#WIAE Chapter 13

Agad na napatigil si Ella nung nagsalita si Avo. Lahat kami ay nakatingin sa kanya. This happened every time that he's around... His presence demanded attention. Kahit walang salita, pilit kang mapapasunod sa kanya.

"This is a test," Ella spat. She was still holding me by my shirt. "We're just doing our test... 'Di ba, Boe?" she said, looking at me.

I looked back at her and I could see the hatred in her eyes. God, she hated me so much. Gaano niya ba ka-mahal si Avo? He treated her like shit... Paano niya nagagawang mahalin pa rin ang isang tao na itinapon siya na para bang isa siyang basura? Like she didn't matter to him at all? Because if someone did that to me, that person is dead to me. I wasn't born to be treated like a trash. I value my pride as much as I value my life. No one gets to treat me like shit—not with my permission. If you don't like me, I don't like you, too.

"I concede," I said. "You win. I fail this round," I continued as I get off her. Tinignan ko iyong prof at mukhang naiintindihan niya iyong nangyari. I'd probably talk to him later so that I could take another test. I didn't want to fail this subject, but also, I didn't want to engage in a stupid fight with Ella.

But I wanted to fight her... so bad... but not like this. Not when she's mad at me for all the wrong reasons. Siguro kapag may sapat na akong dahilan, papatulan ko na talaga siya. And not when I knew I was lacking. I wouldn't fight a losing battle. I'd make myself strong enough so she couldn't terrorize the shit out of me.

"Okay, this ends our class for today. I'll send the scores tonight. If you have any objection, feel free to see me," the prof announced.

Aalis na sana ako nung biglang hatakin ni Ella iyong kamay ko. Napatigil ako.

"Ano ba..." I said in a low voice. Mas lalo lang humigpit iyong hawak niya sa akin.

"I hate you," sabi niya ng isang ulit pa.

I stared back.

"Why hate me? Why not hate the one who dumped you?" naiinis na sabi ko. Ako ba ang nang-iwan sa kanya? Did I ask Avo to leave her for me?! Wasn't I as equally surprised as she was nung sabihin ni Avo na sa kanya ako?!

Why was she making this so hard for me?!

Akmang sasampalin niya ako nung hinuli ko iyong kamay niya.

"I've been really patient with you, but if you dare lay a finger on me, I promise you that I'll hurt you twice worse," I hissed, making her angrier than she already was. Mabilis niyang inalis ang pagkakahawak sa akin at saka ako sinampal.

"You bitch!" sigaw niya.

"Ella!" sigaw ni Avo.

Papalapit si Avo sa akin pero bago pa man siya makalapit, sinampal ko si Ella pabalik. The people around us gasped in unison.

"If I am a bitch, then you are a pathetic bitch! Stop begging for Avo's attention! Aso ka ba?!" hinihingal sa galit na sabi ko.

Akmang susugod siya nung nahawakan siya ni Fuji.

"Let me go! I'll kill you, you slut!"

"I'm not a slut! Whatever I do with Avo, it's none of your business because he's my boyfriend! Isaksak mo sa isip mo!"

Naka-tingin lang kami sa isa't-isa but if looks could kill, we're both dead. Pero wala na akong pakielam. I was tired of being pushed around. Mabuti sana kung may ginawa talaga ako! Pero ako lang 'yung napagbubuntungan niya ng galit! Why? Because for her, I was a mere Deuxième so she could push me around?! But I was a Dieux just like her! And I could kill her and her family if I wanted!

Oh, my god! She frustrated me so much!

My breathing was hollow. I was so angry.

"You'll pay for this," she said, looking straight into my eye.

"Wala akong utang na babayaran sa 'yo," I replied before I turned my back on her and looked at Avo. "Let's go," I said before pulling Avo with me. Mamatay siya sa galit at inggit. Ubos na ang pasensya ko sa kanya.

Ilang minuto na kaming naglalakad. Hindi ko na alam kung saang parte ng Adm kami nandun... but I kept on walking. And walking. And walking. Kailangan kong maglakad para kahit paaano, mabawasan iyong galit ko. I had never been this mad in my entire life. Iyon bang tipong gusto ko ng maiyak sa sobrang galit.

"Are you alright?" he asked, cupping my face. Huminto kami sa isang lugar na maraming puno.

I nodded, not wanting to make him worry...

"Yes," I replied. "Do you have a class?" I said instead, diverting the topic.

Umiling siya.

"I just have to talk to the director, but that can wait," sabi niya.

Ano naman kaya ang pag-uusapan nila ni Madame Jovelyn? Ang dami talagang sikreto ng lugar na 'to...

"No, it's okay. Uuwi muna ako tapos magkita na lang tayo mamaya," I said.

"She can wait." Hinawakan niya ulit iyong mukha ko. "Did something happen while I was away?"

Nakatingin siya nang mabuti sa mga mata ko... as if checking if I was lying.

"Wala. Nakita mo naman, 'di ba? I can take care of myself," I said, feigning a smile.

A smile slowly dawned on his face. I liked the smiling Avo more than the serious, broody one.

"Yeah..." he lazily said with his lopsided smile. "You were quite scary back there, wife."

Natawa naman ako sa kanya.

"I am the scary one? Sa 'yo pa talaga nanggaling?"

He nodded, still wearing that grin.

"You didn't see yourself. You looked like you were going to strangle Ella."

He was right, though. For a second, I really wanted to strangle her and break her neck. Mabuti at hindi ko ginawa. I promised myself that I would never end someone's life. Never.

"I... I was just bluffing. Gusto ko kasi na tigilan niya ako," I told him.

"Was she bothering you?" he asked.

I nodded, not wanting to lie to him.

"She's mad, I know. She hates me, I know. But don't fight my battles for me, Avo. I can take care of her," I said. May sasabihin pa sana siya pero nagsalita na ako bago pa siya magsimula. "She can't hurt me. I promise."

He stared at me, really hard.

"I promise..." I said, cupping his face and gently caressing his cheeks with my thumbs. "I won't be hurt." Because I shouldn't get hurt... or everything would fall apart. I didn't know how... but I didn't want to know why.

"Alright," he breathed.

Avo let me go home first so that I could change. He left me with Laurie, since he seemed pleased that nothing happened to me while he was away... 'Yun ang akala niya. I had a few life-threatening moments while he was gone. Pakiramdam ko nga ay kailangan ko na ng MRI dahil sa dami ng nangyari sa akin. But I would never tell him about it. Kung dati ay gusto kong sabihin para hindi na siya umalis, ngayon ay ayoko na ring sabihin... dahil na rin sa mga kakaibang paalala sa akin nila Night, Laurie, at pati ngayon, si Lorenzo na rin.

They're being so weird about this.

"Hey!"

Napa-ngiti ako nung nakita ko si Cathy. Parang ang tagal na naming hindi nagkita kahit na roommates kami. Kasi naman, kapag dadating ako, wala siya. Kapag aalis ako, at saka siya nandun.

"Tapos na ang class?" I asked her. She's taking advanced classes and I think those classes were really hard since minsan, umuuwi siya na maraming pasa. Paano pa kaya kapag ako na ang nandun? Baka maging mainstay na talaga ako ng clinic.

She nodded tapos naupo sa kama.

"Ikaw, kamusta 'yung practical?"

I sighed.

"Ella tried to kill me—well, she almost did. Mabuti na lang at dumating si Avo," I said with a smile. "But okay lang ba sa 'yo kung tuturuan mo ako? I mean, kapag free time..." I asked. I knew that the next time wouldn't be as easy as the last. Alam ko na baka patayin na talaga ako ni Ella. At kasi, wala yata akong mahihingan ng tulong. Laurie will never hurt me—something na hindi maiiwasan kapag naglalaban. I wasn't talking to most Dieux except for Lorenzo (whom I didn't want to bore with boring details of my life) and Avo (dahil ayoko na malaman niya kung bakit kailangan kong matuto.)

And most people here in AdM tried to get away from me. Na para bang nawalan din ng saysay ang pagtatago ko ng tunay kong pagkatao dahil sa huli, takot pa rin sila sa akin.

At naaalala ko kasi palagi iyong sinabi ni Night. That people will be there... but not always. Kailangan mong matuto na tumayo sa sarili mong paa.

"May ginagawa ako after class, e," Cathy replied.

"Ah... sige, sayang naman."

Pagkatapos kong magpahinga sandali at magpalit, agad na akong lumabas. Laurie was still waiting for me.

"I think Avo's still busy. Gusto mong kumain muna? Sama ka sa amin ni Cathy."

Laurie looked at Cathy.

"No," she answered flatly.

I shrugged.

"Okay," I replied. "Kapag pala nandito si Avo sa school, 'wag mo na akong bantayan," I told her. I bargained for this. Ayoko naman kasi na naka-sunod lang sa akin si Laurie. May buhay din naman siya.

Kumain lang kami sandali ni Cathy. Habang nasa isang resto kami, pinagtitinginan kami ng mga tao. It was amazing how fast news could fly inside this school. Walang cellphone, walang Internet, pero kahit na ganon, mabilis pa ring kumakalat ang nangyayari. And I was a bit curious as to how the news played out. Kadalasan naman kasi sa mga kumakalat na balita, a distorted version of what really happened.

Nung matapos na kami, doon ako naghintay sa labas ng admin building. I didn't want to risk going to the Dieux's dorm dahil baka nandun si Ella. Ilang minuto pa lang akong naghihintay pero naunang lumabas si Lorenzo. He was walking mindlessly, wearing his usual look—our uniform and his black rimmed glasses, at saka may bagong libro na naman siyang hawak.

"Si Avo?" I asked him upon approaching.

"Inside," he timidly replied.

"Matagal pa?"

"Are we close? Why are you talking to me as if we're friends?"

Nalaglag iyong panga ko. Ang taray talaga niya.

"Friends mo lang ba ang pwedeng magtanong sa 'yo?"

He nodded.

"I subscribe to the Utilitarian way of life. If you have no use, I shall dispose," he coldly replied. "And to answer your question, the meeting's about to finish," sabi niya at saka nagsimulang maglakad.

Napa-ngiti ako.

"You answered my question! Does that mean we're friends?" sigaw ko sa kanya pero wala akong nakuhang sagot. Napa-iling na lang ako. Ang suplado ni Lorenzo.

Dahil sinabi ng kaibigan ko na si Lorenzo na malapit ng lumabas si Avo, hindi na ako naupo ulit. Naglakad na lang ako habang hinihintay sila. I was on my third round when Night and Avo exited the building. I was about to approach them when I heard them talking about Ella.

"Are you sure about this? What about Ella's family? Do you really want to anger them?" Night asked.

Avo looked back.

"I promised."