Chapter Fifteen

Twenty

When I was twenty my brother got married.

***

The venue itself was astoundingly beautiful. I didn't know places like this existed yet there I was standing in a gorgeous garden. Stony statues splayed out across the lawn in intricate poses. Some of them were familiar images of Greek Gods, others lesser-known deities, all of them beautiful.

Along the border of the grassy lawn were carefully groomed hedges joining to gather in a pseudo maze. Lights sparkled from vine covered wood arches looking like tiny fairies accompanying us in celebration. Flowers bloomed in large pots and a single fountain settled in the garden spewed glittering water straight into the sky.

In the center of the venue was a tiled floor protected by a large white covered canopy. Inside, music played softly as people danced with one another or spoke of old stories. The atmosphere was jovial in nature, something straight out of a fairytale, but I found myself grieving in the joy.

It wasn't that I wasn't happy for my brother or Mae, in fact I couldn't have been more excited. It was that at the end of the day I'd officially lost my brother. His room had been cleaned out ages ago leaving behind barren white walls and a smell of disinfectant. Tommy along with Mae had travelled hours away to an apartment that now resided under their names. Tommy, my beautiful big brother had moved on in life. In his wake I was left behind. Not forgotten, but alone nonetheless.

Rather than ruin the fun at hand, I managed to sneak out the back of the canopy and make my way across the lawn in search of refuge. The hedges called to me offering a safe space to lament until my sorrows were forgotten and I could return to the celebration at hand. What I didn't expect was to find someone else lurking on the fringes of the garden.

As I came across a bench a young well dressed man sat on the other side. He wore an elegant purple suit with a lilac colored under shirt. His skin was dark and his hair impossibly curly. He sat with his back flush against the bench as he stared intently at a group of dragon flies.

"You can sit if you'd like," He remarked, turning his gaze to me. Much to my surprise he had beautiful green eyes and a familiar jawline. "You're Thomas' little sister, right?"

"Um, yeah, I am," I nodded, taking the open spot beside him as he held out a hand.

"I'm Marcus, Mae's little brother," he explained, a small smile etching across his face.

"I didn't know she had a little brother," I noted, taking his hand and giving it a firm shake.

"I suppose I should clarify," Marcus chuckled. "I'm biologically her cousin. My mother is a single mom so Mae helped raise my brother and I."

"Is your brother the one in red?" I asked, trying to remember if I'd seen him in the crowd.

"No, that's his friend, Corey. My brother, Shawn, he's the one in blue," Marcus explained. "He's got that weird little hat on. He calls it his celebration hat."

"Oooh," I laughed, recalling a tall dark man wearing navy blue and a strange fedora shaped hat. "I wondered who that was."

"He's a bit of a wild child. I think he hit it off quite well with that girl of yours. He's a big nerd. Into all sorts of things like Marvel and Star Wars. It's not my cup of tea," Marcus explained, clasping his hands together and turning back to the cluster of dragonflies.

"I can relate to that. I'm more of a reader."

"What type of books? I find myself drawn to history. You know, Greece, Rome, Egypt, all of that," Marcus smiled, his green eyes shimmering in the dimming light.

"For a while I really liked reading fantasy books but now I've started reading mysteries and thrillers." In a way I'd gone back to my roots. When I was really little I'd taken a special liking to the Nancy Drew series and The Box Car Children.

"Ah, very nice," Marcus nodded, leaning forward so his elbows rested on his knees. "I guess you're out here for the same reason I am? Probably not to make small talk, yeah?"

"If you mean grieving the loss of a sibling that isn't actually dead, then yes, I'd say I am." Marcus nodded in understanding and remained quiet for quite some time. It was nice knowing someone else understood my complicated feelings. It made the fear of explaining them disappear.

With Marcus by my side, we were left alone to grieve in peace. His shoulders shook in sorrow beside me, and I felt a lump form in my throat. At the end of the night, we would both go home now burdened with an absence that few would understand. Tommy wouldn't drive home with me. He wouldn't wake up in the morning to have breakfast at the table. He wouldn't knock loudly on my door to wake me up for school. Tommy wouldn't take all the hot water when he showered. He wouldn't even be there to steal scraps of food as mom cooked. He'd be a ghost in the house we grew up in, and that alone was wrong.

"Do you think they'll miss us too?" Marcus asked, clearing his throat as he sat upright.

"I hope so," I sighed. The thought of Tommy living his life unaware of what took place at home scared me. It wasn't that I didn't want him to grow up, I just wasn't sure how to navigate the world without him right next door. "You know, a wise man once told me that change is scary, but it doesn't mean we lose everything. It's just a set of adjustments we make to the life we already have."

"That's reassuring," Marcus chuckled, wiping his hands on his pants. "I guess he's right though. They're not dead, just changing. Thomas is still your brother and Mae is still my sister. Maybe a little less available but still present."

"Exactly," I smiled, feeling the tension in my chest ease. Tommy would never abandon us, not intentionally. He'd always be there if we needed him, it'd just take a little longer for him to show up.

"Thank you," Marcus sighed, slowly getting to his feet and offering me his hand.

"For what?" I asked, accepting the gesture as he guided me to my feet.

"Making me feel better. For sitting with me," he explained.

"I should be thanking you," I argued. "I was looking for a place to be alone but I don't think that would have been the best option."

"Things do become more bearable when the burden is shared," Marcus nodded, pursing his lips in thought. "What do you say we head back to the dance floor? I don't want to spend the whole evening wallowing in self-pity."

"That sounds like an exceptional idea."

Like a true gentleman, Marcus offered up his arm and escorted me back the way I'd come. As the two of us approached the canopy Mae and Thomas rushed to greet us. I wasn't expecting them to have noticed us at all but soon Marcus and I were enveloped in a group hug.

"We've been looking all over for you guys," Tommy exclaimed, taking a step back to study us. "Mae and I wanted a sibling dance. That means you're with me, Thea."

"And you're with us," Mae insisted, gesturing to Marcus' brother, Shawn.

"Oh, a dance?" Marcus worried. "I'm not very good at those."

"You'll be just fine," Mae assured, her expression softening. "Come on."

Together, we made our way to the center of the dance floor. To say I was nervous was an understatement, but Tommy was there to whisper soft reassurances. It wasn't until the music began to play that I realized what this dance really meant. It was a goodbye. A parting gift.

"Tommy?"

"Yeah?"  he asked, pulling me into a soft embrace. Settling my head on his chest I could hear his heartbeat. It beat firmly against his chest, strong and reassuring. He was real. He hadn't left yet.

"I'm going to miss you," I admitted, my throat constricting with emotion. Closing my eyes I tried to focus on his heartbeat and not the awkward movement of my feet.

"I'm going to miss you too," he sighed, resting his chin on top of my head. "I won't be gone forever. You can visit whenever you want. You can stay the night and we can watch movies or play Wii bowling for old time's sake."

"Yeah?" I sniffled, fighting off tears.

"Yeah," he nodded, a smile gracing his lips. "And when Christmas comes around, we can have a party at my place. You can make cookies with Mae, Marcus, and Shawn, and then I can eat all of them with Raven."

"That doesn't sound very fair," I laughed, momentarily forgetting my sorrow.

"My place, my rules," Tommy teased, regarding me with the same gentle blue eyes as my father. "I love you, Thea."

"I love you too."

"I couldn't be prouder to have you as my sister," Tommy continued, eyes welling with unshed tears. "Thank you for believing in me even when we were little. You always saw the best in me even when I was stupid. All those fights I got into back home should have scared you away, but you never ran. You didn't even run when you knew what really happened with Pastor Michael. You've only ever loved me, and that's more than I could have asked for."

"Well, for the record, I'm really hard to get rid of," I cried, hiding my face in his chest.

"My favorite little leech," he teased, holding me tighter as we swayed back and forth.

All too soon the song came to an end, but even then, we clung to each other as if parting ways would kill us both. After a few more moments of silence, Tommy took a step back and motioned for someone else to join us. Raven hesitantly approached until Tommy pulled her into an embrace.

"And thank you to my bonus sister," Tommy smiled, grin stretching from ear to ear as he ruffled Raven's hair. Then, Tommy leaned in to whisper something in Raven's ear that I couldn't make out. She gave a firm nod and hesitant smile before stepping away. Her beautiful blue eyes shone with held back tears as Tommy turned to face Mae. Marcus and Shawn moved to join Raven and I as we watched two of the most important people in our lives join hands. Together, Tommy and Mae gave a playful bow, a gentle wave, and made their way off the dance floor. After a handful of goodbyes, they vanished from sight, an aura of melancholy joy dancing in their wake.

"And with that, it's time to go," Shawn sighed, wrapping an arm around his brother's shoulders. Pressing his lips into a thin line, Marcus waved at me before following his brother's lead. Rocking back onto her heels, Raven took my hand in hers and gave it a firm squeeze.

"I don't think I really want to go home tonight," I admitted. "It'll be too quiet."

"Want to have a sleep over?" Raven asked. "We can go to my uncle's if you want. Lorenzo can tag along too."

"Speaking of Lorenzo, where'd he end up after the ceremony?" I asked, glancing around in hopes of finding him.

"Lorenzo decided he was going to help serve dinner. He's with the catering company," Raven explained, guiding me towards a set of long tables full of food and cutlery. As promised, Lorenzo was waiting patiently with an apron and set of tongs that he clicked on occasion. When he spotted us, a large smile spread across his face followed by a small excited wave.

"Can I help you ladies?" He asked. "We have grilled chicken with lemon zest, barbecue chicken for something savory, and for people that are picky there's turkey sandwiches in the back."

"I'm good, thank you." It was hard not to laugh at how easily he assumed the role of a catering member. His frizzy brown hair stuck out from beneath a logo emblazoned bandana, and his suit was crumpled around the waist where the apron tied. "You know, you should ask if they'll hire you."

"They actually offered me a job. I declined. This is just fun for me," He insisted, tucking his hands behind his back.

"Aside from your exceptional catering skills, Thea and I were wondering if you'd want to join us for a sleep over?" Raven asked, getting the conversation back on track.

"Adults don't have sleep overs, they have get togethers," Lorenzo corrected, clicking his tongs, "but sure. I have nothing else to do."

Pulling off the bandana and apron, he folded them neatly before leaving the catering tables behind. Together, the three of us said goodbye to our parents and made the long drive to David's place. His house was tucked away on the outskirts of town, its rustic design contradictory to the world around it. It existed somewhere between a cottage and log cabin with its square topped roof and wooden braces.

"Do you think Tommy would still do sleepovers with us?" I asked, watching Lorenzo race up the steps to the front door.

"I don't see why not," Raven shrugged, the lights flicking on inside as Lorenzo hit a few switches.

"What if he has kids?" I worried.

"He'll be obligated to bring them along." Raven insisted.

"What if his kids don't like me?"

"They will."

"How do you know?" I protested, feeling a big ball of existential dread settle in my gut.

"Because Lorenzo, the pickiest person on earth, likes you. He's a good judge of character. If he thinks of you as a friend, then a baby will too. You know, since they lack critical thinking skills " Raven smiled, nudging me with her elbow. "But in all seriousness, you'll be amazing with Tommy's kids. There's no way they won't like you. You're a people person in a weird sort of way. You might not like everyone, but you have a pull to you that makes people like you anyways. I don't think anyone truly hates you. Not if they're honest with themselves."

Nodding, I let her words calm me but despite myself I found new worries to consume me. As if sensing my distress at the uncertain future I'd have with my brother, Raven placed a firm kiss to my cheek.

"Chin up, Sunshine. Change is good, remember? It's just an adjustment to the life you already have. Make of it what you will," Raven encouraged, lacing our fingers together.

"You're right."  Setting my jaw, I pushed away whatever doubts I had about my future with Tommy. After all, Tommy was the one who waited to walk home with me after school, who taught me how to catch and how to throw, who saved me from the dark, and who held me when I cried. Tommy was my brother, and the universe would have to kill me if it wanted to change that.

Letting out a heavy sigh, the tension in my shoulders vanished. I was okay. Tommy was okay. We were going to be okay.

"Why are you guys still outside?" Lorenzo yelled, sticking his head out the front window, "get in here! He's got a bear rug!"

"Should I tell him it isn't real?" Raven asked, a smug smile making its way across her face.

"He just got here, let him live a little," I laughed, finally approaching the house. With Raven in tow, the two of us joined Lorenzo inside for a nice evening of movies, smores, and bad jokes. For now, my anxiety lurked in the shadows ignored and forgotten where it would starve and die as I made peace with myself.

The truth is, people are meant to come and go in life. But brothers? Brothers stay. Always.