange!" He yell - whispers.

Jessica laughs and smiles at him. "Hey. Nice to meet you." She says.

Luke is totally surprised and still shocked so he doesn't move at all. I take his hand and shake her hand with it.

"God Luke I love you, but sometimes I just want to slap you." I say and make Jessica laugh and Luke blush.

...

I come back from the toilet and hear Jessica and Luke talking about me.

"You are not going to take her with you, are you?" He asks slightly afraid.

"I don't know. If she wants to come back with me, then I assume yes. If she wants to stay than she will stay..." Says Jessica and my smile fades. What is with her... isn't she going to stay?

"And what is about you? Don't you stay? You know it would break her heart if you would leave again..."

"I know... but I have things to do at home. I can't just go... Maybe in a few years when I retired from acting... maybe then I can stay."

She doesn't plan on staying? And again is my world crushed within seconds. Why? Why does always happens something bad after something good happened?

I think I need time... time to think.

I run away and slamm the front door shut behind me. I run and run and run until I find myself at the place where we buried my grandma. I fall to my knees. I cry.

"Hey nana. It's me again. I have to tell you something... You remeber the girl I told you about? Jessica? Well she is back, but she doesn't plan to stay. Oh nana what should I do? I don't wanna loose her, but I want to stay in Ireland. Why can't you be still here? I need you... more than ever." I say and lay down. It starts to rain, but I don't care.

I have nothing to loose... well not much to loose. I hear from far away voices yelling my name, but I ignore them. I just wanna be left alone.

A few minutes later I see Jessica running torwards me. "Nella!" She says.